To the movies and beyond

It’s not what a movie is about, it’s how it is about it.
– Roger Ebert, Pulitzer Prize-winning American film critic and screenwriter

Throwback to the 1970s or an homage to Nebraska: coveralls or overalls but with a skinny leg and booties instead of flip flops, my high school uniform.

Throwback to the 1970s or an homage to Nebraska: coveralls or overalls but with a skinny leg and booties instead of flip flops, my high school uniform.

Before kids, David and I went to the movies every Friday evening. We both worked in San Francisco in the financial district (at the same company and then for different companies), and we’d meet up at the Embarcadero and eat an inexpensive dinner and watch an independent film at the Landmark Theater movie house. I leaned toward “depressing foreign films,” which David had the patience and good heart to endure. I was always on top of what new indie film was out and I usually made sure that we saw them all. We were told by many a friend that once you have children, forget about going to the movies. And we largely did the past nearly 14 years.

When our son was an infant and then when we had a toddler and a baby, if either my mother was or David’s parents were in town to help us out, we’d embark on a film fest, cramming three films in two days. Other times, we’d get a babysitter or swap with friends for babysitting duties to get a free evening. Through the years we’ve tried to go to the movies that we really wanted to see. But oftentimes, in the midst of parenting and work, we watched the movies we wanted to see go from movie theater to DVD. If we didn’t have time to see the movie on the big screen, there was a pretty good chance that we’d never see it on our TV screen.

Further modernizing overalls with a bright ethnic print big jacket and a bright orange shoulder bag.

Further modernizing overalls with a bright ethnic print big jacket and a bright orange shoulder bag.

But I do love movies and going to the movies, and it’s on my list of things to do more of in 2014 and beyond. I have fond memories of making the trip into the next town and watching sometimes a double feature (back in the day when people had longer attention spans!) when I was girl. The smell of popcorn still gets me. I still experience a small thrill settling into my seat. While I despise the inexorable string of commercials, I love watching the trailers, so long as I am in a Landmark Theater.

Many years ago, I secretly harbored a desire to study films and film-making in college and in grad school because I had so many questions about why directors or screenwriters did this or did that. I wanted to understand what the similarities and differences were between film and writing fiction. And then later when I was in the creative writing program at Syracuse and one of our professors taught a seminar on fiction and film, I thought a lot more about the intersection, the synergies between the two.

Jan Michaels necklace (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA) and Kate Peterson stack of rings (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

Jan Michaels necklace (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA) and Kate Peterson stack of rings (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

I still appreciate depressing foreign films, but I also crave movies that inspire me in any number of ways. I have found that movies that haunt me or make me want to know more about the subject matter are the ones that have lasting power over me. Take, for example, the movie Philomena, which is about an older Irish woman who bore a son out-of-wedlock in the 1950s and was forced to give him up by the nuns who ran the abbey for unwed young women. I was so haunted by her story that when we got home, I promptly did some research on the internet and discovered what scenes were dramatized in the movie, which was to be expected, and what the difference was between the movie/screenplay and the book written by the journalist, Martin Sixsmith, entitled The Lost Child of Philomena Lee. I won’t spoil the movie for those who have yet to see it, but I will say that the book appeals to me more than the movie’s premise – though I really did enjoy the movie – because of the double meaning of the book’s title and the focus on the book, which is about the parallel lives of her son and her than about the relationship between journalist and searching mother.

Accessories take overalls out of the Farmer John category.

Just the right kind of accessories – feminine yet edgy jewelry, hipster booties with a hint of metal, businesslike satchel in a neon pop of color – take overalls out of the Farmer John category and into the cool.

The same weekend, we saw Nebraska, a movie about an elderly father who gets a letter in the mail saying he’s won a million dollars. He convinces his son to drive him from Montana to Nebraska to claim his prize. About 10 or 15 minutes into the movie, I feared that form and content would be appreciated but would ultimately drive me to tears of boredom. As David later complained, few characters were likeable and some things were predictable, not to mention the depressing desolation of setting and character.

I mulled over his comments. Normally, I don’t like watching a movie or reading a book in which most of the characters are unlikable. But these characters were formed by such a harsh and sad landscape that you sympathized with them on the one hand and then were fascinated by them on the other hand. As one of David’s colleagues who is from Nebraska told him afterwards, this is exactly how the state and its residents are, and it’s pretty depressing. But for me, this is uncharted territory, both emotionally and physically. As far as predictability goes, if there’s a twist to what is seemingly predictable or, more importantly, if what happened, what was predictable, was earned, then I am fine with the whole notion of predictability in a movie or book.

Don't forget the sparkly bumblebee earrings.

Don’t forget the sparkly bumblebee earrings.

What I found to love about Nebraska, which I admit I was expecting, was how Woody, Bruce Dern’s character, reminded me of my father, who suffered from dementia and who in his later years took to “wandering.” He, my father, would often by brought back by relatives who found him walking by the side of the road, often in clothes that were inappropriate for the weather, to various places and for various reasons – one being that he had to retrieve money that was hidden in the foothills beyond our rural town.

Even Kate, Woody’s caustic and very unlikable wife and mother to their son, David, who was the reluctant companion and then the catalyst to finish out Woody’s journey, reminded me of my mother. In one scene, Kate is complaining about the mess Woody has put the whole family in while he was lying in a hospital bed. Before leaving, she leans over and tenderly smooths down his stray wispy hair from his forehead. From that scene, I was thrust back to the stunned moment when my sister and I watched my sobbing mother trying to get on the hospital bed where my father’s body lay in rest. They had been match made in marriage and were so far apart in age, socio-economic standing, and temperament, which was evident throughout their years together. Even if I hadn’t connected to that personal moment, that one gesture by Kate spoke volumes that no flashback or further drawn-out scene could capture on film. That one gesture was a glimpse into their relationship that was not all harsh and mean-spirited.

These two movies stayed on my mind days after seeing them. Both haunted me in different ways. One reminded me of connections to my mother and father. The other made me think of how life is indeed stranger than fiction, how sometimes life can’t be made more perfect for the premise of a book of fiction or nonfiction, or a documentary or movie. The question is how best to execute the story in order to do it justice. I appreciate the artistic bent of filmmakers who have this vision and then embark on a journey to turn this vision into something they can share with many people. That’s amazing and magical. For me the viewer, what makes film magical is when it invites you to think and explore beyond the screen, to ask more questions and delve deeper, and to want to know more because it gets us closer to this thing called humanity.

Hipster black and unexpected pop of neon orange elevate the very comfortable overalls.

Hipster black and unexpected pop of neon orange elevate the very comfortable overalls.

A Different kind of tea party

The Mad Hatter: “Would you like some wine?”
Alice: “Yes…”
The Mad Hatter: “We haven’t any and you’re too young.”
– Lewis Carroll, English author, mathematician, logician, Anglican clergyman, and photographer, from Alice in Wonderland

My 11-year-old daughter has a negativity problem: She focuses too much on the glass being half-empty, on what went wrong at school that day. When we told my cousin, Janet, and her husband, Tim, about this character flaw – both are teachers, by the way – Tim suggested that we charge her a nickel for every negative thing she says and reward her with a nickel for every positive thought. Of course, Isabella did not like this arrangement. I, however, figured it was worth an experiment. Trying to patiently explain to her why being a Debbie Downer doesn’t get you any BFFs or why life is much more pleasant when you focus on the positive has not been working at all.

Dressed for a real high tea party: faux fur jacket, gold jacquard blouse, and flared black and gold flowered skirt.

Dressed for a real high-tea party: faux fur jacket, gold brocade blouse, and flared black and gold flowered skirt.

Yesterday afternoon, she came home from school, marched up to my office, and pulled out a dollar bill from her wallet. “I owe you money because a lot of bad things happened today,” she declared, as she dropped the bill on my weekly desk calendar. I pushed away from my desk and slumped in my chair. This was going to take a while to get through.

Here’s a quick backstory on the argument: Of the group of six girls who regularly hang out together, two of them wanted to play a different game than the other four had proposed, although they had all agreed to play together on this designated day. The two girls enjoyed playing a particular game every day and begrudgingly, it seemed, agreed to a big play date during lunch time. When the other four didn’t want to play the game, the twosome took off. This “defiant” act angered the four girls, which included my daughter.

A series of back-and-forth “discussions” ensued to expose why the other party was in the wrong. Both camps flung accusations, with one of the girls being called “the mean leader.” My daughter tried to “explain” to the two girls why they weren’t allowed to play their game and how the two girls were bound to the play date and therefore could not walk away. While I understood to a point where my daughter was coming from, it was easy for me to play devil’s advocate: Why is it a problem if they don’t want to play a game mandated by the other girls, especially since life is so short? Why not just let them do their own thing, as I know Isabella would prefer doing her own thing rather than be forced to do something she doesn’t want to do, again, because life is so short? Why allow yourself to be offended by something as small as their wanting to do something else? Life is too short. That was my theme, and I stuck to it. This problem of the girls not playing along appeared to be a control issue at the core. No amount of argument from me, however, appeased my daughter, as she plucked a second dollar bill from her wallet and put it on top of the first dollar bill.

Art Nouveau style necklace (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA), beloved chunky ring (Lava 9), and Alkemie scarab cuff against faux fur and gold jacquard-patterned blouse.

Art Nouveau style necklace (Lava 9, Berkeley, CA), beloved chunky ring (Lava 9), and Alkemie scarab cuff against faux fur and gold brocade blouse.

She then told me that the two girls ran to their teacher to complain, and at the end of the school day, Isabella was informed that she had to attend a “tea party” at recess today, comprising the teacher and six of the seven girls who were involved in the chaos. Of course, Isabella complained about losing her recess time. She was told that they would talk it out and that holding a hot cup of tea would prevent the girls from “yelling” at one another. I don’t know if this is an exact translation, as the two girls relayed the information to Isabella.

Brilliant! I thought. A tea party will provide the genteel setting needed for a calm discussion among 10- and 11-year-olds. And what girl doesn’t enjoy a tea party –  even if her eyes are throwing daggers across the table, over the cups and saucers and teapot? I’d like to be a fly on the wall, but knowing this teacher, whom I have known for almost a decade and who was my son’s third-grade teacher, I know she will be a fair mediator. She has two daughters – college and high school age – so the territory is familiar to her. This is the terrain of pre-teen girls, a fact of which I am reminded on a daily basis. So it’s nice to gain strategies to deal with this challenging time in our household.

Love of textures and Art Nouveau jewelry.

Love of textures and Art Nouveau-inspired jewelry.

At rest and thankful

Rest and be thankful.
– William Wadsworth, English poet

Comfortable clothing is a must to be at rest: cozy sweater with hem detail over lace dress with asymmetrical layers of lace.

Comfortable clothing is a must to be at rest: cozy sweater with hem detail over lace dress with asymmetrical layers of lace.

We took down the Christmas decorations on Saturday and we were able to get everything boxed up and stored in the attic within a 24-hour period, with a few generous breaks taken, mostly by the kids. That meant our Sunday – the entire weekend was set aside for the take down, which historically is how long the task requires – was wide open. Oh, the possibilities, I told myself with excitement, as I put away the vacuum cleaner and got ready for bed.

Whereas Saturday I bustled with energy, with the mission to get the house clean again and returned to pre-holiday austerity, on Sunday morning I woke up completely spent. I managed to run a couple of errands with my family and did some pruning in the front yard. My form of procrastination – I still have a long list of tasks to accomplish – was to challenge Jacob to numerous games of Sequence. Jacob had gotten Sequence as a birthday present two years ago, and it’s one of our family’s favorite board games to play. He, of course, was up to the challenge – procrastinating and playing.

Carmela Rose earrings (Jenny K, El Cerrito), End of Century cicada ring (NYC), Laura Lombardi necklace and longer A Peace Treaty necklace (both, Eskell, Chicago) against a green cabled sweater.

Carmela Rose earrings (Jenny K, El Cerrito), End of Century cicada ring (NYC), Laura Lombardi necklace and A Peace Treaty longer necklace (both, Eskell, Chicago) against a green cabled sweater.

I went to bed early Sunday night, but I woke up at five in the morning on Monday. I was thinking of all the things I needed to do and all the things I could have done on Sunday. In my mind, I had squandered my “free” day. I sat up in bed after an hour of tossing and turning, and in doing so had awoken David. I told him I was upset that I hadn’t been more productive with my Sunday. His advice: Get over it. What’s done is done. He was right. I was wasting more time by crying over the proverbial spilled milk.

Frye heeled booties complete the sweater and lace combo.

Frye heeled booties complete the sweater and lace combo.

So I accepted that I rested on Sunday and I also accepted that it is okay to be at rest. In our conversation, I told David that a handful of friends had jokingly told me that reading our holiday e-greeting had worn them out because I had packed in so much information and had done so much. I told him that I look back on 2013 and honestly don’t know how I was able to write three blog posts a week, including conducting interviews and writing the profiles, and finish my novel on top of another busy year of work. I didn’t think I could do that now, given how tired I was feeling at the moment. David reminded me that I was getting over a cold, which had sapped my energy.

The more I thought about it as the day progressed, the more I understood that I got my cold because my immune system was shot trying to get the holiday e-greeting out before the end of the year, finishing the novel, continuing with the blogging, and working on a deadline in the month of December. I accomplished a lot but at a price. I hit a wall and fell flat on my behind. As Saturday Night Live’s Stuart Smalley would say, however, “And that’s okay.” Accepting that state of mind is something with which I struggle. Sometimes the body has to step in, scold the mind, and take over. Just to make us slow down. To rest is the first step. To be thankful for the time and ability to be at rest comes next. As I continue to catch my breath, I find myself still struggling but succumbing to gratitude. Soon enough, I’ll be on that next leg of the journey. But I need to regroup, gather my strength, regain my momentum – and do so with a smile on my face.

At rest and thankful.

At rest and thankful. Crochet detail stands out against creamy lace, as do the booties peeking out from the asymmetrical hem of the skirt.

Looking forward to 2014

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await another voice.
– T.S. Eliot, poet, dramatist, and literary critic, from Four Quartets

When I was in elementary school, my sister gave me a diary for Christmas one year. I had previously used a notebook and binder paper to record what happened or what I did on days that were worthy of recording. But once I got a real diary, I was spoiled and for several years afterwards I would get a new diary for each year. Soon my entries evolved from one-liners of what I ate or who came to visit to events that made me happy or sad followed by an analysis of why I was happy or sad. I created a tradition in which at the end of the year I would reflect and read what happened that year. I would write about what was memorable and what I learned. And then I would focus on my hopes and dreams for the following year.

A timeless LBD that reminds me of The Great Gatsby and Art Deco.

A timeless LBD that reminds me of The Great Gatsby and Art Deco.

I’ve since abandoned writing a daily diary. I rely on the e-mails that I send to friends as a record of what happened and what I was going through internally. I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions anymore, either. Or at least I don’t formalize them, write them down, and take assessment after a certain period of time has passed in the new year. When I write my holiday e-greeting letter, I do take stock of what I and my family did for the year, and at least in my head I reflect on the year and what goals I had set for myself that were achieved and what goals are yet to be met.

I think about what the New Year promises and what I want to do in the New Year. I could be detailed or I could just throw a blanket statement that covers everything. There’s something really attractive about simplicity, especially when I feel so cluttered with so many things in life right now. So yes, I’m going to make a New Year’s Resolution list this time around, but it’s going to be one that will be easy to achieve. So here goes:

Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago) and Abacus earrings (Portland, ME).

Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago) and Abacus earrings (Portland, ME).

Be mindful of the present, the here and now. More often than not, walking Rex in the early mornings is a task that I want to cross off my daily list of things to do as quickly as possible. During the fall, however, I took time to enjoy the turning of the leaves from green to deep reds and vibrant golds and oranges. I enjoyed the Christmas decorations on neighbors’ lawns and trees. It was a crazy busy month of December, but I made sure to enjoy our decked-out halls by, for example, bringing the laptop down to the living room to enjoy the fire and smell the tree while I worked. It kept the spirit in me. And I want to continue that mindfulness.

Get my novel out there, in whatever form and through whatever channel in which it was meant to be. I will try just a few literary agents this time around, but when I set out to finish A Village in the Fields last year, I had already come up with a plan to get it up quickly on Amazon, per the path a few colleagues from work have taken. Stay tuned.

Keep writing, read more. I’m looking forward to resuming research for my second novel, which I had abandoned back in 2006, and doing character sketches and plot drafts. I also look forward to revisiting old short stories that wise old eyes are now looking at anew and revising them, as well as revisiting old short story ideas and perhaps resurrecting them. Most importantly, I look forward to carving out more time to read – the single thing that makes a writer better.

Textures in the form of faux fur and velveteen, and gold accents.

Textures in the form of faux fur and velveteen, and gold accents.

Write more profiles for my blog. One thing that suffered a little as work overtook me this past fall to the end of the year was not having the time to interview amazing women for my blog. I have a backlog of women to interview, and I really hope to carve out time to return to this part of my blog. Stay tuned.

Take better care of my body. I cannot ignore the creaks in the knees as I walk down the stairs in the morning or the pain in my thumb joint, which I fear is arthritis and not carpal tunnel syndrome. Yes, I am getting older and with it comes aches and pains. But if I eat right, get some sleep – let me repeat that to myself again, get more sleep – and add greater variety to my exercise routine, some of those afflictions should be alleviated. I can’t stop time or growing older, but I can impact the quality of those years and the process.

Scatter joy. On my first trip to Maine perhaps a decade ago in August, my friend, Jack, indulged my request to check out this quaint shop called Flying Pigs, at least I think that’s what the shop was called. I came across a plaque with the words “Scatter joy” that was attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson. I picked it up but put it down. Then at Christmastime that year, Jack sent the plaque to me, and it has been hanging above a door in our library for the last six years. Every once in a while I look up and remember how it came to our house, and it reminds me to do just that – scatter joy.

There is nothing more gratifying than seeing someone I care about smile or laugh or be happy because of something I said or did. It’s infectious and it makes my day. It’s easy to do. Every day. Scatter joy. Happy New Year’s Eve!

Time for a little New Year's Eve celebration!

Time for a little New Year’s Eve celebration!

A Village in the Fields: The novel is done

One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.
– Jack Kerouac, American writer, poet, and artist, from The Dharma Bums

Musings on finishing and on the process
Although I have completed a handful of major revisions of my first novel, A Village in the Fields, which I had begun in May of 1997, as I headed toward the finish line with this final revision, I wondered what feelings would come over me. Would I be relieved because I feared my interest and energies were waning? Sad that something that has been with me for more than 16 years would finally be coming to a close? Or empty, having completely given everything – the shirt off my back, my last pulsing emotion – over to the whole of the novel, to the final scene, the last word? It is all of the above.

A reason to go out and celebrate.

A reason to go out and celebrate.

I think about all that has happened these last 16-plus years – getting engaged on a trip to Italy and marrying, home remodeling, giving birth and raising two children, undergoing a major house remodel and addition, enduring numerous job changes, immersing myself in public school battles and volunteering at the schools, losing Bailey, and losing and letting go of my mother. All of these events have helped to shape the novel as it moved along its journey of 1,000 pages to 600 pages to its “slimmed down” current 444 pages, which included the loss of a major character and the methodical approach to resolving literary issues.

During a break this past year, I took out the folder I had kept of the many – but not all 60 – rejections from literary agents that I had received from the end of 2005 to the beginning of 2006. With each rejection that I got in the mail, I sank deeper in my despondency and self-doubt. I put the manuscript away. I stopped reading. I stopped writing. I did other things. It was not hard to be immersed in other things, especially when you have young children. I thought about it every once in a while, but I was too wounded to do anything but think about all that effort and time that I had invested and yet easily cast aside.

Fluffy faux fur capelet and clutch on pale pink and cream.

Fluffy faux fur capelet and clutch on pale pink and cream.

At some point, though, I went back to the manuscript. My good friend, Kathy Brackett Verschoor, had written to me, asking if I had met up again with my main character, Fausto Empleo. She was missing him, she told me, and longed to reconnect with him. And so it was that I was missing him, too. I yearned to finish his story, his life. The writer inside me wanted to reemerge. Could I do it again? This time there would be no expectations. I just wanted to do him justice. I wanted to tell his story. And so in 2010 I reopened my files and ever-so-slowly re-acquainted myself with Fausto and together we got back on the road again.
As I wordsmithed the last pages and printed out the last chapter, I thought about what it meant to me to have finally finished the novel. I started it two years after my father passed away. I had wanted to give him something I had written and published, but at the time I only had one published story to my name. My father, with his second-grade education, had asked me how to spell words when he sat down to write letters to his relatives in the Philippines. When I had won a literary prize at UC Davis as a senior in the English Department, he cut out the article about it from our local newspaper and kept it in his suitcase of documents under his bed. I found it when we were going through his personal belongings after he had passed away. Well, I told myself ruefully, whenever I would get around to writing a novel, I would dedicate it to his memory.

Texture, texture

Texture, texture

I also wanted to hand a published novel to my mother. She was very excited when I went away to Syracuse University for my graduate studies, but she thought I was going to teach English at the college level, which was never my plan. So when she told me about a teaching position at Modesto Junior College my last semester at Syracuse and I told her I didn’t want to teach, after a lengthy long-distance pause, she asked me why then was I there in the first place? I immediately answered: I want to write. She didn’t understand. She read the Reader’s Digest, the National Enquirer, Women’s Day. She had no time for fiction. After she passed away, and my sisters and I were cleaning out her bedroom, I looked for clues as to how she viewed me. I found a half-written letter to her cousin, Noli. When she wrote of me, it was to say that I was working hard as usual and mentioned the kids. That, I deduced, was what she thought of me, always working, which was true, and taking care of the kids, which was also true. That was my world, nothing more, nothing less.

Carmela Rose earrings and vintage Weiss aurora borealis brooch.

Carmela Rose earrings and vintage Weiss aurora borealis brooch.

I can’t help but think what she would have written had she had a book I had published sitting on her nightstand. Maybe she would have read it, maybe she wouldn’t have. Maybe it would have been tangible proof that validated my time in graduate school in her eyes. I can ponder all I want; the truth is I can’t change or fix what did or didn’t happen. But after she passed away, a literary fire was lit. And I vowed that I would finish it in 2012. I was already working on it in 2010 – ploddingly – and then in 2011 her illness stopped me in my tracks. I didn’t finish it in 2012 because of lack of time and energy, though I slowly worked my way through 2012 and into 2013. As I put the last chapter in the folder and then into its box the other evening, I thought to myself that in its current state it would have been good enough for me to give it to her like that. If she were still alive.

Sometimes we may not understand why things happen, or why things happen at a particular time in our lives. In our humble human state, we may try to work it all out in our heads and in our hearts because we need that order amid the chaos. I’m reminded of an essay by William Paley, “The Watch and the Human Eye,” from my old college philosophy textbook, A Modern Introduction to Philosophy, which made an impression on me back in 1981: “There cannot be design without a designer; contrivance, without a contriver; order, without choice; arrangement, without anything capable of arranging; subserviency and relation to a purpose, without that which could intend a purpose; means suitable to an end, and executing their office in accomplishing that end, without the end ever having been contemplated, or the means accommodated to it.”

Gorgeous vintage Weiss brooch amid the fluff.

Gorgeous vintage Weiss brooch amid the fluff.

For me, once I understand and accept, I am done with the mourning or the self-pity or the denial, and I get up and determine what to do next. I wanted to go back to the novel because that is what I feel is my gift to nurture, to hone, and then to share. Having a gift does not mean it is ready to share. I didn’t realize it back then. I had to work even harder. And so I did.

The phrase, “in writing, you must kill all your darlings,” has been attributed to various writers, but I’ll hang my hat on William Faulkner as the author. I slashed and burned. I had to be convinced that one of my major protagonists was a drag on the narrative, which took a few years to be convinced – by my good friend, Jack, and David. I didn’t know how to write a novel when I first started out. I just kept going, guided by my historical research, but nonetheless blindly. I knew the beginning and the ending, but not the middle. So the major protagonist was deleted. Chunks of writing were deleted, with alacrity and without remorse. Every word was agonized over, wordsmithed again and again. I came to enjoy this whole process. Careful with the hammer and chisel in hands that were growing more assured with each day, trying to find the shape, the body.

Close-up: Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings, J. Crew glass bracelet, Carmela Rose earrings, and vintage Weiss brooch.

Outfit close-up: Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings, J. Crew glass bracelet, Carmela Rose earrings, and vintage Weiss brooch against a backdrop of neutral lace and fluffy, soft-as-a-cloud faux fur.

I came to accept that it took time I did not have. While I was despondent that I did not have the chunk of time I needed to fully focus on it, I found it in little bits and pieces. And that was good enough. A week of vacation here, a long weekend there. Stay focused. There will be a moment, I told myself, when I will hit “save” and I know that I am done. Older, wiser, better for the years that have gone by and for the experiences – both joyful and mournful – that somehow are in those pages.

I raise a glass of wine, happy for the moment. Fittingly, the end of 2013, the end of one journey. I know it has another, more difficult, journey to make in 2014. This time, however, I’m not apprehensive. It will find its way in the world, which has changed so much in the last eight years. And I will return to the second novel I had begun while I was waiting for the first novel to find its home. While I don’t profess to know how to write a novel now, I have a more formed idea. I don’t expect it will take another 16 years. I have more confidence and faith in myself. I know to be true to my heart and to find a way when there is no path before me.

One last excerpt from the novel:

Fausto walked out of his room and into the courtyard, with Rogelio beside him, Rogelio’s hand resting on his back. The sun branded his head and shoulders the moment they passed the shade of the oak tree. Heat seeped through the weave of his cotton shirt and into his skin like a menthol ointment. The hundred-degree temperature would have sapped him, but he felt refreshed, sharing silence in the open spaces.

They walked in a wide arc in the cleared field. Rogelio marveled at the hardiness of the plants and weeds that took root in the sandy soil. It made Fausto look at the land with appreciative eyes, although dust dulled everything in their path—the once-shiny leaves of nutsedge and the patches of yellow-flowered sow-thistle. Dust tipped the starry seed heads of Bermuda grass. It heathered the spear-shaped oleander leaves. Pink and white oleander blooms drooped, although their almond scent simmered in the heat.

Rogelio steered Fausto toward the building. “Let’s get some water and go back to your room. I don’t want you to get heat stroke.” But it was Rogelio who was wilting. He blotted his face with Fausto’s handkerchief, but fine beads of perspiration kept forming on his upper lip. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Fausto gazed at the tips of the cypress trees above the tiled roof. He wanted to put a hand over his heart—it was racing again—yet he didn’t want Rogelio to worry or the day to end. But now that he was done talking, he felt empty. Although he was grateful to be with Rogelio, he was still waiting.

Onward to 2014, to the next journey with confidence.

Onward to 2014, to the next journey with confidence.

Celebrating philanthropy: Giving Tuesday, giving every day

It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.
– Mother Teresa, Albanian Roman Catholic nun, humanitarian, and Nobel Peace Prize recipient for 1979

Getting ready to celebrate giving!

Getting ready to celebrate giving!

I missed giving a shout-out for Giving Tuesday on its actual day this year, which was December 3rd. Giving Tuesday, in response to Black Friday and Cyber Monday, was the brainchild of Henry Timms, interim executive director of 92nd Street Y in New York City, who created and wanted to promote a day of “personal philanthropy” on the first Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

“The driving spirit of this season is about generosity and giving thanks,” said Timms. “Giving Tuesday is a celebration of all forms of giving.” This year, more than 7,000 nonprofits around the country were slated to have participated in the growing movement through myriad activities, including volunteerism, grant matching, year-end donations, and support for specific projects.

Okay, now we're ready to celebrate with a fit-and-flare Tracy Reese paisley embroidered dress.

Okay, now we’re ready to celebrate with a fit-and-flare Tracy Reese paisley embroidered dress.

I love the idea of Giving Tuesday! I love the idea of celebrating philanthropy during this time of consumerism. Since I missed highlighting Giving Tuesday on its appointed day, I’m advocating for picking any day this holiday season and giving back. Make a tradition out of it. For the last few years, our family has collected the various solicitations that come in the mail for the holiday season and on an appointed evening, we each pick one nonprofit organization to make a donation. We talk about the different types of organizations – environmental, animal, political, social justice, and so on – and we group the solicitations accordingly to make the process more manageable and less overwhelming. We talk about why we have chosen a particular organization. There are a lot of worthy causes out there, but here are our selections for this holiday season.

The Milo Foundation: “Please don’t buy, don’t breed – adopt!”
My first encounter with the Milo Foundation (P.O. Box 6625, Albany, CA 94706, 510.542.0897) was when the nonprofit domestic animal sanctuary used to come to the Fourth Street shopping area in Berkeley and adopt out cats and dogs. In 1999, David and I fell in love with “Iggy,” a little black puppy who had been abused and abandoned, along with her sister, in Berkeley. Iggy had kennel cough but survived, and she came home with us. We renamed her Bailey, and she was a part of our family until she passed away on our watch of old age 12 years later. In memory of Bailey and to show our love for our first family dog, Isabella, who loves dogs and considers herself “part dog,” chose the Milo Foundation to support.

Bailey at rest - her usual state of being.

Beloved Bailey

The Milo Foundation is a “nonprofit, no-kill organization that provides an alternative for homeless dogs and cats throughout Northern California through education, adoption services, and a sanctuary for animals until permanent homes can be found.” Its mission is to “rescue adoptable at-risk animals, match them to homes best suited to provide lifetime care, rehabilitate those who need it, offer sanctuary to those who are not placed, and educate the public about responsible pet guardianship, including spay/neuter.” This one’s for you, Bailey, with soft floppy ears, whom we still miss dearly.

World Wildlife Fund: “A Better way to give…for our planet’s future”
The kids have always liked the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) (1250 24th Avenue, N.W., Washington, DC 20037, 202.293,4800). It doesn’t hurt that the global conservation organization has a catalog of species that are classified [per the International Union for Conservation of Nature] as endangered, extinct, extinct in the wild, critically endangered, vulnerable, near threatened, and least concern that you can “adopt.” In return for a donation, you get a plush animal. We have “adopted” many endangered animals and the kids have plush animals such as the pygmy elephant and snowy owl as proof. Jacob could not escape the allure of yet another plush animal, though he tells me that first and foremost he wants to help endangered animals. This year he chose to help the “critically endangered” Sumatran rhino, which is the smallest of the living rhinos and the only Asian rhino with two horns.

Sumatran rhino (WWF).

Sumatran rhino (WWF).

I have to say that what I appreciated from this year’s catalog was President and CEO Carter S. Roberts’ introduction: “Dear Friend, For all the rigorous science we practice at WWF and all the innovative ideas we execute, one of the most effective conservation tools at our disposal is also one of the simplest: storytelling. Because perhaps nothing conveys the exquisite splendor and inherent value of the species and landscapes we cherish and work so hard to protect, with the support of friends like you quite as powerfully as a story.

“Stories can transport us to a place we’ve never seen, and inspire us to help save them. Stories can introduce us to a fisherman we’ll never meet, but whose way of life we’ll want to help sustain. And stories connect us. The world doesn’t seem so huge and overwhelming, and the problems we seek to tackle so insurmountable, when we can share our experiences and find common ground.” A beautiful message, beautifully written. Amen.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Sundance bracelet, and Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings and three-strand necklace (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Sundance bracelet, and Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings and three-strand necklace (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

Bay Area Rescue Mission: “Changing lives for a brighter tomorrow”
David’s philanthropic philosophy, if you will, is to support local agencies. He is also supportive of agencies that address homelessness, poverty, and hunger. Bay Area Rescue Mission (2114 Macdonald 94801, 510.215.4555) was founded in 1965 in an old hotel in Richmond, CA, the next town over from El Cerrito, to provide emergency shelter and meals to homeless people. It has expanded its services through the years to include recovery program, transitional living, job-skills training, food pantry, mobile outreach, and youth outreach. We have donated to them in the past, long before we formalized our family tradition. This year, David wanted to continue to support this agency, which is an important community resource in Richmond.

Metallic bronze pump completes this ensemble.

Metallic bronze pump completes this ensemble.

Community Alliance for Learning (WriterCoach Connection)
When my son entered Portola Middle School as a seventh grader, I first learned about WriterCoach Connection, a program run by the Community Alliance for Learning (1191 Solano Avenue, #6098, Albany, CA 94706, 510.524.2319). The program was modeled after a successful writer-coach initiative on the East Coast and first implemented at Berkeley High School in February 2001. Its success led to the expansion of the program to Albany middle and high schools, Berkeley middle schools, Oakland high schools, and El Cerrito High School and Portola Middle School – all in the East Bay.

Celebrate philanthropy in style!

Celebrate philanthropy in style!

Trained community volunteers work with students on an individual basis for one hour per week. The testimonials are tremendous and inspirational. English teachers see vast improvement in their students who were previously getting low grades or not turning in their work. Students are getting the support they need and are motivated to become better writers, critical thinkers, and confident communicators. While Jacob didn’t require WCC resources, I’m a firm believer in supporting all aspects of the school community because that only strengthens the school overall.

My time is limited and to be honest I’m not a great tutor, as my kids will tell you, which is why homework duty falls on David’s shoulders. So I choose to support this incredibly important program with a modest donation. If you have the time and like to tutor, WCC would certainly appreciate your support as a community volunteer.

However you choose to give – be it through volunteering or donating or a simple act as offering a hug – give with your whole heart. To do so is an act of generosity of staggering proportions.

Beautiful blues and greens and golds.

Beautiful blues and greens and golds.