Category Archives: Aging and Ageless

Spring fever

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It is spring again. The earth is like a child that knows poems by heart.
– Rainer Maria Rilke, Bohemian-Austrian poet and novelist

This season's crop of tulips in our side yard.

This season’s crop of tulips in our side yard.

Today is the first day of spring. After weeks of beautiful weather, which confused the magnolia trees in our backyard, the temperature dropped to the low 60s and a light rain is descending. Back in Maine, my colleagues at our headquarters are hunkered in their homes, enduring a snow storm that is hugging the northern New England coast but should be tapering off today.

Regardless of the actual weather, spring is upon us. This past weekend, my son played in his first baseball tournament, which was held in Silicon Valley. His team, whom David manages, drew an eight in the morning Saturday game. It was cold, even as the team’s second game commenced after ten in the morning. I wore a scarf, sweater, and a leather jacket and my bottom half was wrapped in a baseball-motif blanket that my daughter had made for her brother for Christmas. I was still freezing. And then slowly the sun came out. By the time the game ended after noon, it seemed more like baseball weather and some of us discovered our faces had gotten a little sun burnt.

Morning dew on tulip.

Morning dew on tulip.

When we came home, I needed to give our dog Rex, who had been inside the house for hours, his daily walk. As we walked past tree after tree full of white and deep pink blossoms, and as I breathed in the pollen, which shortened my breath and made me wheeze, I thought to myself, spring has indeed arrived.

Floral blouse and silk and linen appliqued skirt from Personal Pizazz (Berkeley, CA) for spring.

Floral blouse and silk and linen appliqued skirt from Personal Pizazz (Berkeley, CA) for spring.

Memories of spring
When I think of spring, many images come to mind. Upon learning in the spring that I had gotten accepted to UC Davis back in the spring of 1982, I rode my ten-speed bike on the country roads outside my hometown to get used to the campus’ mode of transportation. The hills bore row upon row of orange trees, thick with white starry flowers, giving off their heady perfume of orange blossoms in the early morning. No matter that I had an allergic reaction to them – I never tired of breathing deeply, as if I could not get enough of the sweet scent, as if I would never return home again. And then at Davis, after taking a heavy course load winter quarter, I opted for a light load in the spring because I was always stricken with a bad case of spring fever. I didn’t want to be in lecture halls. I wanted to be out in the sun.

Spring accessories: Lava 9 wooden drop earrings and chunky ring (Berkeley, CA), and Urbanity pearl necklace in mesh (Berkeley, CA).

Spring accessories: Lava 9 wooden drop earrings and chunky ring (Berkeley, CA), and Urbanity pearl necklace in mesh (Berkeley, CA).

My second and final year at Syracuse, I remember stepping out of the graduate dorm into a spring snow storm in 1990. I managed to slide my yellow Toyota Corolla station wagon down a hill off campus and up against a curb parking spot, completely by accident. By the end of the day, the snow was gone, making me question its very existence that morning. It became a spring day, albeit a Syracuse spring day. I remember this time in Syracuse now because I came across two poems by two poets that one of my professors taught together in a seminar. The two poets were as far apart personally and aesthetically as can be, which made them the perfect pairing for a seminar. The English poet and novelist, Philip Larkin, was known for his dark, melancholy work, while the more famous Chilean poet, politician, and Nobel Prize winner, Pablo Neruda, ardently celebrated life through his works.

In celebration of spring, I present two poems:

The Trees
by Philip Larkin (1922-1985)
The trees are coming into leaf
Like something almost being said;
The recent buds relax and spread,
Their greenness is a kind of grief.

Is it that they are born again
And we grow old? No, they die too,
Their yearly trick of looking new
Is written down in rings of grain.

Yet still the unresting castles thresh
In fullgrown thickness every May.
Last year is dead, they seem to say,
Begin afresh, afresh, afresh.

Enmeshed pearls from Urbanity (Berkeley, CA), linen appliques on maize-colored silk skirt from Personal Pizazz (Berkeley, CA), and colorful butterflies and flowers on a flowing blouse.

Enmeshed pearls from Urbanity (Berkeley, CA), linen appliques on maize-colored silk skirt from Personal Pizazz (Berkeley, CA), and colorful butterflies and flowers on a flowing blouse.

Love Sonnet 39
by Pablo Neruda (1904-1973)
But I forgot that your hands fed the roots,
Watering the tangled roses,
Till your fingerprints bloomed
Full, in a natural peace.
Like pets, your hoe and your sprinkling can
Follow you around, biting and licking the earth.
That work is how you let this richness loose,
The carnation’s fiery freshness
I wish the love and dignity of bees for your hands,
Mixing and spreading their transparent brood
In the earth: they cultivate even my heart,
So that I am like a scorched rock
That suddenly sings when you are near, because it drinks
The water you carry from the forest, in your voice.

Brilliant white calla lilies glow in the late spring evenings.

Brilliant white calla lilies glow in the late spring evenings.

Saying goodbye to Lino

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They say that breaking up is hard to do.
Now I know, I know that it’s true.
– Neil Sedaka, American composer, pianist, and singer

We didn’t really break up. He just never called back. Well, in December, the last time I saw him, he told me – when we parted – to “just text” him and he’d get back to me with his decision. But he never did. I know how to get a hold of him. I know where he lives. But as the days stretched into weeks, and I still did not hear from him, I realized the inevitability of our relationship and that this was probably the best time to move on.

Giving this man my hair
I was introduced to Lino in 1991, upon recommendation by a couple of my coworkers who raved about him. I furtively checked out my publisher’s hairstyle – a swingy pageboy style precisely cut. My marketing manager’s hair was layered and softly feathered. It showed me how versatile Lino was. His salon was in the heart of Union Square. His partner in business, who was also his partner in life, enthusiastically greeted me upon my first visit. Lino’s head was shaved. His business card was adorned with a picture of the top of his shiny head, with his eyes just peeking out, and the tagline: “Give this man your hair.”

My wedding haircut, October 1991.

My wedding haircut, October 1991.

I had bangs and a bob. Lino wanted to give me a completely new look. I don’t know what possessed me to give him my hair, especially since my appointment was two weeks before my (first) wedding. But I did. Maybe it was because he was charming and so full of bubbly energy. Here’s the unbelievable catch: I had no idea what he was going to do. This was the most spontaneous thing I ever did up to that point in my life. He cut my hair very short – swathes of hair fell silently to the hardwood floor. Thankfully, I wasn’t going to wear a veil that was dependent upon my previous hairstyle. And I loved it. It was the biggest change in hairstyle that I had ever had (save for the bad perm that my hairstylist cousin gave me that ruined my senior year in high school). Everyone loved the new style.

I kept my hair short for a few years until I gravitated back to the bob. Within four years, Lino and Len, his partner, opened up a consignment shop in the Mission District, and picked up a few pieces of our furniture for their shop. Lino moved to another salon now that they had this main business. I followed him, but by then I was no longer married. I moved a few times more and changed jobs along the way. Lino moved yet again to another salon. After I remarried and had kids, I continued to follow Lino to different salons. After my daughter was born and it was difficult to cart her into the City to get my haircut (though I had accomplished this with my son), Lino insisted that I come to his home in Alameda so I could have a stress-free haircutting experience.

In search of a new hair stylist, appropriately in the springtime, in a spring outfit.

In search of a new hair stylist, appropriately in the springtime, in a spring outfit.

All in the family: sons, daughters, and mothers
My daughter loved coming with me to the City to get my haircut these last few years. We had this tradition of getting her a triple hot chocolate drink and a toasted bagel with cream cheese at Borders, on the way to Lino’s salon. (Borders, of course, no longer exists in Union Square.) I would sit across the table from my daughter and smile as she savored her chocolate and bagel, thinking that when she is an adult she will remember this special time that we spent together. I hated having to rush her so we could be on time for my appointments. Lino gave her a big hug every time she walked through the door. He gave her jewelry that he either made or had given to his daughter when she was a young. Whenever my daughter wears one of his necklaces, she proudly reminds me that Lino gave it to her. One time he had one of the manicurists paint her nails bubble-gum pink, and he made sure that the two mannequin heads were available so she could brush and style their hair.

Go bold with ethnic-inspired jewelry, floral blouse, hot pink skirt, and laser-cut sandals.

Go bold with ethnic-inspired jewelry, floral blouse, hot pink skirt, and laser-cut sandals.

When Lino lost his son, who took his own life one Christmas Eve, it was the first time I had ever seen him subdued. Up until then, he was always in good spirits and was a breath away from laughter, even when he complained about a salon owner or one of his relatives. I sat, shocked in his chair, not knowing what to say, other than how very sorry I was. I hugged him a moment or two longer than I usually did when we said goodbye. He never spoke of that time again, except once in reflection months later when he relayed a conversation he’d had with his daughter – how time seemed to keep going, how people seemed to carry on with their lives, while the two of them struggled to understand what had happened. When I lost my mother at age 85 to complications of pneumonia – Lino’s own mother, the matriarch, was in her 90s at the time – he was quietly supportive. He knows what a Filipino mother is like, how strong she is, how she wears the pants in the family. And with that knowledge, he knew what a gaping hole that loss had created.

Growing old, not growing old together
Time and age started creeping up on the both of us. Lino complained of arthritis, removing the scissors to massage his hands. He kept threatening to retire. He was already in semi-retirement the last few years, into his 60s, though he looks like he’s still in his 40s – in large part, he would say, to having cleansed his diet. (He amazingly had never seen a doctor in decades.) Exhausted by work and late motherhood, I found myself falling asleep in his chair. It was one of the few times and places where I could relax. But it was getting harder to make an appointment, as I had to work around the one week a month that was his schedule. Nevertheless, I refused to look around, even though I knew there would come a time when I would have to face the inevitable. When I couldn’t get an appointment, I would resort to cutting my own bangs until I could get in. A few times I went to some local salons, only to know with the first snip that I wouldn’t be going back to this or that place.

Playing up a blooming spring blouse with earrings from a New York City street fair, Sundance flower ring, Anthropologie statement necklace, and a water buffalo horn cuff from my sister's trip to Kenya.

Playing up a blooming spring blouse with earrings from a New York City street fair, Sundance flower ring, Anthropologie statement necklace, and a water buffalo horn cuff from my sister’s trip to Kenya.

Sometimes Lino was late or completely forgot about me being his first appointment. I’d have to wait a long time, and though I seethed in the waiting area, I didn’t leave. I couldn’t leave. Nobody could do a blunt cut as precisely and reliably as he could. And we had a history together. Then late last fall, the salon owner died of leukemia, and he informed me that the other stylists couldn’t afford to buy the salon and so it would be shut down. He had an offer to rent a chair at another place, but the catch was he’d have to put in more hours, which he didn’t want to do, and then he was going to need to raise his price. (He had never raised his fee for me in the past 21 years, which friends tell me is unheard of.) Because of the increase, he felt it necessary to take a poll to see if he’d lose a chunk of his clients. I don’t know how the survey went, though I told him I’d follow him yet again at whatever price. His other option was just to hang up his scissors and retire – he was already on that path.

He told me to text him after the holidays, and he’d let me know his decision. We hugged and wished each other a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. When I couldn’t reach him, I began a search for his replacement – with sadness. I checked out yelp reviews and found Jenn Archbold of Florescence Designs (1700 Solano Avenue, Suite C, Berkeley, CA 94707, 510.526.1073). I admit that I was somewhat nervous, not having gone to a hairstylist with the idea that he or she would be the one after Lino. She listened to what I wanted and executed it perfectly. We had a nice conversation, and she was able to talk and cut at the same time – something Lino was incapable of doing, which made haircut appointments longer with him. For a moment, I was hoping that it would be just okay, which would give me permission to reach out to Lino again.

But I made the next appointment before I left. Happy to have found an artisan who can do a blunt cut and work with my cowlick. Sad that an era has come to a close. Such is life.

My new haircut by my new hair stylist.

My new haircut by my new hair stylist.

My life in healthcare information technology

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The most pleasurable thing in the world for me is to see something and then to translate how I see it.
– Ellsworth Kelly, American painter, sculptor, and printmaker

John, me, and Jack practicing our "author poses" for our book jackets, The Orange Grove, Syracuse University, May 1990.

John, me, and Jack practicing our “author poses” for our book jackets, The Orange Grove, Syracuse University, May 1990.

When I’m not blogging on weekends and weeknights, trying to work on my novel on vacation time, and being a mom, wife, chauffeur, cook, housekeeper, and errand runner, I write about healthcare information technology (IT). It is, as they say, my day job. I’ve been writing about this industry since 2003, when my good friend Jack from grad school co-founded his business-to-business publishing company and asked me to leverage my experience working for a major health insurance carrier to write about the IT that insurers deploy. I free-lanced for his company, interviewing and writing articles about an industry that was initially new to me, for the next seven years.In 2010, I joined the company, now a media company, full-time. The previous year I had worked on a big project for a major client of ours, writing numerous case studies and a lengthy executive summary. It was a baptism by fire, as I’d never done a project of this magnitude before and it was crossing from the familiar territory of editorial to the uncharted waters of marketing. We took on more projects of this nature, and I became the sole custom content writer for these special projects. I had moved over, as purists scornfully or jokingly say, to the “dark side.”

My company mugshot.

My company mugshot.

As journalists, your interviewees, PR people, marketers, and the like do not see what you’ve written until it’s published. The separation of church and state is protected and preserved. What I write, however, is edited, reviewed, and approved by as many as several departments. They are our customer, after all. On a high note, a well-known industry visionary from a major global company merely added one sentence to my white paper and told his marketing director that I was his new favorite writer. On a low note, I’ve had a client redline what I’ve written to the point of non-recognition – in other words, if I had a byline, it would have to be deleted because it was no longer mine. Sometimes, you just never know, which makes each project somewhat of a blank slate. It’s my way of living on the edge, professionally speaking.

Why healthcare IT is important to you and me
Pressure and uncertainty aside, I enjoy what I do. Healthcare IT is an important industry that touches everyone because we are all patients – most if not all of us have been in a hospital and gone to the doctor’s office. Two major pieces of legislation to come out of the Obama administration that impacts all of us is the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA) of 2009 and the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, also known as Obamacare or the Affordable Care Act (ACA), of 2010. Within ARRA is the HITECH Act, which essentially contains a number of incentive programs for the adoption of healthcare IT, especially electronic health records (EHRs) and health information exchange. ACA includes provisions that are more easily achieved through the adoption of healthcare IT, which is by design.

My company's back East, and I'm out West. I work at home, which enables me to wear such things as vegan leather pants at my office.

My company’s back East, and I’m out West. I work at home, which enables me to wear such things as vegan leather pants at my office.

I have seen the shift in both my primary care physician’s office and my kids’ pediatrician’s office from paper records to electronic records. Our pediatricians carry around their tablets and enjoy pulling up apps with their stylus pens. Gone are the shelves upon shelves of paper records in file folders. It is disruptive technology, for sure. EHRs were originally developed as a documentation tool so physicians could properly bill for the services they rendered in the traditional fee-for-service, or fee for volume, reimbursement world. Today, we are asking EHRs to document care, aggregate relevant patient information, and deliver the right information to the right clinician at the right time in order to improve the quality of care, clinical outcomes, and patient safety in a more streamlined, cost-effective manner. (We are also trying to shift to a pay-for-quality reimbursement model.) There are naysayers who want to eliminate EHRs and all healthcare IT because they are expensive, disrupt clinician workflow, create more work, and don’t do what they claim they will do. Privacy watchdogs warn of greater risk of data breaches. The technology has to continue to be re-engineered and vendors have to develop robust, reliable, and user-friendly technology (not just sell a bunch of software licenses that lock healthcare providers into long contracts with bad technology that clinicians don’t want to adopt). And policy has to continue to be refined so as to protect patient information.

A plum-colored sweater gets a boost with a Missoni scarf and bold Pam Hiran necklace (Anthropologie).

A plum-colored sweater gets a boost with a Missoni scarf and bold Pam Hiran necklace (Anthropologie).

We are getting there. It’s a painful growing process. Legislation was put into place to speed the inevitable. The healthcare industry is woefully behind, if you look at how the banking and financial services and retail industries have embraced technology. Consumers will demand it in healthcare. They are already demanding to communicate with their healthcare providers across various channels of their choice and wanting to interact in a way that is more convenient for them. According to the Pew Internet Project, 45 percent of American adults have smartphones. According to an industry survey, 53 percent of clinicians use smartphones and 47 percent use tablets in their healthcare work environment. Medical schools are incorporating healthcare IT into their curriculum. So, really, it’s only a matter of time before we achieve the same state of IT adoption that we enjoy in other industries. And it’s only a matter of time before you can be in another part of the country far from home, end up unconscious in the emergency room, and the physician who is treating you can pull up your EHR, see what medications you’re taking, what allergies you have, and what other health conditions you have, and therefore know what medications he or she can or cannot give you based on that critical information. That’s why I take pride in what I write. This is important stuff. Admittedly, some topics are more engaging than others. Vendor neutral archive, anyone? But my job is to make the topic engaging. My job is to entice healthcare executives, managers, and clinicians to read what I write. Whether writing fiction or nonfiction, a short story or chapter in a novel, or a blog or case study or white paper, I have one goal: To find the narrative and tell the story in a clear, concise, and engaging way.

I work at my home office, but I still dress up as a way to be disciplined and to take myself seriously while working.

I work at my home office, but I still dress up as a way to be disciplined and to take myself seriously while working.

Cocktail party topics
In my research, I learn so many things. For example, RAND Health reported that approximately 133 million Americans had a least one chronic illness in 2005, which is astounding to me. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, every year, chronic disease, which includes cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and stroke, causes 70 percent of deaths in the U.S. and comprises approximately 75 percent of medical care spend. Our healthcare costs comprised 17.9 percent of our Gross Domestic Product (GDP) in 2012, and it’s expected to climb to 18.4 percent of GDP in 2017. And yet, up to 80 percent of chronic diseases can be prevented – mostly with lifestyle changes. The solution is both simple yet exceedingly difficult.Here are more interesting data. Did you know that persons aged 65 years or older numbered 39.6 million in 2009, which is 12.9 percent of the U.S. population or one in every eight Americans? By 2030, the number will grow to approximately 72.1 million older persons, or 19 percent of the population. The proportion of the global population over the age of 60 is projected to double from approximately 11 percent to 22 percent – from 605 million to 2 billion – between 2000 and 2050, according to the World Health Organization. Imagine the implications on our societies and economies to have countries with inverted pyramid populations?

Fun accessories complement the sequined birds.

Fun accessories complement the sequined birds.

In the U.S. we haven’t yet figured out how we are going to build a sustainable healthcare delivery system that will allow us to “age in place,” or grow old at home and not in an institutional setting. We have to look to other models in other countries. In Hong Kong, for example, instead of dispersing more funds to care for dependent citizens, the government is adding incentives to the same allocation of money if the patients’ functionality – which is the operative word – improves. We need to identify and support necessary enabling technologies to ensure a person’s maximum functionality so he or she can live productively within the community. Evidence exists that enabling an older person to stay at home saves money. Global aging, therefore, should be approached as both an opportunity for business and for improving the quality of life, rather than just a challenge or a burden, advocates argue. Now that’s exciting stuff to me, especially as I grow older.Writing about these challenges and paradigm shifts and potential technological solutions and visionary policies is an intellectual exercise for my brain. I’m learning so much; you could even call me a SME (subject matter expert), which is what I call my interviewees, in a number of topics. I have also had the opportunity to hone my presentation skills in webinars and before groups of healthcare professionals. Would I rather be writing novels and blogging? No doubt. But I’ve become a more thoughtful and careful writer and I have a better eye as an editor of my own writing through my industry writing through the years. I just need to clone me thrice to get everything done – something healthcare IT unfortunately can’t do. For that, we would have to turn to science fiction….

Have fun mixing black and white graphics. Throw in Carmela Rose vintage Lucite earrings, clear chunky bracelet etched with fun words from Anthropologie, MoMA 3D ring made of plastic (NYC), ruffled booties, skinny patent belt, and glossy red book bag from the Fickle Bag (Berkeley, CA).

Have fun mixing black and white graphics. Throw in Carmela Rose vintage Lucite earrings, clear chunky bracelet etched with fun words from Anthropologie, MoMA 3D ring made of plastic (NYC), ruffled booties, skinny patent belt, and glossy red book bag from the Fickle Bag (Berkeley, CA).

Appropriate at Any Age: Removing “age” in “age appropriate”

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You can be gorgeous at thirty, charming at forty, and irresistible for the rest of your life.  – Coco Chanel, French fashion designer

These waxed shorts sit lower on the waist to lengthen the inseam. Chocolate opaque tights and booties lengthen the leg, and the dark-colored sweater jacket lengthens the entire frame. Add a touch of faux fur and vintage purse and you're ready to go.

These waxed shorts sit lower on the waist to lengthen the inseam. Chocolate opaque tights and booties lengthen the leg, and the dark-colored sweater jacket lengthens the entire frame. Add a touch of faux fur and vintage purse and you’re ready to go.

In the last year or so, I’ve come across a fistful of articles in women’s and fashion magazines that expound on what a woman of a certain age should or shouldn’t wear. One author said she had been told that women over 30 shouldn’t wear leather jackets anymore. Another article smugly noted that while older women are donning clothing items once deemed the domain of the younger woman, young women can triumphantly pull on shorts, with the knowledge that they are leaving the older women – their mothers – in the dust. Every time I read one of those articles, I got unnecessarily exasperated. I soon realized this was a waste of energy. I then calmed down and recalled a famous Coco Chanel quote: “I don’t care what you think about me; I don’t think about you at all.”

Is there such a thing as age appropriate? Should there be such a thing as age appropriateness? I would rather we remove the word “age” from the concept of age appropriate. Let’s talk about what is appropriate. Take those shorts, for example. Now make them “Daisy Duke” shorts, the kind in which the inseam length is a negative number. Maybe a handful of women would look good in them, but I’m certain I don’t want to see anyone’s cheeks hanging out, save for the ones on their faces.

Jean shorts and black opaque tights create a classic look. Keep it simple with black embellished t-shirt, belt, and leather jacket. But give it an edge with a red bag and studded booties.

Jean shorts and black opaque tights create a classic look. Keep it simple with black embellished t-shirt, belt, and leather jacket. But give it an edge with a red bag and studded booties.

I will submit that not all women – regardless of age – can wear shorts and feel comfortable in them. I grew up in the Central Valley of California, where the temperatures would remain in the 90s (degrees) late into the evening, but I would not wear shorts to school or to any social outing as a teenager because I was too self-conscious and felt exposed in shorts. Painfully shy, I deemed it a triumph when I finally felt comfortable enough to wear shorts in college. The operative word is comfortable and its subtext is confidence.

Vegan leather and Frye boots are softened by a creamy lace blouse and tights.

Vegan leather and Frye boots are softened by a creamy lace blouse and tights.

I submit that a lot of women of my age can wear shorts smartly and successfully – and appropriately. First of all, I don’t wear shorts to “look” or “feel” young. I wear shorts because I like a particular pair of shorts or like the look of it as part of an outfit, an ensemble. This is a very important point. I have my rules of thumb, though don’t think of them as rigid rules. Think of them as comfort levels. No matter what the style, they should fit – not tight or not baggy when they’re not supposed to be baggy. I don’t wear short-shorts. Inseam length is critical. While a three-inch inseam seems itty-bitty, it’s not so bad – if you really like the style, fabric, and/or print – to size up and let the waistband sit low. In the wintertime, you can wear opaque tights and look appropriate and sharp. If you feel the need to cover up and work your way up to a certain comfort level, wear boots. Regardless of comfort level, however, shorts and boots go hand in hand in cold weather.

Mixing vintage Miriam Haskell pearl necklace, reclaimed vintage bow necklace from Gorgeous and Green (Berkeley, CA), Carmela Rose reclaimed vintage earrings, beloved bumble bee bracelet purchased in Philadelphia, and chunky ring from Lava 9 (Berkeley, CA).

Mixing vintage Miriam Haskell pearl necklace, reclaimed vintage bow necklace from Gorgeous and Green (Berkeley, CA), Carmela Rose reclaimed vintage earrings, beloved bumble bee bracelet purchased in Philadelphia, and chunky ring from Lava 9 (Berkeley, CA).

The only time I don’t wear tights with shorts is when it’s super casual and I’m at home or at a sporting event. In the Bay Area, our summers are famously cool and foggy most of the time, so you can get away with tights and shorts across seasons. In the summertime, I wear shorts with flats or wedges or platforms, but never with heels, especially spiky heels. That’s where my comfort level ebbs. While shorts oftentimes conveys casual and informal, I like dressing up shorts, as a style statement but also for its ability to lend a sense of sharpness.

Suede jacket, flowery blouse, pop of color in the yellow belt, and neutral tights and booties for spring.

Suede jacket, flowery blouse, pop of color in the yellow belt, and neutral tights and booties for spring.

Fashion should be fun and experimental. With shorts, you need to figure out what style looks good on you, which fabrics and prints flatter your shape, and what kind of a look you are trying to convey. And then let loose and experiment with what goes on top, what shoes are a good match, what accessories compliment and make the whole outfit cohesive yet effortless. Think of shorts as part of the overall outfit. It makes them less intimidating and really, part of the fashion canvas. So be artistic, creative, comfortable, and confident in whatever you wear.

Mix faux fur and full lace shorts in monochromatic colors.

Mix faux fur and full lace shorts in monochromatic colors.

Reclaimed vintage gold jewelry looks natural against tan silk and creamy mottled faux fur.

Reclaimed vintage gold jewelry looks natural against tan silk and creamy mottled faux fur.

Welcome spring in navy shorts, pastel sweater, navy hose, and Frye covered-toe sandals.

Welcome spring in navy shorts, pastel sweater, navy hose, and Frye covered-toe sandals.

 

Turning 51, with gratitude

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I will go anywhere, provided it be forward.
– David Livingstone, Scottish medical missionary and explorer

Mixing textures with faux fur, faux suede, creamy lace, patterned tights, vintage brooch, and red leather boots!

Mixing textures with faux fur, faux suede, creamy lace, patterned tights, vintage brooch, and red leather boots!

Yesterday I celebrated my 51st birthday, which was no less momentous than the milestone of reaching 50. This is a new mode of thinking for me. At a certain point in adulthood, I didn’t think much of making a celebration of birthdays. Not that I was thinking of getting older at that time. It was more a feeling that birthday celebrations were for children. When I had my own children, that philosophy was validated, as I focused more on their yearly milestones – the parties, the presents, getting excited for them, and sharing and basking in their genuine happiness.

With the vintage Weiss brooch as the main attraction, keep earrings and rings simple.

With the vintage Weiss brooch as the main attraction, keep earrings and rings simple.

When the 49th birthday came and went, fear set in, and you know the rest of the story (if not, you can read my blog bio and my first post, “Welcome to the Dress at 50”). Celebrating birthdays has taken on a different meaning since last year. I face a new year, grateful to be alive and healthy and to have my family with me. I also return to the two things that motivated me as a child and young adult – tapping my creative juices and being inspired by other peoples’ creativities and visions, and opening up my heart and unleashing generosity for the greater good, for social justice. I look to them as presents to receive and give with each birthday.

Variation on the lace dress: different-colored faux fur scarf, canvas drawstring jacket, vintage-inspired lace-up booties, flowery tights, and vintage Weiss earrings and brooch.

Variation on the lace dress: different-colored faux fur scarf, canvas drawstring jacket, vintage-inspired lace-up booties, flowery tights, and vintage Weiss earrings and brooch.

Birthday weekend
My birthday celebration started on Friday when I finalized an interview earlier in the day with two amazing women for the following afternoon in Los Altos. We ended the evening with a casual dinner out with good friends of ours and their kids, who are friends and classmates with our kids. It was a busy, deadline-driven week at work for me, so winding down after dinner and sharing a bottle of wine and David’s brother’s homemade beer in front of the fireplace with friends was very welcome.

Toughening up the lace dress with yet another faux fur scar, snakeskin print leather jacket, industrial-looking brass and crystal necklace, and chocolate textured tights and booties.

Toughening up the lace dress with yet another faux fur scar, snakeskin print leather jacket, industrial-looking brass and crystal necklace, and chocolate textured tights and booties.

When I had found out that my interview on Saturday was going to be in Los Altos, I contacted my old college roommate, Susan, who lives in Los Altos. Being spontaneous was never my thing (back in college a former dorm floor mate was trying to coax me to go out dancing one evening, and I begged off, with the excuse: “I’m not spontaneous!”). To this day, I try to be more spontaneous, which is still a work in progress. Happily, Susan was available for brunch, and she suggested a terrific very child-friendly, farm-to-table restaurant called Bumble (145 1st Street, Los Altos, CA 94022, 650.383.5340), which is housed in a quaint 100-year-old cottage and serves meals – very good ones – made from organic, locally sourced ingredients. The owners, a married couple, both came from farming families. (I think this concept would be well received if some enterprising entrepreneur could find a venue with character and execute on the concept. Hint, hint, local entrepreneurs!) What was really nice was to be able to sit back and eat and catch up in a leisurely fashion. This is a rarity for me. It was a gift to allow myself to not clock-watch (it helped that we had given adequate time for getting together before our respective appointments).

What to wear after the horse ride: shades of gray and comfortable pieces to relax in.

What to wear after the horse ride: shades of gray and comfortable pieces to relax in.

After brunch, I met two women who have known each other for 40 years and who were introduced to me via e-mail by a good friend of mine whom I’ve known since 2005 through my work in the healthcare information technology world. You will read about their very rare and beautiful friendship, as well as their inspiring and tireless philanthropic work, in March. I only hope that I can do justice to their story through my writing. What they’ve gone through and what they’ve done in their lives to this date compels me to want to be as big-hearted as they are. The evening ended with dinner at another good friends’ warm and bustling home and enjoying my friend Raissa’s homemade chicken curry – the best, hands down.

Favorite cicada necklace from Lava 9 (Berkeley, CA), Carmela Rose earrings, and Sundance rings.

Favorite cicada necklace from Lava 9 (Berkeley, CA), Carmela Rose earrings, and Sundance rings.

On my actual birthday, the only things I was anticipating was David’s Sunday special, his breakfast sandwich and protein drink, and my daughter getting up to join me as I walked Rex in the morning. It was a beautiful, sunny albeit cool day, so doing something outdoors was a given. Nothing came to mind immediately; I only knew I was not going to clean or do work. This was going to be a day to enjoy with my family. My daughter, who has been fancying horses and horseback riding for more than a year now, was lobbying for a horse-themed activity in Walnut Creek. We owed her a horseback-riding family event in lieu of a party with her friends, which was at her request (from this past December). Though horses are not my thing, I voted to contact the riding stable near Point Reyes, upon the suggestion of the Walnut Creek horse ranch that didn’t have any openings for us on such short notice. Hey, I was being spontaneous again.

My horse drinks water while the rest of the family mounts their horses.

My horse drinks water while the rest of the family mounts their horses.

So we drove the 1.5 hours to Olema on the winding Highway 1, listening to Morrison Boomer‘s CD, Down the Hatch, which we had purchased after listening to them play at Pikes Place in Seattle a few weeks ago. For all my driving of late, I have had the pleasure of enjoying their music while on the road. We ended up at Five Brooks Ranch (8001 Highway One, Olema, CA 94950, 415.663.1570) and we took an hour’s ride through the coastal woods. When we had to command our horses to trot or gallop, I erupted in laughter, not unlike the laughter that lets loose when I try to scream on the roller coaster and instead laugh with my mouth frozen wide open. I couldn’t stop laughing because I was bouncing around so much. As I mentioned, I’m not a horse person, but my daughter was in heaven, and my son had a good time. To have her hug me long and hard made all that bouncing around and walking bow-legged for a few minutes upon dismount worth it all.One of our family traditions is that on our actual birthday, the birthday person picks a restaurant of his or her choice for dinner. I had originally hoped that we could attend the Academy Awards party at the Cerrito Theater (10070 San Pablo Avenue, El Cerrito, 510.273.91020), but the show was sold out. I deferred my birthday dinner until later in the upcoming week, as I usually don’t cook on weekends and do cook on weekdays. And for me, one of the perks about having a birthday is not cooking. We toasted to family and health over dinner while watching the Oscars, but not before granting my son’s wish to play a game of Monopoly.

My disheveled western look, accented with brass and crystal necklace, and studded belt and crossbody purse from Sundance.

My disheveled western look, accented with brass and crystal necklace, and studded belt and crossbody purse from Sundance.

Engaging in family activities that my kids requested on my birthday was a gift to me. It warmed my heart to see them so happy, to see them enjoying themselves in such a carefree way. It was my gift to them. Being with friends and spending leisurely time with them were also priceless gifts. Meeting new people, learning about their goodness and being inspired by them were wonderful surprises and unexpected but gratefully accepted gifts. It is not so much the material gifts that are given to me that I value, though I appreciate their thoughtfulness, but it is the family and friends, their love and their friendships, as well as the experiences, that make birthdays memorable and worthy of celebration. Welcome 51 and beyond!

Catching my breath, dangling carrots, and music therapy

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If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal. Not to people or things.
– Albert Einstein, German-born theoretical physicist

Do you ever get so exhausted that it’s a struggle to breathe? This has been my current state since returning home from traveling. Around November through February is the busy season workwise for me, although David would probably argue that it’s the chaotic, sleepless season and the rest of the year is busy. It is the time of bouncing around from multiple deadlines to another round of multiple deadlines, only this season travel has been added to the mix. As fun and exciting as the travel has been, it takes a toll, especially when you’re older.

It's still winter, but creamy colors and flowers present the promise of spring.

It’s still winter, but creamy colors and flowers present the promise of spring.

As is usually the case, those four months are a complete blur to me every year. I come out of it in early March, wondering what happened to the beginning of the year. And then reality hits: Oh, right, I worked a lot, slept little. This time around, however, I didn’t want to come out on the other side, thankful that I survived, giving up those months so easily. The older you get, the harder it is to blithely not care, concede, and move on. The days seem to matter more.

Rightly or wrongly, I have found that the main reason I don’t sit down and read a novel, like I used to do not too many years ago, is that I feel as if I can’t sit still. It’s too luxurious. There are too many things within 20 feet of me that need to be taken care of. The library chair we got when we moved back into our house merely holds the stack of documents or magazines or Christmas letters from the past two years that I promised to respond to. I count only once the time when I reclined on the stuffed leather library chair and ottoman and worked on my novel and once when I read fiction. I tell myself that I should be multi-tasking. I am constantly in a race against time. One of these days soon, I will put reading a novel or book of short stories on my weekly list of things to do; only then will it be part of my routine and something I can do without feeling guilty. Writers need to read just as much as they write. That ought to be reason enough.

The fabulous 1914 globe watch with optical lens and keys that I got in Seattle earlier in February.

The 1914 globe watch with optical lens and keys that I got in Seattle.

This year was going to be different, I told myself. This season I made a pledge to myself. I was going to make sure I am doing something that is me-centered, something that makes me happy. That something is different for everybody. For me, it means I go to sleep at night knowing that I had a productive day doing something that was creative, something tangible. And that tangible thing is having stood up this blog and writing three times a week. It is the exercise that keeps my writer’s muscles toned. It is the platform for my writer’s voice. It is the diary and photo album for my kids, as well as for me. It has kept me buoyed even as I spent President’s Day Monday working on a white paper deadline.

Dressing up when I'm low energy can actually give me a boost.

Dressing up when I’m low energy can actually give me a boost.

The other thing that keeps me going is dangling carrots in front of me to stay motivated. I’m going to carve out a week of vacation in April and finally finish that last revision of my novel. Then I’ll have to figure out how to self-publish and market it on a platform such as Amazon. Marketing, one of my novelist colleagues has told me, is a constant job once you publish online. Once it’s up, though, I can finally return to the second novel that I started in 2006, before I allowed literary agent rejections to get to me. One of the carrots that I’m dangling in front of me to finish the first novel is the trip I’m going to take to Bolerium Books (2141 Mission St., #300 San Francisco, CA 94110, 415.863.6353), which specializes in rare and out-of-print books and other items on social movements. I discovered this fantastic bookstore while researching my first novel. It lies in the heart of the Mission district in the City, and it’s a place you will want to spend hours poring over the materials on the shelves on a rainy Saturday afternoon. I have e-mail alerts set up for books on the Philippines and amassed quite a number of relevant history books for my second novel. When I finish my first novel, I have told myself, I can take my long list and trek over to Bolerium Books to buy those rare books for my research. How motivating can that be? I love historical research; it puts me in the mood and fully immerses me in the time period.

There are a lot of things to do, but the thought of them and their promise are nourishing me now. And when you’re nourished, you are in a better position to help other people more fully and to push through onerous times. So these are the things that are keeping me going as I head into the home stretch of my busy season.

Adornments? Bring it on, piles of it. Mixing vintage (traveling walnut sewing kit from Treasury, Washington, D.C.), reclaimed vintage spider bracelet from M.E. Moore, and contemporary pieces (bow necklace from Gorgeous and Green, Berkeley, CA, and Art Deco scarab cuff from Alkemie, Los Angeles).

Adornments? Bring it on, piles of it. Mixing vintage (traveling walnut sewing kit from Treasury, Washington, D.C.), reclaimed vintage spider bracelet from M.E. Moore, and contemporary pieces (bow necklace from Gorgeous and Green, Berkeley, CA, and Art Deco scarab cuff from Alkemie, Los Angeles).

Last night, though, I really struggled with having to make dinner. It was a simple enough pasta dish with few ingredients. But I moved around the kitchen as if attached to a ball and chain. So what is the remedy when you need to take care of these mundane but necessary tasks? Looking forward to my near-future projects was not going to cut it. For a fleeting moment I thought to call David and say I’m exhausted so I’m going to grab takeout. Instead, I whipped out my iPhone and called up Pandora. I plugged it into my portable iHome system and the therapeutic music woke me up and gave me the energy to cook. And pretend I was at a karaoke bar. Saved by an endorphin rush, I thrived amidst another day in my busy season. My body felt vibrant and refreshed, so long as I sang.

I’m just about ready to reach for those dangling carrots….

Wearing red gives you more energy and empowerment.

Wearing red gives you more energy and empowerment.

Carmela Rose necklaces pop in this outfit, with earrings from Abacus (Portland, ME) and a simple band from In God We Trust (NYC) and statement ring from Juicy Couture.

Carmela Rose necklaces pop in this outfit, with earrings from Abacus (Portland, ME) and a simple band from In God We Trust (NYC) and statement ring from Juicy Couture.