A Tiny, mighty change: 8th grade graduations and promotions

True life is lived when tiny changes occur.
– Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist and short story writer

Pre-ceremony moment with Number 1 son.

Pre-ceremony moment with Number 1 son.

Prior to Jacob’s 8th grade promotion ceremony last night, all week I had been adrift in reminiscing. I remembered my own 8th grade graduation as I rejoiced and also felt bittersweet about his minor rite of passage, with the swift feet of time luring him away from me. I couldn’t find any photos of my graduation, but I distinctly remembered details so vivid it startled me. My Auntie Leonora, my mom’s sister-in-law, sewed my maxi dress of tiny blue flowers against a cream background, with the bodice trimmed with lace and petite luminous blue buttons. June 8, 1976. As we were getting ready for the event after dinner, my mother made her way to the bathroom with a fish bone stuck in her throat. I ran down the hallway, panicked that she was choking to death. She was fine after coughing up the bone, but I realized at that moment how much she meant to me – despite our cultural and generational differences at the time. My mother meted out tough love but only because she wanted me to work hard and succeed.Mr. Vangsness, our choral teacher, conducted us as we sang Morris Albert’s “Feelings,” a popular 1975 song, and a dog understandably howled in the background. Nobody snickered or laughed out loud, but I was embarrassed nonetheless. [Don’t ask why an elementary school choir would sing a song about a heartbroken man at an 8th grade graduation.]

Some of my mementos from elementary school - awards, a cassette from honor choir, hand-drawn "photos" and handmade letters for my cheerleading sweatshirt - I know, even my own son was surprised at this revelation.

Mementos from elementary school – awards, honor choir cassette(!), hand-drawn “photos” and handmade letters for my cheerleading sweatshirt – I know, even my own son was surprised at this revelation.

Spurred by my memories, I took to the attic and dug into the big plastic tub that holds my journals and mementos of my life up to college. I’ve sifted through this tub before to flip through my journals and other writings, but I haven’t gone through the letters, my certificates of perfect attendance and scholarship, report cards, school reports, my overwrought prose from my English assignments in years. I was astonished to find that I still have my 8th graduation program, which is in pristine condition.

Terra Bella, my hometown and home to my K-8 elementary school, wasn’t big enough to warrant having a high school. There were two high schools in the next town over, Porterville, and where you lived relative to the train tracks determined which school you attended. Mostly everyone attended Porterville High School because a greater percentage of the town’s population lived on one side of the tracks. I chose to follow my two sisters, who were going to the newer high school. But that meant I would be separated from all my friends. It meant I would be a lone wolf until I made new friends. Another girl from my school ended up going, but we weren’t close and didn’t hang out in elementary school. I sheepishly asked my middle sister, a junior, if I could hang out with her. She begrudgingly agreed, though I had to walk behind her and her group of friends, no doubt because she had been telling people since she got to high school that she was an only child.

Four bouquets from our garden for Portola's 8th grade promotion ceremony.

Four bouquets from our garden for Portola’s 8th grade promotion ceremony.

Styling the dress before the big haircut.

Styling the dress before the big haircut.

I was scared of high school, though I had outgrown being at the same rural school for nine years and being with the same kids for almost a decade. At the same time, I was curious and excited. I had the rare opportunity early in life to reinvent myself in a new environment. Nobody knew me. There’s a certain freedom in anonymity, in not being encumbered by complicated friendships and loyalties. I was ready to bust out of my little hometown. I was ready for a bigger school, a variety of classes – I had a thirst for pure knowledge and learning – new friends, and new experiences and adventures. The proverbial bigger pond.

This stunner of a dress only needs simple yet elegant accessories: equally stunning Personal Pizazz drop earrings (Berkeley, CA), Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME), and vintage bracelet (eBay).

This stunner of a dress only needs simple yet elegant accessories: equally stunning Ben Amun drop earrings (Personal Pizazz, Berkeley, CA), Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME), and vintage bracelet (eBay).

Graduating from my elementary school, really, was the beginning of the journey for me. With each step, graduating from Monache High School, Porterville Junior College, UC Davis, and Syracuse University, along with my two years as a Jesuit Volunteer in Alaska and San Francisco, the world continued to grow bigger and bigger. As I, as an 8th grader, walked across the concrete stage to accept my diploma in front of the grassy area filled with families of immigrant workers and farmers on a warm June evening, my excitement was palpable. Life was opening up.

And so it will for Jacob. Happy 8th grade promotion. Tolstoy nailed it: we experience tiny changes, necessary changes, on the way to a true life.

Close-up: beautiful details, including sequined clutch complementing the dress and jewelry.

Close-up: beautiful details, including sequined clutch complementing the dress and jewelry.

Celebrating Jacob's tiny, mighty change.

Celebrating Jacob’s tiny, mighty change. Now to go confidently into this world!

Teacher magic: reflections on engagement and inspiration

There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fills you up with so much quail shot that you can’t move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies.
– Robert Frost, American poet

My most recent photo of Jacob, at an Oakland A's game on Mother's Day, of course.

My most recent photo of Jacob, at an Oakland A’s game on Mother’s Day, of course.

My son, Jacob, is finishing up eighth grade and will be promoted this Thursday evening. As I ponder the past two years of his middle school life, I am – first of all – amazed at how quickly the time has whizzed by. I think of how much he has grown in his 13th year – physically mostly, but also emotionally. While I’d like to take credit for the good stuff as a parent, I realize that his phenomenal academic year has a lot to do with the growth I’ve had the pleasure and astonishment to witness. I should say more specifically, the two teachers who have made the biggest impact on his academics thus far.

I appointed myself to put together a drive for cards, letters, and donations for our history and English teachers because I wanted us as a parent community to thank them for inspiring our kids. Throughout the year, I have had conversations with numerous parents who have also witnessed the pleasure of their kids being engaged in American history and reading and writing in their English class.

As I wrote my separate letters to the teachers (Jacob wrote out his cards without the usual pushback when I ask that thank you cards be written), I thought about the two teachers who inspired me when I attended my K-8 school.

Sixth grade: unconditional love
Everybody loved Miss Rossow, my sixth grade teacher. Those who were “stuck” in the other class envied those of us who were lucky enough to have been assigned to her class. Miss Rossow was energetic and creative. She nurtured her students and was always positive, which gave us the freedom to do our best and to overextend ourselves. We clamored to please her with our work and our behavior. I remember her reading to us Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in an animated voice and handing out Wonka chocolate bars when she finished the book. For me, she opened up the world of books and imagination.

My 6th grade class picture, with Miss Rossow in the bottom let. I'm in the top row, in the middle.

My 6th grade class picture, with Miss Rossow in the bottom let. I’m in the top row, in the middle.

We knew we had a good thing going, but many times it isn’t until something is taken away that you fully realize what you had. After Christmas break, Miss Rossow didn’t return. We cried. We were sorrowful. We didn’t know what had happened. She wrote the class a letter, letting us know that she had moved to Washington state and was going to get married. She said she would write to us, but she never responded to our stream of letters, which we eventually stopped writing when we realized she had a new life without us. We felt justified in refusing to cooperate with the long-term substitute teacher, and tried very hard to ignore the taunts from the kids in the other class. I remember the long-term sub calling me in during recess and letting me know that she understood that we were giving her a hard time because we were hurt by the sudden departure of our beloved teacher. She acknowledged that she could never rise to such vaunted heights. As one of the “good students,” I was asked to behave and set an example to the other students. I begrudgingly agreed. The rest of the year lost its magic, but I continued to nurture my love of books. [An aside, it wasn’t until years later that I put the pieces together. Miss Rossow had gotten pregnant, which led to a hasty wedding and move. This was, after all, 1973.] I don’t remember what her married name became or in what city in Washington state she settled, but I am forever indebted to her bringing magic into the classroom.

My 8th grade school picture, fall 1975.

My 8th grade school picture, fall 1975.

On becoming a writer
When I was in eighth grade, Miss Lerda was my home-room teacher, but we switched out for language arts and social studies, which was taught by Mrs. Bone. The latter, who wore pants and pantsuits, was unconventional to the point of being hip back in 1975-1976. She was tall and thin, with cropped bleached blonde hair and a pointed nose and a distinctive nasal voice – I can still hear it in my head. She crossed disciplines with her assignments long before it was de rigueur with academic standards. I kept many of her writing assignments. We read about such historical events as the French and Indian War, and then wrote fictional first-person accounts, with students choosing the character to represent. I chose a young American woman living in Schenectady who was about to be married and worried about her beloved soldier. Admittedly, it was very heavy handed and smarmy, but Mrs. Bone applauded me for my imagination and suggested that I become a Gothic romance writer.

The end of school means summer dressing and cool colors - like a silk shift.

The end of school means summer dressing and cool colors – like a silk shift.

We read a lot of Mark Twain, whom I grew to appreciate. We were always reading and writing, and I couldn’t get enough of either. I credit Mrs. Bone for leading me down the path of majoring in English and wanting to be a writer. Love what you do. She was certainly following her passion. My cousin Janet, who is also a teacher, knew Mrs. Bone as a colleague for many years. Mrs. Bone retired within this past decade, leaving behind a robust legacy of having inspired decades of her students.

I realized many years later, as I thought about what I wanted to write in Jacob’s two teachers’ thank-you cards, that I “only” had two teachers who stood out in my K-8 years who truly made a difference in my life – in the classroom and beyond. Perhaps it’s not uncommon to have just a few teachers who have been inspirational. Most of my K-8 teachers were serviceable; I paid attention and did the work, and I was rewarded for my diligence. From a child’s perspective, I couldn’t tell if I had a “bad” teacher – one who didn’t teach what he or she was supposed to teach in that year. How would a child know what was covered in the curriculum? I was unaffected by the few yellers I had as teachers – mostly because I was an obedient student and didn’t think any yelling was directed toward me.

Impacting the rest of your life
When you get those inspirational teachers, however, makes a big difference. Whereas Miss Rossow instilled in me a love of books and opening up my imagination, Mrs. Bone set me up, so to speak, for high school, where you hope you begin the process of critical reading, thinking, and writing. And this is where I believe Jacob got very lucky. His English and history teachers have helped build that foundation in preparation for high school.

Cool accessories for summer: Antique document holder turned necklace (Kate Peterson Designs, El Cerrito, CA), Neeru Goel chalecedony earrings (India), Sundance ring, and KPD sterling silver bangles (El Cerrito, CA).

Cool accessories for summer: Antique document holder turned necklace (Kate Peterson Designs, El Cerrito, CA), Neeru Goel chalecedony earrings, Sundance ring, and KPD sterling silver bangles (El Cerrito, CA).

Last year – I’m forgetting the circumstances for the confessional – Jacob reluctantly admitted to me that he didn’t like to read or write. You can imagine how his words were akin to arrows not only piercing my skin but lodging in major organs in my body. He had no good enough reason other than just not liking either. I wrung my hands. I was confident in his math and science abilities, though he can be lackadaisical in both subjects, but I worried that he wouldn’t have the reading and writing skills required in not only high school and college, but in life, really.

David and I attended Back-to-School Night last September and visited Mr. Aloi’s history classroom and Mr. McCormick’s English classroom. In their presentations, they both outlined what they would cover, what books they were assigning, and what competencies our kids would develop upon completion of the school year. Whereas Mr. Aloi, who is a veteran teacher, was “salty” in tongue and a little goofy, he presented history not as the memorization of people, dates, and events but as stories that uncover human desire and motivation. The kids would learn how to take notes and write coherent papers. If he was as entertaining in his teaching as he was giving his presentation, we knew he had the ability to engage the students. And he did.

Cool silver accessories against muted colors.

Cool silver accessories against muted colors.

Jacob animatedly told many Mr. Aloi stories over family dinners. As one parent told us at our last band concert of the school year, we ought to get the kids T-shirts that say, “Mr. Aloi says….” because they so enthusiastically relate his stories to us parents and families. He gained their trust and he earned his street cred. At Back-to-School Night, he also told us that his classroom was always open. He understood how difficult middle school years are, and he offered his room as a haven for shy kids, for kids who didn’t have any friends. And many kids did hang out in his classroom because they enjoyed being around him. For all that, I say, thank you, Mr. Aloi, for engaging my son and his classmates, and for his new-found appreciation for American history and for him wanting to put in the extra effort on his writing assignments because of that enthusiasm and engagement.

Mr. McCormick, whose half-way rolled-down shirt sleeves partially hid tattooed arms, introduced himself at Back-to-School Night as a former marketing writer for Clorox who went back to school to get his teaching credential. He enthusiastically told us about his love of teaching and astounded us with his desire to teach middle-school age kids. This is his third year of teaching and he was deservedly awarded Teacher of the Year for the district. Throughout the year, unprompted, Jacob would tell me about the books he enjoyed reading, in particular, Lois Lawry’s The Giver. I watched him put effort into his English assignments and he took pride in his grades. Not too far into the school year, he told me that history and English were his favorite subjects. I was shocked by this revelation, coming from a kid who hated reading and writing. Only a great teacher could coax such a statement from a reluctant student. Mr. McCormick seems to have the rare gift of understanding and being patient with middle-school kids, and to boot have the ability to engage them with the subject and his assignments. As a result, he commands their respect.

Inspiration and engagement equals happiness and meaningful fulfillment.

Inspiration and engagement equals happiness and meaningful fulfillment.

While Jacob is ready to move on to high school – albeit mixed with fear of being with older kids and a much bigger campus with more students – there’s a part of him that he admitted to me that will miss his middle school. He had a good year, he related to me wistfully. I know why, and for that, I am extremely grateful.

As parents we have such a big influence on our kids. Teachers and coaches, I read in an article, are the next tier of people who impact our kids. As we enter the last week of school for my son, as we prepare for his eighth grade promotion ceremony on Thursday, I step back to acknowledge my gratitude. I’m grateful for his two teachers for making such a big impression on him – both in the classroom and beyond – and me.

Artist Lauren Ari: ‘perfectly imperfect’

We have all been expelled from the Garden, but the ones who suffer most in exile are those who are still permitted to dream of perfection.
– Stanley Kunitz, American poet, from The Collected Poems

Lauren's sculpture of woman on a chair.

Lauren’s sculpture of woman on a chair.

Through the end of the month, the work of artist Lauren Ari, whom I profiled last year, will be featured at FM (483 25th Street, Oakland, CA 94612), a gallery and studio founded and directed by a group of Bay Area artists in the burgeoning Oakland Arts District.

This Thursday, May 15th, a reception at FM will highlight Lauren’s artwork and a poetry reading by Alison Luterman and Daniel Ari, Lauren’s husband. FM is open Saturdays 1PM to 5PM and by appointment Sunday through Friday through directors@fmoakland.com.

More of Lauren’s work can also be found at Mua Bar & Restaurant (2442A Webster Street, Oakland, CA 94612, 510.238.1100), a fun and lively restaurant that David and I have been to once with our friends, Soizic and Ric. Have lunch or dinner at Mua and enjoy viewing Lauren’s artwork.

You can also purchase high-quality prints of Lauren’s paintings below. The sizes and prices are 9″ x 12″ ($65), 12″ x 16″ ($70), 15″ x 24″ ($95), 24″ x 36″ $140), and 30″ x 40″  $175). Order by contacting Lauren here on her website. My favorite? The Woman with flowers, which is the first one in the series below, and one which will be gracing our home shortly. Lauren’s energy, sense of humor, and vision are not only evident in her work, they are part of her wonderful personality. Get to know Lauren and her artwork this beautiful month of May in vibrant Oakland.

Woman with flowers.

Woman with flowers.

Woman with lion.

Woman with lion.

Blue woman.

Blue woman.

Woman and man.

Woman and man.

Woman with bird.

Woman with bird.

Woman with horse.

Woman with horse.

Woman with owl.

Woman with owl.

Yellow woman.

Yellow woman.

 

Tana Hakanson, artist: forthcoming open studio and a bright future

A painting requires a little mystery, some vagueness, and some fantasy.
– Edgar Degas, French artist in painting, sculpture, printmaking, and drawing

Tana in her studio talking art.

Tana in her studio talking art.

Last May 2013, I profiled my good friend and artist Tana Hakanson, who had her second showing in as many years with the East Bay Open Studio, sponsored by Pro Arts, in June. Tana sold 21 of the 24 paintings she had on display. “I was really surprised and pleased with the response from last year’s Open Studio,” she said. Going out on her own this year, she will be hosting her 3rd Open Studio the weekend of May 17-18, 2014 (1633 Mariposa Street, Richmond, CA 94804) from 10AM to 6PM.

Tana came away from last year’s event with rave reviews from all who came to view her art. “People were really responding to the work that I most enjoyed doing, which was working with fluid paint,” she pointed out. “That’s what I wanted to do more of, so I’m very happy.” Tana is doing more of this type of painting – working with “liquidy” paint that focuses on harmonization of colors and natural forms occurring as part of the process. Tana paints layer upon layer of oil paint, manipulating and working with the wet paint and then letting each layer dry. She works on up to six paintings at the same time. While the process sounds straightforward, it’s quite challenging. When the composition isn’t working to her satisfaction, Tana paints over the canvas and starts from scratch.

A close-up of one of five paintings in Tana's sidewalk cracks series.

A close-up of one of five paintings in Tana’s sidewalk cracks series.

Last year, for example, she started a series of five paintings based on a photograph she had taken of sidewalk cracks. The photograph itself was framed to create the composition. On the canvas, however, the cracks – made by squeezing paint from the tube in thick lines created such a stark composition that it overtook the piece. Departing completely from her original idea, she added more layers until the colors of three of the paintings resembled rust or corrosion, natural processes that Tana seeks to emulate in her paintings. “I really love the texture of natural processes such as oxidation and patterns created by the movement of water and wind,” she explained. “The painting process makes me feel connected to the energy of natural processes, which makes me feel so alive.”

Strong colors smolder on the canvas.

Strong colors smolder on the canvas.

Big ideas, big plans
While Tana carves out time for painting – Fridays are her days off from her administrative day job so she can paint within a block of uninterrupted time – she has started thinking about marketing plans. She plans to eventually seek out gallery representation, and is working toward creating a website to reach a wider audience, as well as putting together an Etsy site. There are also other online venues to pursue.

Close-up of textures in Tana's painting.

Close-up of textures in Tana’s painting.

The problem for any painter who is also a mom with a day job is trying to find the time to not only paint but market. Since selling most of her paintings last summer, Tana needs to build up her inventory again before she can host open studios and offer up paintings for an Etsy site or other e-tailer. So while most of her time is devoted to painting, she doesn’t have time for marketing. While having to deal with that Catch-22, Tana remains optimistic.

Waves and foam.

Waves and foam.

While she continues to paint and get ready for her open studio, Tana is getting her artwork out into the public. Check out Well Grounded Tea & Coffee Bar (6925 Stockton Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.528.4709), where some of her paintings are currently on display until May 15. She is also working to get her paintings exhibited in other local venues as well.

A close-up of Tana's painting reveals palpable texture.

A close-up of Tana’s painting reveals palpable texture.

Tana hopes to gain more time for her artwork in the future. “I really need to disconnect from everything and have large blocks of time – time that is hard to come by,” she said. When she’s in the throes of painting, Tana is in her element: “When I paint, it makes me feel so alive. I’m enthralled by color and texture…the vibrancy of these elements resonates inside like a moving piece of music, forming an internal landscape – a garden of feeling from which to nourish.”

One of Tana's fluid paintings.

One of Tana’s fluid paintings.

When in Vegas: Get and stay happy, Part 2

Happiness is a choice.
– Shawn Achor, social psychologist and author

Shawn Achor as opening keynote speaker at my Vegas conference this past Sunday.

Shawn Achor as opening keynote speaker at my Vegas conference this past Sunday.

So now that we know we can choose to be happy, per Shawn Achor’s opening keynote at the Vegas conference that I attended earlier this week, the question remains: How do we start to make change in our lives to be happy or happier and track those changes to stay on that path? I have yet to read Achor’s two books, The Happiness Advantage (2010) ) and Before Happiness (2013), but he did a great job presenting the latter book by offering his 5 habits of practicing happiness, which he called the building blocks for changing our genetic and environmental set point for the better.

Three gratitudes
Achor entreats us to write for 21 days straight three things that we are grateful for. People know that gratitude is good for us, but social scientists have conducted studies to show that people can learn how to be optimistic – called “learned optimism” from the book of the same name and a concept developed by Dr. Martin Seligman, American psychologist, educator, and author. His studies have shown that even pessimists can evolve to become low-level and even high-level optimists – no matter your age. Octogenarians have experienced this result, proving that “45 seconds of thinking of three things you’re grateful for each day can trump not only your genes, but eight decades of experience,” Achor said. At dinnertime, our family goes around the table and each member talks about the “rose and the thorn” of his or her day. Not quite three gratitudes, but something along the same lines of recognizing what we are grateful for in our day and in our lives.

Chuhily glass ceiling at the Bellagio Hotel's lobby.

Chuhily glass ceiling at the Bellagio Hotel’s lobby.

The Doubler
Spend two minutes writing about a single meaningful experience in the last 24 hours, including as much detail as possible. Studies have shown that visualization is interpreted in the brain’s cortex as actual experience. Therefore, people who journal about positive experiences, for example, actually double the equal experience. When Achor talked about the “doubler,” I thought about my blogging. One of the reasons I started blogging was to get myself in shape as a writer, but I also found that blogging about striving for a meaningful, creative, full life kept my eyes on the prize. Even when I was grumpy, sad, lazy, or disinterested, I forged ahead, knowing somewhere inside that the writing exercise was good for me. And after I published blog posts when in these moods, I more often than not felt the better for it.

The Fun 15
Achor pointed out that 15 minutes of mindful cardio activity a day is the equivalent of taking an anti-depressant. I get on my wind trainer for 30 minutes a day, Monday through Friday, early in the mornings. I confess that there are many mornings when I would rather be doing something else or want to whittle down my set time. After hearing Achor talk about mindful cardio activity, I have tried to focus on what good I’m getting out of literally spinning my wheels. I do spend time on the bike plotting out my day because it makes me feel like I have a game plan and it makes me feel productive. But it doesn’t take the entire 30 minutes. Now I know to treat half of that time as a form of being more mindful, getting in touch with how my body is working.

Quiet time early in the morning: my room with a view at the Bellagio Hotel.

Quiet time early in the morning: my room with a view at the Bellagio Hotel.

Meditation
Find time to meditate. And if you can’t, here is a simple exercise while at work: For two minutes, take your hands off your keyboard and watch your breath going in and out. Achor noted that studies have shown that this exercise increased people’s accuracy of a task by 10 percent, created a significant rise in their happiness, and reduced the negative levels of stress that they were experiencing. I’ve always wanted to return to yoga, but for now, I can easily carve out two minutes in front of the laptop.

Conscious acts of kindness
Take two minutes a day to write a text or an e-mail praising one person you know. Do it for three days in a row. Studies have shown that, 21 days later, research subjects reported having a robust social network support and strong ties, as a result of having “deeply activated” those people from the communications. “Social support is one of the greatest predictors of happiness,” Achor declared. With so many work and school-related acts of violence in our society, imagine if we had help from experts and internal leadership to deepen our social connection within those institutions. “It trumps everything else you can do,” Achor emphasized.

Another Vegas worthy frock: oxblood vegan leather dress.

Another Vegas worthy frock: oxblood vegan leather dress.

How to keep going: the goal is closer than you think
Sometimes starting out is easy, but continuing is the rub. Achor pointed out that we can speed toward our goals by highlighting the progress we’ve already made.  He was recently asked by an NBA team how to motivate its players for the play-offs. “If you tell the team they’re at the start of the play-offs, that’s exhausting,” Achor noted. “But if you talk about how they’re at the end of the season and highlight their victories of the past couple of years and what got them to this point, they perceive the progress and they perceive being closer to the goal.”

To-do lists are good tools that lead us to our goals, but Achor advises not to start our list at the current status quo because we’ll be overwhelmed by the number of tasks yet to be done. Instead, include what we have already accomplished. By highlighting accomplishments, we create what social psychologists call a “cascade of success” and get closer to our goals. When people exercise in the morning, for example, they feel that they’ve done something successful and it cascades into the next activity. Studies have found that people who exercise in the morning are better at doing their in-box in the middle of the day, according to Achor. This is absolutely true for me. Before I even take a shower and walk my daughter to school by 8:30 AM, I respond to work e-mail, do a core and hand weight exercises, walk Rex or 25 minutes in the neighborhood, and spin on my wind trainer for 30 minutes. With each morning routine I get out of the way, I feel like I have done a lot and feel the rush of accomplishment by the time I sit at my desk to work.

Vintage Kramer rhinestone earrings, Sundance ring, and J. Crew chunky necklace.

Vintage Kramer rhinestone earrings, Sundance ring, and J. Crew chunky necklace.

Achor entreats us to “cancel the noise.” Especially in this technology-driven world that we live in, more and more our brains are getting overwhelmed from processing all the food of information coming at them, making it difficult to process anything new and stopping us from looking for positive changes in our lives. If we decrease the amount of noise, Achor contends, our bodies can relax. Therefore, he entreats us to carve out an hour a week where we don’t look at your mobile devices or other distracting things. “Studies have shown that a five percent decrease in noise actually boosts our ability to see the signal,” he pointed out. “A little foothold helps people believe change is possible.”

To make it easier to do something positive, Achor says, we also need to get rid of barriers to change, which he calls the 20-second rule, to create positive habits in our lives. Achor talked about sleeping in his gym clothes so that first thing in the morning he could go straight to exercising. My strategy is to have my exercise area all prepped so I don’t waste precious morning time setting up and potentially talking myself out of exercising.

Close-up of multiple textures: vegan leather, sparkly clutch, chunky chain and stone necklace, and faux snakeskin chunky pumps.

Close-up of multiple textures: vegan leather, sparkly clutch, chunky chain and stone necklace, and faux snakeskin chunky pumps.

Before we make changes to our happiness, success, or health, our brain first has to get over the barrier of what Achor called the activation energy. “If we can change that activation energy level by 3 to 20 seconds in any direction, I can stop you from doing negative habits or get you to start doing positive habits,” he said. Watching TV – depending upon what you watch, of course – is a well-known time sinkhole. According to Google, the average American watches 5.7 hours of TV a day. Achor used to watch three hours a day, thanks to a low activation energy of plopping on the sofa and hitting the “on” button on the remote control. He added 20 seconds to the activation energy by taking out the remote-control batteries and putting it in various places. It took too much energy to remember where he had put them and then to retrieve the batteries. At the same time, he also put books, his journal, and work on the sofa, and his guitar and its stand in the living room. “I made myself less time efficient,” he explained. By adding 20 seconds to his bad habit, he regained two conscious hours a day or 14 hours by the end of the week. “That’s an entire conscious day I got back,” he exclaimed. Now he only watches TV when it really matters. To create a positive habit, make it 3 to 20 seconds easier to start. “I took the path of least resistance toward the positive habit. My excuses actually went away,” he said. “It created a life-long habit.”

On a journey....

On a journey….

Ultimately, Achor said, “You don’t have to be just your genes and your environment. We can actually choose to have higher levels of happiness based on the choices we make in our lives.” On the other hand, he emphasized, quite emphatically, we don’t want blind happiness – that is, ignorance being blissful and being blind to suffering around us – or irrational optimism, which sugarcoats reality. Achor is enthusiastically advocating for rational optimism. “Happiness is not the belief that everything is great; happiness is the belief that change is possible,” he said. Achor reiterated his definition of happiness, which is one of the themes of Before Happiness: “the joy one feels striving for one’s potential.” It’s the journey.

When in Vegas: Get happy, Part 1

Happiness is a choice.
– Shawn Achor, social psychologist and author

My room with a view at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.

My room with a view at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.

One of the perks of covering industry conferences for my work is getting to listen to the keynote speakers. In the past nine years, I’ve been fortunate to have a chance to hear Bill Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Freakonomics author and rogue economist Steven Levitt, journalist and New Yorker staff writer Malcolm Gladwell, and Atul Gawande, surgeon and New Yorker medical writer. I was in Las Vegas the past three days for a supply-chain management conference, and I had the serendipitous pleasure of listening to and writing about opening keynote speaker Shawn Achor.

Why serendipitous? Early last week I was feeling a bit down about having to endure the long and drawn-out process of sending out queries and waiting to hear back from literary agents. And even though I had just come off of a week devoted to working on my second novel (but with liberal interruptions from work), I was bemoaning how overwhelmed I felt about the amount of research the second novel requires and my lack of big chunks of time – well, time, period – to read, research, sketch and plan, and start writing. Meanwhile at work, I had to draft conference session summaries ahead of the actual conference. One of my assignments was to summarize Shawn Achor’s opening keynote based on a long bio that I was given. At the time, I had no idea who he was.

Shawn Achor's opening keynote.

Shawn Achor’s opening keynote.

For those who have never heard of him, Shawn Achor is a social psychologist and author of the New York Times best-selling books The Happiness Advantage (2010) and Before Happiness (2013) and host of the PBS special The Happiness Advantage with Shawn Achor. He is one of the world’s leading experts on the connection between happiness and success, and his positive psychology lecture is the most popular class at Harvard University, where he teaches. He founded GoodThinkInc. in 2007 to share his research on happiness, which has earned him numerous accolades, including gracing the cover of Harvard Business Review.

Achor presented a TED talk that garnered four million views and his PBS-aired lecture was seen by millions. He has lectured or researched in more than 50 countries, with his audiences including Chinese CEOs and South African school children. He worked with the U.S. Department of Health to promote happiness and the National MS Society and Genzyme in 2012 on their Everyday Matters campaign to show how happiness is a choice for chronically ill patients. He earned his master’s degree from Harvard Divinity School in Christian and Buddhist ethics, conducts psychology research on happiness and organizational achievement in collaboration with Yale University and the Institute for Applied Positive Research, and teaches in the Advanced Management Program at Wharton Business School. I’ve added him as another multi-talented person to admire, next to John Halamka.

My hotel floor hallway, reminiscent of The Shining....

My hotel floor hallway, reminiscent of The Shining….

Choosing happiness
This is Achor’s second appearance at this conference. Two years ago, he shared his research on the connection between happiness and success, which was the topic of his first book. In his opening keynote this year, Achor discussed the precursors to happiness and success, which he chronicles in Before Happiness, and highlighted what we need to change in our reality in order for us to have long-term, sustainable happiness, success, creativity, and higher levels of performance.

While humans have genetic predispositions, Achor emphasizes that “happiness can be a choice.” According to Achor, we need to get the human brain to change and recharge through activities such as activating our “mirror neurons” that in turn increase our levels of dopamine, which raises our level of happiness and joy. For example, when someone smiles at you, mirror neurons in the brain are activated, causing you to smile. Achor worked with New Orleans hospitals post-Katrina to reverse the view of hospitals as places of sickness and disease. Other industry business models were reviewed, in particular, the five-star hotel experience for customer service – called the 10-5 way – developed by the Ritz-Carlton. When patrons are within 10 feet, staff members offer them a smile. When they are within five feet, staff members say hello.

The Bellagio Gardens, near Michael Mina's restaurant, where me and my team dined on "innovative seafood."

The Bellagio Gardens, near Michael Mina’s restaurant, where my team and I dined on “innovative seafood.”

Within six months of implementing the 10-5 way, a group of hospitals reported a significant rise in the number of unique patient visits, a spike in the likelihood of patients to refer the facility based on the quality of care they received, and high levels of physician engagement. A one-second behavioral change created multiple quantitative benefits, but the intangible and qualitative benefit – happier patients and staff – is arguably the most important one. “We are socialized for reciprocation,” Achor explained. Despite our individuality, human brains are wirelessly connected and through continuous loops of creating positive experiences, humans can experience “neuroplasticity,” which allows us to change our behavior.

On the flip side, being around stress and negativity is comparable to inhaling second-hand smoke, according to Achor. Studies have been conducted, for example, in which a researcher stood among 15 strangers in an airport or train station. The researcher began nervously bouncing in place, tapping his foot and constantly looking at his watch. Within two minutes, between seven to 12 people on average began to unconsciously mimic his behavior. Achor encouraged the audience to try out the experiment at the Vegas airport on our way home, joking that we would be spreading stress and negativity.

The positive, engaged brain
The Harvard Business Journal article, in which Achor was profiled, concluded that “the greatest competitive advantage in the modern economy is a positive, engaged brain.” Gallop found that only 25 percent of our job successes is based on our intelligence and technical skills. Three other elements comprise the remaining 75 percent – your optimism or the belief that your behavior matters; the breadth, depth, and meaning of your social support network and relationships; and lastly, the way you perceive stress. Today, at a time when many industries, including healthcare, are undergoing significant changes and transformations, how do we remain resilient, especially when change is often perceived as a threat, which in turn creates stress?

A strapless H&M dress and chunky heels worthy of Vegas.

A strapless H&M dress and chunky heels worthy of Vegas.

While stress creates havoc mentally, emotionally, and physically, moderate to high levels of stress have also been known to induce the body to release growth hormones that actually rebuild cells, create a robust immune system, deepen our memory, speed up cognitive processes, and deepen our social bonds. The military, Achor pointed out, uses the boot camp to “onboard” its recruits to prepare for combat. The situational stress creates “a shared meaningful narrative” that bonds the recruits. “That’s the message we don’t get amid massive change,” Achor said. Stress can be a “growth-producing opportunity” and the “glue that keeps people and organizations together for decades.”

While, obviously, people respond to stress differently, Achor contends that we can learn how to view stress in a positive way. During the banking crisis, UBS employees taking an online course saw YouTube videos that offered two different paths to handling stress – fight or flee from threats or understand the effects of stress on the human body and leverage that knowledge to treat stress as an enhancement. Six weeks later, employee stress levels remained the same. According to a self-reported survey, however, 23 percent of the employees reported a drop in health-related symptoms usually related to stress and 30 percent of them experienced an increase in their productivity. Stress is inevitable, but negative effects on the human body are not, Achor stressed. (This reminds me of the Buddhist adage, “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”) We can view changes that are occurring in the world as challenges and not threats.

Carmela Rose necklace (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Sundance stack of rings, Personal Pizazz earrings (Berkeley, CA), sterling silver cuff (Portland, ME), and my 50th birthday present from David, Tiffany ring (Las Vegas).

Carmela Rose necklace (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Sundance stack of rings, Personal Pizazz earrings (Berkeley, CA), Se Vende Hill Tribe sterling silver cuff (Portland, ME), and one of my 50th birthday presents from David, Tiffany ring (Las Vegas).

Trumping nature and nurture
Many people assume we are hardwired by nature and molded by our early years, and therefore, the average person doesn’t fight their genes, which studies have shown. A researcher who was part of a well-known study of identical twins found that 80 percent of long-term happiness is predicted by one’s genes (he has since recanted that finding, according to Achor). While the researcher was only half-right, Achor contends that he is wholly wrong. One woman who was an identical twin told Achor that while both she and her twin had grown up very negative she was more optimistic than her twin. She had been involved in a terrible car accident as a teenager. She thought she was going to die but didn’t, which instilled in her a new outlook on life. What’s incredible, Achor notes, is that it wasn’t a positive change but post-traumatic growth that caused her to deviate from her genetic set point. “If we can change for the better with trauma, how much so can we change with something positive?” he offered to us.

“People think happiness is complacency, so we stop,” Achor noted. “Happiness is not the belief that we don’t need to change; happiness is the realization that we actually can.” He defines happiness in terms of positive psychology, based on the ancient Greeks, and informed by Christian and Buddhist ethics, which he studied at Harvard’s Divinity School: “Happiness is the joy that we feel striving toward our potential.” If happiness is just pleasure, it’s short lived and it dies almost immediately, Achor said. If “happiness” doesn’t have a meaning component, it can’t be sustained. “But joy is something you can experience in the midst of the ups and downs of life,” he declared. “It’s on the way toward potential, so it’s growth-producing. It’s not stagnating, which is what complacency actually is.”

Change your mind set, look at the world differently
Achor is on a mission to get people to stop looking at happiness in terms of optimism and pessimism and instead to look at the world differently. Rather than see a glass as half-empty or half-full, for example, be creative in how we view our world and envision a pitcher full of water next to the glass. Expand your world. As you face the changes in your life, positive or negative, expend energy looking for ways to fill up the glass, which Achor calls an act of positive genius.

Silver and onyx accessories for black and cream.

Sterling silver and onyx accessories against black and cream.

Positive genius can be applied to multiple situations and groups of people, which can lead to widespread positive changes in, for example, education and the military. Studies were conducted in which students were given articles to read before having to complete a cognitive task. Half the class read an article about how intelligence is fixed. The other half read an article that stated that intelligence is malleable – people can change their intelligence all the time and can have different intelligence from one year over the previous year. After the students who read the latter article took the test, the studies found that, in aggregate, even the students with higher IQs did better on their cognitive tasks. They had the same IQs and genes going into the experiment, but they experienced a dramatic deviation based on the belief that change is possible.

Another study was conducted with soldiers who had to scale steep hills with heavy backpacks. One group of soldiers was primed to believe that change was possible and they became more positive about the task ahead of them. Once they scaled the hills and were asked to rate their experience, they deemed the hills as being lower and the weight of the backpacks as being lighter than they had anticipated. “What’s amazing is that the optimists were actually realists,” Achor said. “They were pretty accurate in terms of the approximation of the weight and the hills to be.” The other set of soldiers who were primed for a negative experience perceived the hills to be steeper and their backpacks heavier. According to the study, these soldiers’ brains “showed” them pictures of larger hills and heavier backpacks, which caused them to believe that behavior matters less and, as a result, they were more fatigued.

Lastly, Achor presented the findings by Harvard University social psychologist Ellen Langer, who conducted a study in 1979 of 75-year-old men on a week-long retreat. They were “transported” back to the year 1959; the only reading material at the retreat were magazines and newspapers from that year, they wore ID badges with their photos as 55-year-olds, and they could only talk about their lives up to that year. A separate group of 75-year-olds participated in a retreat for the current year of 1979. Langer wanted to prove a revolutionary hypothesis – that the aging process can be reversed if the mindset is changed. She measured all the things we think about that are unchangeable about aging – including strength, posture, and flexibility – at the beginning and conclusion of the retreat for both groups.

Next time I'm in Vegas, I'll pack this splashy dress.

Next time I’m in Vegas, I’ll pack this splashy dress.

In the aggregate, the 1959 group recorded a 10 percent improvement in eyesight and a 50 percent in improvement in memory. Recruited “naïve readers” were asked to examine photos taken before and after the retreat. They rated the 1959 group as looking three years younger in their after-retreat photos. Langer’s research revealed that the aging process is mediated by the way we perceive the world. “If we think about the world in terms of threats, if we think that we can’t change our intelligence, creativity, or the obstacles in front of us, or even the aging process, we start to see those patterns start to bear out,” Achor said.

But what if we approached stressful events as opportunities for growth and we believe that we can change and we can look at the world differently to our advantage? Achor entreats us to do so. Game on.

Stay tuned for Part II of choosing happiness on Friday.