Ringing in the New Year, 2015

And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.
– Rainer Maria Rilke, Czech poet considered one of the German language’s greatest 20th century poets

A cold New Year's Day at Heart's Desire Beach, Indian Trail, Tomales Bay.

A cold New Year’s Day at Heart’s Desire Beach, Indian Trail, Tomales Bay.

It’s the first Sunday afternoon of the New Year. My cousin Janet and her husband Tim left for home earlier in the day, having wrapped up an extended New Year’s celebration with our family. I always feel bereft when guests leave, though a mountain of towels and sheets need to be washed and cleaning the house appeals to my sense of orderliness. We are holding off taking down the decorations until next weekend when we have more time. I’m glad for the extra week because business travel made me miss out on 10 days of enjoying being surrounded by the spirit of Christmas. Now that all is calm, I have a quiet afternoon for reflection before Monday roars its ugly head and swallows me whole.

Heart's Desire Beach.

From Heart’s Desire Beach…

to Indian Beach.

…to Indian Beach.

This was the second year in a row that Janet and Tim came up to ring in the New Year with us. We celebrated New Year’s Eve with another tradition, the birthday and NYE party of our friend Raissa, with her family and friends. We stayed longer than we did the previous year, so when we got up in the morning we took our time getting to our destination. Last year we saw a lot of wildlife at Point Reyes. While we traveled to Point Reyes again this year, we ended up at Tomales Bay, walking along Heart’s Desire Beach and Indian Beach, checking out the sea anemones, crabs, and clams. As long as I’ve lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, this is the first time I’ve been to these beaches. We also identified birds we encountered, thanks to Tim’s bird book.

A thrush graces us with its presence.

A thrush graces us with its presence.

Spying a woodpecker.

Spying a woodpecker.

It’s important to me that we spend New Year’s Day paying homage to Nature. It’s a way of making a promise that we’ll honor Mother Earth today and every day of this year and every year. It’s also honoring our family tradition, which we’ve expanded to include Janet and Tim. David made our traditional pot roast for dinner (albeit a day later because we got home so late), and Janet and Tim brought up a turkey for our final dinner of the New Year weekend, which David supplemented with his famous mashed potatoes and mushrooms and beans vegetable dish. We said grace before each dinner, with everyone getting a turn. The common theme: We are grateful for spending time with family and friends, having good health, having food on our table, and a roof over our head.

Ghostly trees on Indian Trail.

Ghostly trees on Indian Trail.

More trees fanning their branches out.

More trees fanning their branches out.

The trees just before...

The trees just before…

...we hit the trail.

…we hit the trail.

Last year went by so quickly, and I’ve no doubt this year will be the same. Every year I vow to live more fully in the present. I’ll admit that I was not successful every time. Maybe not even half the time. But I celebrate the other 50 percent of the time. Life is fleeting. Time is fleeting. We can’t always do what we want when we want or be free of life’s shackles or barriers. But growing older has taught me a few things. Growing older has made me be more mindful, to find those gems, and hold them a bit longer in our hands. So have a grand entrance and make 2015 a year that you will look back on in December and say, “I lived a full life.”

Barnacles, an abundance of marine life on the bay.

Barnacles, an abundance of marine life on the bay.

Moss clings to tree branches like cobwebs.

Moss clings to tree branches like cobwebs.

A peaceful walk along the beach to celebrate the New Year.

A peaceful walk along the beach, searching for marine life, to celebrate the New Year.

The Enrado-Rossi holiday greeting for New Year’s Eve

For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await a new voice.
– T.S. Eliot, recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature, poet, dramatist, and literary critic, from Four Quartets

Sharing my annual holiday greeting on my blog….

Prologue
I began our holiday letter at various times throughout December – and still haven’t finished it! It’s now post-Christmas and I finally have quiet time to reflect on the past year. I decided to keep the snapshot frame around this year’s reflections.

Dear Family and Friends:
As I sit here on a rainy night at SFO, waiting for my delayed red-eye cross-country flight and the frenzy of company meetings but happily anticipating spending time with dear friends afterwards, I realize my current situation mirrors what the year has been like for me and my family: Crazy busy, time slipping through our fingers, sharing adventures, making it a priority to spend precious time with family and friends, shaping our dreams, and more crazy busy.

Reflections of a great year - Barnes Museum, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Reflections of a great year – Barnes Museum, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Our big adventure this year as a family was our visit to Philadelphia this past August. My goal is to have the kids visit major cities and national/state parks every year while still under our roof. I feel the urgency, knowing that I’m running out of time! We chose our nation’s first capital after Jacob’s enthusiasm over a Washington, D.C., 8th grade trip in February. We figured we could enjoy a history lesson as a family. What we learned or memorable lessons: Ben Franklin was the man (thumbs up), while George Washington as president took advantage of a loophole in the City’s no-slaves law by switching out his slaves every six months (thumbs down). We made stops to Baltimore to watch an Orioles game in Camden Yards and outside of Philly to see Gettysburg and Amish country in the towns of Lancaster/Bird-in-Hand/Intercourse. We also caught a Phillies game, much to Isabella’s chagrin – she who does not like baseball of any kind.

City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, August 2014.

City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Promotion ceremony, June 2014.

Promotion ceremony, June 2014.

Jacob: Yes, we have a high schooler in the house
The day has finally come: David and I are parents of a high schooler. Jacob’s two years at Portola Middle School – as we were warned – flew by. His year was highlighted by the D.C. trip and having two wonderful teachers who shaped him academically. Mr. Aloi, his unorthodox history teacher, gave him a love of history – more importantly, a love of the backstory to those memorized dates and names of famous people, places, and events. Mr. McCormick, who was voted teacher of the year for the district, created an environment in which Jacob appreciated English, and this is from a kid who doesn’t like to write or read. Major kudos for that magic! The combination of his love of history and being in our nation’s capital made quite the impression on him. After we convinced him that he isn’t cut out for joining the military, he has settled for learning everything he can about WWII. Months ago, he convinced me to watch Saving Private Ryan with him; we stayed up until 2AM Saturday morning. He has since dug up old DVDs we have – Why We Fight and The Fog of War – and after I summarized these documentaries for him and asked if he was interested in watching them, he said sure. I was thrilled. (Post script: We got to see them during the holiday break!)

As I sit here, among rows of black and steel chairs filling up with weary travelers and amid the constant thump of the escalator, I am warmed by recalling the past weekend. Surrounded by the roaring fireplace and our fragrant Noble Fir tree, we four watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, adding our running commentary throughout, nourished by our traditional popcorn, hot cocoa, Trader Joe’s mini chocolate stars, and chocolate-caramel-sea salt tea. The next night we watched It’s a Wonderful Life, which is my favorite holiday movie. They both loved it, and I was touched when Jacob told me later that he really liked the movie. He’s not as talkative as he used to be, though he’ll surprise me with bursts now and then. But while he’s discovering his freedom and I feel that pull away, I also feel a closeness that I know will always remain. Last Sunday evening when I was working in front of the fireplace, he sat next to me on the sofa to study and we shared the blanket that was keeping me warm.

Strike 3 coming off the mound, Fremont, CA, summer 2014.

Strike 3 coming off the mound, Fremont, CA, summer 2014.

This year was Jacob’s last season on his Hornets baseball travel team, which was ending after a four-year stint because half the team was entering high school in the fall. The team gelled and played extremely well, winning a tournament and placing second in a few other tournaments. It was gratifying for me – and for David, who was his manager all four years – to see the team’s well-executed plays both on offense and defense. It’s sad to see this era end, but exciting to see what high school baseball will bring. As for his other sport, it will also be “thrilling” for David and me when he finally puts in the time and effort into getting his Black Belt in tae kwondo. We’re still waiting….

Flying high in tae kwondo.

Flying high in tae kwondo.

A guest speaker at our December high school PTSA meeting who has studied child psychology gave a short presentation on the teenaged brain – that strange, wonderful, and mysterious organ. She informed us that our brains don’t mature until between the ages of 25 and 30. That explains a lot! It also made me want to tell Jacob – enjoy life and don’t feel pressured about plotting out your life just yet (because your mom will worry on the sidelines for you!). I’m trying to balance the hand-wringing over grades and the nurturing of his love of history, stop-action filmmaking, and animal sciences by opening up windows and opportunities for him to explore these areas. He had a smooth transition to high school and is really enjoying his classes, teachers, and new and old friends. It’s an exciting time for him, and I find myself catching my breath when I spy him from afar and I see him changing, growing up right before my eyes. These are indeed the miracle years.

Spring soccer with Coach Michelle and Coach Brian.

Spring soccer with Coach Michelle and Coach Brian.

Isabella: Our big-hearted animal lover and steward of the environment
Isabella, who turned 12 in early December, is the over-scheduled child, but it’s of her own choosing. She is involved in fall and spring soccer, band (Wednesday evenings with the middle school band teacher in addition to elementary school band), Shakespeare for Kids, horseback riding lessons, and flamenco. She has always loved animals, but after I took her to an urban homesteading talk, she dreams of raising farm animals and growing a garden, partly because it’s good for the environment. She and her friends have raised funds each month selling home-baked cookies and fresh lemonade for the Milo Foundation, which rescues and adopts out dogs and cats. It warms my heart that she is already a good steward of our earth.

Isabella and Tana at a March performance - flamenco twins.

Isabella and Tana at a March 2014 performance – flamenco twins.

Isabella had a rough academic year with two difficult teachers in 5th grade but is enjoying her last year, 6th grade, at Harding Elementary School (our 10th year!). We look forward to her entering middle school, though the passing is bittersweet. She still holds my hand or slips her arm through my arm, wakes up early on weekends so she can accompany me on walks with Rex, and loves running errands with me. That said, she spends a lot of time now with her door closed, playing with her Breyer horses or looking up rabbit videos on YouTube. She’s growing taller and wears a size 8 now (the curse of the Enrado women big feet), big enough to wear some of my shoes. She still thinks boys and girls should play separately. All that will change in a few short years. But for now, she’s my sweetie. I can always count on her to say, when I ask her what’s up, “Nothing but love.”

Isabella and Maggie in Santa Rosa, summer 2014.

Isabella and Maggie in Santa Rosa, summer 2014.

David: An Explosion of projects
After the recession sort of went away, David’s work has exploded to the levels we saw prior to the shutdown in the fall of 2008. Like everybody else in the household, David has had an active year. His office is extremely busy, and has grown to 70 people, while his group is up to eight people, five of whom are quite young. Combined with the volume of work, the youth of the staff has kept David on his toes, a far cry from where things were a couple of years ago. He’s putting in some long hours mentoring the staff and working on several projects, from city blocks of residential structures to smaller renovation jobs. This year also marked David’s final season coaching Jacob’s baseball team, and though he enjoyed coaching over the past six years, he was more than ready to hang up his spikes, sit in the stands, and become a spectator. He’s also been pretty dedicated about attending Isabella’s soccer games.

Enjoying America's favorite pastime with the Phillies and the Mets, August 2014.

Enjoying America’s favorite pastime with the Phillies and the Mets, August 2014.

Patty: Finding my way amid the frenzy
I’m in a nostalgic bent right now, and maybe for end-of-the-year musings this frame of mind is appropriate. So now I’m sitting in Portland International, awaiting my flight back home after this business trip and wonderful time spent with long-time good friends Jack and Fay and their kids. I didn’t travel as much this year as in previous years. And aside from the recent Portland, ME, business/pleasure trip, I only traveled to Las Vegas, Orlando, and Dallas, not-so-desirous destinations. We’re continuing to grow my department, a strategic goal of my company, with me still doing some writing but mostly focusing on management and business development, finally working upstream with the sales team and management to create long-term programs (as opposed to having projects land on my desk for execution). In February I was promoted to senior manager of custom content, and I hope to continue that upward trajectory with a lot of creativity and freedom to make that growth a reality.

Turning the kids into Aggies on Picnic Day at UC Davis, April 2014.

Turning the kids into Aggies on Picnic Day at UC Davis, April 2014.

I joined the East Bay Lunafest Committee last year and in March we had a successful Lunafest screening. Lunafest is a film festival “by, for and about women” that enables local communities to fundraise for both the Breast Cancer Foundation and local organizations. In the fall, I joined El Cerrito High School’s Investing in Academic Excellence, which is a rare committee that actually makes a difference. We identify academic needs, raise funds, and build out programs to address those needs. It’s very gratifying and we’ll be able to see immediate benefits once we roll out the programs in the spring.

Amid work, extracurricular activities, and family duties and activities, I’ve had to cut back on my blog. I don’t know how I was able to blog three times a week, especially during the busy season at work, for the first two years of its existence. I scaled back to two times a week, and as time went on, I found that I’d go through a week to several weeks (like now) of not having time to write. The blog has also changed a bit in that I don’t have as much time to interview all the interesting women I meet and it’s become less of a lifestyle blog and more of a contemplative blog. David pointed out that the reason I don’t have as much time is that I’m finally exchanging activities like blogging with a couple of hours of sleep a night – a good trade from a health perspective!

My all-time favorite photo of me and the kids, outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014.

My all-time favorite photo of me and the kids this year, outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014.

I finished my novel, A Village in the Fields, earlier this year, and I began the dreaded but deliberately short search for a literary agent. After a well-known agent who represented one of my favorite authors asked to read my manuscript in the summer but ended up not taking it, I decided to abandon the traditional route. I’ve queried small publishers, and as I wait, I’m exploring other ways of how to get it to my core audience – the Filipino and Asian American communities and Asian American Studies programs at universities across the country. It takes stepping back from reading, researching, and writing to develop and commit to a plan of action, and I just have to do it. Once I do that, I can clear my head and be totally committed to the second novel, which is awaiting my undivided attention. That means the fate of the first novel will be decided and executed in 2015, which by the way is the 50th anniversary of the Great Delano Grape Strike – a perfect marketing tool! Stay tuned.

‘In everything, give thanks’
I find myself realizing – during rare quiet moments or when a miracle or tragedy occurs outside of our family – how lucky and blessed we are. Health, a roof over our heads, a means to make our lives comfortable when so many are without these basic needs. I sound like a broken record to Jacob and Isabella about appreciating what they have and therefore sharing and giving our gifts to those not as fortunate as we. It’s only then do we fully grasp how rich our lives are and how this is really the only way to live. As we close out another year and look to the New Year, as we celebrate the holidays, we wish you much love and joy, peace and justice, and light in your lives!

Rex, our 13-year-old dog in the autumn of his life.

Rex, our 14-year-old dog in the autumn of his life, wishes everyone a long life.

The Gratitude Challenge: 7 days of thoughtful gratitude

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
– A.A. Milne, English author and poet, from Winnie the Pooh

I got on Facebook to help promote my writing, but I soon discovered that it connected me with friends both near and far-flung, friends from my deep past to recent acquaintances. I rarely participate  in the chain-letter-type activities that make the rounds on Facebook. I read about the Gratitude Challenge being taken on by a number of friends and was soon nominated by my good friend Laurel Kallenbach. With my participation now concluded, I share my seven days of gratitude here on my blog.

Day 1 – baseball is life, life is baseball
Thank you, Laurel Kallenbach, for nominating me for the Gratitude Challenge. I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 21st, is my first day (baseball gratitude theme) and I nominate Jack Beaudoin, Kara De La Paz, and Cecie Uytingco Mendoza.

1. I am grateful for David, who told me to go ahead and go to the baseball game today and he would do the tons of laundry and cleaning today and watch Isabella and her friend Kelly.

2. I am grateful for Jacob, who said, “Mom, I want to go to the game with you.” (Because David and Isabella didn’t want to.) I’m grateful that he still wants to spend time with me, even though he’s a teenager, and that we have more meaningful conversations and discussions.

3. I am grateful that my last regular-season Oakland A’s game that I attended this year ended with a win, which allowed us to celebrate with the crazy right-field bleacher loyal fans. “Never Quit” and “Keep Fighting”

Spontaneous partners in crime: our friends Robert and his son, Sasha, join us in cheering the 10th-inning walk-off home run win.

Spontaneous partners in crime: our friends Robert and his son, Sasha, join us in the right-field bleachers. At the moment all seems glum, but soon we will be cheering the 10th-inning walk-off home run by Josh Donaldson, aka The Bringer of Rain (Photo credit: Mike DeMay – thanks, Mike!).

Day 2 – labor day
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 22nd, is Day 2 (Work gratitude theme, appropriately for a Monday) and I nominate Gordon Hunt, Eric Wicklund, and Diana Manos for the Gratitude Challenge.

1. I’m grateful to have great, hardworking colleagues around me to get the job done. Even though I work remotely, I am part of a great team who appreciates and supports what I do.

2. I’m grateful to work at home and be there for my kids – like the time both had pneumonia two winters ago, separate times, of course, and both were out of school for two weeks each. Did not have to eat up vacation days. Working at home also allows me to walk Isabella to school every morning.

3. I’m especially grateful for my geriatric companion, Rex, who keeps me company in the nearby library. While he’s not a great personal assistant, at least he sleeps most of the day and lets me get my work done. I can’t imagine my work day without him.

Rex ready for a Monday morning.

Rex ready for a Monday morning.

Day 3 – supporting our public schools
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 23rd, is Day 3 (school gratitude) and I nominate Juliet Jamsheed, Daniel Philippe, and Denise Portello Evans.

1. I attended my first Investing in Academic Excellence meeting at El Cerrito High School last night, and I’m really excited to help this important organization raise funds for various school initiatives. I am grateful for the ECHS families who are working really hard for the school – the new families I’m meeting and the good friends whom I’ve known for years and whose end of journey together is less than four years away. I’m grateful that Jacob is off to a great start as a freshman there and has some inspirational teachers and a solid principal.

2. I am grateful for the two years we concluded at Portola Middle School (Korematsu now). We had two really wonderful teachers who have made a lasting impression on Jacob and a hardworking principal. Looking forward to returning there next year, in the new campus.

3. We are finishing up 10 years at Harding Elementary School this year. While I’m excited about finally leaving elementary school, I am forever grateful for the inspirational teachers and the many wonderful families and friends I’ve met and worked with on behalf of the school. I’ve made life-long friends and I’ve watched some pretty special kids grow up with my kids.

A Harding tradition: getting families together for a potluck after the last day of school. Here with friends Tana and Lori after our kids finished up fifth grade, celebrating at Arlington Park.

A Harding Elementary School tradition: getting families together for a potluck after the last day of school. Here with friends Tana and Lori, watching our kids, who finished fifth grade, play at Arlington Park this past June.

Day 4 – or purpose in life: giving back
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. I just read an article on Melinda Gates and her work with the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and was inspired by her desire to make the world better. Today, September 24th, is Day 4 (giving and helping others theme) and I nominate Anja Hakoshima, Kimi Ynigues, and Kathy Brackett.

1. I am grateful for the work that my friend Jane Fischberg and her colleagues do at Rubicon Programs, whose mission is to “prepare low-income people to achieve financial independence and to partner with people with mental illness on their journey of recovery.” Especially in this current political climate, supporting both groups is not very popular, making their work even more challenging. But my friend Jane has a big heart and strong resolve. In an interview with me, she said, “I really do believe in giving back and I feel like a life of not giving back is not fulfilling. I’ve always felt the reason for living is to be of service, so that informed what I’ve always done.”

2. I am grateful for the work that my friend Alissa Hauser and her colleagues do at The Pollination Project, whose mission is to “expand compassion to the planet, people, and animals.” The Pollination Project’s mission aligns with Alissa’s philosophy: “What I’m most committed to is creating more kindness and compassion in the world,” she said. “There are so many ways to do it; there are so many ways I have done it. But at the end of the day, I just want to be a person who inspires other people to be nice to one another, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.”

3. I am grateful for my daughter, Isabella, who also has a big heart. She and her friends have baked cookies and made lemonade to sell at various parks to raise money for the Milo Foundation. She talks about wanting to save endangered animals, rescuing dogs from being put down, saving the earth from the harm that we do to it, and more. I want to continue nurturing in her that desire of giving and helping others.

Isabella and her friends have been selling cookies and lemonade for the Milo Foundation.

Isabella and her friends have been selling cookies and lemonade for the Milo Foundation.

Day 5 – our Indian summer fall
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 25th, is Day 5 (Nature theme) and I nominate Rose Cee, David Bruce-Casares, and Claire Richardson.

1. I am grateful for the rain that woke me up early this morning. While we have a long way to go to erase California’s drought, it’s a start, an early one at that.

2. I am grateful for the maple leaves changing color, announcing autumn’s return. The display is definitely not as spectacular as the leaves changing in the Northeast or other parts of the country, but all I need is a golden ginkgo and a flaming red and orange maple tree and I’m ready to celebrate one of my favorite seasons.

3. I am grateful for the small resurgence of my garden, which was stricken with powdery mildew in late July and pretty much petered out and left me with charred buds and dried-out sticks. However, with our Indian summer in full force, the carnations, fuschia, scabiosas, and poppies are bursting from their pots – a final send-off and blast of cream, purple, pink, red and white ripples.

Indian summer autumn bouquet.

Indian summer autumn bouquet.

Day 6 – TGIF
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 26th, is Day 6 (TGIF theme) and I nominate John Buettner, Julie Redlin, and Maria Francesca.

1. I am grateful for my pumpkin-spiced chai latte that gets me through the mornings. My day starts on East coast time, so by the time I sit down to eat my breakfast and begin work again, I have already gone through my work e-mail and immediate, deadline-oriented work tasks, done my exercises and ridden my bike, walked Rex, and dropped off Isabella at school. The moment I settle into my office chair and sip my chai latte, I literally catch my second wind.

2. I am grateful for the mellow glass of red wine that will help me unwind in the evening. It’s something I look forward to when Friday evening hits and the work week is behind me.

3. I am grateful for a quiet Friday evening, watching the A’s win and now enjoying the rest of the fall evening with David and Isabella.

Even Rex is chillin' on an autumn Friday evening.

Even Rex is chillin’ on an autumn Friday evening.

Day 7 – a writer’s heart-felt thank you
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 27th, is my last day, Day 7 (writer’s gratitude), and I nominate Yoko Morita, Alex Davis, and Nancy Donovan.

1. I am grateful for discovering and embracing the written word and the many gifts it brings – the sentence that dances, the character who enrages you, the places you can taste and touch, the moment created that brings you to a moment of truth in your past, the page that keeps you turning it, the book that leaves you bereft because the magic has ended.

2. I am grateful for the community of writers I have met throughout my life and call my friends, mentors, fellow writers, and careful readers – you know who you are, but a special shout out to Jack Beaudoin, Laurel Kallenbach, John Farrell, and Sands Hall.

3. I am grateful for my non-writer friends and family who have nurtured me in so many different ways – as careful readers, muses, emotional supporters, and more – you know who you are, too, but a special shout out to Kathy Brackett and David, always.

John, me, and Jack with our "author poses" at the Orange Grove, Syracuse University, 1990.

John, me, and Jack with our “author poses” at the Orange Grove, Syracuse University, 1990.

This exercise made me realize how many things, events, and people I am grateful for every day but oftentimes in the rush of the day I don’t reflect fully or give appropriate props. I’ll remember this challenge and remind myself every evening, during a quiet moment before I retire for the night, to look back on my day and give gratitude. Thanks again, Laurel, for the nomination!

In praise of a good story.

In praise of a good story – both reading one and writing one (door sign given to me by my college and good friend Susie Merrill many, many moons ago, which still holds a prominent place in my office).

Labor Day Weekend: you can go home again

We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.
– Pascal Mercier, pseudonym of Peter Bieri, Swiss writer and philosopher, from Night Train to Lisbon

For years, we have traveled to my hometown of Terra Bella to celebrate the San Esteban Circle’s Labor Day Weekend festivities. My late father and his cousins – my uncles – hailed from the coastal village of San Esteban, which has a view of the South China Sea and is part of the province of Ilocos Sur on the Philippine island of Luzon. My father’s cousins settled in Terra Bella, a rural farming town in the Central Valley of California, in the 1950s after World War II. In 1955, they founded the San Esteban Circle, a club that offered social activities and financial and other kinds of support for its members. Our family moved from Los Angeles to Terra Bella in 1965 after my father’s doctor recommended that he leave the city for the country for his health.

Lechon - traditional spit-roasted suckling pig - is a staple at Filipino banquets.

Lechon – traditional spit-roasted suckling pig – is a staple at Filipino banquets.

The Filipino community in Terra Bella has always been a tight-knit group. Most of my aunts and uncles picked grapes in the summer and in the wintertime the women packed oranges at the local packing house. We were a small band of kids attending the elementary school and trying to fit in. On Saturday – after everyone came home from the fields or packing house – and Sunday afternoons, my relatives congregated at one home to play mahjong and card games and eat an abundance of Filipino food. The host house rotated every week.

On Labor Day Weekend, the San Esteban Circle hosts luncheons and a big dance, which raises funds and concludes with the coronation of a queen and her court, at the local Veterans Memorial Building. As kids, we were forced to attend the long evening in starchy dresses, but I admit that I was fascinated by my relatives’ supreme confidence on the dance floor with ballroom dances such as the cha-cha-cha. They transformed themselves, changing out of their farm worker attire and into their embroidered barong Tagalog shirts and traditional gowns with butterfly sleeves. As teenagers, we participated in the “box” dance fundraisers, in which long lines of relatives would dance for two seconds and deposit a cash donation with the treasurer at the front of the main hall. The girls and later women got half of the proceeds. Not a bad haul for dancing for 15 minutes!

As an adult I came home Labor Day Weekend because aside from Thanksgiving and Christmas, it was the only time I could see my relatives and catch up with my cousins in one place. We took the kids, though their connection to the community has always been tenuous because I didn’t bring them down as much as I should have, in retrospect. As a family we went to one dance, which was fun. Imagine older Filipinos doing the line dance to Bill Ray Cyrus’s Achy Breaky Heart. But then the next year the kids and David begged off, so Janet and I only attended the luncheons from then on.

The dance in 1997. My mom is sixth, from the right. I'm next to her, and Janet's mom, Auntie Virgie, is on the other side of me.

The dance in 1997. My mom is sixth, from the left. I’m next to her, and Janet’s mom, Auntie Virgie, is on my left.

Two years ago, we celebrated Janet and Tim’s anniversary in Cambria, on the Central Coast, where they were married over the Labor Day Weekend. While everyone had a great time, I secretly missed my once-a-year touch with my Filipino heritage. However, I also had a reason to not go down, especially that year, as I’ll explain later. In 2013, we didn’t visit because Janet and Tim were dealing with family matters. When we came down this year, I wasn’t planning on attending the luncheon. When my mother passed away in early January 2012, in our grief, my sisters and I failed to let our relatives in Terra Bella know in a timely way many decisions we had made concerning our mother, most notably our decision to release her from her excruciating pain and have her remains cremated and honored in a quickly put together memorial – not in our hometown but in Folsom, where she lived the last of her 15 years of life. Another decision that our relatives were upset about was having her remains rest in Folsom, rather than in Porterville, the next town over from Terra Bella, where our dad’s remains have rested since he passed away in 1995.

At the time, the anger from our relatives confused and upset me. We were grieving and our grief clouded our decisions. Why were they not honoring our wishes and decisions? They clearly had their own ideas of how things should have been done. Not too long afterwards, I looked at the situation from their viewpoint. Even though my mother married into my father’s family, she was embraced by the community. While not one of the first to settle in Terra Bella, nonetheless we were one of the original families. At the time of her illness, my mother was one of the last remaining members of the community’s generation, although she no longer lived in Terra Bella. (She came down for the festivities nearly every year, as my sister and I took turns driving her down.)

One of our aunts was especially angry. To appease our relatives, who were too frail to travel and especially on such short notice, we put together another hasty memorial for our mother at the church where we were baptized and held our first communion and confirmation. Our aunt sat in the back of the church, on the opposite side of the pews where my sisters and I sat. She came late to the luncheon. She did not look at us and when she had to respond to us, she was stony faced and curt. We sat uncomfortably among our relatives during the luncheon, watching the slide show that my nephew had created for my mom’s memorial, unsure of what they were saying about us because our parents never taught us Ilocano and we just never picked up the language to understand the spoken word. Our relatives thought it wrong that we had cremated her and were horrified to learn of our intention to scatter her ashes, which they felt was akin to separating parts of her body. We learned that the Catholic Church, while it recently accepted cremations, requires internment of the ashes.

50th Anniversary of the San Esteban Circle in 2005. My mom with her walker, recovering from back surgery, and Auntie Berta next to her.

50th Anniversary of the San Esteban Circle in 2005. My mom with her walker, recovering from back surgery, and Auntie Berta next to her.

My Auntie Leonore, who was once married to my mom’s brother, hosted the first anniversary luncheon in January 2013. We sat through the luncheon, awkwardly trying to make conversation with our relatives. We just had nothing to say. After that, I thought to myself, I can no longer come home again. I will never attend the festivities now that my mom is gone and we are not members of the San Esteban Circle. We are not really part of the community anymore. Two years passed.

Over this past summer, my sister had cleaned out her home and dropped off boxes and bags of items for me to give to Auntie Leonore. We had planned to visit just Janet and Tim this Labor Day Weekend. I called Auntie Leonore the day before we left so I could get her new address to drop off my sister’s things at her house. But she wouldn’t give her address and insisted that I attend the luncheon, where she was going to help with the cooking. She wanted me to be there. I told her I wasn’t sure I would be welcomed, but she insisted that nobody was angry. Come and be a part of the community again, she entreated.

So Janet and I came, with great trepidation on my part. I saw the one aunt who was the angriest of the group. She is 91 and still driving. She is the last remaining aunt of the first generation. I wasn’t sure how she would respond, but when I gave her a kiss and a hug, she held on to me and smiled. We ate lunch with my cousins and spent the next couple of hours catching up. I recognized a few faces, but saw more strangers. Attendance had been dwindling for years, but this year it was paltry, which one of my cousins explained why. Many years ago, after I had left, the second generation created the San Esteban Schools Alumni Association to meet the needs of the younger crowd. The two clubs collaborated and at some point a new tradition emerged, with each club hosting its own dance during the long weekend.

Many of my cousins came for my mom's memorial in Folsom, January 2012. Isabella's first photobomb!

Many of my cousins came for my mom’s memorial in Folsom, January 2012. Isabella’s first photobomb!

Last year, the clubs promoted their candidate. At the conclusion of the dance, the San Esteban Circle’s candidate, who had garnered the most donations, was crowned, but the Alumni protested. Apparently, someone had forgotten to include a donated check so once that check was tallied, the Alumni’s candidate became the eventual winner. The following day, the San Esteban Circle Board met and declared that late donations and checks would no longer be accepted. An uproar ensued. The two clubs split, never to work together again. The Alumni chose a different time of year to have their dance and took the bulk of the attendees with them, with the San Esteban Circle membership dwindling.

We all laughed at the story with knowing glances. Family feuds seem to be part of the culture, with elephant memories feeding the feuds. I was overjoyed to reconnect with my cousins and joke about Filipino stereotypes and reminisce over long ago memories. We all remembered when Uncle Doman – not really our uncle but we called everyone uncle or manong, a term of respect, back then – was chased out of our house by relatives after being caught cheating at rummy. To this day, I remember playing in the front of the house, hearing an uproar inside, and seeing Uncle Doman flying out the door, barely escaping the wrath of my parents and my aunts and uncles. He was never allowed to play again.

Janet and I couldn’t stay the entire afternoon. Before we left we requested a group photo of us cousins. We had Auntie Berta sit in the middle, the centerpiece of the photo. By chance, I ended up sitting next to her and leaned into her so everyone could fit in the frame. As the photographer adjusted the camera, she grasped my hand and gave it a hard squeeze. I kissed her on the cheek, her squishy cool skin. I squeezed her hand, hands that had picked grapes and packed oranges for decades, just as my mom had, and my heart danced.

My cousins and Auntie Berta at the San Esteban Circle luncheon, 2014.

My cousins and Auntie Berta at the San Esteban Circle luncheon, 2014.

All-summer-long vacation comes to a close

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.
– John Lubbock, banker, Liberal politician, philanthropist, scientist, and polymath, from The Use of Life

It’s been almost a month since I last posted. When I began my blog back in December 2012, I diligently posted three times a week, on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Even when I was on work deadline and/or sleep-deprived, I never failed to post on the appointed days. Earlier this year, I dropped down to blogging two days a week – Tuesdays and Fridays – so that I could transfer my writing energies to my fiction. Then summer hit, and suddenly I went on vacation in every sense of the word. Though my anal-retentive side of me engaged in a fair amount of hand-wringing in the beginning, I soon gave way to what I call my all-summer-long vacation in which rest was the destination.

For the first time since I was a student, when the last day of school ended in early June for my kids, I, too, entered summer vacation. In past years, when I picked up the kids and headed to a park for a picnic lunch gathering with other families, my excitement over school ending died quickly as I realized that while my kids had a nearly three-month break from schoolwork and homework ahead of them, I had to keep working. And taking them to their day camps or dropping them off for their sleep-away camps.

When the garden was overflowing earlier in the summer.

When the garden was overflowing earlier in the summer.

I enjoyed putting together the courtyard in the back of our house. Once it was done, I took leisurely weekend breakfast under the umbrella. I got the kids to eat lunch outside with me during the week – and they enjoyed themselves as much as I did. We ate dinners while listening to Pandora stations or Oakland A’s baseball games. I gardened and gardened to my heart’s content – until the fog and powdery mildew shut down most of my flowers. Still, I watched over my garden, pruning, weeding, hoping against hope that one more bloom would burst open and surprise me.

Jacob at bat in a Fremont, CA, tournament.

Jacob at bat in a Fremont, CA, tournament (photo credit: Robert Milton, Hornet dad and fantastic photographer and team chronicler via the lens).

Moms enjoying Hornets baseball in Fremont.

Moms enjoying Hornets baseball in Fremont – always wear your fashionable hat for protection against the sun (photo credit: Robert Milton).

We went to a lot of baseball games – my son’s travel ball games and, of course, the A’s. We sat in the sun and cheered as if there were nothing else in the world to do. No housecleaning or deadlines. No errands to run or bills to pay or laundry to do. Nothing else mattered.

A's win! Okay, well, this was back in July....

A’s win! Okay, well, this was back in July….

I didn’t feel like blogging. I especially didn’t feel like styling outfits and photographing them. I lived in t-shirts and shorts most of the summer. I didn’t feel like going back to my research. Yes, guilt crept in. Time was flowing. I don’t have the luxury of time. I tried to do push myself to blog and research. But my heart wasn’t into it. I was, after all, on vacation. I came across John Lubbock’s quote, and it seemed timely to find it while I was wrestling with myself. I have always struggled with rest and relaxation. And being older, I have witnessed the struggle becoming more fierce.

Obviously taken before my haircut. When not in t-shirts and shorts, I can still be comfortable and dressy at the same time.

Obviously taken before my haircut. When not in t-shirts and shorts, I can still be comfortable and dressy at the same time.

But being older means – hopefully – being wiser and mellower. Rest and you will be fresh and prepared for the next long-distance race. Clear your mind and when you sit down to write the words will be thoughtful and full of clarity.

Vintage pearl earrings, Sundance bangle, flower ring, and necklace.

Vintage pearl earrings, Sundance bangle, flower ring, and necklace against a textured flowery t-shirt.

Interesting textures and shapes in earthy shades.

Interesting textures and shapes in earthy shades.

As August heads to its end, alas, the race looms. Summer is coming to a close. On Monday, my daughter will enter sixth grade, the last year of elementary school. My son will enter high school. They will begin their separate milestones. Sadness is mixed with a little anxiety and desire to see friends on a daily basis. And for me? My summer is coming to a close, too. We had our family vacation in early August, which I’ll chronicle in a number of blog posts this coming week. But I wanted to preface these vacation posts with an explanation of my “absence” and an affirmation for all-summer-long vacations being good for the heart, mind, and soul.

Summer outfit with fall shades in mind....

Summer outfit with fall shades in mind….

Alas, farewell summer bouquets

A garden should make you feel you’ve entered privileged space – a place not just set apart but reverberant – and it seems to me that, to achieve this, the gardener must put some kind of twist on the existing landscape, turn its prose into something nearer poetry.
– Michael Pollan, American author, journalist, activist, and journalism professor at UC Berkeley, from Second Nature: A Gardener’s Education

There’s still a week left in the month of July, but my summer garden is expiring. After a bit of an early start in May this year, the garden flourished, thanks to a warm June.

But then July and our reliable air conditioner, a.k.a. the fog, rolled in and, coupled with my zealous overwatering, powdery mildew crept in. My good friend and fellow gardener Susie suggested spraying Neem oil on the leaves. While some plants had clearly gone past the point of no return – curled brown and black leaves, which the folks at Pastime Ace store in El Cerrito told me was a sign that the cells had died – many were still green but just dusted with a thick layer of mildew. A hearty dose seemed to have worked. But alas, despite our rising temperatures after a strange Monday thunderstorm and cloudy mornings, the powdery mildew returned and the plants are succumbing to a premature end of season.

Mid-July bouquet for the Portola auction winner.

Mid-July bouquet for the Portola auction winner.

Scabiosa atropurpurea "Florist's Blue" adorns the courtyard.

Scabiosa atropurpurea “Florist’s Blue” adorns the courtyard.

Plants, I told Isabella, my budding gardener, are difficult to nurture if you are desiring long-lasting, healthy blooms. You have to watch out for cutworms, cucumber beetles, snails, slugs, and other pests. You have to be vigilant about fungus and other diseases, and, pardon the pun, nip them in the bud. But no matter that this summer I was the constant gardener who tirelessly fertilized, weeded, squashed snails beneath my sandal, squeezed cucumber beetles between leaves, clipped spent foliage, pinched buds for larger blooms, and moved plants around the yard to meet their shade or sun requirements, I couldn’t or can’t extend a blooming garden into September, which I have done in years past.

Just five dinner-plate dahlias form this dramatic bouquet.

Just five dinner-plate dahlias form this dramatic bouquet. Funky vase with a lot of character from Urban Ore – for a dollar fifty.

The last of the white dahlias....

The last of the white dahlias in the courtyard….

So I lament the end of the flower season and the Portola bouquets. And I think of preparations for next season. Do we take out the tubers in late fall? We need to separate the dahlia tubers anyway, so we’ll see if that makes a difference. We’ll mix compost into the garden soil in the winter. I’ll get those snails in early spring before they so much as nibble a tender green leaf.

Bird of Paradise peeking out of monochromatic dahlia bouquet.

Bird of Paradise peeking out of monochromatic dahlia bouquet.

And dream of a spring, summer, and early fall garden that would make Eden blush. Here’s to the last Portola bouquet and my last delivery of the summer. Be still my heavy gardener’s heart.

The last bouquet of the season, with chocolate cosmos, Cupid's dart, scabiosas, lilies, and, of course, the last of the dahlias.

The last bouquet of the season, with chocolate cosmos, Cupid’s dart, scabiosas, lilies, and, of course, the last of the dahlias.