Category Archives: Life Lessons

Wisdom gained

The Enrado-Rossi holiday greeting for New Year’s Eve

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For last year’s words belong to last year’s language
And next year’s words await a new voice.
– T.S. Eliot, recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature, poet, dramatist, and literary critic, from Four Quartets

Sharing my annual holiday greeting on my blog….

Prologue
I began our holiday letter at various times throughout December – and still haven’t finished it! It’s now post-Christmas and I finally have quiet time to reflect on the past year. I decided to keep the snapshot frame around this year’s reflections.

Dear Family and Friends:
As I sit here on a rainy night at SFO, waiting for my delayed red-eye cross-country flight and the frenzy of company meetings but happily anticipating spending time with dear friends afterwards, I realize my current situation mirrors what the year has been like for me and my family: Crazy busy, time slipping through our fingers, sharing adventures, making it a priority to spend precious time with family and friends, shaping our dreams, and more crazy busy.

Reflections of a great year - Barnes Museum, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Reflections of a great year – Barnes Museum, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Our big adventure this year as a family was our visit to Philadelphia this past August. My goal is to have the kids visit major cities and national/state parks every year while still under our roof. I feel the urgency, knowing that I’m running out of time! We chose our nation’s first capital after Jacob’s enthusiasm over a Washington, D.C., 8th grade trip in February. We figured we could enjoy a history lesson as a family. What we learned or memorable lessons: Ben Franklin was the man (thumbs up), while George Washington as president took advantage of a loophole in the City’s no-slaves law by switching out his slaves every six months (thumbs down). We made stops to Baltimore to watch an Orioles game in Camden Yards and outside of Philly to see Gettysburg and Amish country in the towns of Lancaster/Bird-in-Hand/Intercourse. We also caught a Phillies game, much to Isabella’s chagrin – she who does not like baseball of any kind.

City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, August 2014.

City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia, August 2014.

Promotion ceremony, June 2014.

Promotion ceremony, June 2014.

Jacob: Yes, we have a high schooler in the house
The day has finally come: David and I are parents of a high schooler. Jacob’s two years at Portola Middle School – as we were warned – flew by. His year was highlighted by the D.C. trip and having two wonderful teachers who shaped him academically. Mr. Aloi, his unorthodox history teacher, gave him a love of history – more importantly, a love of the backstory to those memorized dates and names of famous people, places, and events. Mr. McCormick, who was voted teacher of the year for the district, created an environment in which Jacob appreciated English, and this is from a kid who doesn’t like to write or read. Major kudos for that magic! The combination of his love of history and being in our nation’s capital made quite the impression on him. After we convinced him that he isn’t cut out for joining the military, he has settled for learning everything he can about WWII. Months ago, he convinced me to watch Saving Private Ryan with him; we stayed up until 2AM Saturday morning. He has since dug up old DVDs we have – Why We Fight and The Fog of War – and after I summarized these documentaries for him and asked if he was interested in watching them, he said sure. I was thrilled. (Post script: We got to see them during the holiday break!)

As I sit here, among rows of black and steel chairs filling up with weary travelers and amid the constant thump of the escalator, I am warmed by recalling the past weekend. Surrounded by the roaring fireplace and our fragrant Noble Fir tree, we four watched Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, adding our running commentary throughout, nourished by our traditional popcorn, hot cocoa, Trader Joe’s mini chocolate stars, and chocolate-caramel-sea salt tea. The next night we watched It’s a Wonderful Life, which is my favorite holiday movie. They both loved it, and I was touched when Jacob told me later that he really liked the movie. He’s not as talkative as he used to be, though he’ll surprise me with bursts now and then. But while he’s discovering his freedom and I feel that pull away, I also feel a closeness that I know will always remain. Last Sunday evening when I was working in front of the fireplace, he sat next to me on the sofa to study and we shared the blanket that was keeping me warm.

Strike 3 coming off the mound, Fremont, CA, summer 2014.

Strike 3 coming off the mound, Fremont, CA, summer 2014.

This year was Jacob’s last season on his Hornets baseball travel team, which was ending after a four-year stint because half the team was entering high school in the fall. The team gelled and played extremely well, winning a tournament and placing second in a few other tournaments. It was gratifying for me – and for David, who was his manager all four years – to see the team’s well-executed plays both on offense and defense. It’s sad to see this era end, but exciting to see what high school baseball will bring. As for his other sport, it will also be “thrilling” for David and me when he finally puts in the time and effort into getting his Black Belt in tae kwondo. We’re still waiting….

Flying high in tae kwondo.

Flying high in tae kwondo.

A guest speaker at our December high school PTSA meeting who has studied child psychology gave a short presentation on the teenaged brain – that strange, wonderful, and mysterious organ. She informed us that our brains don’t mature until between the ages of 25 and 30. That explains a lot! It also made me want to tell Jacob – enjoy life and don’t feel pressured about plotting out your life just yet (because your mom will worry on the sidelines for you!). I’m trying to balance the hand-wringing over grades and the nurturing of his love of history, stop-action filmmaking, and animal sciences by opening up windows and opportunities for him to explore these areas. He had a smooth transition to high school and is really enjoying his classes, teachers, and new and old friends. It’s an exciting time for him, and I find myself catching my breath when I spy him from afar and I see him changing, growing up right before my eyes. These are indeed the miracle years.

Spring soccer with Coach Michelle and Coach Brian.

Spring soccer with Coach Michelle and Coach Brian.

Isabella: Our big-hearted animal lover and steward of the environment
Isabella, who turned 12 in early December, is the over-scheduled child, but it’s of her own choosing. She is involved in fall and spring soccer, band (Wednesday evenings with the middle school band teacher in addition to elementary school band), Shakespeare for Kids, horseback riding lessons, and flamenco. She has always loved animals, but after I took her to an urban homesteading talk, she dreams of raising farm animals and growing a garden, partly because it’s good for the environment. She and her friends have raised funds each month selling home-baked cookies and fresh lemonade for the Milo Foundation, which rescues and adopts out dogs and cats. It warms my heart that she is already a good steward of our earth.

Isabella and Tana at a March performance - flamenco twins.

Isabella and Tana at a March 2014 performance – flamenco twins.

Isabella had a rough academic year with two difficult teachers in 5th grade but is enjoying her last year, 6th grade, at Harding Elementary School (our 10th year!). We look forward to her entering middle school, though the passing is bittersweet. She still holds my hand or slips her arm through my arm, wakes up early on weekends so she can accompany me on walks with Rex, and loves running errands with me. That said, she spends a lot of time now with her door closed, playing with her Breyer horses or looking up rabbit videos on YouTube. She’s growing taller and wears a size 8 now (the curse of the Enrado women big feet), big enough to wear some of my shoes. She still thinks boys and girls should play separately. All that will change in a few short years. But for now, she’s my sweetie. I can always count on her to say, when I ask her what’s up, “Nothing but love.”

Isabella and Maggie in Santa Rosa, summer 2014.

Isabella and Maggie in Santa Rosa, summer 2014.

David: An Explosion of projects
After the recession sort of went away, David’s work has exploded to the levels we saw prior to the shutdown in the fall of 2008. Like everybody else in the household, David has had an active year. His office is extremely busy, and has grown to 70 people, while his group is up to eight people, five of whom are quite young. Combined with the volume of work, the youth of the staff has kept David on his toes, a far cry from where things were a couple of years ago. He’s putting in some long hours mentoring the staff and working on several projects, from city blocks of residential structures to smaller renovation jobs. This year also marked David’s final season coaching Jacob’s baseball team, and though he enjoyed coaching over the past six years, he was more than ready to hang up his spikes, sit in the stands, and become a spectator. He’s also been pretty dedicated about attending Isabella’s soccer games.

Enjoying America's favorite pastime with the Phillies and the Mets, August 2014.

Enjoying America’s favorite pastime with the Phillies and the Mets, August 2014.

Patty: Finding my way amid the frenzy
I’m in a nostalgic bent right now, and maybe for end-of-the-year musings this frame of mind is appropriate. So now I’m sitting in Portland International, awaiting my flight back home after this business trip and wonderful time spent with long-time good friends Jack and Fay and their kids. I didn’t travel as much this year as in previous years. And aside from the recent Portland, ME, business/pleasure trip, I only traveled to Las Vegas, Orlando, and Dallas, not-so-desirous destinations. We’re continuing to grow my department, a strategic goal of my company, with me still doing some writing but mostly focusing on management and business development, finally working upstream with the sales team and management to create long-term programs (as opposed to having projects land on my desk for execution). In February I was promoted to senior manager of custom content, and I hope to continue that upward trajectory with a lot of creativity and freedom to make that growth a reality.

Turning the kids into Aggies on Picnic Day at UC Davis, April 2014.

Turning the kids into Aggies on Picnic Day at UC Davis, April 2014.

I joined the East Bay Lunafest Committee last year and in March we had a successful Lunafest screening. Lunafest is a film festival “by, for and about women” that enables local communities to fundraise for both the Breast Cancer Foundation and local organizations. In the fall, I joined El Cerrito High School’s Investing in Academic Excellence, which is a rare committee that actually makes a difference. We identify academic needs, raise funds, and build out programs to address those needs. It’s very gratifying and we’ll be able to see immediate benefits once we roll out the programs in the spring.

Amid work, extracurricular activities, and family duties and activities, I’ve had to cut back on my blog. I don’t know how I was able to blog three times a week, especially during the busy season at work, for the first two years of its existence. I scaled back to two times a week, and as time went on, I found that I’d go through a week to several weeks (like now) of not having time to write. The blog has also changed a bit in that I don’t have as much time to interview all the interesting women I meet and it’s become less of a lifestyle blog and more of a contemplative blog. David pointed out that the reason I don’t have as much time is that I’m finally exchanging activities like blogging with a couple of hours of sleep a night – a good trade from a health perspective!

My all-time favorite photo of me and the kids, outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014.

My all-time favorite photo of me and the kids this year, outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014.

I finished my novel, A Village in the Fields, earlier this year, and I began the dreaded but deliberately short search for a literary agent. After a well-known agent who represented one of my favorite authors asked to read my manuscript in the summer but ended up not taking it, I decided to abandon the traditional route. I’ve queried small publishers, and as I wait, I’m exploring other ways of how to get it to my core audience – the Filipino and Asian American communities and Asian American Studies programs at universities across the country. It takes stepping back from reading, researching, and writing to develop and commit to a plan of action, and I just have to do it. Once I do that, I can clear my head and be totally committed to the second novel, which is awaiting my undivided attention. That means the fate of the first novel will be decided and executed in 2015, which by the way is the 50th anniversary of the Great Delano Grape Strike – a perfect marketing tool! Stay tuned.

‘In everything, give thanks’
I find myself realizing – during rare quiet moments or when a miracle or tragedy occurs outside of our family – how lucky and blessed we are. Health, a roof over our heads, a means to make our lives comfortable when so many are without these basic needs. I sound like a broken record to Jacob and Isabella about appreciating what they have and therefore sharing and giving our gifts to those not as fortunate as we. It’s only then do we fully grasp how rich our lives are and how this is really the only way to live. As we close out another year and look to the New Year, as we celebrate the holidays, we wish you much love and joy, peace and justice, and light in your lives!

Rex, our 13-year-old dog in the autumn of his life.

Rex, our 14-year-old dog in the autumn of his life, wishes everyone a long life.

Family holiday tradition: Christmas giving

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The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, lecturer, poet, and leader of the mid-19th century Transcendentalist movement

On Giving Tuesday, December 2nd, I was on a business trip in Dallas. Despite meetings and keeping up with my projects, I was hoping to find a local nonprofit services agency to make a donation. That didn’t happen, so my back-up plan was to make an online donation. But the day ended before I could take action. Doing something the next day wasn’t going to work and the moment was lost anyway, so I decided to wait until I got home and include an extra donation when my family and I planned to gather one evening in front of the fireplace and partake in our own season of sharing. As is our tradition, we each have $50 to donate, but because there were so many worthy causes that came to our attention, we all chose to donate $25 each to two different organizations.

Isabella greeting rescue dogs at Picnic Day, UC Davis, April 2014.

Isabella greeting – and falling in love with – the puppies in training to be sight-seeing dogs at Picnic Day, UC Davis, April 2014.

Isabella: Protecting animals and our environment
I received a first-time solicitation from The Humane Farming Association (76 Belvedere Street, San Rafael, CA 94901, 415.485.1495), an animal protection organization that also runs the country’s largest farm animal refuge. I’d never heard of HFA, whose tagline is “campaign against factory farming,” but upon reading its literature I was brought back to my college days of supporting various Greenpeace initiatives, particularly the one against eating veal – “no veal this meal” – because of the inhumane practice of crating calves to keep their muscles from developing. This is one of HFA’s major campaigns. Given Isabella’s commitment to protecting animals, I expected her to pick HFA as one of her recipients, which she did without hesitation.

Isabella also chose the Northern California and Northern Nevada Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association (2290 North First Street, Suite 101, San Jose, CA 95131, 408.372.9900, help line 800.272.3900). As we announced each organization in our pile, David and I explained to the kids what problems the organizations were addressing and what solutions they were employing. Isabella explained that by funding this organization now, she hopes they will find a cure in the near future. Luckily, she doesn’t know anyone who is suffering from Alzheimer’s, though I have seen it up close and through my friends’ eyes. It’s an awful disease, devastating the sufferer and family and friends, and I share in Isabella’s hope that one day we can find a cure.

Jacob: Supporting our vets and ‘passing on the gift’
As I read the holiday solicitation letter from The Wounded Warrior Project (4899 Belfort Road, Suite 300, Jacksonville, FL 32256, 904.296.7350), a nonprofit organization that supports veterans and their families with programs, services and events, I figured that Jacob would gravitate to its mission. His interest in WWII and war genre movies has given him an understanding of the traumatic impact of war on soldiers and communities in war zones. WWP serves veterans who were injured in military action following September 11, 2001. In September 2014, WWP released the results of its annual alumni survey taken by more than 21,000 service men and women injured since 9/11. The results are tragic. Seven percent of WWP members are permanently housebound, 75 percent report “being haunted by upsetting military experiences,” and 43 percent reported traumatic brain injuries. Another sobering stat: 75 percent of warriors have less than a bachelor’s degree. By raising awareness, WWP hopes more people will help our country’s returning vets and their families get the support they need and deserve.

Jacob was moved by JFK's grave site and its eternal flame at Arlington National Cemetery, February 2014.

Jacob was moved by JFK’s grave site and its eternal flame at Arlington National Cemetery, February 2014.

The kids have always chosen organizations that protect endangered species, but this year Jacob made a donation to Heifer International (1 World Avenue, Little Rock, AR 72202, 855.948.6437), an organization founded in 1944 “to eradicate poverty and hunger through sustainable, values-based holistic community development.” Heifer International provides livestock and training to struggling communities, promotes women’s empowerment, provides basic needs, and supports sustainable farming. Its mission is based on the concept of “passing on the gift,” so instead of giving milk to a family in need, for example, the organization donates farm animals that not only provide food but also provide a means of living and a chance for the family and the community to become self-sustaining and self-reliant. Jacob chose to fund a share in the purchase of a water buffalo under Heifer International’s farm animal donation program. Who knows? That water buffalo could be helping out a family in my father’s province in the Philippines.

Celebrating our anniversary at Tratoria Corso, Berkeley, September 2014. David believes in supporting local organizations. I believe in big hearts.

Celebrating our anniversary at Tratoria Corso, Berkeley, September 2014. David believes in supporting local organizations. I believe in big hearts.

David: Helping locally
David has always chosen local organizations, particularly those that help the homebound elderly and the homeless. This year was no different. Bay Area Rescue Mission (2114 Macdonald Avenue, Richmond, CA 94801, 510.215.4555), which was founded in 1965, provides meals, emergency shelter, recovery programs, and jobs and skills-training for the homeless and impoverished in our local communities. The Food Bank of Contra Costa and Solano Counties (4010 Nelson Avenue, Concord, CA 94520, 925.676.7543) provides emergency food to two local counties. According to the Hunger in America 2010 report, 28 percent of people needing emergency food are children, 86.5 percent of clients had income below 130 percent of the federal poverty level, 71 percent of households did not include an employed adult (an increase of 3 percent compared to the 2006 report), and 35.7 percent of clients had to choose between paying for food or paying for rent or mortgage. This report was the first research study to capture the connection between the recent economic downturn and the increased need for emergency food assistance. According to the study, the number of people in need of food has increased 46 percent since the 2006 report. While the recession has ended, so we’re told, for many families and individuals the struggle continues. For those of us who are fortunate, we must certainly share what we can.

David and I also donated to KQED, the San Francisco-based PBS station on Channel 9, which we have relied on to watch many great programs this past year, including JFK: American Experience and Freedom Riders: American Experience, the latter focusing on the black and white American civil rights activists who traveled on buses and trains in the Deep South in 1961. Oftentimes, we take PBS stations for granted because it’s just another channel on our television. This is a reminder of how fortunate we are to have quality programs on these stations.

Back to my idealistic roots, UC Davis, Picnic Day, April 2014.

Back to my idealistic roots, UC Davis, Picnic Day, April 2014.

Patty: ‘It’s personal’
For me, aside from the Environmental Defense Fund (257 Park Avenue South, New York, NY 10010, 800.684.3322), the U.S.-based environmental advocacy group that “protects the Earth’s resources using smart economics, practical partnerships and rigorous science,” my choices were rooted in organizations with which I have a deep or special history. I wrote about Rubicon Programs (510.235.1516, 2500 Bissell, Richmond, CA 94804), whose mission is “to transform East Bay communities by equipping low-income people to break the cycle of poverty,” in a series of blogs earlier this year. My good friend Jane Fischberg is the president and executive director of Rubicon, which places low-income East Bay residents in jobs and housing and gets them access to legal services and healthcare through a personalized, comprehensive collection of services. Last year, Rubicon served more than 4,000 people across Alameda and Contra Costa counties. More than 670 unemployed people secured jobs, thanks to this wonderful organization. When you consider that more than a third of these people have been incarcerated at one point in their lives, it’s truly amazing what Rubicon Programs has achieved. I’m really proud of Jane and the work that her organization does.

The other two organizations I chose for my Giving Tuesday recipients were the Jesuit Volunteer Corps (JVC Main Office 801 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21202, 410.244.1733) and Squaw Valley Community of Writers. I joined the JVC in 1988-1990, first as a librarian and math tutor at a high school in St. Mary’s, AK, and the following year as an editor for The Prisoners Rights Union, a 1970s nonprofit co-founded by a Jesuit priest in San Francisco. I participated at the Squaw Valley Community of Writers’ writers workshops three years back in the late 1990s. I went to the workshops on scholarship twice, so I fully believe in giving back and allowing other writers to attend these workshops, which not only provide wonderful guidance for one’s writing but also life-long friendships. I also believe in helping to fund the college-graduate volunteers who enter the JVC, providing direct service to organizations that serve the poor and marginalized in their local communities. JVC’s four tenets, based on the Catholic, Ignatian values, are spirituality (small “s,” though now it’s called spiritual growth), simple lifestyle, community, and social justice. Though I’m in a completely different world now, those four tenets still resonate with me.

Rejecting complacency
When I wrote this blog the other night, I was watching a late-night news piece on local churches and shelters taking in the homeless during our current cold spell. A recovering meth addict talked about turning the corner when his habit forced him out on the street. A volunteer at one of the local churches who was serving food noted that one ecstatic homeless man told her he hadn’t had a cup of coffee in two months. At some point in the reporting, I stepped back and asked myself why, instead of accepting the growing homelessness as the norm, we aren’t outraged or incredulous by this growing problem. How did we allow so many in our communities to end up on the streets? I realize that it’s a difficult question with a complicated answer, but one thing I do know is that we have to reject complacency and open our eyes and open up our hearts. To me, the holidays are a time for reflection and compassion. Let’s act on that, and discover that every day can be a holiday.

"Teach your children well."

“Teach your children well” (outside the Philadelphia Museum of Art, August 2014).

Giving Tuesday: Our National and Global Day of Giving

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Give with love and receive with grace.
– Lolly Daskal, American leadership coach, speaker, consultant, and author

The promise of blooming Calla lilies in the rain.

The promise of blooming Calla lilies in the rain.

Black Friday. Cyber Monday. Christmas advertisements and commercials before Thanksgiving Day. It’s easy to let the holiday messaging overwhelm us and dictate our lives at this time of year. As a counter to the consumerism that has overtaken the meaning of Christmas, 92nd Street Y, a culture and community center in New York City, in partnership with the United Nations Foundation, founded #GivingTuesday in 2012. 92nd Street Y has been a local community advocate for 140 years, harnessing “the power of arts and ideas to enrich, enlighten and change lives, and the power of community to change the world.” Calling itself a “catalyst,” 92nd Street Y is guided by its mission “to inspire action by bringing together today’s most exceptional thinkers and influential partners for social good.

The founding of #GivingTuesday was inspired by the core Jewish value of “tikkun olam,” which translates to “repairing the world.” Imagine if every one of us did something – no matter how big or small – to repair the world. Take a small step tomorrow. Once nourished, take another step and another yet. And keep going.

Donate, volunteer, and share your story. By giving, we celebrate generosity. By sharing our stories, we inspire one another and enlarge our hearts and our humanity.

Let’s reconvene on Friday and share what we did on Tuesday, December 2nd. Join me!

Calla lilies for #GivingTuesday.

Calla lilies for #GivingTuesday.

Tolstoy’s three questions: a timeless parable

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The hero of my tale, whom I love with all the power of my soul, whom I have tried to portray in all his beauty, who has been, is, and will be beautiful, is Truth.
– Leo Tolstoy, from Sevastopol in May, 1855

Leo Tolstoy, photograph by Sergey Prokudin-Gorsky, 1908.

Leo Tolstoy, a wonderful and rare color photograph by Sergey Prokudin-Gorsky, 1908.

One of the chores my kids have to finish before David’s family descends upon our home for Thanksgiving is to clean their rooms, particularly clearing off their floors so that their cousins have a place to set up their air beds. While cleaning his room over the weekend, my son, Jacob, brought to me a children’s book that we used to read when the kids were much younger: “Remember this book, Mom?” he said with a smile. My face lit up! We read this picture book every evening during one magical stretch of time. We three loved it – for its beautiful watercolor illustrations and its big-hearted message, which was intuitively grasped by my kids, evidenced by the wonder in their eyes and their requests to have it read again and again.

The Three Questions, based on a story by Leo Tolstoy, was written and illustrated by Jon J Muth and published in 2002. The children’s book took its cue from a short story Tolstoy published in 1885 as part of his collection What Men Live By, and other tales. Tolstoy’s parable involves a king who believed that if he knew the answers to three questions he would be successful at anything he attempted. His questions were: When is the right time to do the right thing, or when is the best time to do each thing? Who are the people I most need, and to whom, therefore, should I pay more attention to than the rest, or who are the most important people to work with? What affairs are the most important and need my attention first, or what is the most important thing to do at all times?

Tolstoy’s king announces a reward to anyone who can come up with the right answers, but he is besieged by myriad responses from learned men across his kingdom. Confused and dissatisfied, the king seeks out a hermit who is known for his wisdom. Because the hermit only sees common folk and never leaves the woods, the king dresses as a peasant and leaves his bodyguard and horse at a certain point in the woods on his journey to the hermit’s dwelling. He finds the frail hermit digging in his yard. The king poses his questions, but the hermit keeps digging. Finally, the king realizes that the hermit is exhausted from digging and offers to dig for the hermit. The king digs two beds and again poses the questions to the hermit. The hermit merely responds by telling the king to take a break. The king refuses and keeps digging until the sun begins to set. Irritated, the king sets down the spade and declares that if the hermit is not going to respond the king will return home.

At that moment, the hermit spies a man running toward them who is bleeding heavily from a stomach wound. The king tends to the man, stanching the flow of blood, until his situation stabilizes after several hours. Exhausted and with night descending, the king falls asleep in the hermit’s home. In the morning, the wounded man admits to the king that he knows the king’s identity and in fact was on a mission to assassinate him, laying in wait for his return to the woods, because the king had his brother executed and his property confiscated. After impatiently waiting and no sign of the king, the man had come out from hiding, only to be attacked by the king’s bodyguard. The man was able to run away, but was bleeding to death. Now with his life having been saved, the man swears his and his sons’ allegiance to the king.

Painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1891.

Painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1891.

Shocked, the king is nevertheless relieved to have made a friend out of an enemy and pledges to have his physician look after the man. He then seeks out the hermit, who is sowing seeds in the plowed beds, and again poses his questions, requesting answers for the last time. The hermit replies that the king’s questions have already been answered: If the king hadn’t helped the hermit dig the soil, he would have gone back into the woods and been killed by his assassin. “So the most important time was when you were digging the beds; and I was the most important man; and to do me good was your most important business,” the hermit responds.

“Afterwards when that man ran to us, the most important time was when you were attending to him, for if you had not bound up his wounds he would have died without having made peace with you. So he was the most important man, and what you did for him was your most important business,” the hermit goes on.

“Remember then: there is only one time that is important – Now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power. The most necessary man is he with whom you are, for no man knows whether he will ever have dealings with any one else: and the most important affair is, to do him good, because for that purpose alone was man sent into this life,” the hermit concludes.

Close-up of painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1901.

Close-up of painting of Leo Tolstoy by Ilya Repin, 1901.

Jon Muth’s beautifully illustrated tale posed these questions: When is the best time to do things? Who is the most important one? What is the right thing to do? The protagonist, the king, is recast as a boy named Nikolai, who hangs out with three friends, all of whom have distinct personalities  – a heron named Sonya, a dog named Pushkin, and a monkey named Gogol, who was a memorable character for Jacob because he was playful and carefree. The three friends try to help Nikolai come up with answers, answers that matched their animal personalities. Nikolai decides to seek counsel from Leo, the wise old turtle who lives in the mountains. Instead of an assassin, as in Tolstoy’s tale, Nikolai attends to a momma panda whose leg is injured when a fierce storm fells nearby trees, and later rescues her baby, who was lost in the forest.

Muth once said, “I think children are intuitively capable of grasping wisdom as readily as adults are.” So true. He effortlessly combined his studies of Zen with his ode to Tolstoy to bring to children the importance of compassion and living in the moment. Leo the old turtle tells Nikolai: “Remember then that there is only one important time, and that time is now. The most important one is always the one you are with. And the most important thing is to do good for the one who is standing at your side. For these, my dear boy, are the answers to what is most important in this world. This is why we are here.”

After Jacob let me borrow his book, I researched the Tolstoy story and reread Muth’s book. The wonder returned. The deeper story resonated deep within me, just as it did for me and Jacob and Isabella: That’s why we are here.

Portia Lee: compassionate acupuncturist

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Take care of yourself – you never know when the world will need you.
– Rabbi Hillel, Jewish religious leader, associated with the development of the Mishnah and the Talmud

I first came to Portia Lee (6931 Stockton Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510.799.8788) in May of 2012, seeking relief from sciatica, which I had been suffering from since my first pregnancy 15 years ago. I was drawn to her focus on women’s health, including menstrual disorders, menopause, infertility, and prenatal and postnatal care. My sciatica has been under control ever since my visit, and I continue to see Portia for a number of physical ailments, which she has successfully treated or kept in check. More importantly, her compassion for her patients is the main reason I remain an enthusiastic patient.

Portia Lee, acupuncturist extraordinaire.

Portia Lee, acupuncturist extraordinaire.

Compassion and working with people
That deep compassion, nurtured when she was young, led her to where she is now. While her parents – her mother is a 4th generation Chinese and her father grew up in the Philippines – were not traditional, as a child Portia adopted her maternal grandmother’s use of herbs and herb-infused soups to treat illness and soon began creating concoctions with herbs and other plants. Although interested in acupuncture, having been treated as a teenager, she instead earned her degree in English literature and settled in Paris, working with students and professors as the cultural program director at the American University of Paris. “I knew I wanted to work with people,” she recalled.

After six years, however, Portia began researching acupuncture programs. When she returned to the States and began coursework toward her graduate degree at the American College of Traditional Chinese Medicine in San Francisco, she said, “I knew this was it – it was really resonating with me.” She received her MS in traditional Chinese Medicine and apprenticed for many years under Dr. Robert Johns, whom she credits for having enriched her practice.

Portia has been practicing acupuncture for 14 years, starting out in a chiropractor’s office after earning her license and then working with homeless people at drug rehabilitation clinics in San Francisco. She began her private practice on the side until she established her business in El Cerrito nine years ago. “What impassions me about my work is the people,” Portia said. “I feel that my work has very little to do with me and everything to do with my patients. I can be there, be open and listen, and somehow reflect in a positive way.”

Portia at her office.

Portia at her office.

Seeking self-awareness
and balance
Many of Portia’s clients deal with infertility or pain, each requiring different processes and treatments. Regardless of the case, Portia said, “What I hope to do is to bring about more self-awareness in a person. It’s something I’m constantly cultivating in myself as best as I can.” While we often don’t have control over many aspects of our lives, she countered, sometimes we can be empowered to believe that change is possible and thus shift things in a positive way. “Acupuncture needles are, perhaps, one way to do that,” Portia explained. “I think of them as a medium for creating positive energy, positive change in a small way that has a ripple effect.”

With acupuncture and the philosophy of Chinese medicine predicated on yin and yang, Portia hopes to help shift that state of being for patients who are dealing with imbalance in their lives or are in a state of discomfort. “I observe how events in life balance themselves out and everything is relative to each other – with varying degrees,” she said. “Understanding the philosophy has been very helpful to me because I work with balancing yin and yang and recognize it more in everyday events.”

Portia shared with me a Zen tale about a farmer and his son whose horse has run off. When a neighbor says to the farmer, “I’m so sorry, that’s awful,” the farmer responds, “”Well, maybe. We’ll see.” When the horse returns with a herd of horses, the neighbor exclaims how lucky the farmer is, but the farmer responds, “We’ll see. It could be good or bad.” The next day the farmer’s son breaks his leg while riding one of the horses. The neighbor gives his condolences to the farmer, and the farmer responds, “Well, we’ll see. It could be good or bad.” The following day the army comes to the farmer’s house to enlist his son, but his son’s broken leg prevents him from being conscripted. “Things ebb and flow,” Portia concluded. “You can never tell whether an event, which may at first seem awful, may lead to an opportunity that might have never arisen.”

A familiar figure at Portia's office - Merlin, the family dog.

A familiar figure at Portia’s office – Merlin, the family dog.

Finding balance in her own life
When she was in her twenties, Portia was a human version of the Eveready Bunny – she was always in motion. Before she left for Paris, her co-workers at the local public broadcasting station KQED wrote in her going-away card such sentiments as “I hope you slow down enough to actually be able to see some things,” Portia related and laughed. Her first acupuncturist warned her against pushing herself to the point of exhaustion. “I was the type of person who worked really hard, pushed really hard,” she recalled. Studying and becoming a practitioner of Chinese medicine changed Portia’s life and her outlook on her life. “Chinese medicine has made me a healthier person,” she said. “It has – hopefully – given me longevity because I’ve had to slow down to become more self-aware.”

Portia pointed out that our society is very yang – we are too focused on achieving and how much we can get done. “But you can’t do that without rest and recovery,” she insisted. In the past 14 years, she has learned to literally lie down and recuperate and reenergize, and just as important, not feel guilty about it. “In my work, I can’t be exhausted,” she said. “I need to rest and eat to replenish and refuel in order to be present and aware for people.”

For relaxation, Portia practices chi gong, which literally means life energy cultivation and is a form of standing meditation that helps harness “the infinite energy on this earth” to rebuild and restore oneself. Chi is the yang aspect of blood and gives the blood the ability to circulate through the body. “It’s often translated as energy, although that’s not its direct translation,” she explained. She and her husband also exercise together and check in with one another.

Empowering ourselves
I asked Portia for advice on how we can take care of ourselves outside of acupuncture visits. She advocates self-care in the form of a healthful diet, exercise, rest – both nighttime sleep and daytime nap – and time for oneself and family and friends. Portia counsels her patients to practice moderation, which all comes back to seeking self-awareness and balance. With dieting, for example, she points out that what we want and what we can’t have is merely an illusion. “If we can strip that illusion, we can advance from a state of deprivation to a state of empowerment,” she asserted. “The majority of people know what’s good for us and what’s not good for us. In a healthy state, we should be able to tolerate a little bit of everything. Being too restrictive can be just as unhealthy as allowing yourself anything you want. Again, it’s a matter of balance.”

Taking a break with Merlin.

Taking a break with Merlin.

Portia also entreats us to not take things too seriously. “Don’t worry about the past or the future – be in the moment,” she advised. “If you’re in the moment, everything is actually okay at this time.”

Portia’s optimism is uplifting. “As I age, I really feel like almost anything we want is really possible,” she said. “Not that we always have control over everything, but we do have more power over how our lives manifest and present than we give ourselves credit for.” Thus, an attitude of believing that anything’s possible opens the door for changes to any condition or situation. “It’s important to have that possibility,” Portia declared. “When you come to see somebody [for treatment], it’s possible to feel better. For prognoses, it can be true or it cannot be true; it can never be 100 percent.” Therefore, one must always foster hope.

In the end, it’s Portia’s heart – her compassion – that helps her patients to heal. She is an admirer of Gabor Maté, MD, a Hungarian-born Canadian physician whose body of work supports his belief in the connection between mind and body health. Maté, who specializes in the study and treatment of addiction, has shed light on patterns seen in certain diseases and painful conditions. He has noted that our culture is very addictive. “We’re all so similar in that way,” Portia pointed out, having come to that conclusion while working at the drug rehabilitation clinics. “Our society tends to think that if you’re a workaholic that’s a good trait, whereas if you’re a drug addict, that’s really bad,” she said, shaking her head. “We’re all human,” Portia said simply. “There’s very little difference when it really comes down to it. We need the compassion, understanding, and humanity in all of us.” Amen to that.

The Gratitude Challenge: 7 days of thoughtful gratitude

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Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
– A.A. Milne, English author and poet, from Winnie the Pooh

I got on Facebook to help promote my writing, but I soon discovered that it connected me with friends both near and far-flung, friends from my deep past to recent acquaintances. I rarely participate  in the chain-letter-type activities that make the rounds on Facebook. I read about the Gratitude Challenge being taken on by a number of friends and was soon nominated by my good friend Laurel Kallenbach. With my participation now concluded, I share my seven days of gratitude here on my blog.

Day 1 – baseball is life, life is baseball
Thank you, Laurel Kallenbach, for nominating me for the Gratitude Challenge. I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 21st, is my first day (baseball gratitude theme) and I nominate Jack Beaudoin, Kara De La Paz, and Cecie Uytingco Mendoza.

1. I am grateful for David, who told me to go ahead and go to the baseball game today and he would do the tons of laundry and cleaning today and watch Isabella and her friend Kelly.

2. I am grateful for Jacob, who said, “Mom, I want to go to the game with you.” (Because David and Isabella didn’t want to.) I’m grateful that he still wants to spend time with me, even though he’s a teenager, and that we have more meaningful conversations and discussions.

3. I am grateful that my last regular-season Oakland A’s game that I attended this year ended with a win, which allowed us to celebrate with the crazy right-field bleacher loyal fans. “Never Quit” and “Keep Fighting”

Spontaneous partners in crime: our friends Robert and his son, Sasha, join us in cheering the 10th-inning walk-off home run win.

Spontaneous partners in crime: our friends Robert and his son, Sasha, join us in the right-field bleachers. At the moment all seems glum, but soon we will be cheering the 10th-inning walk-off home run by Josh Donaldson, aka The Bringer of Rain (Photo credit: Mike DeMay – thanks, Mike!).

Day 2 – labor day
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 22nd, is Day 2 (Work gratitude theme, appropriately for a Monday) and I nominate Gordon Hunt, Eric Wicklund, and Diana Manos for the Gratitude Challenge.

1. I’m grateful to have great, hardworking colleagues around me to get the job done. Even though I work remotely, I am part of a great team who appreciates and supports what I do.

2. I’m grateful to work at home and be there for my kids – like the time both had pneumonia two winters ago, separate times, of course, and both were out of school for two weeks each. Did not have to eat up vacation days. Working at home also allows me to walk Isabella to school every morning.

3. I’m especially grateful for my geriatric companion, Rex, who keeps me company in the nearby library. While he’s not a great personal assistant, at least he sleeps most of the day and lets me get my work done. I can’t imagine my work day without him.

Rex ready for a Monday morning.

Rex ready for a Monday morning.

Day 3 – supporting our public schools
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 23rd, is Day 3 (school gratitude) and I nominate Juliet Jamsheed, Daniel Philippe, and Denise Portello Evans.

1. I attended my first Investing in Academic Excellence meeting at El Cerrito High School last night, and I’m really excited to help this important organization raise funds for various school initiatives. I am grateful for the ECHS families who are working really hard for the school – the new families I’m meeting and the good friends whom I’ve known for years and whose end of journey together is less than four years away. I’m grateful that Jacob is off to a great start as a freshman there and has some inspirational teachers and a solid principal.

2. I am grateful for the two years we concluded at Portola Middle School (Korematsu now). We had two really wonderful teachers who have made a lasting impression on Jacob and a hardworking principal. Looking forward to returning there next year, in the new campus.

3. We are finishing up 10 years at Harding Elementary School this year. While I’m excited about finally leaving elementary school, I am forever grateful for the inspirational teachers and the many wonderful families and friends I’ve met and worked with on behalf of the school. I’ve made life-long friends and I’ve watched some pretty special kids grow up with my kids.

A Harding tradition: getting families together for a potluck after the last day of school. Here with friends Tana and Lori after our kids finished up fifth grade, celebrating at Arlington Park.

A Harding Elementary School tradition: getting families together for a potluck after the last day of school. Here with friends Tana and Lori, watching our kids, who finished fifth grade, play at Arlington Park this past June.

Day 4 – or purpose in life: giving back
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. I just read an article on Melinda Gates and her work with the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and was inspired by her desire to make the world better. Today, September 24th, is Day 4 (giving and helping others theme) and I nominate Anja Hakoshima, Kimi Ynigues, and Kathy Brackett.

1. I am grateful for the work that my friend Jane Fischberg and her colleagues do at Rubicon Programs, whose mission is to “prepare low-income people to achieve financial independence and to partner with people with mental illness on their journey of recovery.” Especially in this current political climate, supporting both groups is not very popular, making their work even more challenging. But my friend Jane has a big heart and strong resolve. In an interview with me, she said, “I really do believe in giving back and I feel like a life of not giving back is not fulfilling. I’ve always felt the reason for living is to be of service, so that informed what I’ve always done.”

2. I am grateful for the work that my friend Alissa Hauser and her colleagues do at The Pollination Project, whose mission is to “expand compassion to the planet, people, and animals.” The Pollination Project’s mission aligns with Alissa’s philosophy: “What I’m most committed to is creating more kindness and compassion in the world,” she said. “There are so many ways to do it; there are so many ways I have done it. But at the end of the day, I just want to be a person who inspires other people to be nice to one another, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.”

3. I am grateful for my daughter, Isabella, who also has a big heart. She and her friends have baked cookies and made lemonade to sell at various parks to raise money for the Milo Foundation. She talks about wanting to save endangered animals, rescuing dogs from being put down, saving the earth from the harm that we do to it, and more. I want to continue nurturing in her that desire of giving and helping others.

Isabella and her friends have been selling cookies and lemonade for the Milo Foundation.

Isabella and her friends have been selling cookies and lemonade for the Milo Foundation.

Day 5 – our Indian summer fall
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 25th, is Day 5 (Nature theme) and I nominate Rose Cee, David Bruce-Casares, and Claire Richardson.

1. I am grateful for the rain that woke me up early this morning. While we have a long way to go to erase California’s drought, it’s a start, an early one at that.

2. I am grateful for the maple leaves changing color, announcing autumn’s return. The display is definitely not as spectacular as the leaves changing in the Northeast or other parts of the country, but all I need is a golden ginkgo and a flaming red and orange maple tree and I’m ready to celebrate one of my favorite seasons.

3. I am grateful for the small resurgence of my garden, which was stricken with powdery mildew in late July and pretty much petered out and left me with charred buds and dried-out sticks. However, with our Indian summer in full force, the carnations, fuschia, scabiosas, and poppies are bursting from their pots – a final send-off and blast of cream, purple, pink, red and white ripples.

Indian summer autumn bouquet.

Indian summer autumn bouquet.

Day 6 – TGIF
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 26th, is Day 6 (TGIF theme) and I nominate John Buettner, Julie Redlin, and Maria Francesca.

1. I am grateful for my pumpkin-spiced chai latte that gets me through the mornings. My day starts on East coast time, so by the time I sit down to eat my breakfast and begin work again, I have already gone through my work e-mail and immediate, deadline-oriented work tasks, done my exercises and ridden my bike, walked Rex, and dropped off Isabella at school. The moment I settle into my office chair and sip my chai latte, I literally catch my second wind.

2. I am grateful for the mellow glass of red wine that will help me unwind in the evening. It’s something I look forward to when Friday evening hits and the work week is behind me.

3. I am grateful for a quiet Friday evening, watching the A’s win and now enjoying the rest of the fall evening with David and Isabella.

Even Rex is chillin' on an autumn Friday evening.

Even Rex is chillin’ on an autumn Friday evening.

Day 7 – a writer’s heart-felt thank you
I was nominated to list 3 things I’m grateful for every day for a week and nominate 3 people each day to do the same. Today, September 27th, is my last day, Day 7 (writer’s gratitude), and I nominate Yoko Morita, Alex Davis, and Nancy Donovan.

1. I am grateful for discovering and embracing the written word and the many gifts it brings – the sentence that dances, the character who enrages you, the places you can taste and touch, the moment created that brings you to a moment of truth in your past, the page that keeps you turning it, the book that leaves you bereft because the magic has ended.

2. I am grateful for the community of writers I have met throughout my life and call my friends, mentors, fellow writers, and careful readers – you know who you are, but a special shout out to Jack Beaudoin, Laurel Kallenbach, John Farrell, and Sands Hall.

3. I am grateful for my non-writer friends and family who have nurtured me in so many different ways – as careful readers, muses, emotional supporters, and more – you know who you are, too, but a special shout out to Kathy Brackett and David, always.

John, me, and Jack with our "author poses" at the Orange Grove, Syracuse University, 1990.

John, me, and Jack with our “author poses” at the Orange Grove, Syracuse University, 1990.

This exercise made me realize how many things, events, and people I am grateful for every day but oftentimes in the rush of the day I don’t reflect fully or give appropriate props. I’ll remember this challenge and remind myself every evening, during a quiet moment before I retire for the night, to look back on my day and give gratitude. Thanks again, Laurel, for the nomination!

In praise of a good story.

In praise of a good story – both reading one and writing one (door sign given to me by my college and good friend Susie Merrill many, many moons ago, which still holds a prominent place in my office).