Welcome autumn, welcome nostalgia

No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.
– John Donne, English metaphysical poet and preacher, from The Autumnal, The Complete Poetry and Selected Prose

Today is the first day of autumn, and although I had a wonderful, lazy, meandering, full summer, I look forward to everything autumn brings. I love the leaves changing color, the shifting slant of light in the mornings and early evenings, the slow sipping of pumpkin-spiced chai lattes, the ritual of decorating the house with pumpkins, the fall classic (post-season baseball), pulling out thick sweaters and scarves not seen since last winter, the quiet evenings in front of the fire, the beginning of the march of holidays that seem to come one after the other, leaving us breathless.

We still have our Indian summer, so summer attire is required for the mild autumn days. Cropped jeans, striped and sparkle-embellished t-shirt, flats, and a bright pop of red in a big handbag for jetting around on busy weekends.

We have our Indian summer, so warm-weather attire works well for our mild autumn days. Throw on cuffed jeans, striped and sparkle-embellished t-shirt, flats with curves for an interesting detail, and a bright pop of red in a big handbag for jetting around on busy weekends.

The seasons come and go. Now I have a freshman in high school and a daughter in sixth grade, her last year of elementary school. The weeks and weekends are stuffed with work, writing and reading, school, community and school meetings, extracurricular activities and sports for the kids and the accompanying chauffeuring that goes with many of these kid activities. I harken back to the time when the kids were in preschool and day care, and our autumn weekends were as wide open as a golden meadow. Little did we know that those days were numbered once sports and school overtook our lives.

Jacob in the pumpkin patch, Fall 2001.

Jacob, at 15 months, in the pumpkin patch, Fall 2001.

I remember a Saturday in September when we drove two hours north to Hopland in Mendocino County because our neighbor told us it was a nice place to visit. The destination didn’t quite live up to the bucolic charm we’d been expecting, but I remember the warm sun, the light flickering in between the dancing leaves of the trees along the road, the leisurely drive, turning around and seeing the kids’ faces – full of wonder – as they wriggled in their car seats. Car seats.

Isabella's turn in the pumpkin patch, 9 months, September 2003.

Isabella’s turn in the pumpkin patch, 9 months, September 2003.

We checked out Real Goods, the Solar Living Institute’s storefront, and bought lunch at a main street deli and ate it amid a strip of turn-of-the-century buildings. I remembered feeling like we were in the wild, wild west, and at any moment tumbleweeds would mix in with the falling leaves. As we returned home, the kids nodding off  to sleep in the back of the car, I thought, we’ll have to do another fall drive to another small, quaint town. Of course, we never did.

Complementing the bird embellishments on my shirt: Carmela Rose earrings, Sundance stack of rings, Angela Cummings statement ring (Urbanity, Berkeley, CA), and Se Vende Imports (Portland, ME) bracelet.

Complementing the bird embellishments on my shirt: Carmela Rose earrings (Jenny K, El Cerrito, CA), Sundance stack of rings, Angela Cummings statement ring (Urbanity, Berkeley, CA), and Se Vende Imports (Portland, ME) bracelet.

Each season, then, becomes more important, more urgent. This is clear to me as I watch Isabella find the perfect spot around the house for each glass, resin, and paper mache pumpkin that she pulls out from the plastic tub marked “Fall decorations,” which I hauled from the attic. She carefully sets the porcelain characters around the Department 56 Sleepy Hollow village atop our living room television armoire. Soon we will pull down the tub marked “Halloween decorations” and discuss which artistic designs the kids will want David to carve for their pumpkins. Our sun-damaged plastic skeleton is hanging by a thread, but still the kids insist on having David tie it to the bistro chair and table on our front balcony.

The ginkgo tree, which we planted in the backyard when Jacob was a baby, is slowly rising above the protection and warmth of the surrounding homes. Soon the cold night air will turn the leaves golden in November, not December. Isabella and I will gather leaves to put in the clear glass pumpkin that sits on the kitchen sideboard. We switch off hosting Thanksgiving dinner with David’s sister, and this year, we play host. Jacob and Isabella are looking forward to seeing their cousins, especially their older cousin, Nick. “We have to see cousin Joshua, cousin Nick, and Grant,” they both insist to me with urgency, “because we won’t see them when they go away to college.” It startles me, this urgency that they feel, an urgency reserved for adults, for adults who get nostalgic when the seasons change.

Kate Spade bright red handbag and GeeWaWa flats with great scrollwork detail make the jewelry stand out.

Kate Spade bright red handbag and GeeWaWa flats with great scrollwork detail make the jewelry stand out.

Jacob hasn’t been trick-or-treating in years, and this is Isabella’s last year, with sixth grade being our milestone for the end of that childhood custom. I’m grateful that the kids still willingly partake in autumn traditions and enjoy the season as much as I do. We can still plan an autumn drive to a quaint town and enjoy the turn of the leaves. There is still time, I tell myself, there is still time.

SF premiere: let the Lunafest season begin

I do not wish them [women] to have power over men; but over themselves.
– Mary Wollstonecraft, 18th century British writer, philosopher, and feminist, from A Vindication of the Rights of Woman

The Palace of Fine Arts, host of the Lunafest premiere.

The Palace of Fine Arts, host of the Lunafest premiere.

This past Thursday marked the start of the Lunafest 2014-2015 season, with the premiere being held at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco and six members of our Lunafest East Bay Committee in attendance. LUNA, makers of the Whole Nutrition Bar for Women, established the film festival in 2001 to “simultaneously promote women filmmakers, raise awareness for women’s issues, and support women’s nonprofit organizations throughout the U.S. and Canada.”

Kit Crawford, co-founder of Clif Bar & Company with her husband Gary Erickson, co-chief visionary officer of the company, president of the Clif Bar Family Foundation, and strategic advisor to Lunafest, welcomed a full house to the film festival, whose tagline is “a film festival by, for, about women.” Kit entreated us to “celebrate women in film and stories that connect us all” and called the collection of eight short films “intelligent, funny, and thought-provoking.”

The all-female mariachi band Flor de Toloache, which is the subject and title of New Yorker Jenny Schweitzer's short film.

The all-female mariachi band Flor de Toloache, which is the subject and title of New Yorker Jenny Schweitzer’s short film, serenaded the audience.

So this is what it feels like to have a "red-carpet moment." I'll take it!

Six of the Lunafest East Bay Committee members: so this is what it feels like to have a “red-carpet moment.” I’ll take it!

As special guest, award-winning filmmaker and former Lunafest filmmaker Jen McGowan gave a spirited presentation. McGowan studied as an actor at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts and as a director at USC’s MFA program. She has won awards for her short films from Women in Film and the Caucus Foundation, and was a nominee for the Clint Eastwood Filmmakers Award. Her first feature-length film, Kelly & Cal, which stars Juliette Lewis and Cybil Shepherd, won the Gamechanger Award at the South By Southwest (SXSW) Music Conference and Festival. IFC Films released the movie in select theaters September 5th. We were treated to a trailer, and the film – with its tagline of “outcasts in life, allies in suburbia” – looks like a good one to catch when it expands to other markets.

A full house attended the premiere!

A full house attended the premiere!

As part of USC’s First Team Project, which fosters projects for their alumni, Jen had received positive response for her work. But it was an “out of the blue” phone call from two producers who were looking at indie film festivals and saw her short film from Lunafest 2011 that helped propel an already-rising career. Despite the accolades, Jen lamented these facts, reported by Indie Wire: independent films make up only 10 percent of films made today, and only 5 percent of indie films are directed by women. She called the low percentage of female indie directors, despite women being the majority in our population, “stereotypical.” “It’s bad for our culture, and it’s bad for women and men,” she declared.

“Expectations come from our stories,” she told the audience. Jen pointed out that we need to rewrite the narrative and change the story arc, and just as important, “we can all contribute in a unique way.” Women writers need to tell a good story, film directors need to seek out those stories, and producers need to fund those films and get them in front of audiences. And we, Jen emphasized, need to respond to women filmmakers’ work. “We need your support,” she said. “We filmmakers don’t work in a vacuum.” How we, the audience, responds, will help rewrite the narrative. Heed this call to action!

We were treated to a spread of wonderful finger food and wine.

A spread of wonderful finger food and wine awaited us upon our arrival.

Jeanne Rizzo, RN, president and CEO of the Breast Cancer Fund, also spoke. The Breast Cancer Fund is the major recipient of Lunafest’s fundraising efforts. Jeanne, who is so full of energy, gave an uplifting presentation. “Have confidence that stories are legitimate,” she told us. She also inspired us to be proactive and to demand change, wisely noting that “you never get what you don’t ask for.” Jeanne pointed out that the word “no” is not negative but represents the status quo. “Keep searching for yeses,” she proclaimed, which will aid in rewriting the next pages of the story.

Jeanne encouraged all of us to be successful without sacrificing our values and be self-sustaining and be good for the people with what we do with our lives. “We all have the capacity to change the story that we live,” she insisted. “Your name is on this moment. Step up or walk away.”

Filmmaker Susana Casares of Los Angeles poses by her film poster for Tryouts.

Filmmaker Susana Casares of Los Angeles poses by her poster of her film Tryouts.

Of the eight filmmakers, two are from the United Kingdom, one from Spain, and five from the U.S. (Los Angeles, Palo Alto, New York, Cambridge, and Kansas City). I’ll profile the eight short films when we host our East Bay Lunafest on Saturday, March 21st. Save the Date! Having seen five of the films during the screening and selection process in late spring, I noted that while the surprise factor – which is often accompanied by a sense of wonder and magic – had been erased, I caught little moments that I had missed the first time, which enriched my experience with the films.

Filmmakers Emily Fraser and Katherine Gorringe pose with their leading lady in their short film, Lady Parts.

Filmmakers Emily Fraser and Katherine Gorringe pose with their leading lady in their short film Lady Parts.

Kansas City filmmaker Lyn Elliot discusses her film A Good Match with one of our committee members.

Kansas City filmmaker Lyn Elliot discusses her film A Good Match with one of our committee members.

This season’s Lunafest will be shown in 170 cities, with an anticipated 25,000 attendees witnessing and sharing stories by women storytellers. As our Lunafest program noted: “We all have a story. Film is an inspiring way to bring those stories to life – to connect and build community. Lunafest is a film festival by, for, and about women dedicated to building community through the power of film and through the power of story.”

Join us for our magical evening on March 21st!

Good night, Palace of Fine Arts! Thanks for a great evening of artistic expression, storytelling, community, and empowerment!

Good night, Palace of Fine Arts! Thanks for a great evening of artistic expression, community, and empowerment!

September 8, 1965: 49th anniversary of the Delano grape strike walkout and an excerpt

September 8, 1965. That was when about 1,500 Filipinos went out on strike against the grape growers in Delano, California.
– Pete Velasco, Filipino-American activist and Treasurer of the United Farm Union

One of my aunts still picking grapes in her 60s, summer 2005.

One of my aunts picking grapes, summer 2005.

Today marks the 49th anniversary of the walkout of farm workers from the vineyards in Delano, California. It is a historic day not just for Filipino Americans – whose forefathers struck for better wages and working conditions – farm workers, and the labor movement, but it’s a historic day for every American. The day before, September 7th, members of the Agricultural Workers Organizing Committee (AWOC) took a vote to strike and in the early morning of September 8th, AWOC members sat down in the fields, walked out, or did not go to work.

In honor of that day, I offer an excerpt from my novel, A Village in the Fields, Chapter 11: Empty Fields, Empty House (Delano, September 1965-May 1966):

“Friends, come out of the fields! Join us in our struggle! We must all be together to succeed!” Fausto shouted from across the road. When the workers didn’t respond, he cupped his hands to his chapped lips and repeated in Ilocano, “Gagayem, rumuar kayo amin! Masapol nga agtitinulong tayo! Tapno makamtan tayo ti karang-ayan!”

Benny grabbed Fausto’s arm and squeezed it. Fausto imagined that his own face mirrored the mix of surprise and giddiness on his cousin’s face as they watched their fellow pinoys drop their clippers and slowly stream out of the fields. The sun was rising, though the air was cold and the sky tinted pink. Fausto stuffed his hands in his coat pockets. Benny stamped his feet to keep warm. By midday, the sun’s full strength would scorch the earth. When their countrymen crossed the road, Fausto and Benny threw their arms around them, congratulating them for their bravery, but the look in their eyes told them they were not yet convinced they were doing the right thing. None lived in the Cuculich camp or had attended any union meetings. Fausto recognized a handful as regulars at the pool halls and barbershops in Delano; they were local workers, some with families—not the migrant pinoys who had struck down south.

“You heard about the strike in Coachella, eh?” Fausto asked the group of men. “Our countrymen struck for ten days in the spring and the growers gave in. Some of these pinoys have come to Delano expecting the same wages. But the growers here are only paying a dollar ten. Is that fair to any of us?”

All eyes were on Fausto as they shook their heads.

“Then we must fight back!” Benny said. “We must strike for what is fair.”

“But what if the growers doan give in?” an elderly pinoy with milky eyes asked. “I seen what happen in the lettuce fields when nobody backs down.”

“The pinoys who struck down south don’t live here like we do,” another one said.

“Delano is our home. We don’t want our town mad at our families.”

“I have a wife and four kids,” a man in the back called out. With his gray hair, he looked to be the same age as Fausto and Benny. “We cannot feed on uncertainty.”

“Can you guarantee us the strike will end soon?” a stubbly faced pinoy demanded.

“We make sacrifices now to secure our future, manongs.” Fausto hoped that by using the term of respect manong to mean brother they would be more comfortable around him. “All we are asking for is decent wages and a union contract. If we can get all our brothers out of the fields—maybe a thousand today, two thousand tomorrow—then we have power. The strike cannot survive more than ten days. The growers cannot afford to lose their whole crop.” As the men looked at the vines thick with leaves, the ripe berries pulling down the branches, Fausto said, “Two years ago, these growers paid more than any other place in California. This year they are paying less. Do you have such short memories? They are paying less because they can, manongs. Ai, think with your heads!”

“We want the growers to sign contracts to guarantee us fair wages,” Benny said, when the men stared at Fausto in silence. “We are asking for one forty an hour and twenty-five cents a box. This is what you all deserve, manongs. Please listen to us.”

“Then what do we do now?”

“Where do we go?”

“My boss, Mr. Radic, will kick me out of camp,” the milky-eyed pinoy said.

“Manong, how many years do you have left in the fields?” Fausto asked in a gentle voice. When the old man shrugged his shoulders, he went on, “I heard Radic kicks out old pinoys when they can no longer work. He tells them his bunkhouses are not retirement homes or hospitals. He’s not keeping you in his bunkhouse out of charity! He has been overcharging you for years, making money off of you! Will it matter if he’s angry with you?” He couldn’t help but laugh. “Manong, Radic has deducted ten cents every hour you worked in his fields for how many decades now? You own that camp!”

The old man began to weep in his hands, the dirt on his fingers turning muddy. Fausto pulled out his handkerchief to wipe the old man’s eyes.

“I don’t live in Radic’s camp,” the man with the family spoke up, “and I got years of work ahead of me, but I cannot afford to have Radic mad at me.”

Fausto told them thirty farms were being picketed. “Go find work for the growers who are not on the list,” he said. “When the strike ends, then you can go back to Radic.”

So far, he and Benny had avoided scouting and picketing the Cuculich farm. As owner of one of the largest farms, Mr. Cuculich employed hundreds of workers. If all of them left, Larry Itliong told Fausto, the strike would end sooner. Fausto argued that Mr. Cuculich was not like John Depolo, who had a reputation for having the most workers suffer from heat exhaustion and heat stroke. But to Larry, all the growers were the same. Larry advised Fausto and the other pinoy AWOC members to picket the farms of other growers to avoid being punished by their long-time bosses once the strike ended.
The idle workers shifted their feet, hands deep in the pockets of their jeans, waiting for Fausto to speak. “With your help, the strike will end soon,” he assured them.

“Go! Go now!” Benny said, and waved his arms to shoo them away.

They herded them toward the small lot of cars by the shoulder of the road and stood there until everyone piled into their cars and the caravan drove away.

“Can it be this easy?” Benny said to Fausto, as the last of the red taillights disappeared around the corner of the road.

“Ai, nothing worth fighting for is easy. This will be a long journey,” Fausto said.

Down the road small bands of picketing AWOC members—all pinoys, including Prudencio, Ayong, and Fidel—hung around Frank Radic’s property, but Fausto wanted to head back to the Filipino Hall, AWOC’s headquarters. The morning of the strike, Ayong told them the hall was filled with veterans—elderly pinoys who had weathered strikes in the lettuce and asparagus fields since the nineteen-twenties—and farm workers, many with families, who had never engaged in strikes or other union activity. The newcomers were eager to help, but they needed to be educated. Even Fausto didn’t know what to do beyond picketing farms and getting his countrymen and strikebreakers out of the fields.

Benny slapped his palms together to warm them up. “Maybe later we’ll picket the packing sheds and the cold-storage plants along Glenwood Street.”

As they walked to the Bel-Air, a pickup truck veered onto the shoulder of the road and shuddered to a halt inches from Fausto, who stood with shaky legs. He recognized the man with sideburns who hopped out of the cab as one of Frank Radic’s sons. Benny stepped back as the man raised a shotgun above his head, but Fausto didn’t move.

“Get off my land!” Clifford said, pumping the shotgun like a dumbbell.

Fausto pointed to the vineyards across the street. “We are not on your land.”

“Don’t act like you know more than me!” Clifford said.

“All we are asking for is a decent wage,” Benny managed to say.

“You ought to be working like every red-blooded American in this country!” Clifford swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down his skinny neck. “My great grandpa was a sharecropper, but he built this business from the ground up by himself. Now you’re trying to cheat our family without working hard yourself!”

“The government gives growers water for free and these farms live off the sweat of the braceros, Chicanos, Filipinos, blacks, Puerto Ricans, and Arabs.” Fausto spoke in a loud voice to drown out his thrashing heartbeat. “This is how these farms grew.”

Clifford worked his mouth open as if he hadn’t expected an old Filipino farm worker to know anything beyond picking grapes and pruning vines. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” He raised the shotgun high in the air and pulled the trigger.

Fausto shook his head to stop his ears from ringing. Benny grabbed his arms and their eyes met, but Fausto brushed off Benny’s hands and the fear in his cousin’s face. As picketers rushed toward them, Clifford hurled the shotgun through the open window of the cab. He revved up the engine and spun the pickup truck around, spitting out dirt beneath the fat tires, before rocketing onto the blacktop and down the road.

“Are you okay?”

Fausto recognized Ayong’s voice, his friend’s knotty fingers on his shoulder. He nodded, though his numbed neck felt as if the Radic boy had aimed for his throat.

“This is not good,” Benny whispered.

“I’m going to cut off that sonavabeech’s balls off with a bolo!” Prudencio sliced the cold air with his straw hat, as other pinoys gathered around Fausto.

Fausto raised his hands. “They’re angry because they’re scared. If enough workers leave, they will lose the whole harvest. They will not risk such a loss.”

“But even if they raise our wages, they will still be angry and harm us somehow,” Benny said in a quiet voice. “I’m afraid.”

Fausto gave Benny a withering look. “If you are afraid, then don’t show it.”

“Listen to Fausto,” Fidel Europa said, leaning in.

“Listen to us all!” Prudencio clapped Benny’s shoulder. “They can break us if we are weak and scared. So be strong, manong. Let us all be strong.”

The pinoys, grim faced and silent, raised their fists above their heads as they retreated to their cars. Prudencio and Ayong were going back to the Cuculich camp to check up on their bunkmates, who had refused to leave camp for work. As Fausto and Benny left, they passed rows and rows of berries hung low on the vines. Like Mr. Cuculich, Frank Radic would not let his grapes be picked until they were sweet. Let them drop to the earth, Fausto entreated. Let them drop until the growers given in. Let the flies be more plentiful in the fields than the rotting grapes and the vanishing workers.

Ripe Ribier grapes in September - the jewels in the fields.

Ripe Ribier grapes in September – the jewels in the fields.

A Tiny, mighty change: 8th grade graduations and promotions

True life is lived when tiny changes occur.
– Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist and short story writer

Pre-ceremony moment with Number 1 son.

Pre-ceremony moment with Number 1 son.

Prior to Jacob’s 8th grade promotion ceremony last night, all week I had been adrift in reminiscing. I remembered my own 8th grade graduation as I rejoiced and also felt bittersweet about his minor rite of passage, with the swift feet of time luring him away from me. I couldn’t find any photos of my graduation, but I distinctly remembered details so vivid it startled me. My Auntie Leonora, my mom’s sister-in-law, sewed my maxi dress of tiny blue flowers against a cream background, with the bodice trimmed with lace and petite luminous blue buttons. June 8, 1976. As we were getting ready for the event after dinner, my mother made her way to the bathroom with a fish bone stuck in her throat. I ran down the hallway, panicked that she was choking to death. She was fine after coughing up the bone, but I realized at that moment how much she meant to me – despite our cultural and generational differences at the time. My mother meted out tough love but only because she wanted me to work hard and succeed.Mr. Vangsness, our choral teacher, conducted us as we sang Morris Albert’s “Feelings,” a popular 1975 song, and a dog understandably howled in the background. Nobody snickered or laughed out loud, but I was embarrassed nonetheless. [Don’t ask why an elementary school choir would sing a song about a heartbroken man at an 8th grade graduation.]

Some of my mementos from elementary school - awards, a cassette from honor choir, hand-drawn "photos" and handmade letters for my cheerleading sweatshirt - I know, even my own son was surprised at this revelation.

Mementos from elementary school – awards, honor choir cassette(!), hand-drawn “photos” and handmade letters for my cheerleading sweatshirt – I know, even my own son was surprised at this revelation.

Spurred by my memories, I took to the attic and dug into the big plastic tub that holds my journals and mementos of my life up to college. I’ve sifted through this tub before to flip through my journals and other writings, but I haven’t gone through the letters, my certificates of perfect attendance and scholarship, report cards, school reports, my overwrought prose from my English assignments in years. I was astonished to find that I still have my 8th graduation program, which is in pristine condition.

Terra Bella, my hometown and home to my K-8 elementary school, wasn’t big enough to warrant having a high school. There were two high schools in the next town over, Porterville, and where you lived relative to the train tracks determined which school you attended. Mostly everyone attended Porterville High School because a greater percentage of the town’s population lived on one side of the tracks. I chose to follow my two sisters, who were going to the newer high school. But that meant I would be separated from all my friends. It meant I would be a lone wolf until I made new friends. Another girl from my school ended up going, but we weren’t close and didn’t hang out in elementary school. I sheepishly asked my middle sister, a junior, if I could hang out with her. She begrudgingly agreed, though I had to walk behind her and her group of friends, no doubt because she had been telling people since she got to high school that she was an only child.

Four bouquets from our garden for Portola's 8th grade promotion ceremony.

Four bouquets from our garden for Portola’s 8th grade promotion ceremony.

Styling the dress before the big haircut.

Styling the dress before the big haircut.

I was scared of high school, though I had outgrown being at the same rural school for nine years and being with the same kids for almost a decade. At the same time, I was curious and excited. I had the rare opportunity early in life to reinvent myself in a new environment. Nobody knew me. There’s a certain freedom in anonymity, in not being encumbered by complicated friendships and loyalties. I was ready to bust out of my little hometown. I was ready for a bigger school, a variety of classes – I had a thirst for pure knowledge and learning – new friends, and new experiences and adventures. The proverbial bigger pond.

This stunner of a dress only needs simple yet elegant accessories: equally stunning Personal Pizazz drop earrings (Berkeley, CA), Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME), and vintage bracelet (eBay).

This stunner of a dress only needs simple yet elegant accessories: equally stunning Ben Amun drop earrings (Personal Pizazz, Berkeley, CA), Elizabeth Ng antique button ring (Abacus, Portland, ME), and vintage bracelet (eBay).

Graduating from my elementary school, really, was the beginning of the journey for me. With each step, graduating from Monache High School, Porterville Junior College, UC Davis, and Syracuse University, along with my two years as a Jesuit Volunteer in Alaska and San Francisco, the world continued to grow bigger and bigger. As I, as an 8th grader, walked across the concrete stage to accept my diploma in front of the grassy area filled with families of immigrant workers and farmers on a warm June evening, my excitement was palpable. Life was opening up.

And so it will for Jacob. Happy 8th grade promotion. Tolstoy nailed it: we experience tiny changes, necessary changes, on the way to a true life.

Close-up: beautiful details, including sequined clutch complementing the dress and jewelry.

Close-up: beautiful details, including sequined clutch complementing the dress and jewelry.

Celebrating Jacob's tiny, mighty change.

Celebrating Jacob’s tiny, mighty change. Now to go confidently into this world!

Teacher magic: reflections on engagement and inspiration

There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fills you up with so much quail shot that you can’t move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies.
– Robert Frost, American poet

My most recent photo of Jacob, at an Oakland A's game on Mother's Day, of course.

My most recent photo of Jacob, at an Oakland A’s game on Mother’s Day, of course.

My son, Jacob, is finishing up eighth grade and will be promoted this Thursday evening. As I ponder the past two years of his middle school life, I am – first of all – amazed at how quickly the time has whizzed by. I think of how much he has grown in his 13th year – physically mostly, but also emotionally. While I’d like to take credit for the good stuff as a parent, I realize that his phenomenal academic year has a lot to do with the growth I’ve had the pleasure and astonishment to witness. I should say more specifically, the two teachers who have made the biggest impact on his academics thus far.

I appointed myself to put together a drive for cards, letters, and donations for our history and English teachers because I wanted us as a parent community to thank them for inspiring our kids. Throughout the year, I have had conversations with numerous parents who have also witnessed the pleasure of their kids being engaged in American history and reading and writing in their English class.

As I wrote my separate letters to the teachers (Jacob wrote out his cards without the usual pushback when I ask that thank you cards be written), I thought about the two teachers who inspired me when I attended my K-8 school.

Sixth grade: unconditional love
Everybody loved Miss Rossow, my sixth grade teacher. Those who were “stuck” in the other class envied those of us who were lucky enough to have been assigned to her class. Miss Rossow was energetic and creative. She nurtured her students and was always positive, which gave us the freedom to do our best and to overextend ourselves. We clamored to please her with our work and our behavior. I remember her reading to us Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in an animated voice and handing out Wonka chocolate bars when she finished the book. For me, she opened up the world of books and imagination.

My 6th grade class picture, with Miss Rossow in the bottom let. I'm in the top row, in the middle.

My 6th grade class picture, with Miss Rossow in the bottom let. I’m in the top row, in the middle.

We knew we had a good thing going, but many times it isn’t until something is taken away that you fully realize what you had. After Christmas break, Miss Rossow didn’t return. We cried. We were sorrowful. We didn’t know what had happened. She wrote the class a letter, letting us know that she had moved to Washington state and was going to get married. She said she would write to us, but she never responded to our stream of letters, which we eventually stopped writing when we realized she had a new life without us. We felt justified in refusing to cooperate with the long-term substitute teacher, and tried very hard to ignore the taunts from the kids in the other class. I remember the long-term sub calling me in during recess and letting me know that she understood that we were giving her a hard time because we were hurt by the sudden departure of our beloved teacher. She acknowledged that she could never rise to such vaunted heights. As one of the “good students,” I was asked to behave and set an example to the other students. I begrudgingly agreed. The rest of the year lost its magic, but I continued to nurture my love of books. [An aside, it wasn’t until years later that I put the pieces together. Miss Rossow had gotten pregnant, which led to a hasty wedding and move. This was, after all, 1973.] I don’t remember what her married name became or in what city in Washington state she settled, but I am forever indebted to her bringing magic into the classroom.

My 8th grade school picture, fall 1975.

My 8th grade school picture, fall 1975.

On becoming a writer
When I was in eighth grade, Miss Lerda was my home-room teacher, but we switched out for language arts and social studies, which was taught by Mrs. Bone. The latter, who wore pants and pantsuits, was unconventional to the point of being hip back in 1975-1976. She was tall and thin, with cropped bleached blonde hair and a pointed nose and a distinctive nasal voice – I can still hear it in my head. She crossed disciplines with her assignments long before it was de rigueur with academic standards. I kept many of her writing assignments. We read about such historical events as the French and Indian War, and then wrote fictional first-person accounts, with students choosing the character to represent. I chose a young American woman living in Schenectady who was about to be married and worried about her beloved soldier. Admittedly, it was very heavy handed and smarmy, but Mrs. Bone applauded me for my imagination and suggested that I become a Gothic romance writer.

The end of school means summer dressing and cool colors - like a silk shift.

The end of school means summer dressing and cool colors – like a silk shift.

We read a lot of Mark Twain, whom I grew to appreciate. We were always reading and writing, and I couldn’t get enough of either. I credit Mrs. Bone for leading me down the path of majoring in English and wanting to be a writer. Love what you do. She was certainly following her passion. My cousin Janet, who is also a teacher, knew Mrs. Bone as a colleague for many years. Mrs. Bone retired within this past decade, leaving behind a robust legacy of having inspired decades of her students.

I realized many years later, as I thought about what I wanted to write in Jacob’s two teachers’ thank-you cards, that I “only” had two teachers who stood out in my K-8 years who truly made a difference in my life – in the classroom and beyond. Perhaps it’s not uncommon to have just a few teachers who have been inspirational. Most of my K-8 teachers were serviceable; I paid attention and did the work, and I was rewarded for my diligence. From a child’s perspective, I couldn’t tell if I had a “bad” teacher – one who didn’t teach what he or she was supposed to teach in that year. How would a child know what was covered in the curriculum? I was unaffected by the few yellers I had as teachers – mostly because I was an obedient student and didn’t think any yelling was directed toward me.

Impacting the rest of your life
When you get those inspirational teachers, however, makes a big difference. Whereas Miss Rossow instilled in me a love of books and opening up my imagination, Mrs. Bone set me up, so to speak, for high school, where you hope you begin the process of critical reading, thinking, and writing. And this is where I believe Jacob got very lucky. His English and history teachers have helped build that foundation in preparation for high school.

Cool accessories for summer: Antique document holder turned necklace (Kate Peterson Designs, El Cerrito, CA), Neeru Goel chalecedony earrings (India), Sundance ring, and KPD sterling silver bangles (El Cerrito, CA).

Cool accessories for summer: Antique document holder turned necklace (Kate Peterson Designs, El Cerrito, CA), Neeru Goel chalecedony earrings, Sundance ring, and KPD sterling silver bangles (El Cerrito, CA).

Last year – I’m forgetting the circumstances for the confessional – Jacob reluctantly admitted to me that he didn’t like to read or write. You can imagine how his words were akin to arrows not only piercing my skin but lodging in major organs in my body. He had no good enough reason other than just not liking either. I wrung my hands. I was confident in his math and science abilities, though he can be lackadaisical in both subjects, but I worried that he wouldn’t have the reading and writing skills required in not only high school and college, but in life, really.

David and I attended Back-to-School Night last September and visited Mr. Aloi’s history classroom and Mr. McCormick’s English classroom. In their presentations, they both outlined what they would cover, what books they were assigning, and what competencies our kids would develop upon completion of the school year. Whereas Mr. Aloi, who is a veteran teacher, was “salty” in tongue and a little goofy, he presented history not as the memorization of people, dates, and events but as stories that uncover human desire and motivation. The kids would learn how to take notes and write coherent papers. If he was as entertaining in his teaching as he was giving his presentation, we knew he had the ability to engage the students. And he did.

Cool silver accessories against muted colors.

Cool silver accessories against muted colors.

Jacob animatedly told many Mr. Aloi stories over family dinners. As one parent told us at our last band concert of the school year, we ought to get the kids T-shirts that say, “Mr. Aloi says….” because they so enthusiastically relate his stories to us parents and families. He gained their trust and he earned his street cred. At Back-to-School Night, he also told us that his classroom was always open. He understood how difficult middle school years are, and he offered his room as a haven for shy kids, for kids who didn’t have any friends. And many kids did hang out in his classroom because they enjoyed being around him. For all that, I say, thank you, Mr. Aloi, for engaging my son and his classmates, and for his new-found appreciation for American history and for him wanting to put in the extra effort on his writing assignments because of that enthusiasm and engagement.

Mr. McCormick, whose half-way rolled-down shirt sleeves partially hid tattooed arms, introduced himself at Back-to-School Night as a former marketing writer for Clorox who went back to school to get his teaching credential. He enthusiastically told us about his love of teaching and astounded us with his desire to teach middle-school age kids. This is his third year of teaching and he was deservedly awarded Teacher of the Year for the district. Throughout the year, unprompted, Jacob would tell me about the books he enjoyed reading, in particular, Lois Lawry’s The Giver. I watched him put effort into his English assignments and he took pride in his grades. Not too far into the school year, he told me that history and English were his favorite subjects. I was shocked by this revelation, coming from a kid who hated reading and writing. Only a great teacher could coax such a statement from a reluctant student. Mr. McCormick seems to have the rare gift of understanding and being patient with middle-school kids, and to boot have the ability to engage them with the subject and his assignments. As a result, he commands their respect.

Inspiration and engagement equals happiness and meaningful fulfillment.

Inspiration and engagement equals happiness and meaningful fulfillment.

While Jacob is ready to move on to high school – albeit mixed with fear of being with older kids and a much bigger campus with more students – there’s a part of him that he admitted to me that will miss his middle school. He had a good year, he related to me wistfully. I know why, and for that, I am extremely grateful.

As parents we have such a big influence on our kids. Teachers and coaches, I read in an article, are the next tier of people who impact our kids. As we enter the last week of school for my son, as we prepare for his eighth grade promotion ceremony on Thursday, I step back to acknowledge my gratitude. I’m grateful for his two teachers for making such a big impression on him – both in the classroom and beyond – and me.

Overcoming overwhelmed

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.
– Leonard Bernstein, American conductor, composer, author, music lecturer, and pianist

A comfortable outfit to ward off feeling overwhelmed: cropped sweater over a high-low flowing blouse, dark-rinse jeans, and platform sandals.

A comfortable outfit to ward off feeling overwhelmed: cropped sweater over a high-low flowing blouse, dark-rinse jeans, and platform sandals.

The other day I was reading an online article on the financial planning site LearnVest. I stopped dead in my tracks upon reaching this quote: “I kept waking up in a panic at 4 A.M. worrying – not only about all of the stuff on my to-do list that I hadn’t done that day and how much more there was to do, but also whether I was missing my life even as I was living it.” Wait! Did LearnVest interview me? That was me to a T, I told myself. Maybe I wasn’t waking up in a panic, but for the past month, as I have attempted to go to bed earlier in the evening, I have been waking up earlier. It’s as if my internal clock cannot program more than six hours of sleep. I open my eyes and am wide awake anywhere between 4 and 5 in the morning. And I’m conscious of what I need to do, what deadline is before me that day. Some mornings I wake up with a mental check list of what is going to happen that day; other mornings, I am filled with panic about a deadline.

The person being interviewed was, in fact, Brigid Schulte, The Washington Post journalist and mother of two, who wrote what she calls an “accidental” book, Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has Time, because she wanted to research why she and many of us are running ourselves ragged. In her interview with LearnVest, Schulte said the rise in overworking ourselves began in the 1980s. She referenced Katrina Alcorn, author of Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink, who said that society expects us to work as if we have no children and to have families as if we have no work. I won’t go into the health consequences of being stressed out; we intuitively know the correlation between stress, overwork, and lack of sleep to chronic illness – we don’t need our fears to be validated with research and studies.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Luxe Revival reclaimed vintage necklace (Uncommon Objects, Austin, TX), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (El Cerrito, CA), and beaded bracelets.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Luxe Revival reclaimed vintage necklace (Uncommon Objects, Austin, TX), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (El Cerrito, CA), and beaded bracelets.

Schulte pointed out that in our rat-race society, we look down on the pursuit of leisure, which she says we equate to being lazy. “We clearly have lost all sense of its value as we’ve gotten wrapped up in busyness and the feeling that we always have to be ‘productive’ and ‘doing’ something,” she lamented. I slunk in my office chair, guilt warming over me. I’m one of those people touting always being productive. In my defense, I don’t believe in always doing something for the sake of being in motion, for the sake of not being at rest (on the couch, that is). After all, motion is only worth it if it enables you to check something off of your to-do list. Insert self-conscious laughter here. I’ll admit that for the longest stretch I could not sit down and read because there was way too much to do and I couldn’t bear for the world to keep moving on without me. As I have gotten older, the notion that I have less time to do what I need to do, which results in me going into overdrive, has interfered with what I actually need and want to do. Reading is an activity that makes me a better writer and enriches my mind on so many levels, but the act of sitting down and not producing something, not having something tangible to show for being at rest, if you will, was unacceptable to me. Thankfully, I have overcome that silliness, but it points to the affliction that we can’t seem to find a cure for.

Play with lengths, height, and color. You can venture into cropped top territory with sheer blouses.

Play with lengths, height, and color. You can venture into cropped top territory with sheer blouses.

Defining leisure
Schultze makes the case for embracing leisure, which is connected to creativity, problem solving, and the birth of civilization – the creation of art, philosophy, science, history, and so on. She wants us to recapture the value of play and break the bonds of stress and overwork. That to-do list? Don’t do it. In fact, don’t make a to-do list. That’s what I got from the interview. I’m sure the book has other tangible best practices. But I don’t have time to read it. I already know why I’m overwhelmed. I understand what I can and can’t change, even if that understanding doesn’t bring full-blown serenity. I have to work full-time for the time being, but I don’t have to let job demands kill me. If sleep deprivation negatively impacts my productivity and quality of my day job, then I make the decision to get more hours of sleep. It took a while to come to that realization and it took failing health to get to that point, but I learned my lesson. Telling me to chuck my to-do list is not an option. Now that I’m well rested most of the time, I get a lot more done. When I see all those check marks on my to-do list, I am buoyed and the sense of being overwhelmed is greatly mitigated. And I end up having “free” time, otherwise known as leisure time.

But let’s define leisure. If you had free time, defined as time in which you are not doing work for your day job, whatever that may be, what would you do with it? Some people may not think weeding is leisure, but when I am in my side yard weeding and pruning, I enter a Zen-like existence that actually insulates me from the worries that are waiting for me in my home office. It’s just me and the garden, which offers me both singular focus and an openness that allows my mind to wander. I welcome physical activity, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I stand up and survey my tidy yard.

Tie colors together with splashy platform sandals and bring in vintage touches (reclaimed vintage matchbox necklace and my own early 1990s vintage Talbots equestrian-style crossbody bag.

Tie colors together with splashy platform sandals and bring in vintage touches (reclaimed vintage matchbox necklace and my own early 1990s vintage Talbots equestrian-style crossbody bag.

If I didn’t have my blog and my fiction writing, I would have more time to garden and to organize my disorganized home. I’d go to more of my kids’ sporting events. I’d be able to watch television – these days mostly just Major League Baseball games – but without multi-tasking – ironing, paying bills and reconciling check registers, responding to e-mails. I would just sit and watch. Am I sad that I can’t do that? I sneak in singularly focused activities every once in a while. But as Robert Frost, one of my favorite poets, wrote in his famous poem, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, “But I have promises to keep/And miles to go before I sleep.” So long as they are the things I really want to do, I am okay with staying up a little longer than I should, multi-tasking to get them done. So long as what is overwhelming me is about what I want to do – in my current case it is feeling overwhelmed at starting a new novel – and I take it as a call to action, I can live with that. By all means, mitigate being overwhelmed at work, but  make sure that what you are doing with the rest of your day, your life, is what you want to do and what brings you joy.