Category Archives: Life Lessons

Wisdom gained

Celebrating philanthropy: Giving Tuesday, giving every day

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It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.
– Mother Teresa, Albanian Roman Catholic nun, humanitarian, and Nobel Peace Prize recipient for 1979

Getting ready to celebrate giving!

Getting ready to celebrate giving!

I missed giving a shout-out for Giving Tuesday on its actual day this year, which was December 3rd. Giving Tuesday, in response to Black Friday and Cyber Monday, was the brainchild of Henry Timms, interim executive director of 92nd Street Y in New York City, who created and wanted to promote a day of “personal philanthropy” on the first Tuesday after Thanksgiving.

“The driving spirit of this season is about generosity and giving thanks,” said Timms. “Giving Tuesday is a celebration of all forms of giving.” This year, more than 7,000 nonprofits around the country were slated to have participated in the growing movement through myriad activities, including volunteerism, grant matching, year-end donations, and support for specific projects.

Okay, now we're ready to celebrate with a fit-and-flare Tracy Reese paisley embroidered dress.

Okay, now we’re ready to celebrate with a fit-and-flare Tracy Reese paisley embroidered dress.

I love the idea of Giving Tuesday! I love the idea of celebrating philanthropy during this time of consumerism. Since I missed highlighting Giving Tuesday on its appointed day, I’m advocating for picking any day this holiday season and giving back. Make a tradition out of it. For the last few years, our family has collected the various solicitations that come in the mail for the holiday season and on an appointed evening, we each pick one nonprofit organization to make a donation. We talk about the different types of organizations – environmental, animal, political, social justice, and so on – and we group the solicitations accordingly to make the process more manageable and less overwhelming. We talk about why we have chosen a particular organization. There are a lot of worthy causes out there, but here are our selections for this holiday season.

The Milo Foundation: “Please don’t buy, don’t breed – adopt!”
My first encounter with the Milo Foundation (P.O. Box 6625, Albany, CA 94706, 510.542.0897) was when the nonprofit domestic animal sanctuary used to come to the Fourth Street shopping area in Berkeley and adopt out cats and dogs. In 1999, David and I fell in love with “Iggy,” a little black puppy who had been abused and abandoned, along with her sister, in Berkeley. Iggy had kennel cough but survived, and she came home with us. We renamed her Bailey, and she was a part of our family until she passed away on our watch of old age 12 years later. In memory of Bailey and to show our love for our first family dog, Isabella, who loves dogs and considers herself “part dog,” chose the Milo Foundation to support.

Bailey at rest - her usual state of being.

Beloved Bailey

The Milo Foundation is a “nonprofit, no-kill organization that provides an alternative for homeless dogs and cats throughout Northern California through education, adoption services, and a sanctuary for animals until permanent homes can be found.” Its mission is to “rescue adoptable at-risk animals, match them to homes best suited to provide lifetime care, rehabilitate those who need it, offer sanctuary to those who are not placed, and educate the public about responsible pet guardianship, including spay/neuter.” This one’s for you, Bailey, with soft floppy ears, whom we still miss dearly.

World Wildlife Fund: “A Better way to give…for our planet’s future”
The kids have always liked the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) (1250 24th Avenue, N.W., Washington, DC 20037, 202.293,4800). It doesn’t hurt that the global conservation organization has a catalog of species that are classified [per the International Union for Conservation of Nature] as endangered, extinct, extinct in the wild, critically endangered, vulnerable, near threatened, and least concern that you can “adopt.” In return for a donation, you get a plush animal. We have “adopted” many endangered animals and the kids have plush animals such as the pygmy elephant and snowy owl as proof. Jacob could not escape the allure of yet another plush animal, though he tells me that first and foremost he wants to help endangered animals. This year he chose to help the “critically endangered” Sumatran rhino, which is the smallest of the living rhinos and the only Asian rhino with two horns.

Sumatran rhino (WWF).

Sumatran rhino (WWF).

I have to say that what I appreciated from this year’s catalog was President and CEO Carter S. Roberts’ introduction: “Dear Friend, For all the rigorous science we practice at WWF and all the innovative ideas we execute, one of the most effective conservation tools at our disposal is also one of the simplest: storytelling. Because perhaps nothing conveys the exquisite splendor and inherent value of the species and landscapes we cherish and work so hard to protect, with the support of friends like you quite as powerfully as a story.

“Stories can transport us to a place we’ve never seen, and inspire us to help save them. Stories can introduce us to a fisherman we’ll never meet, but whose way of life we’ll want to help sustain. And stories connect us. The world doesn’t seem so huge and overwhelming, and the problems we seek to tackle so insurmountable, when we can share our experiences and find common ground.” A beautiful message, beautifully written. Amen.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Sundance bracelet, and Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings and three-strand necklace (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Sundance bracelet, and Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings and three-strand necklace (Adorn & Flourish, El Cerrito, CA).

Bay Area Rescue Mission: “Changing lives for a brighter tomorrow”
David’s philanthropic philosophy, if you will, is to support local agencies. He is also supportive of agencies that address homelessness, poverty, and hunger. Bay Area Rescue Mission (2114 Macdonald 94801, 510.215.4555) was founded in 1965 in an old hotel in Richmond, CA, the next town over from El Cerrito, to provide emergency shelter and meals to homeless people. It has expanded its services through the years to include recovery program, transitional living, job-skills training, food pantry, mobile outreach, and youth outreach. We have donated to them in the past, long before we formalized our family tradition. This year, David wanted to continue to support this agency, which is an important community resource in Richmond.

Metallic bronze pump completes this ensemble.

Metallic bronze pump completes this ensemble.

Community Alliance for Learning (WriterCoach Connection)
When my son entered Portola Middle School as a seventh grader, I first learned about WriterCoach Connection, a program run by the Community Alliance for Learning (1191 Solano Avenue, #6098, Albany, CA 94706, 510.524.2319). The program was modeled after a successful writer-coach initiative on the East Coast and first implemented at Berkeley High School in February 2001. Its success led to the expansion of the program to Albany middle and high schools, Berkeley middle schools, Oakland high schools, and El Cerrito High School and Portola Middle School – all in the East Bay.

Celebrate philanthropy in style!

Celebrate philanthropy in style!

Trained community volunteers work with students on an individual basis for one hour per week. The testimonials are tremendous and inspirational. English teachers see vast improvement in their students who were previously getting low grades or not turning in their work. Students are getting the support they need and are motivated to become better writers, critical thinkers, and confident communicators. While Jacob didn’t require WCC resources, I’m a firm believer in supporting all aspects of the school community because that only strengthens the school overall.

My time is limited and to be honest I’m not a great tutor, as my kids will tell you, which is why homework duty falls on David’s shoulders. So I choose to support this incredibly important program with a modest donation. If you have the time and like to tutor, WCC would certainly appreciate your support as a community volunteer.

However you choose to give – be it through volunteering or donating or a simple act as offering a hug – give with your whole heart. To do so is an act of generosity of staggering proportions.

Beautiful blues and greens and golds.

Beautiful blues and greens and golds.

StoryCorps: Everyone has a story that needs to be told – and recorded

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I think the best stories always end up being about the people rather than the event, which is to say character-driven.
– Stephen King, American author, from On Writing

When my family and I went to the Contemporary Jewish Museum (CJM) (736 Mission Street, 94103, 415.655.7800) in San Francisco for the first time in January, I discovered that it housed a StoryCorps recording studio. I’ve listened to a number of StoryCorps stories on National Public Radio (NPR) through the years, though not as much as I would have liked. Right outside the boxy, industrial hut of a studio, a grouping of ottoman-style chairs invited people to sit and watch animations on a flat-screen TV. The loop of recorded stories included one of the more famous stories – about the couple, Danny and Annie Perasa from Brooklyn and their remarkable love for one another that lasted decades, right up to his passing from cancer. As I quietly sniffled and wiped tears from my cheeks, an older man walked by and commented, “It gets people all the time.” And people’s lives are enriched by such stories.

Sharing our stories with Geraldine, our guide, at the StoryCorps recording studio in San Francisco.

Sharing our stories with Geraldine, our guide, at the StoryCorps recording studio in San Francisco.

After we left CJM, I vowed to talk to my sisters and see if they would be interested in recording memories of our parents as a way of honoring them and preserving our family history. My middle sister declined, which came as no surprise to me – she is a private person. My oldest sister Heidi was excited to participate. Now it was a matter of logistics, as she lived in San Antonio. When she booked her flight for the Christmas holidays months ago, I booked our appointment for StoryCorps.

About StoryCorps
StoryCorps was founded in 2003 by radio producer Dave Isay, with the idea that “everyone has an important story to tell.” One of the largest oral history projects of its kind, StoryCorps, to date, has recorded more than 51,585 interviews. More than 90,440 people have shared their stories. Nearly 35,000 hours of audio have been recorded since 2003. Storytellers are given a free CD of the recording to share as widely as they wish. The recording is then sent to the American Folklife Center at the Library of Congress for posterity. Approximately 1 in 200 recordings are edited down to a few minutes and broadcast to millions on the Morning Edition of NPR. Currently, there are three storybooths – Atlanta, Chicago (we saw the signs when we were there this past June), and San Francisco. A mobile recording studio also travels across the country capturing people’s stories, reaching more than 1,700 cities and towns to date.

Dress comfortably for your interview: Chambray on dark rinse denim with black boots and a vintage carpetbag-style handbag (Secondi, Washington, D.C.).

Dress comfortably for your interview: Chambray on dark rinse denim with black boots and a vintage carpetbag-style handbag (Secondi, Washington, D.C.).

StoryCorps has grown to offer special programs and initiatives. Since 2005, StoryCorps and the National September 11 Memorial & Museum have partnered with the goal of recording at least one story to honor each life that was lost in the September 11, 2001, and February 26, 1993, attacks through its September 11th initiative. StoryCorpsU is an educational, year-long, youth development program for students at high-needs high schools, dedicated to developing students’ identity and social intelligence through the use of StoryCorps broadcasts and animated shorts.

The Military Voices Initiative honors our veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan by recording and sharing their stories. The 18-month National Teachers Initiative honored the stories of public school teachers across the country. Latinos’ stories are preserved, thanks to the Historias Initiative, and The Griot Initiative preserves the rich stories of African-Americans. People with serious illnesses and their families have an opportunity to share their stories through the StoryCorps Legacy. Organizations have worked with StoryCorps on the Memory Loss Initiative, which seeks to preserve the stories of people who have a range of memory loss. And finally, The Alaska Initiative was a six-month program in 2008 and into 2009 that recorded the diverse lives of people living in Alaska.

Carmela Rose earrings, Sundance stack of rings, BCBGMaxAzria resin ring, and reclaimed vintage rosary and bone necklace (Feathers, Austin, TX).

Carmela Rose earrings, Sundance stack of rings, BCBGMaxAzria resin ring, and reclaimed vintage rosary and bone necklace (Feathers, Austin, TX).

Preparing for our storytelling
I had notions of spending a lot of time thinking about what we would say, how we would say it, and how to organize and put our memories in a neat narrative. But, as one friend once told me years ago, “life happens.” Work, school and its extracurricular activities, kid sports, blogging, novel, and the dreary demands of housekeeping sucked up my life as it if were air.

And then suddenly it was a few weeks before Heidi was to fly into the Bay Area. We traded e-mails, disagreed on what specific memories to share. Heidi went onsite and pulled up lists of questions that are meant to draw out one’s stories. We needed to read how this would all play out. You are booked for an hour in the recording booth. After filling out a form, you are introduced to a guide who preps you and monitors the recording. Geraldine was our wonderful guide who put us at ease, as we were quite nervous going into the session and especially once we sat down at this small table and stared at one another – with two sets of microphones intruding. At some point during the recording, I thought to myself, as Geraldine took notes for key searchable words, what a wonderful experience this was for her and all the other guides – to hear amazing stories (that’s the writer in me!) and to come away inspired and richer with every experience shared.

Mixing old and new for the holidays: Burnt orange velveteen jacket from J. Crew years ago, lace blouse and turquoise embroidered skirt.

Mixing old and new for the holidays: Burnt orange velveteen jacket from J. Crew years ago, lace blouse and turquoise embroidered skirt.

What we talked about when we talked about our parents
The 40 minutes we were allotted for our free-flowing dialogue went by quickly. There were certain things we wanted to cover. What our strongest memories were of our mom and dad. Dad and his garden. Mom and her steadfast desire to ensure that we lived and prospered under the American Dream through her hard work of picking grapes during the summers and packing oranges in the wintertime. We talked about learning of Dad’s post-traumatic stress syndrome after he had passed away, when our uncle said that he was a happy-go-lucky guy until WWII. Heidi had revealed, for the first time to me, that he had once told her he had seen and done things he didn’t want to talk about again. When our uncle told us about his condition, it explained so much about his eccentric behavior all our lives. We talked about losing Dad on Christmas night in 1995 and the tense Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays in 2011 when Mom was in the ICU for two weeks and then the acute-care facility for five weeks.

Laura Lombardi necklace, vintage cameo pin from EBay, Carmela Rose earrings, vintage walnut sewing kit circa 1930s (Treasury, Washington, D.C.), and Sundance rings.

Laura Lombardi necklace, vintage cameo pin from EBay, Carmela Rose earrings, vintage walnut sewing kit circa 1930s (Treasury, Washington, D.C.), and Sundance rings.

Our voices wavered, we cried. Yes, we laughed, too. And yes, it became a part of us. We remembered things differently. We talked as if we were 10 and 13 – siblings acting like siblings even at 51 and 54, which is just a fact of nature and family. And then our time was up! Geraldine took our picture and more information. We made donations, had our picture taken with Geraldine, were given a book By Dave Isay of a collection of recorded stories. And then we said goodbye to StoryCorps’ San Francisco home of the last five years.

Your turn
Heidi noticed that the information board behind the counter announced that the StoryCorps recording studio would be closing December 13th, the very next day. We realized just how lucky we were to have made the appointment for that particular day, the evening after Heidi had arrived in town. We were told that StoryCorps would be making an announcement soon to let everyone know where the new location would be and that its new home would remain in San Francisco. That was a relief to hear! So I am letting you all know, my local friends and acquaintances, to book an appointment once the recording studio is set up. We are lucky to have a permanent studio in the Bay Area. Take advantage of its existence, its proximity. For far-flung family, friends, and acquaintances, if you are not near the other recording booths, find out where the mobile booth is headed.

Textures and colors: Burnt orange, turquoise, lace, velveteen, embroidery.

Textures and colors: Burnt orange, turquoise, lace, velveteen, embroidery.

We all have stories to tell. We have memories and people – family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers – to remember and honor, to make alive again through our words, through our voices. Storytelling is one of the things that I believe makes us human. We have such a rich oral history already, but to have our stories shared with each other at that moment in time, in that tiny booth with microphones and stacks of equipment seen out the corner of our eyes, and for many others to hear later and forever, that is an opportunity and a gift. Come together with family members or friends and record your story. I truly believe everyone should record his or her story for us all to hear. For when we steal away from our busy lives and quietly listen to these stories, our humanity grows evermore. And we find that our community expands to the ends of the earth.

“Tell your story, pass it on.”

The Dress at 50: now we are 1

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If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking. If it takes a year, or sixty years, or five lifetimes, as long as we’re heading towards light, that’s all that matters.
– Jack Kornfield, American author and Buddhist teacher

This blouse and skirt was an Anthropologie combo from a few years back. Still timeless: sheer silk printed blouse and a clever skirt with vertical wires that you can "scrunch." Fun.

An Anthropologie combo from a few years back. Still timeless: sheer silk printed blouse and a clever skirt with vertical wires that you can “scrunch.” Fun.

A year ago this month, I launched The Dress at 50. My first blog post was my welcome, which I published December 8th and talked about my reasons for starting my “lifestyle” blog. In my first regular blog post, which I published a year ago yesterday, I waxed poetic about my love of vintage – in particular, a certain 1960s faux fur dress that caught my eye at Treasury, a wonderful little vintage shop in Washington, D.C.

Since then, I’ve published 151 posts, starting with a routine of posting on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Until recently, I reluctantly reduced my postings to Tuesdays and Fridays because I needed to spend more time with another goal of mine from last year, which was to finish my novel, A Village in the Fields. There were times when I struggled to find something to say, but more often than not, I had a lot to say and a lot to share.

Dangly earrings from Anthropologie, Sundance rings, and beloved chunky Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA).

Dangly earrings from Anthropologie, Sundance rings, and beloved chunky Lava 9 ring (Berkeley, CA).

One of the most satisfying things the blog has given me is the opportunity to profile some pretty amazing women, who have inspired me with their courage, creativity, entrepreneurial spirit, and generosity. I got to interview women who started their own businesses and heeded the call to do what they loved to do. In other instances, friends introduced me to women whom they thought I would enjoy getting to know and write about, which I did. What a gift that has been! I haven’t had the chance to do more profiles because of my work and my novel, but I hope to get back to publishing at least one profile a month. My profile of local proprietor Jen Komaromi of Jenny K got the most views ever, with a big spike the day it was posted, which speaks to Jen’s tremendous reach (thanks, Jen!).

Ensemble close-up.

Ensemble close-up.

Another thing I have enjoyed is sharing my little trips within a business trip when I travel. It’s been my hobby to find one thing in each city I visit to seek out and write about. I have been pleasantly surprised to find such gems as the North Carolina Museum of Art in Raleigh, which housed Rodin sculptures inside the museum and in an outdoor garden. I’ve met wonderful people along the way, many who have inspired me, including Carl, the proprietor of Vintage Underground in Chicago. My post “Plant a tree, have a child, write a book” continues to garner daily views, making it the most consistently viewed post.

This is not to say that I have a million followers and a million views a day. Quite the opposite! I reached 10,000 views earlier this month, of which I’m still proud. I have my loyal tribe – thank you, ladies! – despite not having the ability for people to comment, which I’m told is the death knell of blogs (oh well). I had fixed the comment issue, only to have it die on me again. I’m going to try to fix it next month (again), so stay tuned.

Versatile skirt with a bright orange t-shirt, baubles, and equally scrunchy heeled boots.

Versatile skirt with a bright orange t-shirt, baubles, and equally scrunchy heeled boots.

Topics have been varied, but I’ve tried to stay true to my motto of living the creative, meaningful, and full life. Whatever allows me to do so is fair game for a topic. I believe I was more introspective in the early months since launching the blog and less so now as a result of work and trying to finish the novel before the year is over, which has been a herculean task. Again, I hope to do more introspective posts.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), "vintage" Anthropologie necklace, Sundance rings, and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), “vintage” Anthropologie necklace, Sundance rings, and Lava 9 chunky ring (Berkeley, CA).

Interestingly enough, while I enjoy dressing up, which instills a certain level of self-confidence, I’ve been living in a “uniform” the last several months of knit pants, oversized sweatshirts, and tennis shoes because I’ve been too busy and too exhausted to think about putting on an outfit. I hope to change that routine in the New Year, as well. I’ve enjoyed putting outfits together and seeing how the ensemble looks, and sharing them on my blog. I’ve been drawn more to jewelry of late than clothes and being more deliberate when I do find a piece of clothing that catches my eye. Longevity, quality, sustainability, classic timelessness are the traits that guide me as I wander my favorite shops and new shops. I hope to share those traits in future outfits that I feature in my blog in 2014.

Honestly, there were many times when I would conduct an interview, write a post, or publish the post and think to myself, wouldn’t this be a great day job. I still think that – a part-time job to being a full-time novelist, that is. But for now, I’m content to share what inspires me, what helps me fuel my creativity, and what makes my life more meaningful. Here’s to another year of The Dress at 50. Join me on this journey!

Ensemble close-up.

Ensemble close-up.

Admiration club: Angelina Jolie

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To actually feel like you’ve done something good with your life and you’re useful to others is what I was always wanting, and was always looking for.
– Angelina Jolie, American actress, film director, screenwriter, and author

I’m not into the concept of “girl crush.” I’ll use the term in a joking manner, but it’s just not part of my lexicon. I’m more comfortable with saying that I admire certain women. The other day I read an article about Angelina Jolie accepting an honorary Oscar for her humanitarian work at the Governors Awards ceremony in Hollywood this past Saturday. Jolie is one of those famous women who other women either love or late. I for one am a member of her admiration club.

My updated tribute to old-time Hollywood glamour: faux fur, vegan leather skirt, vintage brooch and mesh handbag.

My updated tribute to old-time Hollywood glamour: faux fur, vegan leather skirt, vintage rhinestone earrings, bracelet, and brooch, and vintage Whiting & Davis mesh handbag.

In accepting her award from George Lucas, she remembered her mother, Marcheline Betrand, who was only 56 years old when she died of ovarian cancer. Jolie said of her mother, “She did give me love and confidence, and above all, she was very clear that nothing would mean anything if I didn’t have a life of use to others.” I appreciate this quote because it embodies her spirit of generosity, the largeness of her heart, and a sense of community. It also entreats us to find out how we can help others and discover what our unique gift is so that we may nurture it and share it with the world.

Evoking 1940s glamour with vintage bracelet (The Cleveland Shop, Cleveland, OH), eBay vintage Weiss clip-on earrings, and Sundance ring.

Evoking 1940s glamour with vintage bracelet (The Cleveland Shop, Cleveland, OH), eBay vintage Weiss clip-on earrings, and Sundance ring.

It’s well-known that Jolie’s humanitarian work was inspired by seeing warn-torn Cambodia, where the filming of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) took place. Last Saturday, Jolie told the audience: “It was only when I began to travel that I understood my responsibility to others.” Indeed, once she returned home from making the movie, she became involved with the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees and began visiting refugee camps in international trouble spots. She has gone on more than 40 missions in more than 30 countries for the United Nations Refugee Agency.

Vintage Weiss pin (eBay) nestled in faux fur.

Vintage Weiss pin (eBay) nestled in faux fur. Mix textures with faux fur, metallic mirror pointy pumps, vintage mesh, and vegan leather.

While known for her work in refugee camps, Jolie has also been involved with the Millennium Villages Project, which is run by the Earth Institute at Columbia University, the United Nations Development Programme, and Millennium Promise. The project’s goal is to end extreme poverty, gender and health inequities, and disease through rural development, environmental sustainability, and the building of basic infrastructure.

Sans faux fur: Bejeweled neckline means you don't have to figure out what necklace to wear. A creamy crop top works well with a high-waisted pleated skirt.

Sans faux fur: Bejeweled neckline means you don’t have to figure out what necklace to wear. A creamy crop top is nicely proportioned with a high-waisted pleated skirt.

She had the financial means to buy up land in Cambodia and convert it into a wildlife reserve named after her son Maddox in 2003, later expanding the project in 2006 to become Asia’s first Millennium Village. Jolie has built and funded 10 schools in Cambodia outside of the Village and a care facility for children with HIV. In Ethiopia, she founded a children’s center named after her daughter Zahara that treats children with HIV and tuberculosis. The Global Health Committee runs both children’s centers. The Jolie-Pitt Foundation, established in 2006, funds many of the facilities and projects such as the building of schools, some of which are all-girls schools, in Kenya and Afghanistan.

Vintage rhinestone jewelry is a spot-on match for the blouse's neckline embellishment.

Vintage rhinestone jewelry is a spot-on match for the blouse’s neckline embellishment.

Jolie has lobbied for humanitarian causes, advocating for legislation to protect women and children in developing nations and war-torn regions. Clearly, she has the money and the star power to affect change. But she could easily have not done any of this work or, especially, volunteer her time. Yet she does, and it’s not a fad or a publicity stunt. Jolie is deeply connected to humanity, and it is that dedication and commitment to our most vulnerable fellow human beings and our world that makes me such an ardent admirer of her. Whatever her flaws, I don’t care. She is a role model in matters of the heart. I applaud her big heart and her humanity. Girl crush. Okay, I said it.

A contemplative Angelina Jolie - poised and elegant.

A contemplative Angelina Jolie – poised and elegant.

While everyone sleeps, I write

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A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.
– Maya Angelou, American poet, memoirist, actress, and Civil Rights Movement activist

Late Thursday night, and everyone in the house is asleep, except for me. Mobile phone safely out of his room, my son, Jacob, is at last sleeping soundly. David turned in early, as he has to get up early for an all-day fishing trip with colleagues and a client on Friday. Isabella has always been an easy sleeper since she was a baby – she lays her head on her pillow and is dreaming within minutes. And Rex, my faithful library companion, is chasing squirrels and cats in his dreams as his geriatric hind legs jerk back and forth and his nails scratch his dog bed, hot on the hunt.

Bold ethnic print jacket and skirt brightens a wintry day.

Bold ethnic print jacket and skirt brightens a wintry day.

I am wide awake, despite the many evenings I have been sleepy and exhausted of late, in part because of the time change, the falling back. I am wide awake on this late night, and it’s the best time to write. When it’s this quiet, the words in my head and on the page are dancing, alive, pulsing with energy.

Carmela Rose earrings, End of Century cicada ring (NYC), and Lava 9 Art Nouveau necklace (Berkeley, CA).

Carmela Rose earrings, End of Century cicada ring (NYC), and Lava 9 Art Nouveau necklace (Berkeley, CA).

It’s not so cold just yet that I need to be swaddled in a fleece blanket as I sit before my laptop. But in thinking of the late cold nights when everyone is beneath their down comforters and I must bear the thermostat having been turned down after 11PM, I remember one night before we remodeled and added on to our house. Our bedroom was my office, with our monstrous computer armoire looming in one corner of the room. When I worked late, which was often, David would sleep with the pillow wrapped around his head. Sometimes the luxury of staying up late at night was for my own writing.

Black platform boots and sky-blue turtleneck draw out the colors in the print.

Black platform boots and sky-blue turtleneck draw out the colors in the print.

I remember one night when I was writing for myself, working on my novel. Our bedroom sat over the garage. Cold air flowed through the cracks in the hardwood floor planks, making my feet icy and numb. I was wrapped in a blanket, but anything exposed – my fingers, my nose, my ears – was cold. But I was happy. Words were shaping worlds and giving voice and action to living, breathing people. Words were making them cry and laugh, gave them wishes and regrets. Words were flowing across the computer screen as my fingers tapped away, creating a musicality.

I finished a section, happy with the way it ended, happy with the chapter’s arc. And then I looked up for the first time in hours. I turned to my right, where the picture window faced the west. Dawn was breaking. I had written all night. The realization filled me with wonder. I was cold, but I was not tired. I was alive.

A perfect accessory match! Vintage Bakelite-inspired necklace with resin fanned leaves. Highlight it against a crisp white button-down blouse.

A perfect accessory match! Vintage Bakelite-inspired necklace with colored crystals and resin fanned leaves. Highlight it against a crisp white button-down blouse.

As I ponder the distractions of the last several weeks, which have tried to keep me from my writing, I think back to that one wondrous night of writing, which is not unlike a runner’s high. How to get back to that state of sheer joy? This is where the older, wiser self rises in freedom from the younger self, who has crumpled under the strain. Stand yourself up. Ask yourself: What do you really want? And then go to it. There is precious little time. With great defiance, go to your happiness. Many people are still trying to determine what makes them happy or would make them happy. But for those of us who have figured it out, against all odds, we must find our way. There are many more dawns waiting to greet me as I write.

Happy Friday!

TGIF! I am ready for what David catches for dinner and a much-deserved glass of wine!

TGIF! I am ready for what David catches for dinner and a much-deserved glass of wine!

Celebrating Kazuo Ishiguro on his birthday

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As a writer, I’m more interested in what people tell themselves happened rather than what actually happened.
– Kazuo Ishiguro, Japanese-born British novelist, born November 8, 1954

When Kazuo Ishiguro came to San Francisco’s A Clean, Well-Lighted Place for Books in April 2005 – the Opera Plaza bookstore, one of my favorites, closed the following year – I made the pilgrimage across the Bay. I packed his five novels, including my first edition copy of The Remains of the Day purchased from Berkeley’s Black Oak Books – another favorite indie bookstore, which closed its Shattuck storefront in 2009, though reopened later on San Pablo Ave. That spring he had just come out with his latest book, Never Let Me Go.

Black is a literary color, with some red pop.

Black is a literary color, with some red pop.

I tried reading Never Let Me Go soon after his visit. I couldn’t get into it, much to my dismay. When the movie of the same name came out in 2010, I vowed I wouldn’t see it until I read the novel. I’ve tried picking it up a few times more, but I’ve still not seen the movie. I know it will be a matter of time when I’m in the right frame of mind to receive it. When I first started reading The Remains of the Day, recommended by my co-workers at the time, I had the same trouble losing myself in the world of the characters. To quote Ishiguro from a Paris Review interview published in the Spring 2008, No. 184 issue: “I’ve never felt that I have a particular facility at writing interesting prose. I write quite mundane prose.” True, I wasn’t pulled into his characters because of his prose. But I kept going on the journey – each novel is a journey. It wasn’t until I had read the last page and put the book down that I took in everything about the novel, what had transpired, what Mr. Stevens discovered about his life. And I told myself, his story was unassuming as you go along, but in its totality, the novel took my breath away. The feeling is not unlike stopping finally and looking back at one’s life and coming to an epiphany about all those years. The revelation can blow you away.

Lava 9 earrings (Berkeley, CA), BCBG MazAzria statement ring, and Sundance stack of rings.

Lava 9 earrings (Berkeley, CA), BCBG MaxAzria statement ring, and Sundance stack of rings.

My favorite novel of his is When We Were Orphans. It came out in January 2000. I can’t remember if I read it before or after my son, Jacob, was born. At any rate, at the time I was overwhelmed with the thought of parenthood. So the nut of the novel (“Christopher Banks’s parents disappear when he is a child, and he grows up believing that he can find them and turn back the clock – that they’ll carry on where they left off, and he’ll pick up a kind of happy childhood again,” from Ishiguro’s own words in his interview in the Paris Review) resonated with me. What I appreciate about Ishiguro is reflected in the quote that opens this blog post. How we remember things can be quite different than what actually happened, and that is not only more interesting, it makes for more interesting people, characters. In fact, what we think happened is more important than what actually happened. “Memory is quite central for me. Part of it is that I like the actual texture of writing through memory,” Ishiguro once said.

Dolce Vita bootie with silver accents against a bold Eva Franco puffy skirt.

Dolce Vita bootie with silver accents against a bold Eva Franco puffy skirt.

Given the fact that his first three novels were set in specific locations and historical time periods, I was surprised to hear him talk at the San Francisco book reading about the constraints of specificity, of not wanting to do that with Never Let Me Go. He was going for universality, stripping away the distractions of time and location. I was somewhat taken aback because at the time I was near completing one version of my novel, which was a historical novel – specific time and place.

In an interview in the Atlantic Online in October 2000, he said: “It’s all very well to say that wars or revolutions are bigger, that a love story somehow becomes more profound if it’s set against the backdrop of the Cuban revolution or the Russian revolution, but that’s not always true. There is a difference between being big and being deep. To achieve depth in art and in fiction you have to look at small things, things that aren’t always obviously important in a history-book sense. I think that’s often what we go to novels for – that depth.”

To balance out a puffy bold skirt, wear one color on both ends with a form-fitting blouse and opaque tights.

To balance out a puffy bold skirt, wear one color on both ends with a form-fitting blouse and opaque tights.

While I appreciate what Ishiguro is saying here, the two need not be mutually exclusive. You can, and always should, look at small things. They need not get lost in wars or revolutions. At the same time, you don’t set a love story in a revolution in order to make it more profound. It’s that the love story cannot be told any other way. The revolution is integral to the love story and vice versa.

Talking about Ishiguro, remembering his novels, and reading his interviews make me want to reread his novels. I’m not sure I’d want to have tea with him – a bit intimidating – but I will raise a glass today in honor of his birthday!