Celebrating Father’s Day

I’d seen my father. He was a poor man, and I watched him do astonishing things.
– Sidney Poitier, American actor

After losing two games in a baseball tournament in Martinez on Saturday, my son, Jacob, and his Hornets team came back to win the two Sunday games. Happy Father’s Day to his dad and manager. It was a nice gift to give and receive.

My father, who was born in 1907 and passed away in 1995, would have been 106 this yea. I celebrate his courage that brought him to this country in the 1920s and gave him numerous adventures from Seattle to New York to Los Angeles.

I celebrate my father-in-law, Jerry, who gave his children a firm foundation and a sense of responsibility in life and to their children.

I celebrate my husband, David, who is a wonderful, loving dad to our two children and who believes in me and encourages me as a writer. There is no better gift that I continuously receive.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads in the world.

June is for wearing summer dresses.

June is for wearing summer dresses.

Vintage earrings and necklaces and Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA) play up the colors of the crocheted dress.

Vintage earrings and necklaces and Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA) play up the colors of the crocheted dress.

Vintage jewelry and summer dress close-up.

Vintage jewelry and summer dress close-up.

June 12, 1898: Philippine Independence Day declared

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
 – John Philpot Curran, Irish lawyer and politician

An outfit that reminds me a little of traditional Filipina fashion - the embroidered flowered blouse with stiff sleeves and scalloped edges.

An outfit reminiscent of traditional Filipina fashion – the embroidered flowered blouse with stiff sleeves.

Today is Independence Day in the Philippines. On this day in 1898, Filipino revolutionary Emilio Aguinaldo declared independence from 300 years of Spanish rule during the Spanish-American War. The Americans came to the islands to expel the Spaniards, but turned around to become the Filipinos’ next colonial ruler and exporter of the island country’s rich natural resources. Despite the declaration of independence, Filipino rebels fought for their country in 1899, in what was to become the Philippine-American War, with which few Americans are familiar. In the Treaty of Paris, Spain ceded the Philippines to the U.S. for $20 million. It was not until after World War II that the Philippines finally gained their independence.

Floral accessories for an embroidered blouse with scalloped edges.

Floral accessories for an embroidered blouse with scalloped edges.

I first read about the little-known Philippine-American War when I was researching the history of the Philippines for my first novel-in-progress, A Village in the Fields. My main character, Filipino farm worker Fausto Empleo, left his homeland to come to America to “change his luck,” which is what my father wanted to do when he left his coastal hometown of San Esteban, Ilocos Sur, in the early 1920s. The turn of the century in the Philippines was and still is an incredibly fascinating time. The exhilaration of freedom was soon stamped out by shock and betrayal. This was a war that was not acknowledged, an unofficial war. It was a war that helped determine the 1900 presidential election of incumbent William McKinley and anti-imperialist William Jennings Bryan. It has been later called the first Vietnam War for the torture that American soldiers inflicted on innocent civilians. It is a war that I will be returning to in my fiction writing.

Colors of the Pacific Ocean.

Colors of the Pacific Ocean.

In honor of Philippine Independence Day, here is an excerpt from Chapter 2, “What was left behind,” of A Village in the Fields:

When Fausto reached the second floor, he saw a candle glowing in his lelang‘s bedroom. She was usually asleep by this time. He hesitated before pulling the crocheted curtain aside, but she was sitting up, waiting for him. He sat on her bed, inhaling the musty, bitter scent of betel nut mixed with lime from her lips and red-stained teeth.

“Lelang Purificacion,” he said, “Pa will not give me his blessing.”

“If he did not love you, he would let you go without a care. You should be honored by the burden of his love,” she said, and sighing, stared out her window, the capiz-shell shutters wide open. “When you are in America, you must remember him and forgive him. Better to be hurt by his love than to be all alone with nothing.”

“What about you, Lelang? Will you try to change my mind?”

She pursed her lips as if she had swallowed something more bitter than betel nut juice. Tiny wrinkles fanned out from her mouth. “I have a story to tell you. It is not my intent to change your mind. I tell you this now because I do not want you to be ignorant.”

He laughed. “Lelang, I am going to America to gain knowledge.”

She kneaded her fingers. Veins, like thick twine wrapped around her fist, warped the shape of her hands. “Do you know the date June twelfth, eighteen ninety-eight?”

“Independence Day,” Fausto answered. “The Americans helped us defeat the Spaniards. Miss Arnold taught me about the Americans’ involvement.”

She pulled her shawl over her shoulders. “There was another war after the Spaniards were removed, but you will not find it in any American history books. Your father was too young to know what was happening in the lower provinces and on the other islands – we do not talk of the bad times – but I told him years later, when he could understand. He never forgot, but now you will make him think of it all the time.”

“Remember what?” Fausto’s voice was as taut as the woven mat stretched across his lelang‘s bed.

“The war with the Americans,” she said softly. “I had received word that my parents and sisters and brothers were being sent to a detention camp set up by American troops in our hometown of Batangas. We thought the news was false, but your lelong, Cirilo, went down there to bring them here. When he left, your father was only ten years old. More than a year and a half passed before your lelong came back alone. He had lost so much weight. He would not say what became of my family. The day he came back was the day my family ceased to exist. It was also the day your lelong ceased to exist.”

Fausto’s Lelong Cirilo, who before his long absence had welcomed the removal of the Spanish government from the Philippines, kept his sons from attending the American schools that were cropping up across the islands and swore under his breath at the American soldiers who passed through town. Two American Negroes arrived one day and settled in San Esteban. He befriended them, welcoming them into his home for meals and accepting their dinner invitations. When he returned late one evening, he confided to Purificacion that they were American soldiers who had deserted the army. “They will never return to the States. They said they are freer in our country than in their own,” he insisted, though she didn’t believe him. He told her the white American soldiers had called him “nigger” and “savage,” words that they also hurled at the Negroes. “My friends call me brother, and there is great truth to that,” he said.

Fausto had no recollection of visits to their house by Negro soldiers, though he remembered seeing two Negro men at his lelong‘s funeral. When his lelang died, he looked older than his sixty years. He always had snowy white hair as far as Fausto could recall. Each year had separated him farther from Batangas, but keeping a secret from his family for so many years had aged him, kept the memories fresh.

When Fausto’s lelong was dying, he took his wife’s hand and said, “Forgive me, Purificacion, for burdening you with silence and now the truth about your family.”

He spoke as if he’d just arrived amid the makeshift detention camps in Batangas. He was labeled an insurrecto, an insurgent, by American soldiers who found him outside the hastily drawn boundaries. Everywhere soldiers confiscated possessions and destroyed crops, torched houses and rice-filled granaries. Black clouds blotted out the sun, and rolling green fields turned to gray as ash rained down on the camp. Ash clung to their hair and eyelashes, their bare arms and legs. Cirilo tasted smoke in the rotten mangos they were being fed. Exhausted and starving, he fell asleep to the squeal of pigs that were being slaughtered nightly and left to rot in their pens. When Cirilo asked what they had done wrong, an American commander accused the villagers of being guerrilla supporters. It was necessary, the commander said, to “depopulate” the islands.

Unrest plagued the camps. Men, propelled by the hope of either being released or spared death, turned on each other by identifying alleged rebels – regardless of whether the accused were guilty or innocent. Those singled out were held down on the ground, arms pinned behind their heads or tied behind their backs, mouths pried open, beneath the running faucet of a large water tank. “Water cure,” Cirilo called it. The American soldiers in their cowboy hats shoved the butts of their rifles or their boots into the prisoners’ bloated stomachs for several minutes while a native interpreter repeated the word over and over again, “kumpisal” in Tagalog to the prisoner and “confess” in English for the Americans’ sake. But many of the prisoners drowned.

The detention camps were overcrowded, with little food or clothing to go around. Malaria, beriberi, and dengue fever raged. American doctors treated the soldiers who fell ill, but neglected the sick prisoners. Everyone in Purificacion’s family died of disease. Cirilo didn’t know if anger or grief had kept him alive. He escaped with two prisoners one night, but not without having to grab the patrolman’s bayonet and smashing his skull. On his journey back to Ilocos Sur, he heard similar stories of detention camps and ruined villages. Some said the Americans were angry because the natives were ungrateful for their help in liberating them from Spain. Instead of welcoming them as heroes, the Americans complained, the natives were betraying them, hurling their bolos and hacking to pieces American soldiers who stepped beyond the towns they had pacified. They used spears, darts, and stones, but they were sticks compared to the American bayonets. The guerrillas were easily flushed out by the American soldiers like quails in a shoot.

Cirilo met a compatriot who had fled his hometown of Balangiga on the island of Samar. He told Cirilo that the American soldiers had rounded up the townspeople and crowded them so tightly into open pens that they could not move. They slept upright, leaning against one another. The American Navy fired on his village from their gunboats before they landed to invade. “They are turning our lovely islands into a howling wilderness. They cry out, ‘Kill and burn’ everyone and everything in their path,” he said. Another man who had escaped ruin in his hometown recited an order – like a drinking song, a motto – that he said had been handed down from an American general to all his soldiers in the field: “Everything over ten” would not be spared. Everything over ten.

“This is your America,” Fausto’s lelang told him, and slumped against the scarred wooden headboard of her bed.

“Things have changed.” Fausto’s voice faltered. “When I was in school—”

“Poor boy!” She sat up, spittle flecked on her lips. “Those kind American women in those American schools were not teachers. They were just another soldier, telling you what to do. How could I tell you then? Miss Arnold opened up the world for you. Education is good. But they came here for a darker purpose.”

“Lelang, Miss Arnold is not evil.”

“You are not listening!” She shook her head, her gray hair brushing her shoulders like a stiff mantilla. “You will never be accepted by the Americans because they will always treat us different. The Negroes in America have been there for hundreds of years, but they are still treated like criminals. Why go there with this knowledge?” The flame hissed as the melted wax pooled around the short wick. Her dark eyes were wet in the candlelight. “You think your father is ignorant, but he is not. American education made you smarter, but their schools erased our past, just as the Spaniards did.”

“Lelang, I am not ignorant.” Fausto got up from her bed, but suddenly felt weightless, unanchored. He held on to one of the thick, carved bedposts.

“I told this story only once before, to your father after your lelong passed away.” Her fingers kneaded her pliant cheek, skin shattered by deep wrinkles. She whispered, “Until that time, Emiliano never knew why his own father was so untouchable.”

“I am sorry for your loss.” Fausto’s words, his whole body was stiff. He pulled down the mosquito net from the four posters of her bed until she was encased in white gauze. She seemed so far away from him as she blew out the candle.

“We must make use of the bad times,” she called out.

He unhooked the curtain from her bedroom entryway and let it fall in front of him. “It will make me stronger, Lelang,” he said. He waited to hear her voice again. In the moonlight, wisps of smoke rose and disappeared.

School’s out for summer

A child educated only at school is an uneducated child.
– George Santayana, Spanish philosopher, essayist, poet, and novelist

Ready for summer in a knotted and rolled-up denim shirt over a bright yellow bandeau and skirt.

Ready for summer in a knotted and rolled-up denim shirt over a bright yellow bandeau and skirt. Neutral platforms elongate my short legs. A roomy handbag can carry statement sunglasses and tubes of sunscreen.

My two kids’ last day of school is this Friday at noon. Every year, for the past seven years, I’ve picked them up and we’ve gone to various parks for a picnic with other families to celebrate the end of the school year. The kids play in the park, and the parents – usually the moms – marvel at how quickly the year has gone by. Eight years later, I am amazed at how one year my son and his friends were these little boys running around on the playground and now they – or least my son – are dabbing rubbing alcohol on the pimples that have sprouted on their faces in the mornings. Now they dash out the front door to walk to school part way by themselves and then at a designated spot meet up with their friends before reaching their destination of middle school. Whereas I once vowed never to let them walk to or from school by themselves, my son, who is finishing up seventh grade, routinely walked from middle school to his old elementary school to pick up his sister after school this past year. And I greet them – no longer anxiously, as I did in the beginning of the school year – when they come home.

People have told me that the years from middle school through high school accelerate. I believe it, but I have witnessed those years flying by since at least fourth grade, if not third. Raising kids is exhausting. It ages you, and miraculously it keeps you young, which is an interesting phenomenon if you are an older parent. One day you wish they (along with their slovenliness) were ready to leave home, and then the next day you hug them hard – and they surprise you by hugging you back – and wish they would stay their age forever (as long as you stayed your current age forever, too).

Sun-kissed accessories: Anthropologie ring, Lava 9 earrings (Berkeley, CA), and April Cornell necklace.

Sun-kissed accessories: Anthropologie ring, Lava 9 earrings (Berkeley, CA), and April Cornell necklace.

I have a few friends whose daughters are finishing up their senior year in high school. Both babysat our kids and we’ve known them for a number of years. I actually get verklempt when I think of them moving on because I know I’ll be that parent soon enough. And I know that moment will come before I can ever be prepared for such a time. When my son or daughter tell me that this day or that event went by too quickly, I let them know that they haven’t seen anything yet in terms of life whooshing by. So I tell them not to ever tell me that they’re bored, because if they do, it’s a shame and it’s their fault because they control what they do with their time, regardless of whether I am dragging them to a place or event they’d rather not be. Life is too short to be bored.

On that note, it’s summer, and that’s the time to really get an education, so that when our kids go off to college, they have learned more than what goes on in the classroom. I remember someone telling me about Ansel Adams’ father letting him explore the Panama-Pacific International Exhibition in San Francisco for the duration of the event in 1915 (which was open to the public from February to December, mind you). Now that’s an education. Hopefully, this summer will be the beginning of really taking advantage of education outside of the classroom. I don’t have too many summers left to do this with my kids before they move away and take hold of their own education and adventures. I’m getting verklempt again.

A summer outfit isn't complete without a neutral handbag with brass paillettes and soaring (but comfortable) platform sandals.

A summer outfit isn’t complete without a neutral handbag with brass paillettes and soaring (but very comfortable) platform sandals.

Tana Hakanson: The Artist’s journey home (Part II)

Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.
– Maria Robinson, American writer

Tana working on a painting of a figure in her home studio.

Tana working on a painting of a figure in her home studio.

Abstract painting: The Balancing act
Abstract painting is much more difficult than many people may imagine, according to artist Tana Hakanson. Balance, composition, color, and contrast are as equally important in non-representational art as they are in representational art. “I’m learning to let go of thinking about what I’m doing too much and let the painting process evolve naturally, while at the same time evaluating the piece along the way for all of the elements that make a painting work,” she said. “It’s a balancing act between letting it happen and making it happen.” Artists can plan out the process when working on a representational piece of art, such as a painting of a still life, because they have a preconceived notion of the end product. In abstract painting, however, the work evolves as you go along, according to Tana.

Sketch of a dancer.

Tana’s sketch of a dancer.

“Each painting seems to takes on a life of its own, so trying to get the materials to do the same thing that they did the day before is futile,” she said. Her best paintings have “seemed to come easily and happen by themselves.” The director of her graduate program’s art department painted while watching television to distract him from the act of painting so his art would just “come out.” While Tana appreciates his theory, she prefers to be more engaged in the moment. “I wouldn’t want to miss anything!” she said. Being in the moment happens away from the canvas, as well. Sometimes she’ll wake up in the middle of the night or be walking outdoors and “get colors in my head.” When those moments come to her, she says, with a big smile, “I get inspired. And that’s the magic of it.”

Art and nature
Not surprisingly, Tana is inspired by nature and glazed pottery, specifically textures that occur through natural processes such as geologic formations and colors in rocks, which make the end product unpredictable and unique. Last year she experimented with paint flowing vertically. This year she is playing with organic shapes, as well as letting paint flow around the canvas, with her only manipulation being the choice of colors and size of the canvas, then working with what comes out of it. With each painting changing as it dries, Tana says she never knows what the outcome will be. “I would like to think that my paintings are like nature at work and I’m participating in the play of nature,” she said.

Tana's painting from her series of wood paintings.

Tana’s painting from her series of wood paintings.

Tana is fascinated by quantum physics, fractals, and how nature creates “incredible, beautiful things.” She’s also interested in chaos theory and how nature is predictable in its unpredictability. “Perhaps since we are nature ourselves, we are drawn to nature’s aesthetic, which, though it has patterns, also always has something different thrown in which creates vibrancy,” she said. The works of artists who inspire her share similar themes. San Francisco artist Saundra MacPherson, whose work of layers upon layers of texture is informed by geology, invited Tana to her studio six years ago when Tana saw her work online and wrote her a letter of appreciation. She credits MacPherson with encouraging her to keep going and keep experimenting with her art. Local artist Stephen Bruce, who works with acid on metal, which creates forms via natural processes, is another source of inspiration.

Tana captures the fluidity of dancers in her sketches.

Tana captures the fluidity of dancers in her sketches.

Doing what you love: Tana as inspiration
A philosophical person at heart, Tana has experienced “a lot of existential angst” in her 46 years. Finding daily tasks “often dull and boring,” and “modern life to be sometimes disjointed and vapid,” she has always been on a quest to get deeper into the “essence of things,” which is why she was drawn to art early on and why it was inevitable that she returned to painting. “I’m not sure what it all means, but I have learned that life is short,” she said. “If you’re cutting yourself off from the things that you love and that have meaning to you, you’re not helping the world. So do what you love – even if it’s carving out a bit of time for it initially. Make it work somehow, no matter where you are in your life.”

Tana Hakanson will show her new work at this year’s East Bay Open Studio, sponsored by Pro Arts the first two weekends in June (1-2 and 8-9), from 11am to 6pm, at her home at 1633 Mariposa Street, Richmond, CA 94804. You can also see her work at Tana Hakanson Studio. Support the arts! Let Tana know that you read about her work here.

Editor’s note: Part I of Tana Hakanson: The Artist’s Journey Home was published here on Friday, May 24.

Jolie’s ‘medical choice’ takeaway: Be an informed, empowered patient

Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of.
– Angelina Jolie, American actress, film director, and screenwriter

I'm no Angelina Jolie, but I'll pretend I'm on the red carpet.

I’m no Angelina Jolie, but I’ll pretend I’m on the red carpet.

I don’t hero-worship actors or celebrities. I admire people, regardless of who they are and what they do for a living, who work to make the world a better place to live, whether it is through activism for social justice, environmental protection, or other cause. I do admire famous people who use their visibility and money to those ends because oftentimes their celebrity status highlights causes, issues, and injustices that otherwise would go unnoticed. Ever since Angelina Jolie became involved in human rights issues, first as a United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees Goodwill Ambassador in 2001 and later through her establishment of charitable organizations and her screenwriting and directing, I have been an admirer.

She gave me another reason to admire her. I applaud Jolie’s decision to write an op-ed piece in the New York Times about her decision to have a preventive double mastectomy. As many have commented already, her decision to discuss it openly and write about it so thoughtfully is notable because she is a glamorous actress in an industry that worships youth and beauty and eschews flaws.

There were detractors, as expected. Yes, she could afford the $3,000 BRCA genetic test and have the best medical care in the world for breast reconstruction, whereas many economically disadvantaged women do not have the means. Some in the medical community worry that her revelation will influence women with a history of breast cancer and create a spike in what is already a trend toward mastectomies that aren’t medically necessary for many early-stage breast cancers.

Rain cloud necklace by M.E. Moore (Gorgeous & Green, Berkeley), cuff by Alkemie of Los Angeles, cicada ring by End of Century in NYC, and earrings from Abacus in Portland, Maine.

Rain cloud necklace by M.E. Moore (Gorgeous & Green, Berkeley), cuff by Alkemie of Los Angeles, cicada ring by End of Century in NYC, and earrings from Abacus in Portland, Maine.

But here’s the thing: Jolie made her decision after exploring her options, talking with medical experts and undergoing genetic counseling. She is the empowered, educated patient whom healthcare reform advocates want in a healthcare system that we are trying to transform. This is a topic that I write about a lot in my work. Educated, empowered patients are an important component of healthcare transformation equation. As we shift, slowly but surely, from a fee-for-volume to a fee-for-value reimbursement model (meaning, hospitals and physicians get reimbursed not for how many patients they see, but how many patients they can keep healthy or get to a healthy status), healthcare providers need patients to take more responsibility for their own healthcare. (For that matter, healthcare insurers want that, too, but we all should take responsibility for our own healthcare.) Patients need to see all their options and understand the benefits and risks of every option. I applaud Jolie for emphasizing her careful deliberation. That’s the objectivity that is required. But there’s no denying the personal aspect of cancer. For Jolie, it’s her mother’s lost battle to breast cancer and wanting to be there for her children.

I am in an age group in which the number of women being diagnosed with breast cancer and other cancers rises. I have good friends who have survived it. I have met acquaintances who have survived it. When I first met David back in 1995, his mother underwent a double mastectomy shortly thereafter when she was diagnosed in her early fifties. Her mother and sister had died of breast cancer years earlier, and her niece died years later. In a commentary about Jolie, the chief of the breast service at Sloan-Kettering was quoted as saying that she has tried unsuccessfully to talk women out of having a mastectomy when it was not necessary. It is difficult to dismiss the personal, even in the face of evidence-based medicine. For example, I still have a yearly mammogram despite the differing screening guidelines and especially the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force mammogram guidelines which recommend women begin screening at age 50 and repeat the test every two years. On one level, women will be guided by their personal situation and history. So long as they are educated, they will make thoughtful choices, with ‘choice’ being the operative word for empowerment.

Whether you worry about what harm may come out of Jolie’s revelation, the overarching good is that we continue to have discussions about breast cancer and act on those discussions – how we can prevent it, raise awareness for it, raise money to defeat it, and especially support our family and friends who have to battle it. For all the grandmothers, mothers, sisters, and daughters out there, we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to be brave and to be on the side of light and life.

Post script: Read about another amazing woman who survived breast cancer, Peggy Liou, whom I wrote about at the Dress at 50 here.

Vintage purse from the Fairhaven Antique Mall in Fairhaven, Wash., and Sam Edelman patent pumps complete the outfit.

Vintage purse from the Fairhaven Antique Mall in Fairhaven, Wash., and Sam Edelman patent pumps complete the outfit.

Celebrating Mother’s Day 2013

The older I get, the more I see
The power of that young woman, my mother.
– Sharon Olds, American poet

Mother's Day 2013 with David's parents after breakfast at Fat Apple's.

Mother’s Day 2013 with David’s parents after breakfast at Fat Apple’s.

David started a Mother’s Day tradition that pre-dated our getting together. This tradition has been going strong for 20 years now. He is a fantastic chef and he loves to cook – lucky me – and every Saturday evening of Mother’s Day weekend, he makes a gourmet dinner for his mom and me. His parents and his brother Michael come up for the weekend, and then Sunday morning, his parents treat our family for breakfast at Fat Apple’s in El Cerrito (7525 Fairmount Avenue, 510.528.3433). We have learned to get there before eight in the morning to avoid having to stand in line, which can be quite some time when there are seven of us waiting for a table.

This year, David grilled everything – swordfish on a bed of tomatoes and arugula, clams with prosciutto and tabasco, potatoes with a Chianti vinaigrette, and fresh asparagus with prosciutto (his parents brought these fresh, thick spears from Stockton) – and paired dinner with a smooth White Southern Rhone Blend. He ended the evening serving a mango smoothie. Overall, the meal was not heavy at all; in fact, it didn’t seem like it was a five-course meal and we didn’t roll away from the dining room.

Too many choices of plants at Annie's Annuals in Richmond. A big hat, from Anthropologie, is a must to keep the sun at bay!

Too many choices of plants at Annie’s Annuals in Richmond. A big hat, from Anthropologie, is a must to keep the sun at bay!

After his parents and brother left Sunday morning, we headed to Annie’s Annuals (740 Market Avenue, Richmond, 94801, 510.215.1671), a fabulous nursery that throws a big Mother’s Day weekend party, complete with face painting, entertainment by Budderball the Clown, music, a mini petting zoo (new this year), plant talks under a tent, a raffle, and food and drinks. It gets crowded, but we enjoy going to get a few plants for my pots and admire the row upon row of plants and flowers that I wish would fit in our garden. The trek to Annie’s Annuals has become a recent tradition in the past few years. The evening ended with David preparing a Mother’s Day dinner for our family – lamb kabob, keeping this year’s theme of grilling going through the weekend.

Remembering my Mom
This is the second Mother’s Day that I am celebrating without my mother. In the past, while we spent Mother’s Day weekend with David’s parents, I sent my mother a card and plant (flowers would trigger her seasonal allergies, so I stopped having flowers delivered) and then called her that Sunday. Last year was difficult and painful. This year is no less difficult, but in a different way. Gone is the immediacy of her no longer being with us. Instead, I feel a bit lost, like what an orphan might feel.

Mom and me at my graduation, UC Davis, June 1985.

Mom and me at my graduation, UC Davis, June 1985.

I posted on Facebook a picture of my mother and me on my graduation day 1985 at UC Davis. It is one of my all-time favorite photos of the two of us because it was spontaneous – I was looking off to the side with my arm around her, and she had this half-smile and looking off into the distance. What was she thinking? Maybe that she was able to get her third daughter through college – a proud moment, indeed. One of my cousins posted a comment that she remembered, as a child, my mother as always looking beautiful and elegant, and that her style and beauty never faded. Growing up, I never thought of my mother as beautiful because I didn’t see her as anything but a mother who was very strict, who worked herself to exhaustion in the vineyards and in the packing house so she could give us the material things that made up the American Dream. Looking back now, yes, she was beautiful. My grandmother had Chinese in her heritage and my grandfather Spanish in his. My mother had that mestizo look.

My mom in high heels, the Philippines, circa 1950s.

My mom in high heels and a modern striped frock, the Philippines, circa 1950s.

She also had a quiet style. She wore her hair fashionably short, which suited her. Though plump as a teenager and young adult, she was always thin since her marriage to my father. I loved her dresses from the 1960s – fitted bodices and flared skirts. Even in her later years, I could find at least one outfit in her closet that I could wear and look neither matronly nor out of fashion.

She never wore high heels in my lifetime, but a few years ago when I became obsessed with high heels and platforms and showed my mother a pair of high-heeled pumps that I had purchased at a local shoe store, she got excited. She told me that she wore high heels when she was much younger. I could see her living vicariously, as she turned my newly purchased shoe over in her hands. She liked what I had picked out. Maganda, beautiful. I looked at her, amazed, never imagining my mother rocking a pair of high-heeled shoes. In the vineyards, she wore old clothes sealed at the openings with duct tape to keep the dust out. She came home after 10-plus-hour days sweaty, her work clothes coated in dust. In the packing house, she wore an apron stained with purple dye from the Sunkist brand stampings on the shiny, hard oranges. I was glad she had told me that about her. It was something we had in common, a story I keep in my heart.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms in the world and in heaven!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in the world and in heaven!

A toast on Mother's Day 2013!

A toast on Mother’s Day 2013!

Textures reign in this very comfortable outfit: Ann Ferriday camisole (Personal Pizazz, Berkeley), wide-legged semi-sheer pants (Free People), long tassel earrings (Shopbop) and J. Crew crystal bracelet. The texture and scalloped neckline of the camisole and drop earrings require an accessory-free neck and chest.

Texture reigns in this very comfortable outfit: Ann Ferriday camisole (Personal Pizazz, Berkeley), wide-legged semi-sheer pants (Free People), long tassel earrings (Shopbop) and J. Crew crystal bracelet. The texture and scalloped neckline of the camisole and drop earrings look best without a necklace.