Shared joy is a double joy, shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
– Swedish proverb

Volunteerism: An Integral part of their lives
Peggy Liou, 58, attributes her volunteerism to Tenny Tsai, 59. “She is the biggest hearted person I have ever met,” she said, of her good friend. “Once you start it [volunteerism], that’s it; there’s no turning back.” Liou worked full time outside of the home, raised her son and daughter, now 31 and 23, respectively, but still found time to volunteer her time to charitable organizations. The key to volunteerism for multi-tasking mothers, and really, anybody, according to Liou, is to “surround yourself with friends who are into giving back. It makes it fun – like a friends and family event.” Tsai would often call Liou to volunteer, and Liou joked, “You can’t say no to Tenny.”

The family-formed walk group for the Alzheimer’s Association’s Walk to End Alzheimer’s, October 2012. (Photo courtesy of Tsai)

Liou’s daughter, Christina, who is Tsai’s goddaughter, recalled growing up participating in fundraising events that soon became annual family traditions. “It [volunteer work] was a part of our lives,” the elder Liou said. Every October, for example, the two families participate in the Self-Help for the Elderly‘s Golden Gate Walkathon and the Alzheimer’s Association’s Walk to End Alzheimer’s in San Francisco. The purpose of the walk is to raise people’s awareness and raise fund. In June, they attend the Self-Help for the Elderly’s annual Longevity Gala with family and friends, an annual event which raises between $400,000 and $500,000 to fund the nonprofit organization’s services. In the past, Liou has helped organize and provide the entertainment for the gala.

There are so many charitable organizations to support – from prevention and finding cures to diseases and environmental protection to elimination of hunger and homelessness locally, nationally, and globally – that choosing where to invest one’s time and energies can be daunting. The decision is made easy, according to Liou, when you choose “where your heart is.” In the last six years, since her daughter entered Stanford University, Liou became more involved in education for both the young and the elderly.

Self-Help for the Elderly fundraiser dinner: Tsai, Rosalyn Koo, Tsai’s mother Tina, and Liou, June 2012. (Photo courtesy of Tsai)

Liou pointed out that the elderly rarely get much attention. Tsai, who was very close to her grandmother and was one of her main caregivers the last 10 years of her grandmother’s life, became passionate about issues around the elderly. Another good friend of hers introduced her to Self-Help for the Elderly when Tsai was asked to serve lunches to the elderly and drive the elderly participants for the walkathons. Gradually, Tsai became more involved and in a greater capacity. Around the time of her grandmother’s passing, Tsai was urged to join the board of the Alzheimer’s Association by a local committee member who said the organization needed an advocate who could speak on behalf of a more diverse community. Tsai served on the local board for seven years, following by eight years of service on the national board. Tsai’s passion and her commitment to the elderly were inherited by her daughter, Elisha Bonny, 29, Liou’s goddaughter, who is a nurse practitioner with a specialty in geriatrics.

Turning adversity into opportunity in order to give more
Just as Tsai’s life experiences informed her volunteerism, Liou’s triumph over breast cancer is leading her to new ways of giving. “Any harsh experience is a learning experience: I got cancer for a reason,” Liou said. Whereas last year’s goal was to recover and make three trips to China, her goal for this year is to “pick up a little more volunteer work” – as if she doesn’t have enough on her plate. Liou has been talking with cancer patients and is hoping to do more. She is especially keen to change the prevalent attitude among Asian patients who believe their cancer is a punishment from God for some transgression they had committed. “If I can share anything positive with people – that’s my calling,” she said.

After one of Liou’s treatments, with Tsai and her son, Garrett, and Liou’s daughter, Christina, 2011. (Photo courtesy of Tsai)

Tsai can relate to Liou’s gift of feeling blessed. When Tsai’s grandmother passed away, she felt a void, which is common among primary caregivers. Tsai recalled going to her grandmother’s bedroom and staring at her empty bed, wondering if her own life was finished. When she began volunteering with the Alzheimer’s Association – visiting with elderly people and comforting family members of the elderly, and then participating in policy development and supporting research for cures – her own grief was lessened. “It was also a way to lessen people’s burden,” she said.

Friends, family, and faith
When Liou met her oncology doctor for the first time, he told her he could tell on the first visit which cancer patients had better recovery and survival rates. Studies have shown that chances are greater when the patient was healthy before contracting cancer (that the patient didn’t have other health conditions prior) and how many family and friends accompany the patient to treatments and doctor visits. Faith, family, and friends have been fueling Liou’s recovery. The “three F’s,” as Liou calls them, have always played important roles in both Liou’s and Tsai’s lives.

The three families went on vacations together. Tsai and Liou at Lake Tahoe, 1983. (Photo courtesy of Tsai)

At the high-tech company where they met back in 1979, Tsai and Liou had befriended a coworker, Paul Roth, and the three formed a strong bond and friendship, which resulted in the three families taking vacations together. On walks at work, Tsai and Liou became the eyes for Roth, who had lost his sight at the age of 28 in a chemistry lab accident, by describing the physical world around them. At the same time, Roth helped them “see life more in-depth,” according to Tsai. Liou agreed, adding, “We helped him see with our eyes, but he helped us to see with the heart, to see things differently.” When Tsai and Liou came to Roth with their problems, he listened to them without passing judgment and in doing so helped them resolve their own issues through talking it out.

When Roth passed away in 2005, a small foundation was set up, and every year the Roth and Tsai children determine which organization will receive the donation. “It is a wonderful way for them to learn how to work together for a good cause,” Tsai said. The three families come together every year on the day of Roth’s passing, though Tsai points out that they celebrate his life by continuing to be involved with each other’s lives. Tsai and Liou have attended Roth’s two daughters’ and their children’s births, baptisms, and birthday parties, and the three families are planning a trip to Switzerland, Roth’s homeland, in 2014.

Faith intervened to preserve the two women’s friendship when Liou was first diagnosed and they clashed over what kind of treatment and which hospital to choose. With her college degree in clinical science and her understanding of the severity of the diagnosis, Tsai believed her friend should participate in clinical trials at the University of California at San Francisco. Liou, however, didn’t want to travel to San Francisco from her home in Los Altos, even though Tsai offered to drive her for every treatment, and instead opted for chemotherapy at El Camino Hospital. When Tsai found out, she cried, believing she was going to lose her friend. While Tsai admitted to being stubborn, Liou pointed out that Tsai merely wanted the best care for her good friend.

A smiling Liou after her second treatment, 2011. (Photo by Dee Lee)

Unhappy with the decision, Tsai nevertheless accompanied Liou to her first round of chemotherapy. Tsai offered a prayer before treatment, holding hands with Liou’s husband, Leo, and daughter, Christina. When Tsai concluded the prayer, Liou’s oncology nurse responded behind them, saying, “I love Jesus, too.” Her response was a spiritual confirmation for Tsai, who said, of that moment, “I surrendered my will to God, and I realized our friendship really took me to a different level that I have to trust.” Tsai had to trust God and love Peggy, and in doing so, she had to trust her friend’s decision and let her live her own life. “If I love her and care for her, I have to totally accept that, whether I like it or not,” she said. Tsai believed that this trial strengthened their friendship and made Liou’s journey not just a medical journey but a spiritual journey.

“It’s a humbling experience,” Liou said, of all the prayers that family and friends offered on her behalf, and even the prayers of people she didn’t know from Tsai’s prayer group. Despite the difficult time, Tsai said, “There was a lot of joy around us.” Liou said she could feel the strength and the power of prayer that was offered before the “poison” was put into her body during treatments. “I could feel the energy,” Liou said. “God’s grace is there, ready for us to draw from,” Tsai said, though oftentimes it is blunted by human will and wisdom when it comes to wanting to make our own decisions. Tsai came to realize that the type of treatment or hospital didn’t really matter in the end; what mattered was trusting in God to take care of her good friend.

Looking forward to the future
Liou is currently fundraising for the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life and volunteering her time at the American Cancer Society’s Discovery Shop (243 Main Street, Los Altos, CA 94022, 650. 949.0505). When Liou was undergoing treatment, Ruth Jeng, board chairperson and founder of PEACH Foundation, realized that “time doesn’t wait for anyone” and that she needed to do more so long as she was healthy. Acting on that revelation, in addition to the Chinese adage of “do good deeds” and the cultural responsibility of taking care of family, Jeng increased the quota for sponsorships from 400 students to 600 students in 2012 and raised 2013’s goal to 900 students. Liou worried about how the additional students would get funded, and then a sponsor from Taiwan, where an equivalent organization also operates, emerged. While Liou called it “a miracle,” she said, “It also confirms our belief in ‘just do it’ attitude.”

Alzheimer’s Association’s End Alzheimer’s Walk in San Francisco: Elisha Bonny (Tsai’s daughter), Tsai, Liou, and Christina (Liou’s daughter), carrying photos of Tsai’s grandmother, who died from Alzheimer’s disease, October 2012. (Photo courtesy of Tsai)

Tsai, who turns 60 this year, has been pondering her “second life.” Tsai sees her profession as a commercial real estate broker not as a series of business transactions but as a ministry. She is currently searching for a daycare for a church that wants to provide this service to families in need. She continues to work with the elderly, ensuring that their dignity and quality of life remain intact. She finds the greatest satisfaction with one-on-one visits with the elderly, helping them through the last stage of their lives. Tsai tries to spend as much time with her parents, children, and friends, trying to carry out her maxim: “Live like there’s no tomorrow.” Sometimes, Tsai admits, she can be accused of doing too much – juggling career, family commitments, and volunteerism. That said, she is merely living out her philosophy of “do[ing] everything today.”

Tsai experienced a revelation after one of her high school friends recently died of ovarian cancer. Tsai’s visits over the duration of 10 months didn’t change the outcome. What changed, however, was making her friend’s life as well as her own life “more bearable” during those visits. It was difficult for Tsai to watch her friend suffer and to let her go. Despite the physical pain, Tsai’s friend found great comfort in their friendship and in having Tsai be there with her. “If I can be the little buffer or little agent to be there, other people make my life more acceptable,” Tsai said. “That’s what it’s all about.”

Back in July 2012, when Tsai was looking at the PEACH Foundation kids, she wondered how she was giving them hope. “It’s not the one hundred fifty dollars or two hundred fifty dollars a year,” she concluded. “It’s the touch you gave the kids, the hug, and you being there. That’s the crucial word – that you’re being there for them.” At the many crossroads in their lives, Tsai and Liou have been there for one another, holding one another’s hand, listening to each other’s problems and in their listening helping them sort out the issues and resolve the problems themselves. “That,” Tsai concluded, as Liou nodded and smiled, “is what a good friend is all about.”

Liou and Tsai in Los Altos, February 2013.

It is prosperity that gives us friends, adversity that proves them.
– proverb

Peggy Liou and Tenny Tsai, in Los Altos, February 2013.

When Peggy Liou, 58, was diagnosed with Stage III, Triple-Negative Breast Cancer in December 2010, her friend Tenny Tsai, 59, accompanied her to nine of her 10 rounds of chemotherapy the following year. [The only round Tsai missed conflicted with her son’s graduation.] During her treatment, Tsai promised that she would accompany Liou to China on a volunteer mission once Liou recovered. In July 2012, the two close friends, who met as programmers for a Silicon Valley company in 1979, traveled to a poor, mountainous region in China, where Tsai encountered what she called a “life-changing” experience and Liou returned to the children who, she says passionately, needed her – and whom she needed.

‘Walking the walk’
Since 2001, Liou has been involved with the PEACH Foundation U.S.A., which stands for Promoting Education, Arts and Community Harvest. The Foster City, CA-based nonprofit organization’s main project is to help children from the poorer regions of China stay in school. In China, education is free up until middle school. Finishing middle school is a challenge for students in remote regions, however, because their families can’t afford the room and board. The PEACH Foundation sponsors economically disadvantaged students, but they have to be motivated to stay in school, Liou explained. Thus, students nominated by the local middle schools must be among the top 20 in their class. Sponsors donate 125 USD for middle school students and 250 USD for high school students. A sponsor for 10 years, Liou became more involved in 2006 – “walking the walk,” as she refers to it – by traveling to China three times a year to conduct interviews and home and school visits.

Volunteer teachers for the first session of the PEACH summer camp in Yunnan, China, July 2012. (Photo courtesy of Peggy Liou)

“We don’t just give them the money; we care about the kids,” Liou said, which distinguishes the PEACH Foundation from other organizations. Every summer, the foundation sends volunteers to China to teach in summer camps. “The purpose of the camp is to care for those kids,” she said, which includes developing self-esteem, something the children lack because of the stigma of their socio-economic standing. Liou, who translates the children’s autobiographies from Chinese to English to post on the organization’s website, said that many of their stories “break your heart.”

Liou and her students at the PEACH summer camp, Yunnan, China, July 2012. (Photo courtesy of Liou)

Liou recently translated the story of a girl who had started school at the age of seven but quit at age nine at her parents’ request when her father became very ill. While her mother took care of her father and the household, she was responsible for taking care of the family cow, which meant taking it to the mountains, even in inclement weather. “I couldn’t help but cry when I saw other children attending school because I wanted to go back to school so badly,” the girl had written. Within a span of four years, her father was hospitalized and underwent two surgeries. When her father’s health improved, he told her she could return to school, but she thought it was “too late” and that people would laugh at her for going back to third grade at the age of 13. She came to realize, however, that if she didn’t go back now she would never have that chance again. On her first day of school, she wrote how excited she was to return and resume her education. The girl, whom Liou called “brave,” is now in the ninth grade.

Changing lives and being changed
Students who are accepted attend a new student orientation in the summer, which is run by up to 40 volunteers from the U.S. and Taiwan per section, with 400 students in each section. The orientation packs English and Chinese language lessons, music, and other activities into nine-hour days. Tsai had been a sponsor for the PEACH Foundation for four years, but eschewed volunteering for the summer camps because it wasn’t her “cup of tea.” Although Liou had asked Tsai to join her a few times in the past, Liou noted that it was Tsai’s over-commitment to other volunteer activities that kept Tsai from going.

Teachers and parents mold their students for years and their children for a lifetime, respectively, Tsai said, but after the 10-day camp, volunteers come away having changed somebody’s life – as well as their own. “You build a relationship with them,” she said. While volunteers can’t solve the children’s life problems, Tsai pointed out that these children, who often have never had people care about them, experience the generosity of strangers who have come into and made a difference in their lives.

Tsai teaching her students at the PEACH summer camp, Yunnan, China, July 2012. (Photo courtesy of Liou)

For Tsai, the experience also made her realize the tremendous scope and amount of work that Liou had accomplished in the last 10 years with the organization. “I was speechless,” she said. She also witnessed the tenacity and passion of her good friend when Liou badgered her doctors after each round of chemotherapy, wanting to know when she could return to the mountains of China. At first, Tsai was frustrated with Liou because they had discussed going to Europe when she recovered. With her lymph nodes removed as part of the treatment, Liou was advised against traveling and being in high elevations, but still she persisted. “Somebody else is up there!” Tsai scolded Liou, referring to other volunteers running the camp.

Tsai grew to understand and appreciate the bond Liou had developed with the children she knew and those she had yet to know. “It was almost the purpose, her goal for living,” Tsai said. In 2012, Liou participated in a cancer support group as she fought to recover. For her type of cancer, the recovery rate is two years and the survival rate is 50/50. “I’m the lucky 50 because I have a reason to live,” she said. “I have a mission waiting for me to do. I have kids who need me. They keep me going.” Liou said that the kids at the foundation saved her life, which motivated her to get well. “I have to do it; I have to go see them,” she added.

Liou spent 2012 recovering from her treatment and learning how to take care of herself and preparing herself for when – not if – the cancer comes back. “I’ve come alive again,” she said. When she wakes up every morning, Liou says she is grateful: “I learned how to live as if each day is a blessing.”

Editor’s note: Part II will be posted on Monday, March 25th.

Liou after her second round of chemotherapy, February 2011. (Photo by Dee Lee)