Category Archives: Life Lessons

Wisdom gained

Rubicon Programs: supporting and strengthening our local communities

Posted on by

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.
– Maya Angelou, American poet, memoirist, actress, and American Civil Rights Movement activist

Rubicon's headquarters in Richmond, CA.

Rubicon’s headquarters in Richmond, CA.

My friend Jane Fischberg, whom I’ve known for almost 22 years now, and I were discussing charitable giving over lunch back in January. While I knew Jane has been with Rubicon Programs (510.235.1516, 2500 Bissell, Richmond, CA 94804) for the last 17 years – she is president and executive director of the nonprofit provider of integrated housing, training, employment and mental health services – I didn’t know, but should have known, that raising funds is the “primary purpose,” as well as the most challenging aspect, of her job. Jane invited David and me to attend Rubicon Honors 2014, the nonprofit’s annual gala and fundraising event on April 5th at the Oakland Rotunda, which I accepted. When I brought up doing a profile on Jane and her work at Rubicon, we set aside time in March for me to meet her colleagues at their Richmond office. After being honored to hear their stories, I knew there were in fact three profiles to present – one of Jane (to be posted on April 4th) and two of Rubicon itself and the people who are the face of Rubicon (the second one to be posted April 1st).

More than 40 years of serving the community
Rubicon, founded in 1973 in Richmond, CA, was appropriately named, with its provenance being “a decision from which there is no turning back – the beginning of the journey to change.” The nonprofit’s mission is to “prepare very low-income people to achieve financial dependence and to partner with people with mental illness on their journey of recovery.” By offering a comprehensive set of services, which includes job placement, housing, legal services, and financial literacy, and offices in Antioch, Berkeley, Concord, Hayward, and Richmond, Rubicon is able to serve a significant number of people in the hardest-hit communities in the East Bay.

Rubicon was able to help many community members, including this client.

Rubicon was able to help many community members, including this client (photo credit: Saul Bromberger and Sandra Hoover).

Indeed, from the 2013 Annual Report, Rubicon served 3,400 people last year. After receiving help with interview preparation, resume building, and local employer connections, 657 people – out of 883 people seeking employment – were placed in jobs, earning a collective $17 million. What is even more impressive is that more than a third had been incarcerated at some point in their lives. Nationally recognized, Rubicon is one of only five organizations in the country awarded a special federal grant to help ensure that parents coming out of the criminal justice system can provide financial and emotional support for their children, while staying free of the criminal justice system.

More than 300 families were placed in housing in 2013, receiving help with budget planning, affordable housing connections, and rental application. Eight hundred low-income East Bay residents accessed legal services in the areas of eviction prevention, disability rights, education, and advocacy. Substance abuse recovery, counseling, and medication management services resulted in a decrease of nearly 70 percent of psychiatric crisis visits by Rubicon clients burdened with serious mental illness.

A Rubicon Programs client works with a staff member (photo credit: Pat Garvey).

A Rubicon Programs client works with a staff member (photo credit: Pat Garvey).

Rubicon’s success is due in part to its integrated services delivery model (the other major factor is the staff, but more on that later). People who come to Rubicon – and indeed many of the residents in disadvantaged communities – don’t need just one social service but oftentimes several services across the spectrum. Clients typically fall through the cracks when they’re being referred from one agency offering a single service such as legal services to another organization that only deals with housing, which creates a siloed and alienating experience. The various divisions within Rubicon – Economic Empowerment, Mental Health and Wellness, and Legal Services – work collaboratively, which enables them to work with their clients holistically through one entity and to develop personalized programs for the greatest success and sustainability.

Rickie, "living and loving life clean," at two years of being clean.

Rickie, “living and loving life clean,” at two years of being clean.

Rickie Harris: ‘Begin the journey to change’
Rubicon’s tagline, “Begin the journey to change,” could not be more appropriate for a woman I met who took up Jane’s offer to a conference room full of people at the end of a meeting to talk to me about their Rubicon experience. Rickie Harris, who serves as a substance abuse intern at Rubicon, stepped right up. Rickie had battled drugs and alcohol abuse for 23 years, going in and out of substance abuse treatment programs for two decades. She would stay clean for three years but then go back out, while her mother – whom she gives credit for supporting her though the years – took care of her six children, three boys and three girls, now ages 19 to 28. Rickie kept coming back because her children “were worth it,” but the addiction was overpowering. It wasn’t until she reached a point where she was suffering from the “mental part of the disease” – losing her mind and talking to inanimate objects – that she realized she had to finally get clean and stay clean. But she also realized that while her mother and her children wanted her to stay sober, she had to do it for herself. She was ready to “make the changes and achieve the good” that she saw for herself.

Rickie at 5 years of being clean.

Rickie at 5 years of being clean.

Rickie is painfully aware of the “awful” state of her community, but it also is the source of her determination. “I used to be a problem in the community, but now I’m working diligently to become a solution,” she explained. Sober for more than five and a half years, Rickie completed four of the required certificates for substance abuse case management and dual diagnosis screening from Contra Costa College, with two semesters to go before graduation. She has worked hard, and earning straight A’s and making the Dean’s List without fail since 2010 has kept her motivated. “My mind is still intact,” she said, with pride. “I want more and more.” She will attend the University of California at Berkeley in the fall of 2015 to earn her BA in social work, with bigger sights set on earning her masters and PhD degrees. Rickie vows that she will return to the city where she was born and raised, and make a “powerful impact” for her fellow women and her community.

Editor’s notes: Rubicon Programs Part II will be posted Tuesday, April 1.

If you would like to make a donation to Rubicon Programs, click here.

Rubicon Honors 2014, Rubicon Programs’ annual gala, is set for next Saturday, April 5th, 6pm to 10pm at the Oakland Rotunda, 300 Frank H. Ogawa Plaza in downtown Oakland. Last year, more than 2,000 children in the East Bay were positively impacted by the work Rubicon Programs did with their moms and dads. This year, Rubicon Programs has set a goal of raising $200,000 to change the lives of 2,100 children who are most in need in our shared community. At the gala, come enjoy live music, wine reception, butlered seasonal hors d’oeuvres, sit-down gourmet dinner and dessert, and the live and silent auction. Individual tickets are $225 and a table of 10 is $2,000. You can purchase your tickets here.

March is Women’s History Month

Posted on by

Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.
– Maya Angelou, American poet, memoirist, actress, and American Civil Rights Movement activist

Worn-out leather and jeans who well with vegan cut-out blouse.

Worn-out leather and jeans mix well with vegan cut-out blouse.

The National Women’s History Project‘s theme this year for Women’s History Month is Celebrating Women of Character, Courage, and Commitment. The Project honors 12 women whose lives and work serve as a source of inspiration for both girls and boys and women and men to make our world a more compassionate and more equitable place for everyone. In honoring these women and bringing their accomplishments to the forefront, the Project is making good on its goal of “writing women back into history.”

With that in mind, I thought a worthy exercise in honor of Women’s History Month would be to write a short essay on a woman in your life who exhibited character, courage, and commitment, and inspired you to do the same. For me, that’s easy – it would be my mother. Born in 1926 in the Philippines, she endured the occupation of her homeland by the Japanese in World War II, forced to witness such atrocities as the bayoneting of babies thrown into the air in the town square. “We looked away,” my mother had murmured when I asked her if the story my sister had told me was true. She worked to help put her brothers and sisters through school. She forsake true love and ended up marrying my father and coming to the States after the war. Instead of working to get her teaching credential here – she was a school teacher back home – she picked grapes in the summertime and packed oranges in the wintertime for decades, until she retired. She saved money like crazy, though she and my father didn’t make very much money, and we grew up never feeling poor, though we lived in a rural farming community. My mother instilled in my two sisters and me the importance of education, especially higher education, and being a good citizen. Those were the facts of her life, but there is so much more.

Boxy blouse, jeans, kitten-heel pumps, and clutch are an easy uniform to throw on.

Boxy blouse, jeans, kitten-heel pumps, and clutch are an easy uniform to throw on when mornings are hectic.

The day after my mother passed away on January 3, 2012, my old high school friend, Kimi, wrote about my mother in an e-mail to me in the early hours of the morning: “She was steel. Thin, lithe, wiry, graceful, resilient, unbreakable; tempered. She was beautiful, proud, determined, resolved, smart. If she had lived in a different time or place, if she’d had our opportunities, we can only imagine what she would have accomplished. But, she took the yoke and humble, coarse work that was available – and she lived her dreams through you. As an observer, and not the one grinding away to meet your mom’s expectations, it was always clear to me that she was very, very proud of you, Joyce and Heidi. She built the runway, you flew. She was happy. She felt accomplished. In the end, she achieved her dreams and she had a good life.”

I wrote Kimi back, accusing her of making me cry. What haunted me, what moved me the most of her words – If she had lived in a different time or place, if she’d had our opportunities, we can only imagine what she would have accomplished – still resonates with me as I think about Women’s History Month. My mother was at once meek and determined, dutiful and unrelenting, bearing burdens and yet strategizing for a better life for her family. Had she lived in a different time or place, had she been led to more windows and doors, she would have opened them and gone through. She would have built the runway and taken off herself.

Against a creamy cut-out blouse: Anthropologie statement earrings, stack of rings by Kate Peterson Designs (El Cerrito, CA), Alkemie scarab cuff made of recycled metal, and Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago).

Against a creamy cut-out blouse: Anthropologie statement earrings, stack of rings by Kate Peterson Designs (El Cerrito, CA), Alkemie scarab cuff made of recycled metal, and industrial Laura Lombardi necklace (Eskell, Chicago).

How many girls and women in the world today don’t even know that windows and doors exist? How many never realize they could entertain the crazy notion that they can build their own runway and take off or actually have a voice and the audacity to dream big and make good on them – as a result of the tyranny of governments and politics, religion, misogyny, and on and on? How do we as women, who are privileged and who have had our basic needs and more met, reach them?

When I think of all those questions and wonder where in those pockets and dark corners of the world those girls and women may be, I understand the desire to write women back into history, to use our voices, and shine the light on women’s accomplishments. These subversive acts  – which one day won’t be subversive, though we must always strive to be subversive when it comes to advancing girls and women – plant the seeds. And when we scatter them all around us, beautiful things will grow.

So what can we as individuals do? Nora Ephron entreats us to be the heroine of our lives. Do the small things in our homes, our neighborhoods, and our communities. Nurture and use your gifts for good deeds. Create windows and doors. Go through them, but make sure someone is behind you doing the same. Be compassionate. Be courageous. Be present. Be.

Mixing textures: weathered chambray, metal, nude patent, vegan cut-out, and faux snakeskin.

Mixing textures: weathered chambray, reclaimed metal, nude patent leather, vegan cut-out, and faux snake skin.

Lunafest 2014 – at last

Posted on by

Above all, be the heroine of your life. – Nora Ephron, American film director, producer, screenwriter, and novelist

Ready for the VIP reception before the screening.

Ready for the VIP reception before the screening!

Lunafest, presented by the East Bay Lunafest Committee this past Saturday, was a rousing success. The traveling film festival is now shown in approximately 150 cities across the U.S. and Canada, up from 125 cities last year. Here’s what makes this particular fundraiser for breast cancer awareness and prevention dear to my heart, given that there are many honorable organizations and events supporting breast cancer education, screening and diagnosis, access to treatment, and/or research. Established in 2000 By LUNA, makers of the Whole Nutrition Bar for Women, Lunafest simultaneously promotes women filmmakers, raises awareness for women’s issues, supports local nonprofit organizations, brings communities together, and celebrates women’s creative spirits. Not to mention getting to know and working with the wonderful group of women, with diverse experiences and talents, who make up the committee.

VIP guests were entertained with jazz selections from this talented duo.

VIP guests were entertained with jazz selections from this talented duo.

Our VIP reception, which was held before the screening, featured a pianist and bassist duo, wonderful catered food and wine, and a cadre of eager and polite students from the IT Academy at El Cerrito High School (ECHS) who checked guests in, served food with a smile, and lit the way from the home of our committee chair where the VIP reception was held to the ECHS Performing Arts Center the next block over. We raised money through our raffle drawing, which included a GoPro camera, Kindle, Donkey & Goat wine set, Nikon camera, and more. Jeanne Rizzo, RN, president and CEO of the Breast Cancer Fund, couldn’t make it to our event, but she sent a heart-felt thank you via a recorded video message before the nine short films began.

Cupcakes and cookies were flying out of the Braxtons' Boxes' table, manned by Pamela Braxton and Zachary, her trusty helper and son.

Cupcakes and cookies were flying out of the Braxtons’ Boxes’ table, hosted by Pamela Braxton and Zachary, her son.

After drawing the winning tickets for the raffle prizes, attendees were treated to complimentary coffee (decaffeinated, of course) courtesy of Well Grounded Tea & Coffee Bar (6925 Stockton Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530, 510. 528.4709) and vegan, gluten-free ice cream sandwiches from Green Girl Bake Shop and cookies and cupcakes from Braxtons’ Boxes (510.708.7089). Two monitors in the lobby featured student films from the IT Academy, as well. It was great to see so many friends and acquaintances from the schools and community, and it was equally thrilling to see so many faces I didn’t know and to see the auditorium fill up. We ended up having nearly 300 people come to Lunafest this year.

Lisa Stoy of Green Girl Bake Shop sold out of her ice cream sandwiches.

Lisa Stoy of Green Girl Bake Shop sold out of her ice cream sandwiches.

And now for the movies: my mini reviews
The nine films chosen ranged from animation to documentary, from serious topics to lighthearted moments, to injecting lighthearted moments into serious subjects, from filmmakers from overseas – Norway, the Netherlands, Greece, and Australia – to the epicenter of filmmaking, New York. They also ranged in length from 21 minutes to under four minutes.

Here’s a brief summary of these award-winning films:
Granny’s Got Game by Angela Alford: “Seven fiercely competitive women in their 70s bond and play winning basketball, proving you are never too old to do what you love.” From the sound of the audience, this was a crowd favorite. How uplifting to cheer on these young-at-heart women who showed us how strong and spunky you can be when you don’t let barriers keep you on the sidelines, literally, and how that will to keep going feeds the fire.

Flying Anne by Catherine van Campen: “A young girl with Tourette’s syndrome takes ‘flight’ to navigate life with her tics.” This was the crowd favorite, according to our survey. I loved how the filmmaker put a face on Tourette’s syndrome. van Campen gave us all sides of Anne, making her multi-dimensional when many might only see the tics borne by this neurological disorder. I also appreciated watching her counselor play act with Anne to show her how to deal with people who don’t know about her condition. This led to her bravely explaining Tourette’s syndrome in an informal discussion with her classmates; she asked them to put their hands on their desks for several minutes and control their impulse to, for example, scratch their itchy heads. Hard, isn’t it, she asked them. I found two other scenes with her good friend Delano, who wanted to protect her and revealed soon afterward that he wanted to marry her, lovely and poignant – going in and out of industrial dumpsters in a field and holding one another as they went down a water slide in slow motion.

Sidewalk by Celia Bullwinkel: “A woman walks through life, confronts her changing body, and learns to love herself.” This fun animated short had many of my friends telling me after the screening that they were pegging where they were in their own lives in the depiction of a woman’s many stages of life as she walked down the sidewalk.

First Match by Olivia Newman: “A determined female wrestler prepares for her first coed high school match.” We got the chance to meet the young female wrestler, who now wrestles as a college student against young men, at the San Francisco premiere. She was impressive and her real-life determination was perfectly captured by filmmaker Olivia Newman.

Sound Shadows by Julie Engaas: “Enter a world where sound gives shape to space.” This short film creatively explored what sound looks like with the help of animation for a woman who is blind.

Maria of Many by Alexandra Liveris: “Meet Maria – Mexican immigrant, domestic worker, committed mom, and activist.” Liveris’ skill in this short film lies in being able to give us a glimpse of Maria’s multiple life roles in less than four minutes, but it’s a complete view, highlighted by scenes of her at work, with her two young children, and with the women’s cooperative that helped her to find her voice and courage in her adopted new country.

Running Dry by Dimitra Nikolopoulou: “A woman impacted by economic hardships journeys into contemporary Athens.” Although I had to run out for a few minutes and missed most of this short film, it was one of my favorites when I saw it at the San Francisco premiere because it revealed the largeness of the protagonist’s and community’s heart to forgive, to share, to bring laughter and joy amid trying times, and to persevere despite difficulties. And who didn’t have that zippy piano soundtrack running through their heads long after the film festival ended? In a good way, that is!

Date with Fate by Venetia Taylor: “When it comes to blind dating, some things are meant to be – whether you like it or not.” This short film, about a divorced couple who go to a matchmaking agency only to find out that they were matched to one another, had its laugh-out-loud moments.

Tiny Miny Magic by Danielle Lurie: “When Sam and her mailman exchange presents via her mailbox, an unexpected love connection blossoms.” I’m glad that the film festival ended with this selection because it was one of my favorites, if not my favorite. It captured Brooklyn so well, the premise was fun, and the actors – their facial expressions were spot on – were delightful. It is the type of ending to a film festival that leaves you buoyant, bouncing out of your seat and the theater – ready for your own tiny miny magic.

Luminous 1960s retro coat turned dress coat, which Laura Leventer of Personal Pizazz (Berkeley, CA) picked out for me. Thank you, Laura!

Luminous 1960s retro coat turned dress coat, which Laura Leventer of Personal Pizazz (Berkeley, CA) picked out for me. Thank you, Laura!

Perfect accessories to complement the vivid embroidery: Alkemie scarab cuff, Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings, and Lava 9 earrings (Berkeley, CA).

Perfect accessories to complement the vivid embroidery: Alkemie scarab cuff, Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (El Cerrito, CA), and Lava 9 earrings (Berkeley, CA).

Underneath: lacy camisole and gleaming pleats.

Underneath: lacy camisole and gleaming, filmy pleated skirt.

Alternative viewing: With a vintage purse and creamy lace-up heels.

Alternative viewing: With a vintage purse and creamy lace-up heels.

International Women’s Day: take chances, make a difference, be extraordinary

Posted on by

I challenge women and girls to learn from example and have the courage to overcome mediocrity. Give yourself the chance to be extraordinary.
– Saundra Pelletier, CEO of WomanCare Global

Stand tall!

Stand tall! And carry a Stuart Weitzman clutch from consignment shop Secondi (Washington, DC).

My friend, Laurel Kallenbach, posted on Facebook this past Tuesday that in honor of Women’s International Day, which is on March 8th, she made a loan through Kiva Microfunds. Her recipient is a female entrepreneur in Tajikstan, sister city of Boulder, CO, where Laurel lives. But Laurel did more than just give a helping hand to another woman. She put forth a valuable challenge to us all: “The way I see it, the celebration of women’s talents and achievements should receive recognition for a whole month, so I challenge you to help a woman succeed in your home town or around the world sometime during the month of March,” she wrote.

Taking up the challenge
International Women’s Day has been celebrated for more than 100 years, dating back to 1908, when 15,000 women marched through New York City to demand shorter work hours, better pay, and voting rights, which too many of us take for granted – the voting rights, that is; we still have the glass ceiling. While it’s a day to honor women’s struggles around the world, Laurel’s right in that we should honor them for a month, if not every day in our thoughts, words, and actions. Laurel’s call to action is also a wonderful way to go beyond a single act of humanity and send out ripples across the ocean, so to speak, to create greater impact.

When the tough get going, throw on a reversible knit-and-lace duster.

When the tough get going, throw on a reversible knit-and-lace duster.

Inspired by Laurel’s actions and challenge, I, too, went to the Kiva site and am funding a woman from the Philippines so that she can buy a new variety of seed (hopefully not Monsanto!) and organic fertilizer for her farm and tires for her motorcycle. It was easy to do, and I encourage everyone who is able to make a microloan of $25 to a low-income and/or underserved entrepreneur or student from around the world to do so. Begun as an initiative by Matt Flannery and Jessica Jackley in 2004, Kiva was founded in 2005 as a nonprofit organization that brings borrowers and lenders together via an online lending platform. In October 2013, Kiva hit the 1 million lender milestone, with $537 million lent to Kiva to date. The organization has made nearly 680,000 loans, with nearly 1.1 million users who have funded a loan. Check out Jessica Jackley’s TED talk.

Taking risks
As I thought more about International Women’s Day, I came across a blog post by Saundra Pelletier, CEO of WomanCare Global, an international nonprofit organization that improves the lives of women by providing access to quality, affordable women’s reproductive health products through a sustainable supply chain. Pelletier grew up in a small farming community in northern Maine. Her mother decided that she didn’t want her daughter to follow the “Betty Crocker” fate of many girls in the area – getting married and having babies and living a domesticated home life – so she raised Pelletier to be an independent thinker who eschewed conformity. Wow! She was so lucky to have such an unconventional mother. Pelletier understands how fortunate she was and that many girls and women don’t or did not have, respectively, strong female role models in their families, neighborhoods, or communities in their formative years and beyond.

Spread your wings and be strong - with lace.

Spread your wings and fly – with lace (one of my favorite sweater coats, almost a decade old – the dress, too! Be green: Hang on to the unique timeless, high-quality clothing and accessories and pass them down to your daughters, nieces, and so on).

Even with this handicap, she wants us all to know that strong female role models exist. We just have to seek them outside of our homes, neighborhoods, and communities, to look outside and elsewhere. “All you need to do is to seek them out for inspiration and learn by their example,” Pelletier wrote. “Every woman needs a cavalry of mentors, emotional supporters, helpful taskmasters, and strategic alliances.” As nurturers of the tribe, so to speak, women were not raised to be risk takers. But the world has changed and continues to evolve and being a risk taker is what Pelletier asks us to become. “By taking risks, not only do we learn to be brave, but we discover opportunities that lead to miraculous outcomes,” she wrote. “The women who accomplish the most are often the ones who are willing to take chances.”

Mixing vintage and contemporary accessories: vintage choker (Vintage Underground, Chicago) and Lava 9 necklace and ring (Berkeley, CA).

Mixing vintage and contemporary accessories: vintage choker (Vintage Underground, Chicago) and Lava 9 necklace and ring (Berkeley, CA).

More vintage and contemporary: Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA), and eBay finds: antique necklace and Miriam Haskell pearl necklace.

More vintage and contemporary: Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA), and eBay finds: antique necklace and Miriam Haskell pearl necklace.

Making a difference
When I first sat down in my overstuffed library chair and ottoman to write this blog post last night, I was tired and drowsy. But as I warmed up to this celebratory topic, I became fully awake. As a woman in her 50s, I hold dear the call to take chances and make a difference. I was an incredibly shy girl, terrified of taking risks for which the outcome was in question. I did not rock the boat. I took the straight and narrow path – the sure thing. My parents stressed the importance of a college education, but beyond that and the expectation of marriage and children there was no other guidance. All those are important to me, of course, but making a difference in the world was in my DNA, long before I could articulate my desires. Making a difference has taken on many forms throughout my life. Now with a daughter, I see the call to action evolving yet again, especially where girls and women are concerned.

Lace on the outside, but strong as steel on the inside.

Lace on the outside, but strong as steel on the inside.

The International Women’s Day site entreats us all to “make a difference, think globally and act locally.” Get inspired every day. Help make the world a better place for girls to grow up in and women to thrive. For me, it’s fitting to celebrate March 8th at the Lunafest film festival in El Cerrito, with my women friends and my community – enjoying women filmmakers’ achievements in nine short films, fundraising for local organizations and especially The Breast Cancer Fund, and supporting local women entrepreneurs. Even as March 8th passes, make every day Women’s Day by helping other women become extraordinary. By engaging in this act of humanity and heroism (as a heroine) we become extraordinary ourselves. By taking risks, we will find the miraculous outcomes for which we are destined.

Vintage is green and beautiful: choker from Vintage Underground (Chicago).

Vintage is green and beautiful: choker from Vintage Underground (Chicago). Alkemie scarab cuff is made from recycled metal. Purse from Secondi consignment shop (Washington, DC).

Vintage is green and beautiful: vintage pearl bracelet.

Vintage is green and beautiful: vintage pearl bracelet with Sundance necklace and Anthropologie clutch.

Vintage is green and beautiful with lace: antique necklace and Miriam Haskell pearls.

Vintage is green and beautiful with lace: antique necklace and Miriam Haskell pearls – eBay finds – with embroidered and beaded purse from L’ Armoire consignment shop (Albany, CA) and Sundance bracelet.

Astronauts, writers and turning 52

Posted on by

Feeling ready to do something doesn’t mean feeling certain you’ll succeed, though of course that’s what you’re hoping to do. Truly being ready means understanding what could go wrong – and having a plan to deal with it . . . Being forced to confront the prospect of failure head-on – to study it, dissect it, tease apart all its components and consequences – really works. After a few years of doing that pretty much daily, you’ve forged the strongest possible armor to defend against fear: hard-won competence.
– Chris Hadfield, from An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth

Susan Ruiz, friend and fellow mom from our elementary school, recommended to me a book she’d read that provided valuable lessons in parenting. An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth was written and published last year by Chris Hadfield, a Canadian astronaut whose viewing of Neil Armstrong’s walk on the moon set his life path in motion as a then nine-year-old. His goal was to become an astronaut, even though at the time the Canadian Space Agency did not exist. He forged on at first on faith and then by exploring every opportunity that he faced or mined. I’ve only read 80 pages out of the approximately 280 pages of the book, but I already feel compelled to blog about it because something I had read on the plane on my way to our company’s annual conference this past Sunday struck a chord with me. It was a timely, serendipitous moment.

Philosophy in the clouds.

Philosophy in the clouds.

Acknowledging my stress
I’d finished proofing my manuscript the week before and updated the query letter that I would soon be sending out to literary agents. I’d already sent out the synopsis to a former classmate of mine, awaiting the green light that would allow me to send the entire manuscript to him. I was also getting ready for the conference. And lastly, I was turning 52, which happened yesterday – an event that was going to happen away from my home and my family. You could say I was a little stressed out.

So there I was on the packed airplane, having snagged a coveted window seat, with the book on my lap for uninterrupted hours of reading. By then, I had already acknowledged my stress over the fate of the manuscript. As I lamented to a few friends, in particular my friend, Jack, all these years I had soldiered on to finish the novel and write the best novel I could. Many times what kept me going, when I was despairing that I would never finish it, was the fact that I could beat down that despair and actually finish it. I visualized the moment when I would finish it and celebrate that victorious moment against all odds. Other times, and more often, I just kept going because I couldn’t imagine not going forward after all, not finishing after all.

I am also a control freak. And I relished being in the driver’s seat. I could control finishing it. But once it was done, I was left in that uncomfortable position of having to relinquish control. Now it would be up to a literary agent who may spend a few minutes poring over the query letter, synopsis, and the first few pages of the manuscript, and either get pulled in or not. A sick feeling formed in my gut, again, which I had remembered and resurrected, after forgetting that sensation the last time I had finished a draft and sent it out. It was not unlike the survival-of-the-species mechanism of forgetting intense labor pains in order to procreate again. Once you neared giving birth, you all of a sudden remember the pain from the first labor. The sick feeling was understanding that I would spend years working on something and being in control, only to give it up and let others decide my fate.

More clouds for thinking heady thoughts.

More clouds for thinking heady thoughts.

Words of wisdom: never lose attitude
And then the serendipitous moment occurred. I read a section of Hadfield’s book that put everything I was feeling into perspective:

“Getting to space depends on many variables and circumstances that are entirely beyond an individual astronaut’s control, so it always made sense to me to view space flight as a bonus, not as entitlement. And like any bonus, it would be foolhardy to bank on it. Fortunately, there’s plenty to keep astronauts engaged and enthusiastic about the job…. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t feel it’s a job full of dreams.

“Taking the attitude that I might never get to space – and then, after I did get there, that I might never go back – helped me hold onto that feeling for more than two decades. Because I didn’t hang everything – my sense of self-worth, my happiness, my professional identity – on space flight, I was excited to go to work every single day, even during the 11 years after my second mission when I didn’t fly and was, at one point, told definitively that I never would again (more on that later).

“It sounds strange, probably, but having a pessimistic view of my own prospects helped me love my job. I’d argue it even had a positive effect on my career: because I love learning new things, I volunteered for a lot of extra classes, which bulked up my qualifications, which in turn increased my opportunities at NASA. However, success, to me, never was and still isn’t about lifting off in a rocket (though that sure felt like a great achievement). Success is feeling good about the work you do throughout the long, unheralded journey that may or may not wind up at the launch pad. You can’t view training solely as a stepping stone to something loftier. It’s got to be an end in itself.

“In space flight, ‘attitude’ refers to orientation: which direction your vehicle is pointing relative to the Sun, Earth and other spacecraft. If you lost control of your attitude, two things happen: the vehicle starts to tumble and spin, disorienting everyone on board, and it also strays from its course, which, if you’re short on time or fuel, could mean the difference between life and death. In the Soyuz, for example, we use every cue from every available source – periscope, multiple sensors, the horizon – to monitor our attitude constantly and adjust if necessary. We never want to lose attitude since maintaining attitude is fundamental to success.

“In my experience, something similar is true on Earth. Ultimately, I don’t determine whether I arrive at the desired professional destination. Too many variables are out of my control. There’s really just one thing I can control: my attitude during the journey, which is what keeps me feeling steady and stable, and what keeps me headed in the right direction. So I consciously monitor and correct, if necessary, because losing attitude would be far worse than not achieving my goal.”

My room with a view in Orlando.

My room with a view in Orlando.

Applying wisdom to me
Now I will admit that I was skeptical when I read this section. I thought to myself, “Really? He had wanted to be an astronaut since age nine and I’m to believe that if he’d never gone to space he would have been happy with his life?” I think I even used the word “failure” when I told my friend, Jack, about the section. Granted, I was finishing up my first glass of wine at our company event last night.

I easily transferred his words and situation to my own. Was writing the novel victory enough because it took more than 16 years to finish? Was it enough to feel such a high and to feel empowered and truly happy when I was finding the right word, phrase, or sentence to capture the moment in the novel, to capture what my protagonist was feeling at the time, to capture the arc of the scene or the chapter? Would I feel a failure if a literary agent didn’t love it and fight for it, if a book editor didn’t excitedly shepherd it through the publishing process, if the marketers didn’t ensure its success by backing it with marketing dollars, if reviewers didn’t write glowingly of it in major publications, and if readers didn’t rush to buy it and share with their book clubs?

Years ago, Jack once quoted Hemingway, who said – and I’m paraphrasing and therefore likely butchering the original quote – that he wrote to be read, for what is the use if nobody reads your words? When I was much younger, I used to write but not want to show anybody what I wrote because I was too afraid of what people would think and fearful of criticism. Since then, I’ve written and continue to write, wanting very much for others to read it and get something out of it. That still means a lot to me.

Fortunately, the publishing world has changed dramatically since even late 2005-early 2006, when a version of the novel was rejected so many times. There’s online publishing. There are ways to get read. There are platforms, venues, and channels that upend the old way of being read. So do I need to go through the traditional route? Do I feel the need to face potentially more rejection and punishment? No. But am I going forth expecting such a reaction? Hadfield gave me new eyes into this part of the journey.

I love to write. Period. I know I will have an audience, but the size of the audience is not something I can predict. How do I want to get to the next leg of my journey? Hadfield stares fear in the face because it’s not really fear. For one, if you prepare yourself, you’re not facing fear. You are in control, and whatever the outcome, you will know how to react. And if you love to write and you have been writing for years, you have already led a fulfilling life. And you will continue to lead a fulfilling life.

As I turned 52 yesterday – not with my family but with my good friends and colleagues from work – I had given myself an invaluable, intangible but very real present (as did my friend, Susan!). Happy birthday, indeed.

My friends, or "frolleagues," celebrating my birthday in Orlando!

My friends, or “frolleagues,” celebrating my birthday in Orlando!

Treat your mother, daughter, or both to Lunafest

Posted on by

The more a daughter knows the details of her mother’s life . . . the stronger the daughter.
– Anita Diamant, American journalist and novelist, from The Red Tent

Last week I gave a well-deserved plug for Lunafest, the traveling award-winning short film festival “by, for and about women,” which will be shown at the El Cerrito High School’s Performing Arts Center on Saturday, March 8th, at 7:30pm. Lunafest seeks to “connect women through film,” which not only makes it a great Ladies’ Night Out but a wonderful Mother/Daughter Night Out, too.

Karen Grassle with my friend, Lisa, and her starstruck daughter Savanna, both of whom are fans of Little House on the Prairie.

At last year’s Lunafest: Actress Karen Grassle with my friend, Lisa Harris, and her starstruck daughter Savanna, both of whom are fans of Little House on the Prairie.

In our efforts as mothers to build well-rounded daughters, we expose them to various cultural, intellectual, political, social, and other events. We help build strong girls to become independent and creative thinkers, doers, and humanitarians by showing them what other women have created – be it a book, a piece of artwork, a play or film, a set of songs, a humanitarian or environmental initiative, and so on – and celebrating those achievements. Because Lunafest’s films are “by, for and about women,” the festival is an ideal event for our daughters to learn what is possible in the realm of filmmaking, an industry that has been dominated by men since its inception. It celebrates the myriad voices and experiences of women, which informs their life stories and makes their storytelling unique.

For us adult daughters, taking our mothers to Lunafest is a way to acknowledge and celebrate our role models for their hand in developing our appreciation for beauty in its many forms. We are also activists and fundraisers when we attend. Established in 2000 by LUNA, makers of the Whole Nutrition Bar for Women, the film festival raises funds for its main beneficiary, The Breast Cancer Fund, a national organization dedicated to “preventing breast cancer by eliminating our exposure to toxic chemicals and radiation linked to the disease.” Many of us have mothers, mothers-in-law, and grandmothers who fought breast cancer. Attending Lunafest acknowledges their struggles and successes, as well as honors their memories.

Catherine van Campen by her film poster for Flying Anne.

At the San Francisco Lunafest premiere: Catherine van Campen by the poster of her short film, Flying Anne.

When organizations across the country host their Lunafest film festival, they also support local nonprofit groups. So when you attend and bring either your daughter or mother or both, you and your family are supporting a community-wide fundraising event. The Lunafest East Bay Organizing Committee, in its seventh year, is also raising funds for the El Cerrito Community Foundation and El Cerrito High School’s Information Technology Academy, a small learning community supported by the nonprofit organization, TechFutures. ITA integrates core academic classes with the technology field, comprising digital art, web design, and computer systems management.

So bring your daughter and invite your mom. Bond with them over nine wonderful short films. Treat them to a cookie, cupcake, or vegan ice cream sandwich and decaffeinated coffee, courtesy of local women bakers and businesswomen. Most of all, have fun.

You can purchase your tickets here. You can reach out to me to purchase your tickets. Prices are $50 VIP (for the pre-event reception), $20 general, $5 teacher/student, and $25 at the door. Doors open at 7pm, with the event starting at 7:30pm, at the El Cerrito High School’s Performing Arts Center, 540 Ashbury Avenue, El Cerrito, CA 94530.

Eight of the nine women filmmakers at the San Francisco premiere of Lunafest.

Eight of the nine women filmmakers and one star of the short film, First Match, at the San Francisco premiere of Lunafest. Celebrate women and their artistic visions!