Category Archives: The Examined Life

The unexamined life is not worth living.

Ringing in the New Year, 2015

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And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.
– Rainer Maria Rilke, Czech poet considered one of the German language’s greatest 20th century poets

A cold New Year's Day at Heart's Desire Beach, Indian Trail, Tomales Bay.

A cold New Year’s Day at Heart’s Desire Beach, Indian Trail, Tomales Bay.

It’s the first Sunday afternoon of the New Year. My cousin Janet and her husband Tim left for home earlier in the day, having wrapped up an extended New Year’s celebration with our family. I always feel bereft when guests leave, though a mountain of towels and sheets need to be washed and cleaning the house appeals to my sense of orderliness. We are holding off taking down the decorations until next weekend when we have more time. I’m glad for the extra week because business travel made me miss out on 10 days of enjoying being surrounded by the spirit of Christmas. Now that all is calm, I have a quiet afternoon for reflection before Monday roars its ugly head and swallows me whole.

Heart's Desire Beach.

From Heart’s Desire Beach…

to Indian Beach.

…to Indian Beach.

This was the second year in a row that Janet and Tim came up to ring in the New Year with us. We celebrated New Year’s Eve with another tradition, the birthday and NYE party of our friend Raissa, with her family and friends. We stayed longer than we did the previous year, so when we got up in the morning we took our time getting to our destination. Last year we saw a lot of wildlife at Point Reyes. While we traveled to Point Reyes again this year, we ended up at Tomales Bay, walking along Heart’s Desire Beach and Indian Beach, checking out the sea anemones, crabs, and clams. As long as I’ve lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, this is the first time I’ve been to these beaches. We also identified birds we encountered, thanks to Tim’s bird book.

A thrush graces us with its presence.

A thrush graces us with its presence.

Spying a woodpecker.

Spying a woodpecker.

It’s important to me that we spend New Year’s Day paying homage to Nature. It’s a way of making a promise that we’ll honor Mother Earth today and every day of this year and every year. It’s also honoring our family tradition, which we’ve expanded to include Janet and Tim. David made our traditional pot roast for dinner (albeit a day later because we got home so late), and Janet and Tim brought up a turkey for our final dinner of the New Year weekend, which David supplemented with his famous mashed potatoes and mushrooms and beans vegetable dish. We said grace before each dinner, with everyone getting a turn. The common theme: We are grateful for spending time with family and friends, having good health, having food on our table, and a roof over our head.

Ghostly trees on Indian Trail.

Ghostly trees on Indian Trail.

More trees fanning their branches out.

More trees fanning their branches out.

The trees just before...

The trees just before…

...we hit the trail.

…we hit the trail.

Last year went by so quickly, and I’ve no doubt this year will be the same. Every year I vow to live more fully in the present. I’ll admit that I was not successful every time. Maybe not even half the time. But I celebrate the other 50 percent of the time. Life is fleeting. Time is fleeting. We can’t always do what we want when we want or be free of life’s shackles or barriers. But growing older has taught me a few things. Growing older has made me be more mindful, to find those gems, and hold them a bit longer in our hands. So have a grand entrance and make 2015 a year that you will look back on in December and say, “I lived a full life.”

Barnacles, an abundance of marine life on the bay.

Barnacles, an abundance of marine life on the bay.

Moss clings to tree branches like cobwebs.

Moss clings to tree branches like cobwebs.

A peaceful walk along the beach to celebrate the New Year.

A peaceful walk along the beach, searching for marine life, to celebrate the New Year.

The Enrado-Rossi holiday greeting for New Year’s Eve

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For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await a new voice.
– T.S. Eliot, recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature, poet, dramatist, and literary critic, from Four Quartets

Sharing my annual holiday greeting on my blog….

Prologue
I began our holiday letter at various times throughout December – and still haven’t finished it! It’s now post-Christmas and I finally have quiet time to reflect on the past year. I decided to keep the snapshot frame around this year’s reflections.

Dear Family and Friends:
As I sit here on a rainy night at SFO, waiting for my delayed red-eye cross-country flight and the frenzy of company meetings but happily anticipating spending time with dear friends afterwards, I realize my current situation mirrors what the year has been like for me and my family: Crazy busy, time slipping through our fingers, sharing adventures, making it a priority to spend precious time with family and friends, shaping our dreams, and more crazy busy.

Reflections of a great year - Barnes Museum, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Reflections of a great year – Barnes Museum, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Our big adventure this year as a family was our visit to Philadelphia this past August. My goal is to have the kids visit major cities and national/state parks every year while still under our roof. I feel the urgency, knowing that I’m running out of time! We chose our nation’s first capital after Jacob’s enthusiasm over a Washington, D.C., 8th grade trip in February. We figured we could enjoy a history lesson as a family. What we learned or memorable lessons: Ben Franklin was the man (thumbs up), while George Washington as president took advantage of a loophole in the City’s no-slaves law by switching out his slaves every six months (thumbs down). We made stops to Baltimore to watch an Orioles game in Camden Yards and outside of Philly to see Gettysburg and Amish country in the towns of Lancaster/Bird-in-Hand/Intercourse. We also caught a Phillies game, much to Isabella’s chagrin – she who does not like baseball of any kind.

City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, August 2014.

City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Promotion ceremony, June 2014.

Promotion ceremony, June 2014.

Jacob: Yes, we have a high schooler in the house
The day has finally come: David and I are parents of a high schooler. Jacob’s two years at Portola Middle School – as we were warned – flew by. His year was highlighted by the D.C. trip and having two wonderful teachers who shaped him academically. Mr. Aloi, his unorthodox history teacher, gave him a love of history – more importantly, a love of the backstory to those memorized dates and names of famous people, places, and events. Mr. McCormick, who was voted teacher of the year for the district, created an environment in which Jacob appreciated English, and this is from a kid who doesn’t like to write or read. Major kudos for that magic! The combination of his love of history and being in our nation’s capital made quite the impression on him. After we convinced him that he isn’t cut out for joining the military, he has settled for learning everything he can about WWII. Months ago, he convinced me to watch Saving Private Ryan with him; we stayed up until 2AM Saturday morning. He has since dug up old DVDs we have – Why We Fight and The Fog of War – and after I summarized these documentaries for him and asked if he was interested in watching them, he said sure. I was thrilled. (Post script: We got to see them during the holiday break!)

As I sit here, among rows of black and steel chairs filling up with weary travelers and amid the constant thump of the escalator, I am warmed by recalling the past weekend. Surrounded by the roaring fireplace and our fragrant Noble Fir tree, we four watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, adding our running commentary throughout, nourished by our traditional popcorn, hot cocoa, Trader Joe’s mini chocolate stars, and chocolate-caramel-sea salt tea. The next night we watched It’s a Wonderful Life, which is my favorite holiday movie. They both loved it, and I was touched when Jacob told me later that he really liked the movie. He’s not as talkative as he used to be, though he’ll surprise me with bursts now and then. But while he’s discovering his freedom and I feel that pull away, I also feel a closeness that I know will always remain. Last Sunday evening when I was working in front of the fireplace, he sat next to me on the sofa to study and we shared the blanket that was keeping me warm.

Strike 3 coming off the mound, Fremont, CA, summer 2014.

Strike 3 coming off the mound, Fremont, CA, summer 2014.

This year was Jacob’s last season on his Hornets baseball travel team, which was ending after a four-year stint because half the team was entering high school in the fall. The team gelled and played extremely well, winning a tournament and placing second in a few other tournaments. It was gratifying for me – and for David, who was his manager all four years – to see the team’s well-executed plays both on offense and defense. It’s sad to see this era end, but exciting to see what high school baseball will bring. As for his other sport, it will also be “thrilling” for David and me when he finally puts in the time and effort into getting his Black Belt in tae kwondo. We’re still waiting….

Flying high in tae kwondo.

Flying high in tae kwondo.

A guest speaker at our December high school PTSA meeting who has studied child psychology gave a short presentation on the teenaged brain – that strange, wonderful, and mysterious organ. She informed us that our brains don’t mature until between the ages of 25 and 30. That explains a lot! It also made me want to tell Jacob – enjoy life and don’t feel pressured about plotting out your life just yet (because your mom will worry on the sidelines for you!). I’m trying to balance the hand-wringing over grades and the nurturing of his love of history, stop-action filmmaking, and animal sciences by opening up windows and opportunities for him to explore these areas. He had a smooth transition to high school and is really enjoying his classes, teachers, and new and old friends. It’s an exciting time for him, and I find myself catching my breath when I spy him from afar and I see him changing, growing up right before my eyes. These are indeed the miracle years.

Spring soccer with Coach Michelle and Coach Brian.

Spring soccer with Coach Michelle and Coach Brian.

Isabella: Our big-hearted animal lover and steward of the environment
Isabella, who turned 12 in early December, is the over-scheduled child, but it’s of her own choosing. She is involved in fall and spring soccer, band (Wednesday evenings with the middle school band teacher in addition to elementary school band), Shakespeare for Kids, horseback riding lessons, and flamenco. She has always loved animals, but after I took her to an urban homesteading talk, she dreams of raising farm animals and growing a garden, partly because it’s good for the environment. She and her friends have raised funds each month selling home-baked cookies and fresh lemonade for the Milo Foundation, which rescues and adopts out dogs and cats. It warms my heart that she is already a good steward of our earth.

Isabella and Tana at a March performance - flamenco twins.

Isabella and Tana at a March 2014 performance – flamenco twins.

Isabella had a rough academic year with two difficult teachers in 5th grade but is enjoying her last year, 6th grade, at Harding Elementary School (our 10th year!). We look forward to her entering middle school, though the passing is bittersweet. She still holds my hand or slips her arm through my arm, wakes up early on weekends so she can accompany me on walks with Rex, and loves running errands with me. That said, she spends a lot of time now with her door closed, playing with her Breyer horses or looking up rabbit videos on YouTube. She’s growing taller and wears a size 8 now (the curse of the Enrado women big feet), big enough to wear some of my shoes. She still thinks boys and girls should play separately. All that will change in a few short years. But for now, she’s my sweetie. I can always count on her to say, when I ask her what’s up, “Nothing but love.”

Isabella and Maggie in Santa Rosa, summer 2014.

Isabella and Maggie in Santa Rosa, summer 2014.

David: An Explosion of projects
After the recession sort of went away, David’s work has exploded to the levels we saw prior to the shutdown in the fall of 2008. Like everybody else in the household, David has had an active year. His office is extremely busy, and has grown to 70 people, while his group is up to eight people, five of whom are quite young. Combined with the volume of work, the youth of the staff has kept David on his toes, a far cry from where things were a couple of years ago. He’s putting in some long hours mentoring the staff and working on several projects, from city blocks of residential structures to smaller renovation jobs. This year also marked David’s final season coaching Jacob’s baseball team, and though he enjoyed coaching over the past six years, he was more than ready to hang up his spikes, sit in the stands, and become a spectator. He’s also been pretty dedicated about attending Isabella’s soccer games.

Enjoying America's favorite pastime with the Phillies and the Mets, August 2014.

Enjoying America’s favorite pastime with the Phillies and the Mets, August 2014.

Patty: Finding my way amid the frenzy
I’m in a nostalgic bent right now, and maybe for end-of-the-year musings this frame of mind is appropriate. So now I’m sitting in Portland International, awaiting my flight back home after this business trip and wonderful time spent with long-time good friends Jack and Fay and their kids. I didn’t travel as much this year as in previous years. And aside from the recent Portland, ME, business/pleasure trip, I only traveled to Las Vegas, Orlando, and Dallas, not-so-desirous destinations. We’re continuing to grow my department, a strategic goal of my company, with me still doing some writing but mostly focusing on management and business development, finally working upstream with the sales team and management to create long-term programs (as opposed to having projects land on my desk for execution). In February I was promoted to senior manager of custom content, and I hope to continue that upward trajectory with a lot of creativity and freedom to make that growth a reality.

Turning the kids into Aggies on Picnic Day at UC Davis, April 2014.

Turning the kids into Aggies on Picnic Day at UC Davis, April 2014.

I joined the East Bay Lunafest Committee last year and in March we had a successful Lunafest screening. Lunafest is a film festival “by, for and about women” that enables local communities to fundraise for both the Breast Cancer Foundation and local organizations. In the fall, I joined El Cerrito High School’s Investing in Academic Excellence, which is a rare committee that actually makes a difference. We identify academic needs, raise funds, and build out programs to address those needs. It’s very gratifying and we’ll be able to see immediate benefits once we roll out the programs in the spring.

Amid work, extracurricular activities, and family duties and activities, I’ve had to cut back on my blog. I don’t know how I was able to blog three times a week, especially during the busy season at work, for the first two years of its existence. I scaled back to two times a week, and as time went on, I found that I’d go through a week to several weeks (like now) of not having time to write. The blog has also changed a bit in that I don’t have as much time to interview all the interesting women I meet and it’s become less of a lifestyle blog and more of a contemplative blog. David pointed out that the reason I don’t have as much time is that I’m finally exchanging activities like blogging with a couple of hours of sleep a night – a good trade from a health perspective!

My all-time favorite photo of me and the kids, outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014.

My all-time favorite photo of me and the kids this year, outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014.

I finished my novel, A Village in the Fields, earlier this year, and I began the dreaded but deliberately short search for a literary agent. After a well-known agent who represented one of my favorite authors asked to read my manuscript in the summer but ended up not taking it, I decided to abandon the traditional route. I’ve queried small publishers, and as I wait, I’m exploring other ways of how to get it to my core audience – the Filipino and Asian American communities and Asian American Studies programs at universities across the country. It takes stepping back from reading, researching, and writing to develop and commit to a plan of action, and I just have to do it. Once I do that, I can clear my head and be totally committed to the second novel, which is awaiting my undivided attention. That means the fate of the first novel will be decided and executed in 2015, which by the way is the 50th anniversary of the Great Delano Grape Strike – a perfect marketing tool! Stay tuned.

‘In everything, give thanks’
I find myself realizing – during rare quiet moments or when a miracle or tragedy occurs outside of our family – how lucky and blessed we are. Health, a roof over our heads, a means to make our lives comfortable when so many are without these basic needs. I sound like a broken record to Jacob and Isabella about appreciating what they have and therefore sharing and giving our gifts to those not as fortunate as we. It’s only then do we fully grasp how rich our lives are and how this is really the only way to live. As we close out another year and look to the New Year, as we celebrate the holidays, we wish you much love and joy, peace and justice, and light in your lives!

Rex, our 13-year-old dog in the autumn of his life.

Rex, our 14-year-old dog in the autumn of his life, wishes everyone a long life.

Family holiday tradition: Christmas giving

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The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, lecturer, poet, and leader of the mid-19th century Transcendentalist movement

On Giving Tuesday, December 2nd, I was on a business trip in Dallas. Despite meetings and keeping up with my projects, I was hoping to find a local nonprofit services agency to make a donation. That didn’t happen, so my back-up plan was to make an online donation. But the day ended before I could take action. Doing something the next day wasn’t going to work and the moment was lost anyway, so I decided to wait until I got home and include an extra donation when my family and I planned to gather one evening in front of the fireplace and partake in our own season of sharing. As is our tradition, we each have $50 to donate, but because there were so many worthy causes that came to our attention, we all chose to donate $25 each to two different organizations.

Isabella greeting rescue dogs at Picnic Day, UC Davis, April 2014.

Isabella greeting – and falling in love with – the puppies in training to be sight-seeing dogs at Picnic Day, UC Davis, April 2014.

Isabella: Protecting animals and our environment
I received a first-time solicitation from The Humane Farming Association (76 Belvedere Street, San Rafael, CA 94901, 415.485.1495), an animal protection organization that also runs the country’s largest farm animal refuge. I’d never heard of HFA, whose tagline is “campaign against factory farming,” but upon reading its literature I was brought back to my college days of supporting various Greenpeace initiatives, particularly the one against eating veal – “no veal this meal” – because of the inhumane practice of crating calves to keep their muscles from developing. This is one of HFA’s major campaigns. Given Isabella’s commitment to protecting animals, I expected her to pick HFA as one of her recipients, which she did without hesitation.

Isabella also chose the Northern California and Northern Nevada Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association (2290 North First Street, Suite 101, San Jose, CA 95131, 408.372.9900, help line 800.272.3900). As we announced each organization in our pile, David and I explained to the kids what problems the organizations were addressing and what solutions they were employing. Isabella explained that by funding this organization now, she hopes they will find a cure in the near future. Luckily, she doesn’t know anyone who is suffering from Alzheimer’s, though I have seen it up close and through my friends’ eyes. It’s an awful disease, devastating the sufferer and family and friends, and I share in Isabella’s hope that one day we can find a cure.

Jacob: Supporting our vets and ‘passing on the gift’
As I read the holiday solicitation letter from The Wounded Warrior Project (4899 Belfort Road, Suite 300, Jacksonville, FL 32256, 904.296.7350), a nonprofit organization that supports veterans and their families with programs, services and events, I figured that Jacob would gravitate to its mission. His interest in WWII and war genre movies has given him an understanding of the traumatic impact of war on soldiers and communities in war zones. WWP serves veterans who were injured in military action following September 11, 2001. In September 2014, WWP released the results of its annual alumni survey taken by more than 21,000 service men and women injured since 9/11. The results are tragic. Seven percent of WWP members are permanently housebound, 75 percent report “being haunted by upsetting military experiences,” and 43 percent reported traumatic brain injuries. Another sobering stat: 75 percent of warriors have less than a bachelor’s degree. By raising awareness, WWP hopes more people will help our country’s returning vets and their families get the support they need and deserve.

Jacob was moved by JFK's grave site and its eternal flame at Arlington National Cemetery, February 2014.

Jacob was moved by JFK’s grave site and its eternal flame at Arlington National Cemetery, February 2014.

The kids have always chosen organizations that protect endangered species, but this year Jacob made a donation to Heifer International (1 World Avenue, Little Rock, AR 72202, 855.948.6437), an organization founded in 1944 “to eradicate poverty and hunger through sustainable, values-based holistic community development.” Heifer International provides livestock and training to struggling communities, promotes women’s empowerment, provides basic needs, and supports sustainable farming. Its mission is based on the concept of “passing on the gift,” so instead of giving milk to a family in need, for example, the organization donates farm animals that not only provide food but also provide a means of living and a chance for the family and the community to become self-sustaining and self-reliant. Jacob chose to fund a share in the purchase of a water buffalo under Heifer International’s farm animal donation program. Who knows? That water buffalo could be helping out a family in my father’s province in the Philippines.

Celebrating our anniversary at Tratoria Corso, Berkeley, September 2014. David believes in supporting local organizations. I believe in big hearts.

Celebrating our anniversary at Tratoria Corso, Berkeley, September 2014. David believes in supporting local organizations. I believe in big hearts.

David: Helping locally
David has always chosen local organizations, particularly those that help the homebound elderly and the homeless. This year was no different. Bay Area Rescue Mission (2114 Macdonald Avenue, Richmond, CA 94801, 510.215.4555), which was founded in 1965, provides meals, emergency shelter, recovery programs, and jobs and skills-training for the homeless and impoverished in our local communities. The Food Bank of Contra Costa and Solano Counties (4010 Nelson Avenue, Concord, CA 94520, 925.676.7543) provides emergency food to two local counties. According to the Hunger in America 2010 report, 28 percent of people needing emergency food are children, 86.5 percent of clients had income below 130 percent of the federal poverty level, 71 percent of households did not include an employed adult (an increase of 3 percent compared to the 2006 report), and 35.7 percent of clients had to choose between paying for food or paying for rent or mortgage. This report was the first research study to capture the connection between the recent economic downturn and the increased need for emergency food assistance. According to the study, the number of people in need of food has increased 46 percent since the 2006 report. While the recession has ended, so we’re told, for many families and individuals the struggle continues. For those of us who are fortunate, we must certainly share what we can.

David and I also donated to KQED, the San Francisco-based PBS station on Channel 9, which we have relied on to watch many great programs this past year, including JFK: American Experience and Freedom Riders: American Experience, the latter focusing on the black and white American civil rights activists who traveled on buses and trains in the Deep South in 1961. Oftentimes, we take PBS stations for granted because it’s just another channel on our television. This is a reminder of how fortunate we are to have quality programs on these stations.

Back to my idealistic roots, UC Davis, Picnic Day, April 2014.

Back to my idealistic roots, UC Davis, Picnic Day, April 2014.

Patty: ‘It’s personal’
For me, aside from the Environmental Defense Fund (257 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10010, 800.684.3322), the U.S.-based environmental advocacy group that “protects the Earth’s resources using smart economics, practical partnerships and rigorous science,” my choices were rooted in organizations with which I have a deep or special history. I wrote about Rubicon Programs (510.235.1516, 2500 Bissell, Richmond, CA 94804), whose mission is “to transform East Bay communities by equipping low-income people to break the cycle of poverty,” in a series of blogs earlier this year. My good friend Jane Fischberg is the president and executive director of Rubicon, which places low-income East Bay residents in jobs and housing and gets them access to legal services and healthcare through a personalized, comprehensive collection of services. Last year, Rubicon served more than 4,000 people across Alameda and Contra Costa counties. More than 670 unemployed people secured jobs, thanks to this wonderful organization. When you consider that more than a third of these people have been incarcerated at one point in their lives, it’s truly amazing what Rubicon Programs has achieved. I’m really proud of Jane and the work that her organization does.

The other two organizations I chose for my Giving Tuesday recipients were the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (JVC Main Office 801 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21202, 410.244.1733) and Squaw Valley Community of Writers. I joined the JVC in 1988-1990, first as a librarian and math tutor at a high school in St. Mary’s, AK, and the following year as an editor for The Prisoners Rights Union, a 1970s nonprofit co-founded by a Jesuit priest in San Francisco. I participated at the Squaw Valley Community of Writers’ writers workshops three years back in the late 1990s. I went to the workshops on scholarship twice, so I fully believe in giving back and allowing other writers to attend these workshops, which not only provide wonderful guidance for one’s writing but also life-long friendships. I also believe in helping to fund the college-graduate volunteers who enter the JVC, providing direct service to organizations that serve the poor and marginalized in their local communities. JVC’s four tenets, based on the Catholic, Ignatian values, are spirituality (small “s,” though now it’s called spiritual growth), simple lifestyle, community, and social justice. Though I’m in a completely different world now, those four tenets still resonate with me.

Rejecting complacency
When I wrote this blog the other night, I was watching a late-night news piece on local churches and shelters taking in the homeless during our current cold spell. A recovering meth addict talked about turning the corner when his habit forced him out on the street. A volunteer at one of the local churches who was serving food noted that one ecstatic homeless man told her he hadn’t had a cup of coffee in two months. At some point in the reporting, I stepped back and asked myself why, instead of accepting the growing homelessness as the norm, we aren’t outraged or incredulous by this growing problem. How did we allow so many in our communities to end up on the streets? I realize that it’s a difficult question with a complicated answer, but one thing I do know is that we have to reject complacency and open our eyes and open up our hearts. To me, the holidays are a time for reflection and compassion. Let’s act on that, and discover that every day can be a holiday.

"Teach your children well."

“Teach your children well” (outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014).

Giving Tuesday: Our National and Global Day of Giving

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Give with love and receive with grace.
– Lolly Daskal, American leadership coach, speaker, consultant, and author

The promise of blooming Calla lilies in the rain.

The promise of blooming Calla lilies in the rain.

Black Friday. Cyber Monday. Christmas advertisements and commercials before Thanksgiving Day. It’s easy to let the holiday messaging overwhelm us and dictate our lives at this time of year. As a counter to the consumerism that has overtaken the meaning of Christmas, 92nd Street Y, a culture and community center in New York City, in partnership with the United Nations Foundation, founded #GivingTuesday in 2012. 92nd Street Y has been a local community advocate for 140 years, harnessing “the power of arts and ideas to enrich, enlighten and change lives, and the power of community to change the world.” Calling itself a “catalyst,” 92nd Street Y is guided by its mission “to inspire action by bringing together today’s most exceptional thinkers and influential partners for social good.

The founding of #GivingTuesday was inspired by the core Jewish value of “tikkun olam,” which translates to “repairing the world.” Imagine if every one of us did something – no matter how big or small – to repair the world. Take a small step tomorrow. Once nourished, take another step and another yet. And keep going.

Donate, volunteer, and share your story. By giving, we celebrate generosity. By sharing our stories, we inspire one another and enlarge our hearts and our humanity.

Let’s reconvene on Friday and share what we did on Tuesday, December 2nd. Join me!

Calla lilies for #GivingTuesday.

Calla lilies for #GivingTuesday.

On being thankful: flying kites, riding bikes, dancing, planting trees, and drawing

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Growing up in Cincinnati, Ohio, I drew and drew and drew and drew. Drawing was my way of making things exist which didn’t exist. And writing became a way to have my drawings interact.
– Jon J Muth, American children’s author and illustrator

The cover of Jon J Muth's book, The Three Questions.

The lovely cover of Jon J Muth’s book The Three Questions.

After my son, Jacob, had shown me one of  his children’s book, The Three Questions, based on a story by Leo Tolstoy, this past weekend, as is usually the case when I am moved, I dropped what I was doing and went to the source of the book’s inspiration and went on a quest to learn more about the author, Jon J Muth. I’d forgotten, until I reread this book and Zen Shorts, another one of his books that we have, that I was dubbed the class artist throughout elementary school and had dreamed of becoming a children’s book author and illustrator when I grew up. To some extent, I still harbor those fantasies. Until then, I’ll live vicariously off of other children’s authors and illustrators whom I admire. What I learned about Muth came at a fortuitous time. Thanksgiving dinner preparation and stress aside, this is a time that, in my heart and mind, I give official thanks – as opposed to the spontaneous thanksgivings that occur often throughout the year.

I love learning about artists, whether they be visual, performing, or written word. Knowing their backstory creates a deeper appreciation and connection for me to them. Muth, who started out as an American comic book artist before becoming an award-winning children’s book writer and illustrator, was primarily raised by his great- grandmother, who was in her 70s when he was a child. His parents were pursuing their careers as teachers and he routinely woke up after they had already left the house. (His mother, an art teacher, took him to museums all over the country.) His great- grandmother walked him to school a mile away and walked him home afterwards. They walked the three miles to the grocery store together. He only had one hour in the evenings with his parents. These experiences shaped his imagination, which you can see in his work, especially when you hear him talk about his memories as a child. He found an outlet for those memories and childhood imagination – lucky for us. In one story, he thought if he could ride his tricycle as fast as he could around the cherry tree in his backyard, he could lift himself up and float around the top of the tree. In the second story, the one time that his great-grandmother couldn’t pick him up from school a leaf followed him home. These whimsical stories made me miss those years when my kids told equally magical stories to help them make sense of the world around them, to empower them in a world that is at once enormous, scary, enchanting, and full of possibilities. After all, that’s what stories do. That’s why storytellers exist.

Jon J Muth, 2011, photo by Stuart Ramson.

Jon J Muth, 2011, photo by Stuart Ramson.

The Birth of the writer and artist
In an interview, Muth discussed his evolution from creating comic books to writing and illustrating children’s books, saying, “A sense of joy is what moved me from comic books to picture books. My work in children’s books grew out of a desire to explore what I was feeling as a new father.” Not unlike many of us, Muth said he was “poorly prepared to be a father” and “overwhelmed,” but that he underwent a “personal, spiritual experience.” He noted, “I felt completely responsible for this little being. As his custodian, I wanted to make the world a better place.” Muth acknowledged that this act is somewhat universal, but how he handled it as an artist was not.

“Growing up as an artist, it’s a selfish profession. Your job description is you, you, you. It’s the sense of how the world works and suddenly it’s not about me. It’s about someone else, and by extension it’s about everyone else. That was my experience of it,” he said. For 20 years, through his work in comic books, Muth explored the theme of young man and adult full of angst about the absurdities of life but without the sense of responsibility to address those absurdities. Then Muth read the Tolstoy story that Vietnamese monk Thich Nat Hanh retold in one of his books. “When I read it in his book, it just was like this little deep-laid dynamite charge going off, and I thought, I want to give this to my son. I want to give this to children. But they can’t have to wait to understand Czarist Russia to be able to work with it. That’s how that story [The Three Questions] started for me,” he said. “That was a kind of major turning point where I thought I’d be able to explore the things that are really important to me now in this medium and I’m really amazed and happy that the children’s book world has had room for me.”

A scene from Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth.

A scene from Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth, which reminds me of his childhood story about rising above the cherry tree.

Wisdom at any age
Muth tackled his book’s weighty subject matter without reservation. “I think children are intuitively capable of grasping wisdom as readily as adults are,” he said. “There’s the kind of practical wisdom that we encounter every day that children need to know about. They need to know that …. if you put your hand on a hot stove you’re going to be burned. They need to figure out how the world works, so they look to us to know how that works. It’s very important for us to impart this practical wisdom. I also think that we have an opportunity to offer up what I call ‘prudential’ wisdom – it’s a sense of your relationship to those things that you can’t change, and sometimes it manifests as a spiritual wisdom or a spiritual teaching. Zen Shorts seemed like a perfect place to offer these stories.

“It’s very important to me not to offer something that’s going to inoculate them from their own experience,” Muth went on. “I want children to recognize that what they’re actually going through is valuable. Their experience of something is important to the way they’re going to look at the world. It would not work if the stories were more didactic. They need to be offered in such a way that kids can take them or leave them, and perhaps if they don’t understand something, return to it.”

I feel that returning to the story again and again is something quite important for children. So does Muth. “I’ve actually had that happen a bunch where kids will maybe come to the story first of all just because it’s a giant panda, but then return to it because it’s created a kind of itch in their mind and they can’t quite understand it or it actually, it flies in the face of what they think,” Muth related. “By returning to it and considering it and mulling it over, they have a chance to come to a new understanding of how things are.”

Muth’s prayer
One of the loveliest things you will find on a webpage about him is a link to a prayer. Muth’s watercolor shows two children – a blond-haired girl and a dark-skinned boy – sitting against a backdrop of an ethereal world of oceans and wispy clouds. They are cutting out a string of connected paper dolls from one end of the canvas to the other. And scattered about the canvas is this prayer:
i am the son of a mother who’s lighting a candle beneath a photograph of a new york city firehouse
i am the daughter of a man who hijacked a plane in the name of allah
i am the palestinian boy whose father was killed by israeli gunfire.
i am the soldier who shot him.
i am the jewish girl whose brother was killed by a palestinaian while eating pizza in a mall.
i am the father in America who must protect this great country and this great way of life.
i am the daughter who jumped from the burning world trade center holding my friend’s hand.
i am the orphaned afghani boy who lives in a refugee camp.
i am the woman who led the preschoolers away from fire and falling buildings.
i am the firefighter who saved your wife.
these are the ten thousand reasons to kiss your parents each day, to kiss your children, to hold dear the one you are with.
you are the ocean and each of its waves.
when i reach out to touch your face i touch my own.

To fully appreciate this wonderful prayer and watercolor, please go to the link on this blog. This condensed version is just to whet your appetite and seek it out.

To fully appreciate this wonderful prayer and watercolor, please go to the link on this blog. This condensed version is just to whet your appetite and seek it out.

What it means to be alive
In variations on a theme, he has listed in various interviews through the years his favorite things to do – flying kites, riding bikes, dancing, and planting trees with his wife and four children. In his biography, he offers: “He is astonished at his good fortune.” It’s a stunningly humble assertion. He obviously worked hard all those years and works very hard now at what he does. He’s grateful to be able to do what he loves for a living, for the better part of his day. It’s not really good fortune, although he does point to coming into situations that have opened up windows and doors for him, but what’s wonderful is the sense of feeling lucky and the acknowledgement of astonishment. To be astonished is to be vibrantly alive.Therefore, one can happily be thankful for being able to do all those wonderful things with one’s family and to be continually astonished. As an artist, Muth says, “When I am painting in the right state of mind, my hand disappears, the brush disappears, the paint stops being paint, and all that exists is the thing that’s becoming. I am all of those things at one time.” This is living fully in the moment and being awash in awe.

And the other wonderful thing about Muth? He planted a tree, had a child, and wrote a book. My spiritual connection. Many thanks on this day of thanks.

Tolstoy’s three questions: a timeless parable

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The hero of my tale, whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and will be beautiful, is Truth.
– Leo Tolstoy, from Sevastopol in May, 1855

Leo Tolstoy, photograph by Sergey Prokudin-Gorsky, 1908.

Leo Tolstoy, a wonderful and rare color photograph by Sergey Prokudin-Gorsky, 1908.

One of the chores my kids have to finish before David’s family descends upon our home for Thanksgiving is to clean their rooms, particularly clearing off their floors so that their cousins have a place to set up their air beds. While cleaning his room over the weekend, my son, Jacob, brought to me a children’s book that we used to read when the kids were much younger: “Remember this book, Mom?” he said with a smile. My face lit up! We read this picture book every evening during one magical stretch of time. We three loved it – for its beautiful watercolor illustrations and its big-hearted message, which was intuitively grasped by my kids, evidenced by the wonder in their eyes and their requests to have it read again and again.

The Three Questions, based on a story by Leo Tolstoy, was written and illustrated by Jon J Muth and published in 2002. The children’s book took its cue from a short story Tolstoy published in 1885 as part of his collection What Men Live By, and other tales. Tolstoy’s parable involves a king who believed that if he knew the answers to three questions he would be successful at anything he attempted. His questions were: When is the right time to do the right thing, or when is the best time to do each thing? Who are the people I most need, and to whom, therefore, should I pay more attention to than the rest, or who are the most important people to work with? What affairs are the most important and need my attention first, or what is the most important thing to do at all times?

Tolstoy’s king announces a reward to anyone who can come up with the right answers, but he is besieged by myriad responses from learned men across his kingdom. Confused and dissatisfied, the king seeks out a hermit who is known for his wisdom. Because the hermit only sees common folk and never leaves the woods, the king dresses as a peasant and leaves his bodyguard and horse at a certain point in the woods on his journey to the hermit’s dwelling. He finds the frail hermit digging in his yard. The king poses his questions, but the hermit keeps digging. Finally, the king realizes that the hermit is exhausted from digging and offers to dig for the hermit. The king digs two beds and again poses the questions to the hermit. The hermit merely responds by telling the king to take a break. The king refuses and keeps digging until the sun begins to set. Irritated, the king sets down the spade and declares that if the hermit is not going to respond the king will return home.

At that moment, the hermit spies a man running toward them who is bleeding heavily from a stomach wound. The king tends to the man, stanching the flow of blood, until his situation stabilizes after several hours. Exhausted and with night descending, the king falls asleep in the hermit’s home. In the morning, the wounded man admits to the king that he knows the king’s identity and in fact was on a mission to assassinate him, laying in wait for his return to the woods, because the king had his brother executed and his property confiscated. After impatiently waiting and no sign of the king, the man had come out from hiding, only to be attacked by the king’s bodyguard. The man was able to run away, but was bleeding to death. Now with his life having been saved, the man swears his and his sons’ allegiance to the king.

Painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1891.

Painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1891.

Shocked, the king is nevertheless relieved to have made a friend out of an enemy and pledges to have his physician look after the man. He then seeks out the hermit, who is sowing seeds in the plowed beds, and again poses his questions, requesting answers for the last time. The hermit replies that the king’s questions have already been answered: If the king hadn’t helped the hermit dig the soil, he would have gone back into the woods and been killed by his assassin. “So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business,” the hermit responds.

“Afterwards when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business,” the hermit goes on.

“Remember then: there is only one time that is important – Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life,” the hermit concludes.

Close-up of painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1901.

Close-up of painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1901.

Jon Muth’s beautifully illustrated tale posed these questions: When is the best time to do things? Who is the most important one? What is the right thing to do? The protagonist, the king, is recast as a boy named Nikolai, who hangs out with three friends, all of whom have distinct personalities  – a heron named Sonya, a dog named Pushkin, and a monkey named Gogol, who was a memorable character for Jacob because he was playful and carefree. The three friends try to help Nikolai come up with answers, answers that matched their animal personalities. Nikolai decides to seek counsel from Leo, the wise old turtle who lives in the mountains. Instead of an assassin, as in Tolstoy’s tale, Nikolai attends to a momma panda whose leg is injured when a fierce storm fells nearby trees, and later rescues her baby, who was lost in the forest.

Muth once said, “I think children are intuitively capable of grasping wisdom as readily as adults are.” So true. He effortlessly combined his studies of Zen with his ode to Tolstoy to bring to children the importance of compassion and living in the moment. Leo the old turtle tells Nikolai: “Remember then that there is only one important time, and that time is now. The most important one is always the one you are with. And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side. For these, my dear boy, are the answers to what is most important in this world. This is why we are here.”

After Jacob let me borrow his book, I researched the Tolstoy story and reread Muth’s book. The wonder returned. The deeper story resonated deep within me, just as it did for me and Jacob and Isabella: That’s why we are here.