Category Archives: Family and Friends

Inspiration from family and friends

The Dress at 50: now we are 1

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If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. If it takes a year, or sixty years, or five lifetimes, as long as we’re heading towards light, that’s all that matters.
– Jack Kornfield, American author and Buddhist teacher

This blouse and skirt was an Anthropologie combo from a few years back. Still timeless: sheer silk printed blouse and a clever skirt with vertical wires that you can "scrunch." Fun.

An Anthropologie combo from a few years back. Still timeless: sheer silk printed blouse and a clever skirt with vertical wires that you can “scrunch.” Fun.

A year ago this month, I launched The Dress at 50. My first blog post was my welcome, which I published December 8th and talked about my reasons for starting my “lifestyle” blog. In my first regular blog post, which I published a year ago yesterday, I waxed poetic about my love of vintage – in particular, a certain 1960s faux fur dress that caught my eye at Treasury, a wonderful little vintage shop in Washington, D.C.

Since then, I’ve published 151 posts, starting with a routine of posting on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Until recently, I reluctantly reduced my postings to Tuesdays and Fridays because I needed to spend more time with another goal of mine from last year, which was to finish my novel, A Village in the Fields. There were times when I struggled to find something to say, but more often than not, I had a lot to say and a lot to share.

Dangly earrings from Anthropologie, Sundance rings, and beloved chunky Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA).

Dangly earrings from Anthropologie, Sundance rings, and beloved chunky Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA).

One of the most satisfying things the blog has given me is the opportunity to profile some pretty amazing women, who have inspired me with their courage, creativity, entrepreneurial spirit, and generosity. I got to interview women who started their own businesses and heeded the call to do what they loved to do. In other instances, friends introduced me to women whom they thought I would enjoy getting to know and write about, which I did. What a gift that has been! I haven’t had the chance to do more profiles because of my work and my novel, but I hope to get back to publishing at least one profile a month. My profile of local proprietor Jen Komaromi of Jenny K got the most views ever, with a big spike the day it was posted, which speaks to Jen’s tremendous reach (thanks, Jen!).

Ensemble close-up.

Ensemble close-up.

Another thing I have enjoyed is sharing my little trips within a business trip when I travel. It’s been my hobby to find one thing in each city I visit to seek out and write about. I have been pleasantly surprised to find such gems as the North Carolina Museum of Art in Raleigh, which housed Rodin sculptures inside the museum and in an outdoor garden. I’ve met wonderful people along the way, many who have inspired me, including Carl, the proprietor of Vintage Underground in Chicago. My post “Plant a tree, have a child, write a book” continues to garner daily views, making it the most consistently viewed post.

This is not to say that I have a million followers and a million views a day. Quite the opposite! I reached 10,000 views earlier this month, of which I’m still proud. I have my loyal tribe – thank you, ladies! – despite not having the ability for people to comment, which I’m told is the death knell of blogs (oh well). I had fixed the comment issue, only to have it die on me again. I’m going to try to fix it next month (again), so stay tuned.

Versatile skirt with a bright orange t-shirt, baubles, and equally scrunchy heeled boots.

Versatile skirt with a bright orange t-shirt, baubles, and equally scrunchy heeled boots.

Topics have been varied, but I’ve tried to stay true to my motto of living the creative, meaningful, and full life. Whatever allows me to do so is fair game for a topic. I believe I was more introspective in the early months since launching the blog and less so now as a result of work and trying to finish the novel before the year is over, which has been a herculean task. Again, I hope to do more introspective posts.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), "vintage" Anthropologie necklace, Sundance rings, and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), “vintage” Anthropologie necklace, Sundance rings, and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

Interestingly enough, while I enjoy dressing up, which instills a certain level of self-confidence, I’ve been living in a “uniform” the last several months of knit pants, oversized sweatshirts, and tennis shoes because I’ve been too busy and too exhausted to think about putting on an outfit. I hope to change that routine in the New Year, as well. I’ve enjoyed putting outfits together and seeing how the ensemble looks, and sharing them on my blog. I’ve been drawn more to jewelry of late than clothes and being more deliberate when I do find a piece of clothing that catches my eye. Longevity, quality, sustainability, classic timelessness are the traits that guide me as I wander my favorite shops and new shops. I hope to share those traits in future outfits that I feature in my blog in 2014.

Honestly, there were many times when I would conduct an interview, write a post, or publish the post and think to myself, wouldn’t this be a great day job. I still think that – a part-time job to being a full-time novelist, that is. But for now, I’m content to share what inspires me, what helps me fuel my creativity, and what makes my life more meaningful. Here’s to another year of The Dress at 50. Join me on this journey!

Ensemble close-up.

Ensemble close-up.

Decking the halls

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Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.
– Washington Irving, American author, essayist, historian, and biographer

Every season, we deck our halls at full tilt. I confess that when the kids were much younger, David and I spent more than 48 hours – straight, it seemed – putting up the decorations and by the end of it we were done with the holidays – and the loop of Christmas music, too. We did it for the wonder that we saw in our kids’ eyes and for recreating the kind of Christmas magic that we ourselves associated with the holidays. We also enjoyed the fruits of our labor – sitting in the living room and admiring the lights in the villages and on the tree, smelling the robust Noble Fir tree, warmed by the fire in the fireplace.

Where the family and Rex spend our evenings in December.

Where the family and Rex spend our evenings in December. Note the rustic sign on the armoire: “Bedford Falls, 5 miles” (a holiday gift from my college friend, Susan.

My beloved coffee table displays classic holiday stories, greenery, and a snowman-tree tic-tac-toe game.

My beloved coffee table displays classic holiday stories, greenery, and a snowman-tree tic-tac-toe game, another holiday gift from my college friend Susan from many years ago.

Now that the kids are older, decking the halls is much easier, and labeling boxes that tell us which building and character goes in which room has created quite the efficient process. We created an assembly line from the attic to the living room, and in no time, the halls were indeed decked. And the final ritual – which signaled that the season had officially started in our household – was taking turns showering snow over the villages. In the evenings, all four of us are on the couch. David is working on his laptop, I’m either revising my novel or writing my blog, and the kids are laboring over their homework. Oh, and we drag Rex’s bed and position it next to the fireplace, which keeps him from stretching out across the Christmas tree skirt. It’s a cozy ritual.

A cozy dining room.

A cozy dining room.

Time for a holiday dinner. Decking the halls inspires us to entertain.

Time for a holiday dinner. Decking the halls inspires us to entertain.

The Majestic Theater graces this village on our dining room sideboard.

The Majestic Theater graces this village on our dining room sideboard.

The kids have their own little lighted villages in their rooms, which they will take with them when they have their own homes. And we’ll slowly hand off the buildings and characters to them as the years go by. They even have their own small Christmas tree in their rooms with their own ornaments, given to them or made in school through the years. Our own Christmas tree is full of ornaments that we’ve collected, some as old as when I was in college. Some were gifts, some commemorated births and special occasions. Most of them hold special memories. We are missing a few years, but another tradition is getting a Swarovski star each year. The kids have their own birth years, which again, will be given to them when they have their own homes.

Our family's favorite village - the financial and city hall center - in our library.

Our family’s favorite village – the financial and city hall center – in our library.

A close-up of the village in our library.

A close-up of the village at night in our library.

We’ve had an open house one year and always have family and friends over to enjoy the decorations. Decking the halls and enjoying the evenings together is a cherished tradition that we know our kids will continue when they grow up. I’m grateful that they value it as much as we do. I look forward to the look of wonder and delight in their kids’ eyes when these old villages take up new homes.

A cozy corner in the living room.

A cozy corner in the living room.

My curated Santa collection, which includes the white Santa on the far right from a trip to NYC's Folk Art Museum when I was in graduate school, a small carved Santa from Krakow in 2002, and another carved Santa from a trip to Colorado and the Rocky Mountains in 1993.

My curated Santa collection, which includes the white Santa on the far right from a trip to NYC’s Folk Art Museum when I was in graduate school in 1988, a small carved Santa from Krakow in 2002 to the left of the white Santa, and another tiny carved Santa from a trip to Colorado and the Rocky Mountains in 1993 in the middle front.

The village on our kitchen sideboard is a food court.

The village on our kitchen sideboard is a food court.

Of course, there's a chocolate shop!

Of course, there’s a chocolate shop!

The kitchen village appropriately features restaurants and other food-related shops.

The kitchen village appropriately features restaurants and other food-related shops.

Shopping small, shopping local

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You may say that I am just another outdated old man complaining about progress and the changes of time. But, you see, I have well considered that possibility myself, and am prepared to submit to correction by anybody who cares about a community, who can show me how the world is improved by that community’s dying.
– Wendell Berry, conservationist, farmer, essayist, novelist, professor of English, and poet, from Jayber Crow

This past Saturday was Small Business Saturday, which was started by American Express in 2010 to help give local retailers a boost during the recession. Sandwiched between Black Friday and Cyber Monday, Small Business Saturday is a reminder that small businesses are the backbone of our economy. According to the U.S. Small Business Administration, the country’s 28 million small businesses – defined as having fewer than 500 employees – create two out of every three net new private sector jobs. Half of working Americans – some 120 million individuals – either own or work for a small business.

Winter-white sweater, polka-dot skirt with swags, and slouchy soft boots.

Winter-white sweater, polka-dot skirt with swags, and slouchy soft boots.

More than 22 million of small businesses are self-employed with no additional payroll or employees. These businesses are called “nonemployers.” Approximately 75 percent of all U.S. businesses are nonemployer businesses, with 19.4 million nonemployer businesses operating as sole proprietorships. Seven out of 10 new employer firms last at least two years, with half lasting at least five years, a third lasting at least 10 years, and 25 stay in business 15 years or more.

Carmela Rose earrings (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Sundance stack of rings, and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

Carmela Rose earrings (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Sundance stack of rings, and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

Interesting stats. At last year’s Small Business Saturday, nearly 70 million people shopped small in their local communities, comprising an estimated $5.5 billion in sales to independently owned small businesses. It will be interesting to see how this year fairs in terms of warm bodies entering local businesses and spending money. As we all know, buying local is good for the community. According to the American Independent Business Alliance, shopping at independent retailers creates a “multiplier effect” – independent retailers “return more than three times as much money per dollar of sales [to the community] than chain competitors.”

Pretty little things on a felt-pieced sweater.

Pretty little things on a felt-pieced sweater.

While I dedicated much of my Saturday to decking the halls, I took a couple of breaks to “shop small.” As many of you know, I have profiled a number of local women entrepreneurs for my blog. While I couldn’t go to all of their shops on Small Business Saturday, I happily supported two of my favorite local shops – which thankfully are some seven blocks away – lucky me. Jenny K (6921 Stockton Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.528.5250) and Adorn & Flourish (7027 Stockton Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.367.8548) are on the same street, a block apart.

Jenny K features earrings by local jewelry designers Carmela Rose (hoops and drops) and Clara Beau (Swarovski crystal drops) against a Caron Miller shawl (Santa Barbara).

Jenny K features earrings by local jewelry designers Carmela Rose (hoops and drops) and Clara Beau (Swarovski crystal drops) against a Caron Miller shawl (Santa Barbara).

Small Business Saturday has come and gone this year, but it doesn’t mean you can’t shop and get through your holiday shopping list. There are so many local businesses offering unique gifts from local artisans. Support them this holiday season and the rest of the year. These wonderful shops are what make El Cerrito a great community.

Adorn & Flourish features rings and hammered bracelets etched with "faith," "love," and "breathe" by Kate Peterson.

Adorn & Flourish features rings and hammered bracelets etched with the soothing words: “faith,” “love,” and “breathe” by Kate Peterson.

On Black Friday, think green

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The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.
– Thích Nhất Hanh, Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet, and peace activist, from Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

When I was young, the day after Thanksgiving wasn’t coined Black Friday, but my mother and my two sisters and I would get up early and drive to either Visalia or Bakersfield, the former about 40 minutes away and the latter about an hour away from home, to do our Christmas shopping at the malls. And the day after Christmas, we would go to either town and my sisters and I would spend the Christmas money that our mother gave us on holiday sales. This was a family ritual that I still look back on with fondness. It was a day that we four spent together.

An outfit from three years ago that I still wear: J. Crew velveteen jacket, tank top, Anthropologie skirt, and Ash platform boots. Accessories provide the update, but this outfit is still classic.

An outfit from three years ago that I still wear: J. Crew velveteen jacket, tank top, Anthropologie skirt, and Ash platform boots. Accessories provide the update, including the Stuart Weitzman clutch from Secondo (Washington, DC), but this outfit is still a classic years later and for years to come.

To this day, if I hear the word “sale,” I go into “hunt” mode. And I enjoy shopping. But I no longer associate shopping with the day after Thanksgiving or the day after Christmas. The few times I’ve ventured out both days – most notably after the kids have been born – have left me harried and anxious. They weren’t pleasant experiences like the ones I had with my sisters and my mother. Part of it is having grown older and being more easily overwhelmed with crowds and so many stores.

The update: Carmela Rose earrings, Ayala Bar multi-strand necklace (Contemporary Jewish Museum, San Francisco), and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

The update: Carmela Rose earrings, Ayala Bar multi-strand necklace (Contemporary Jewish Museum, San Francisco), and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

Part of it is how we now spend our holidays and want to spend our holidays. The day after Thanksgiving, if we are celebrating in San Diego, we are making the eight-hour drive after a family brunch and our visit. If we are hosting, we are cleaning up after everyone leaves and then pulling down the Christmas decorations from the attic. There is no time for Black Friday shopping, and I’d rather spend that day decorating and listening to all of our Christmas CDs in a 48-hour decorating extravaganza. The kids look forward to it – my daughter is a big advocate of not decorating or even thinking about Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving – and decking the halls has become a cherished family tradition. It warmed my heart to hear both kids say, on our ride home today, how they couldn’t wait to put up the decorations, with my daughter even asking if we could start tonight. That would be a no, if we want to truly enjoy the time decking the halls!

Deep purple, mauves, orange, velveteen, organza, mosaics and glass.

Deep purple, mauves, orange, velveteen, organza, mosaics and glass.

I’m not going to judge the people who are checking off their Christmas lists as they go from sale to sale. I chuckled as I read a text message from my brother-in-law who, along with my sister and the other “crazies,” as he called them, was hitting the 50 percent off sales at the outlets late last night. My sisters and my mother and I never felt harried when we were shopping for presents. We enjoyed our time together, both in the car and in the malls. It’s just that these days I’m enjoying my time with my family doing what we want to be doing. While others are winding down from their Black Friday shopping, we are getting ready for a lot of greenery – as in Noble Fir, holly, and garlands.

Be with your family and enjoy your time together, however you choose to spend it. That’s what the day after Thanksgiving should be all about. After all.

An outfit that will eventually be handed down to my daughter, who will be retro chic. Zero cost, sustainable, and sentimental.

An outfit that will eventually be handed down to my daughter, who will be retro chic. Zero cost, sustainable, and sentimental.

Christmas in the City, coming soon to our house, as we deck the halls this weekend.

Christmas in the City, coming soon to our house, as we deck the halls this weekend.

Road trippin’: San Diego or bust

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Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road.
– Jack Kerouac, American novelist, writer, poet, and artist who coined the term Beat Generation, from On the Road

My family and I have been anxiously awaiting going down to San Diego this year for Thanksgiving. My sister-in-law and her family and our family have been taking turns hosting this holiday since 2007. It’s a time for my kids to get together with their cousins and see their aunts and uncles, and Noni and Papa. We have taken the entire week off in the past, but weren’t able to this year. I missed the last Thanksgiving in San Diego in 2011; David and the kids drove down the Sunday before. I had too much work, but I had a one-way ticket to fly down on that Wednesday. My mother was stricken with pneumonia the Monday before Thanksgiving and was in the ICU for two weeks before being sent to an acute-care facility for five weeks, after which we relieved her of her pain and said goodbye.

I'm a big believer in comfort on the road, and in fact, my uniform comprises sweat pants and XL sweatshirt and sneakers. But you can be stylish and comfortable at the same time, so long as the separates you choose are soft and not binding.

I’m a big believer in comfort on the road, and in fact, my uniform comprises sweat pants and XL sweatshirt and sneakers. But you can be stylish and comfortable at the same time, so long as the separates you choose are soft and not binding.

Last year was a strange Thanksgiving. We hosted and I was acutely aware of having had lunch at the hospital in Folsom at the previous Thanksgiving and my brother-in-law bringing in Styrofoam boxes of turkey for our dinner. Losing loved ones is hard enough, but when you lose a loved one during the holidays, those holidays are never the same. They’re just different. Last Thanksgiving was difficult, as we hit the one-year anniversary of everything connected to losing my mother.

This year, although I have always been grateful for many things and am mindful of my blessings especially at this time, I feel an urgent sense of thankfulness – for my health and my family and my extended family’s health. David and I are both crazy busy at work, but better than the 180-degree alternative. While he will be bringing work with him on our road trip, I am looking forward to a much-needed respite.

Knit bomber jacket, graphic t-shirt, and stretchy patterned jean are stylish and comfortable.

Knit bomber jacket, graphic t-shirt, and stretchy patterned jeans are stylish and comfortable.

Given that it’s been four years since our entire family has made the Thanksgiving trek to San Diego, we are looking forward to the drive – seriously. We won’t have Rex and his bed tucked in one side of the back seat while the kids are huddled in the middle and other side, although the kids and I agree that we didn’t mind having him with us. He always wanted to come on our trips, though it’s the strange destinations that made him nervous and us ultimately realize that he’s best left at home to be tended to by all our neighbors and to be the good watchdog.

When I was a child, I enjoyed the family drives that we took to visit my dad’s brother, our Papa, and his wife, who stayed back in Los Angeles even after we moved up to Terra Bella when I was very young. There’s something about road tripping that gives me that snuggly, cocoon feeling. David says I never relax until we’re pulling out of the driveway. I check and make sure that we have everything packed, the suitcases, the sleeping bags, the blankets and pillows, the snacks, the books and magazines, the laptop for movies, the laptop for work and writing, the music. Everything we could possibly need in our car.

Left: Lava 9 insect pin (Berkeley, CA), Sundance rings, Carmela Rose earrings. Right: Talbots rings necklace and Kate Peterson stack of rings and necklace (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

Left: Lava 9 insect pin (Berkeley, CA), Sundance rings, Carmela Rose earrings. Right: Talbots rings necklace and Kate Peterson stack of rings and necklace (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

The kids still watch each other’s movie picks. They fight fiercely one moment and then are laughing the next. They have been talking about an observation car game that they played on a previous trip and are looking forward to playing again. These moments are precious. And as they grow older, as we grow older, road tripping for the holidays will become a different experience. One that I am not ready to think about just yet.

We will be driving to Lemoore and staying with David’s brother and his family for the night and then off to finish the last leg of the trip to San Diego. Isabella and David made chocolate chip cookies for my Lunafest meeting and David’s youth baseball meeting last weekend. We squirrelled away 12 cookies for our road trip – three a piece.

We are set. For all our family and friends and everyone else who are traveling this Thanksgiving holiday to be with loved ones, safe travels!

Welcome November: ‘in everything, give thanks’

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You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.
– Kahlil Gibran, Lebanese-American artist, poet, and writer, from The Prophet

When we moved back into our remodeled house in the spring of 2007, I saw a board in a catalog that simply said: “In everything, give thanks.” It ended up gracing our family room wall. Every now and then, I look up to it and I am reminded that we need not remember to give thanks just at Thanksgiving. It’s a daily ritual if we can find that quiet moment for reflection. I was supposed to take this past week off to work on my novel, but too many scheduled meetings and revised deadlines prevented me from asking for the week off. While I was discouraged, I told myself to keep plugging away when I could and everything would be fine. Last week ended with the beginning of a new month, the beginning of November. The end of the week also brought little and big joys, which afforded me moments of gratitude.

Combining leather and vegan leather in a boxy top and sweat pant style.

Combining leather and vegan leather in a boxy top and track pants.

Revision accepted
The revision that I had to do, the one that I fretted over because I didn’t think I could fit in everything the client wanted? I made an executive decision to include three concepts and no more. Though I had approached this re-do with mental roadblocks and a writer’s block, once I made that decision, it was easy to write. A burden was lifted. I sent it in, and the client liked it. Gone girl. The project and the stress, that is!

Ready for the Jenny K fundraiser with these accessories: Sundance rings, Lava 9 drop earrings (Berkeley, CA), and Carmela Rose reclaimed vintage sterling silver necklace (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA).

Ready for the Jenny K fundraiser with these accessories: Sundance rings, Lava 9 drop earrings (Berkeley, CA), and Carmela Rose reclaimed vintage sterling silver necklace (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA).

Jenny K fundraiser
This past Saturday was the last day of a week-long fundraiser for my son’s middle school. This is a fundraiser that I started last year with Jen Komaromi, local woman entrepreneur of Jenny K, (6921 Stockton Avenue, El  Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.528.5350). It culminated with a two-hour wine and cheese event. Our new PTSA vice president provided all the beverages and food, and our energetic and cheerful fundraising chair brought her group of friends to shop. I thank Jen for her generosity in donating proceeds of the sales to our middle school. She has always supported the local schools and the community. And I thank my PTSA colleagues and all the shoppers who came out to support Portola and Jenny K (support your local businesses!). It warmed my heart to be a part of this annual fundraiser.

A Ryan Du Val mural above the storefronts graces Jenny K gift store and Well Grounded Tea & Coffee Bar.

Jenny K gift shop on the far left hosted the second November Portola Middle School fundraiser. Thanks, Jen!

 

Lunafest planning going well
As part of the Lunafest East Bay Organizing Committee, I am in charge of a new part of the format – coffee and dessert after the screening of the nine short films, by, for and about women. By the end of last week, I had secured two wonderful women entrepreneurs who will be serving their fabulous baked creations. More on this later. But suffice to say, Lunafest on March 8th, at 7:30pm at the El Cerrito High School Performing Arts Theater (540 Ashbury Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.231.1437) is going to be a wonderful evening of engaging, creative short films by women directors (in fact, one of the directors will be at this event) and fundraising for the Breast Cancer Fund and other local groups. Mark your calendars and bring your friends. This is a terrific community event.

Grab a vintage floral handbag (Secondi, Washington, DC), and I'm all set.

Grab a vintage floral handbag (Secondi, Washington, DC), and I’m all set.

Finis: novel completed
This past Sunday I completed the last major revision of my novel, A Village in the Fields. I started the novel in May 1997. I wrote numerous revisions, removed a major character, cut down from a high of a thousand pages to its current 461 pages. Much has happened in my life since its beginnings – marriage, work, two children, work, home remodel, work, public education volunteerism and advocacy, work, losing my mother, work – with some false starts on thinking it was done when in fact it was not. I’m that much closer now. The last leg of this journey is reading it straight through, from page 1 to page 461, to check the flow, the language, and to fix a few more things. I have never met any of my big self-imposed deadlines (I was supposed to have finished the novel each of the last three years), but I’m hoping to finish the entire manuscript by Thanksgiving. Finishing the last chapter on Sunday afternoon – after waking up to an epiphany about it Saturday morning – was deeply gratifying. And I am ever so grateful to have stuck with it, to have had close friends lend their critical eye and cheer me on, to have been humbled by the rejections back in 2006 and to have found the confidence and perseverance to get up and keep going, and to know what was wrong with it and to fix it. Once I’m completely done with this journey, it begins anew with another journey. And I am more than ready for that next journey, bursting with joy and gratitude.

Outfit close-up with a strappy pointy pump with metal accents.

Outfit close-up with a strappy pointy pump with metal accents.