On being thankful: flying kites, riding bikes, dancing, planting trees, and drawing

Growing up in Cincinnati, Ohio, I drew and drew and drew and drew. Drawing was my way of making things exist which didn’t exist. And writing became a way to have my drawings interact.
– Jon J Muth, American children’s author and illustrator

The cover of Jon J Muth's book, The Three Questions.

The lovely cover of Jon J Muth’s book The Three Questions.

After my son, Jacob, had shown me one of  his children’s book, The Three Questions, based on a story by Leo Tolstoy, this past weekend, as is usually the case when I am moved, I dropped what I was doing and went to the source of the book’s inspiration and went on a quest to learn more about the author, Jon J Muth. I’d forgotten, until I reread this book and Zen Shorts, another one of his books that we have, that I was dubbed the class artist throughout elementary school and had dreamed of becoming a children’s book author and illustrator when I grew up. To some extent, I still harbor those fantasies. Until then, I’ll live vicariously off of other children’s authors and illustrators whom I admire. What I learned about Muth came at a fortuitous time. Thanksgiving dinner preparation and stress aside, this is a time that, in my heart and mind, I give official thanks – as opposed to the spontaneous thanksgivings that occur often throughout the year.

I love learning about artists, whether they be visual, performing, or written word. Knowing their backstory creates a deeper appreciation and connection for me to them. Muth, who started out as an American comic book artist before becoming an award-winning children’s book writer and illustrator, was primarily raised by his great- grandmother, who was in her 70s when he was a child. His parents were pursuing their careers as teachers and he routinely woke up after they had already left the house. (His mother, an art teacher, took him to museums all over the country.) His great- grandmother walked him to school a mile away and walked him home afterwards. They walked the three miles to the grocery store together. He only had one hour in the evenings with his parents. These experiences shaped his imagination, which you can see in his work, especially when you hear him talk about his memories as a child. He found an outlet for those memories and childhood imagination – lucky for us. In one story, he thought if he could ride his tricycle as fast as he could around the cherry tree in his backyard, he could lift himself up and float around the top of the tree. In the second story, the one time that his great-grandmother couldn’t pick him up from school a leaf followed him home. These whimsical stories made me miss those years when my kids told equally magical stories to help them make sense of the world around them, to empower them in a world that is at once enormous, scary, enchanting, and full of possibilities. After all, that’s what stories do. That’s why storytellers exist.

Jon J Muth, 2011, photo by Stuart Ramson.

Jon J Muth, 2011, photo by Stuart Ramson.

The Birth of the writer and artist
In an interview, Muth discussed his evolution from creating comic books to writing and illustrating children’s books, saying, “A sense of joy is what moved me from comic books to picture books. My work in children’s books grew out of a desire to explore what I was feeling as a new father.” Not unlike many of us, Muth said he was “poorly prepared to be a father” and “overwhelmed,” but that he underwent a “personal, spiritual experience.” He noted, “I felt completely responsible for this little being. As his custodian, I wanted to make the world a better place.” Muth acknowledged that this act is somewhat universal, but how he handled it as an artist was not.

“Growing up as an artist, it’s a selfish profession. Your job description is you, you, you. It’s the sense of how the world works and suddenly it’s not about me. It’s about someone else, and by extension it’s about everyone else. That was my experience of it,” he said. For 20 years, through his work in comic books, Muth explored the theme of young man and adult full of angst about the absurdities of life but without the sense of responsibility to address those absurdities. Then Muth read the Tolstoy story that Vietnamese monk Thich Nat Hanh retold in one of his books. “When I read it in his book, it just was like this little deep-laid dynamite charge going off, and I thought, I want to give this to my son. I want to give this to children. But they can’t have to wait to understand Czarist Russia to be able to work with it. That’s how that story [The Three Questions] started for me,” he said. “That was a kind of major turning point where I thought I’d be able to explore the things that are really important to me now in this medium and I’m really amazed and happy that the children’s book world has had room for me.”

A scene from Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth.

A scene from Zen Shorts by Jon J Muth, which reminds me of his childhood story about rising above the cherry tree.

Wisdom at any age
Muth tackled his book’s weighty subject matter without reservation. “I think children are intuitively capable of grasping wisdom as readily as adults are,” he said. “There’s the kind of practical wisdom that we encounter every day that children need to know about. They need to know that …. if you put your hand on a hot stove you’re going to be burned. They need to figure out how the world works, so they look to us to know how that works. It’s very important for us to impart this practical wisdom. I also think that we have an opportunity to offer up what I call ‘prudential’ wisdom – it’s a sense of your relationship to those things that you can’t change, and sometimes it manifests as a spiritual wisdom or a spiritual teaching. Zen Shorts seemed like a perfect place to offer these stories.

“It’s very important to me not to offer something that’s going to inoculate them from their own experience,” Muth went on. “I want children to recognize that what they’re actually going through is valuable. Their experience of something is important to the way they’re going to look at the world. It would not work if the stories were more didactic. They need to be offered in such a way that kids can take them or leave them, and perhaps if they don’t understand something, return to it.”

I feel that returning to the story again and again is something quite important for children. So does Muth. “I’ve actually had that happen a bunch where kids will maybe come to the story first of all just because it’s a giant panda, but then return to it because it’s created a kind of itch in their mind and they can’t quite understand it or it actually, it flies in the face of what they think,” Muth related. “By returning to it and considering it and mulling it over, they have a chance to come to a new understanding of how things are.”

Muth’s prayer
One of the loveliest things you will find on a webpage about him is a link to a prayer. Muth’s watercolor shows two children – a blond-haired girl and a dark-skinned boy – sitting against a backdrop of an ethereal world of oceans and wispy clouds. They are cutting out a string of connected paper dolls from one end of the canvas to the other. And scattered about the canvas is this prayer:
i am the son of a mother who’s lighting a candle beneath a photograph of a new york city firehouse
i am the daughter of a man who hijacked a plane in the name of allah
i am the palestinian boy whose father was killed by israeli gunfire.
i am the soldier who shot him.
i am the jewish girl whose brother was killed by a palestinaian while eating pizza in a mall.
i am the father in America who must protect this great country and this great way of life.
i am the daughter who jumped from the burning world trade center holding my friend’s hand.
i am the orphaned afghani boy who lives in a refugee camp.
i am the woman who led the preschoolers away from fire and falling buildings.
i am the firefighter who saved your wife.
these are the ten thousand reasons to kiss your parents each day, to kiss your children, to hold dear the one you are with.
you are the ocean and each of its waves.
when i reach out to touch your face i touch my own.

To fully appreciate this wonderful prayer and watercolor, please go to the link on this blog. This condensed version is just to whet your appetite and seek it out.

To fully appreciate this wonderful prayer and watercolor, please go to the link on this blog. This condensed version is just to whet your appetite and seek it out.

What it means to be alive
In variations on a theme, he has listed in various interviews through the years his favorite things to do – flying kites, riding bikes, dancing, and planting trees with his wife and four children. In his biography, he offers: “He is astonished at his good fortune.” It’s a stunningly humble assertion. He obviously worked hard all those years and works very hard now at what he does. He’s grateful to be able to do what he loves for a living, for the better part of his day. It’s not really good fortune, although he does point to coming into situations that have opened up windows and doors for him, but what’s wonderful is the sense of feeling lucky and the acknowledgement of astonishment. To be astonished is to be vibrantly alive.Therefore, one can happily be thankful for being able to do all those wonderful things with one’s family and to be continually astonished. As an artist, Muth says, “When I am painting in the right state of mind, my hand disappears, the brush disappears, the paint stops being paint, and all that exists is the thing that’s becoming. I am all of those things at one time.” This is living fully in the moment and being awash in awe.

And the other wonderful thing about Muth? He planted a tree, had a child, and wrote a book. My spiritual connection. Many thanks on this day of thanks.

Old City District shops: ‘independent by design’

The neighborhood has been named one of the top 12 ArtSpaces in the U.S., ranked one of the hottest neighborhoods in Center City by fellow Philadelphians, and included in a list of top 10 “Undercover Stylish Neighborhoods” in the USA.
– Old City District website

Vintage shops dot N. Third Street and other nearby streets in Old City District.

Vintage shops dot N. Third Street and other nearby streets in Old City District.

My first trip to Philadelphia was in June 2011 as part of a women’s clothing retailer’s consumer focus group. We were flown in for a two-day event at the company’s headquarters, with a handful of us from the West Coast arriving a day earlier than the rest of the women. Our hosts treated us to brunch and then set us free to roam the city, supplying us with a pamphlet of recommended places to go in Philly, including shops, restaurants, spas, and art and culture destinations. The women were not interested in historical sites, although we were in the neighborhood called Old City District, ground zero for America’s “most historic mile.” Instead, we zeroed in on shops.

More than three years later, knowing that we were covering museums and historical sites on our family vacation, I was looking forward to returning to the neighborhood and these shops. As you all know, whenever I travel to a city I like to check out one or more vintage shops and shops unique to the area. While we packed our itinerary with all things historical, science, and art related, we carved out time for vintage shopping, many of which were nestled in Old City District.

Colorful storefront displays.

Colorful storefront displays reflect back old architecture and architectural details.

I’ll admit that I checked out a couple of places new to me that were highly touted but ended up being somewhat disappointing. Described as a “whimsical boutique and gift shop,” NeverTooSpoiled (106-108 N. Second Street, Philadelphia, PA, 215.928.0167) was south of shabby chic, with nothing really special about its wares. Barbara Blau Collectables (29 N. Second Street, 215.923.3625) was hard to find because a shop selling old books, records, and other items was the storefront. Turns out that the shop is in the back, but the owner was at a vintage show and wouldn’t be returning until end of the week, when I’d be long gone.

Find the glowing Sugarcube.

Find the glowing Sugarcube.

Inviting storefront.

Inviting storefront.

Scattered storefronts along N. Third Street were empty, and a shopkeeper told me they didn’t survive the tough economic times just a few years earlier. Happily, I found two places still thriving. I had gotten a circa 1960s articulated owl pendant from Sugarcube (124 N. Third Street, 215.238.0825), a rustic shop that features American and international fashion, jewelry, and accessories with an eye toward timeless vintage. Besides its own private label, Sugarcube also features independent designers and microbrands, celebrating both established and emerging designers.

Indie brands at Sugarcube.

Indie brands at Sugarcube.

Shiny red motorcycle parked next to a vintage wooden ironing board. Of course.

Shiny red motorcycle parked next to a vintage wooden ironing board. Of course.

Showcase dripping with jewelry.

Showcase dripping with jewelry.

I met both co-owners on separate days and chatted away with them while admiring the design of the interior and, of course, the jewelry, which is what usually catches my eye (and is easier to pack when on a trip). This time around I rediscovered Michael Hickey, whose reclaimed-vintage jewelry I had first stumbled upon at Feathers Boutique, a vintage shop in Austin, last year. He melds vintage rosary beads and found objects – horns, crosses, silverware, charms, keys, and so on – together to create jewelry that you could describe as hipster. Sugarcube is celebrating its 10th anniversary, a sign that they’ve been a stronghold in the neighborhood and survived a brutal economic downturn, which I was happy to see.

Fifty shades of shades.

Fifty shades of shades.

Found it!

Found it!

The other shop I remember and happily was reunited with was Lost + Found (133 N. Third Street, Philadelphia, PA 19106, 215.928.1311), where I ironically bought Jan Michael jewelry. While focusing on local artisans, I came away with jewelry from a San Francisco-based designer. This time around, while I spied more of her wares, I opted for practical reading glasses – cool plastic frames with a faux wood finish.

I didn’t have any time to check out vintage shops outside of Old City District. You could spend days in this historic mile and get your fill of art, vintage, and history. And they’re all compressed together. In trying to find one of the earlier stores, I turned a corner and there before me was Christ Church, an old active Episcopal church that was founded in 1695 and the place of worship for many Revolution Era leaders. One hopes that in time more storefronts will fill these old buildings. But in the meantime, support these local independent shops!

More Michael Hickey reclaimed-vintage necklaces.

More Michael Hickey reclaimed-vintage necklaces.

Reading glasses of faux wood.

Reading glasses of faux wood.

Lancaster, PA: return to Amish country

Doing what’s right today means no regrets tomorrow.
– Amish proverb

A horse-and-buggy cruising down a busy road.

A horse-and-buggy cruising down a busy road.

When I was a grad student at Syracuse, my friend Laurel Kallenbach and I ventured to Amish country in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, for the Labor Day weekend in 1989. I was taken by the simple lifestyle and the beautiful carpentry, quilts, and other handiwork, and when I made my way back to California, I hoped to one day return. I was excited to have that opportunity come up not only for me but for my two children. I wanted them to see another part of our country and appreciate a different culture and religious denomination.

When not walking or riding in a horse and buggy, the Amish use these really cool scooters. This shop had them in rainbow colors.

When not walking or riding in a horse and buggy, the Amish use these really cool scooters. This shop had them in rainbow colors.

My one mistake in planning our trip was to book two nights at a Days Inn in Lancaster –  a serviceable, inexpensive hotel chain. It never occurred to me to look up B&Bs, which dotted the region with inviting red-brick homes and charming front-yard gardens. Furthermore, it never occurred to me to seek out an Amish B&B. We ended up doing the Amish buggy farm tour the morning that we were leaving for Baltimore, which was when we met Ben, our driver, who runs a B&B with his wife. He invited us to have a simple Amish dinner that night. Drat! If only Ben were at Aaron and Jessica’s Buggy Rides (3121 Old Philadelphia Pike, Ronks, PA 17572, 717.768.8828) when we swung by the evening before but missed the last round of wagons and buggies hitting the road.

Isabella gets to know one of the horses before our buggy ride.

Isabella gets to know one of the horses before our buggy ride.

Ben was a wonderful guide and he tortured us with what could have been. Had we stayed at their B&B, Isabella could have ridden his horse, collected eggs from the hen-house, helped milk the cows, and play with the goats. This experience alone would have made me, the mom, ecstatic for my daughter. Alas, we talked about sending Isabella next summer for a week – well, it sounded promising at the time. If you are interested, you can call the Amish Homestead (231 Turtle Hill Road, Ephrata, PA 17522, 717.859.2403, Ext. 0), run by Ben and Emma.

Ben, our wonderful guide.

Ben, our wonderful guide.

We chose the private, hour-long farm tour as opposed to the wagon ride, which would have crammed us in with other groups of people. Ben was born and lived his entire life in the Lancaster area and happy to answer questions. I’m sure for some Amish people tourists are nuisances, but Ben was really happy to share his world and let us catch a glimpse of the Amish lifestyle and the Pennsylvania Dutch country.

Getting a glimpse
To date, some 50,000 Amish live in the Lancaster area, while there are approximately 250,000 living in the U.S. Lancaster boasts the largest concentration of Amish, which is a Protestant denomination – closely related to the Mennonites. They are descendants of immigrants who left Switzerland in the 18th century, following a schism within the Anabaptists. The Amish follow the teachings of Jacob Ammann, a 17th century Swiss citizen. One of the main distinctions of the Amish is that they do not use modern technology. If you see a house with simple clothes strung on a line and no car in sight, it is no doubt an Amish house. While Ben said they can use solar power, they don’t use electricity and don’t have phones. The men usually have beards and males often wear hats. The women wear a white cap and simple dresses that are fastened with straight pins instead of buttons. I’ve read that they do not take oaths, vote, or serve in the military.

Our horse at rest while we tour an Amish farm.

Our horse at rest while we tour an Amish farm.

We learned more on our tour, which included stopping at an Amish farm and being treated to homemade cookies and homemade lemonade and root beer. Amish homes are built to scale to accommodate large families, weddings, funerals, and Sunday services, which are rotated among the community. The youngest son inherits the farm and the grown children take care of their elderly parents, who live in an addition to the original house.

Pregnant cows are kept separate from the rest o the herd.

Pregnant cows are kept separate from the rest o the herd.

Amish schools consist of one room and one teacher for all students up until the eighth grade, which is when schooling ends. Afterwards, if they don’t become farmers, which Ben told us is a difficult calling because of stiff competition from agribusiness, they take up an apprenticeship and hone a trade, including landscape designers and carpenters.

Examining the bones of this old 19th century barn on the property.

Examining the bones of this old 19th century barn on the property, which are held together by wooden pins instead of nails.

Our hour passed by all too quickly. We were Baltimore-bound, but we managed to squeeze time driving from Lancaster to Bird-in-Hand to Intercourse and stopping at will if we saw some shops to browse. We unwittingly stumbled into Kitchen Kettle Village (W. Newport Road, Intercourse, PA 17529, 800.732.3538), an open-air mall of Pennsylvania Dutch Country specialty shops featuring homemade foods, activities, and tours. It was a bit touristy, but we found fantastic furniture shops, including one I remembered from my time in Syracuse. Old Road Furniture Company‘s shop (3457 Old Philadelphia Pike, Intercourse, PA 17534, 717.768.0478) featured exquisite custom-designed dining room tables, chairs, cupboards, beds, and more. Our favorites were the tables of maple, walnut, and cherry slabs atop vintage, industrial bases. One of these days.

As usual, we could have stayed another day, but after noshing on pretzels, we hopped back into our rental car, bid adieu to our Amish experience and headed on to the next leg of our trip – Baltimore. I leave you with another Amish proverb, which sounds like it belongs in a cult movie rather than a book of Amish proverbs – “Remember that wherever you go, there you are.”

The Amish are known for their furniture-making. Saying good-bye to this awesome shop at Kettle Kitchen Village.

The Amish are known for their furniture-making. Saying good-bye to this awesome shop at Kitchen Kettle Village.

 

Gettysburg National Military Park: stepping back to ‘three days in July’

The world will little note nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here.
– Abraham Lincoln, 16th President, from The Gettysburg Address

In early August, our family went to Philadelphia for our summer vacation. Back in February when we discussed destinations, my son, Jacob, had returned from his eighth grade 76’er trip to Washington, D.C. As predicted, he had a wonderful time, enjoying the traveling with friends and the freedom that goes with it, and learning and appreciating U.S. history. I presented two choices. The first choice was Moab, Utah, and the state and national parks in the region (Arches, Canyonlands, and Bryce National Parks and Dead Horse Point State Park) – gorgeous places I visited briefly when returning to California after getting my MA from Syracuse University way back when. The other choice I offered to Jacob and Isabella was Philadelphia for a further deep dive into U.S. history. (My goal is to give them a taste of major cities and national parks in the U.S. before they leave the nest.)

My first trip to Philadelphia was in June 2011 when women’s clothing retailer Anthropologie sent me and other members of a year-long consumer focus group to its headquarters. I spent three fun days with wonderful like-minded women and great hosts, but while a smaller group of us had a whole day to tool around Old City, I didn’t get to any museums or historical sites. I had an incentive to return. While there in 2011, we were referred to a great area of Old City with fabulous vintage and unique shops, so count that as the second incentive. Lucky for me, both kids voted for Philly. Our itinerary comprised a visit to Gettysburg and Amish Country (Lancaster, Bird-in-Hand, and Intercourse), Baltimore’s Inner Harbor and a game at Oriole Park at Camden Yards, and then on to Philadelphia and its historical sites and a Phillies game at Citizens Bank Park. Characteristic of our family vacations, we packed in a lot in nine days.

Greeted by a statue of Lincoln at the entrance of the Gettysburg National Military Park Museum and Visitor Center.

Greeted by a statue of Lincoln at the entrance of the Gettysburg National Military Park Museum and Visitor Center.

‘Three days in July’
David went to Gettysburg in 1989 while on a 2-month work project outside of Philadelphia. Upon his return this summer, he noted that the national military park was nothing like it is today. For starters, the Gettysburg Museum and Visitor Center (1195 Baltimore Pike, Route 97, Baltimore, MD 17325, 717.338.1243) was erected just seven years ago. It’s a beautiful 22,000-square-foot building that houses the museum, two theaters, a resource and education center, bookstore and refreshment saloon.

The 12-gallery museum houses numerous Civil War artifacts, interactive displays, and films that provide an enlightening glimpse into the three-day battle. We viewed the Cyclorama, a massive 377-foot-wide-by-42-foot-high oil painting by French artist Paul Philippoteaux, who spent months researching the battle to depict Pickett’s Charge, the Confederacy’s infantry assault against Major General George G. Meade’s Union positions on Cemetery Ridge on July 3, 1863, the third and final day of the battle. Philippoteaux and his team of assistants took a year to complete the painting in the late 1880s. Confederate General Robert E. Lee’s attack failed and it cost him more than 5,000 soldiers in one hour. Our guide pointed out that Philippoteaux had included Lincoln’s body being carried by two men – mirroring the president being removed from Ford’s Theater after his assassination.

The Cyclorama Painting is a 360-degree experience, with a diorama in the foreground, blending into the painting.

The Cyclorama Painting is a 360-degree experience, with a diorama in the foreground, blending into the painting.

A close-up in which Lincoln is symbolically inserted into the painting.

A close-up in which Lincoln is symbolically inserted into the painting.

We missed out on the battlefield tour with a licensed guide, instead opting for a two-hour bus tour. We made a handful of stops along the expansive battlefield, including the Eternal Light Peace Memorial, the North Carolina Memorial (states who sent their men to battle erected memorials where the men were stationed), and Little Round Top. States tried to outdo one another in the size of their memorials. Tennessee erected the last monument in 1982. The monument at the Eternal Light Peace Memorial features stone in the upper portion hailing from Maine and stone at the foundation from Alabama, symbolizing the reunification of the country. The dedication ceremony in 1937 was attended by Civil War vets who were in their 90s and 100s.

The battlefield is filled with monuments, cannons, and costumed guides.

The battlefield is filled with monuments, cannons, and costumed guides.

Interesting stories
We had an excellent bus guide who provided us with more information than we could absorb. Here are some things I remembered. Despite the 51,000 casualties piled up on both sides, Gettysburg lost only one civilian to the battle: a young woman who was struck by a stray bullet while making bread in her kitchen. Our guide told us that parents of a 13-year-old boy who was watching the battle from his upstairs bedroom window yelled at him to get away. As he was heading downstairs, a bullet shot through the window he had just left. An effective cautionary tale for parents to share with their kids at opportune moments! Lee’s retreat was 17 miles long, mostly comprising his wounded soldiers. We didn’t take the Eisenhower home tour, which was nearby. Eisenhower retired to a farm and later died there.

Little Round Top - where Brig. Gen. Gouverneur K. Warren alerted Union officers to the Confederate threat and brought Federal reinforcements to defend this position.

Little Round Top – where Brig. Gen. Gouverneur K. Warren alerted Union officers to the Confederate threat and brought Federal reinforcements to defend this critical position.

New York State monument at Little Round Top.

New York State monument at Little Round Top.

By unfortunate chance, Gettysburg was the meeting point between Lee, who was marching his Army of Northern Virginia westward from Fredericksburg, VA, and the Union Army of the Potomac under Major General Joseph Hooker, who was following Lee. Because Lee’s cavalry, under Major General J.E.B. Stuart, was detained with a raid around the Federal Forces, Lee did not know Hooker’s whereabouts. The main battle began on July 1st. Although outnumbered, the Federal forces held their position until they were driven back south of Gettysburg. Overnight, the main body of the Union army, commanded by Major General George G. Meade, arrived to bolster their comrades.

On July 3rd, Lee’s artillery opened a two-hour “thundering” bombardment of the Union army on Cemetery Ridge on Cemetery Hill. The Union army held their ground. Lee ordered some 12,000 Confederate soldiers to advance across the open fields in the ill-fated Picket’s Charge. The battle was over, with, as I mentioned before, Lee losing more than 5,000 of his men within an hour. Our guide painted a gruesome picture of having to dispose of the bodies, many of whom could not be identified (they didn’t have dog tags back in the day), in mass graves and unmarked graves. Pennsylvania Governor Andrew Curtin got land commissioned for a proper burial ground for the reinterred Union dead. Within four months of the battle, 17 acres became the Gettysburg National Cemetery.

The national cemetery.

The national cemetery.

Lincoln gave his famous speech when the cemetery was dedicated on November 19th, 1863. Edward Everett, the principal speaker, droned on for more than two hours. Lincoln’s 272-word speech took two minutes to deliver. Everett later told Lincoln: “I should be glad if I … came as near to the central idea of the occasion, in two hours, as you did in two minutes.” Eventually 3,500 Union soldiers came to rest in the cemetery.

Monument honoring the spot where Lincoln gave his famous speech.

Monument honoring the spot where Lincoln gave his famous speech.

I must admit that I looked upon this part of our trip as a parental obligation to contribute to our kids’ history lesson. I figured that we would stay a couple of hours and hastily tour the museum and battlefield. We were there for nearly seven hours and we could have stayed longer. I was impressed by the museum and the presentation of information. The monuments were as sobering as they were majestic. The stories were vivid and stirring, allowing us to transport ourselves to the past, as we stared across the vast expanse of land. It was one of the highlights of our family vacation for Jacob, and I admit it was for me, too.

The massive Pennsylvania monument can be seen for miles, towering the many monuments scattered throughout the park.

The massive Pennsylvania monument can be seen for miles, towering the many monuments scattered throughout the park.

Another look - one last look - at Gettysburg.

Another look – one last look – at Gettysburg.

Overcoming overwhelmed

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.
– Leonard Bernstein, American conductor, composer, author, music lecturer, and pianist

A comfortable outfit to ward off feeling overwhelmed: cropped sweater over a high-low flowing blouse, dark-rinse jeans, and platform sandals.

A comfortable outfit to ward off feeling overwhelmed: cropped sweater over a high-low flowing blouse, dark-rinse jeans, and platform sandals.

The other day I was reading an online article on the financial planning site LearnVest. I stopped dead in my tracks upon reaching this quote: “I kept waking up in a panic at 4 A.M. worrying – not only about all of the stuff on my to-do list that I hadn’t done that day and how much more there was to do, but also whether I was missing my life even as I was living it.” Wait! Did LearnVest interview me? That was me to a T, I told myself. Maybe I wasn’t waking up in a panic, but for the past month, as I have attempted to go to bed earlier in the evening, I have been waking up earlier. It’s as if my internal clock cannot program more than six hours of sleep. I open my eyes and am wide awake anywhere between 4 and 5 in the morning. And I’m conscious of what I need to do, what deadline is before me that day. Some mornings I wake up with a mental check list of what is going to happen that day; other mornings, I am filled with panic about a deadline.

The person being interviewed was, in fact, Brigid Schulte, The Washington Post journalist and mother of two, who wrote what she calls an “accidental” book, Overwhelmed: Work, Love and Play When No One Has Time, because she wanted to research why she and many of us are running ourselves ragged. In her interview with LearnVest, Schulte said the rise in overworking ourselves began in the 1980s. She referenced Katrina Alcorn, author of Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink, who said that society expects us to work as if we have no children and to have families as if we have no work. I won’t go into the health consequences of being stressed out; we intuitively know the correlation between stress, overwork, and lack of sleep to chronic illness – we don’t need our fears to be validated with research and studies.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Luxe Revival reclaimed vintage necklace (Uncommon Objects, Austin, TX), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (El Cerrito, CA), and beaded bracelets.

Abacus earrings (Portland, ME), Luxe Revival reclaimed vintage necklace (Uncommon Objects, Austin, TX), Kate Peterson Designs stack of rings (El Cerrito, CA), and beaded bracelets.

Schulte pointed out that in our rat-race society, we look down on the pursuit of leisure, which she says we equate to being lazy. “We clearly have lost all sense of its value as we’ve gotten wrapped up in busyness and the feeling that we always have to be ‘productive’ and ‘doing’ something,” she lamented. I slunk in my office chair, guilt warming over me. I’m one of those people touting always being productive. In my defense, I don’t believe in always doing something for the sake of being in motion, for the sake of not being at rest (on the couch, that is). After all, motion is only worth it if it enables you to check something off of your to-do list. Insert self-conscious laughter here. I’ll admit that for the longest stretch I could not sit down and read because there was way too much to do and I couldn’t bear for the world to keep moving on without me. As I have gotten older, the notion that I have less time to do what I need to do, which results in me going into overdrive, has interfered with what I actually need and want to do. Reading is an activity that makes me a better writer and enriches my mind on so many levels, but the act of sitting down and not producing something, not having something tangible to show for being at rest, if you will, was unacceptable to me. Thankfully, I have overcome that silliness, but it points to the affliction that we can’t seem to find a cure for.

Play with lengths, height, and color. You can venture into cropped top territory with sheer blouses.

Play with lengths, height, and color. You can venture into cropped top territory with sheer blouses.

Defining leisure
Schultze makes the case for embracing leisure, which is connected to creativity, problem solving, and the birth of civilization – the creation of art, philosophy, science, history, and so on. She wants us to recapture the value of play and break the bonds of stress and overwork. That to-do list? Don’t do it. In fact, don’t make a to-do list. That’s what I got from the interview. I’m sure the book has other tangible best practices. But I don’t have time to read it. I already know why I’m overwhelmed. I understand what I can and can’t change, even if that understanding doesn’t bring full-blown serenity. I have to work full-time for the time being, but I don’t have to let job demands kill me. If sleep deprivation negatively impacts my productivity and quality of my day job, then I make the decision to get more hours of sleep. It took a while to come to that realization and it took failing health to get to that point, but I learned my lesson. Telling me to chuck my to-do list is not an option. Now that I’m well rested most of the time, I get a lot more done. When I see all those check marks on my to-do list, I am buoyed and the sense of being overwhelmed is greatly mitigated. And I end up having “free” time, otherwise known as leisure time.

But let’s define leisure. If you had free time, defined as time in which you are not doing work for your day job, whatever that may be, what would you do with it? Some people may not think weeding is leisure, but when I am in my side yard weeding and pruning, I enter a Zen-like existence that actually insulates me from the worries that are waiting for me in my home office. It’s just me and the garden, which offers me both singular focus and an openness that allows my mind to wander. I welcome physical activity, and I feel a sense of accomplishment when I stand up and survey my tidy yard.

Tie colors together with splashy platform sandals and bring in vintage touches (reclaimed vintage matchbox necklace and my own early 1990s vintage Talbots equestrian-style crossbody bag.

Tie colors together with splashy platform sandals and bring in vintage touches (reclaimed vintage matchbox necklace and my own early 1990s vintage Talbots equestrian-style crossbody bag.

If I didn’t have my blog and my fiction writing, I would have more time to garden and to organize my disorganized home. I’d go to more of my kids’ sporting events. I’d be able to watch television – these days mostly just Major League Baseball games – but without multi-tasking – ironing, paying bills and reconciling check registers, responding to e-mails. I would just sit and watch. Am I sad that I can’t do that? I sneak in singularly focused activities every once in a while. But as Robert Frost, one of my favorite poets, wrote in his famous poem, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, “But I have promises to keep/And miles to go before I sleep.” So long as they are the things I really want to do, I am okay with staying up a little longer than I should, multi-tasking to get them done. So long as what is overwhelming me is about what I want to do – in my current case it is feeling overwhelmed at starting a new novel – and I take it as a call to action, I can live with that. By all means, mitigate being overwhelmed at work, but  make sure that what you are doing with the rest of your day, your life, is what you want to do and what brings you joy.

Jane Fischberg: leading a life of service

Service is the rent we pay for being. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time.
– Marian Wright Edelman, American activist for the rights of children and disadvantaged Americans, and president and founder of the Children’s Defense Fund

Jane, outside the Rubicon offices in Richmond.

Jane, outside the Rubicon office in Richmond, CA.

My friend Jane Fischberg and I have known each other for more than 22 years, when I left my managing editor position at a B2B publishing company to work as an administrative assistant for Lutheran Social Services (LSS) in San Francisco, where she was the administrative director. At the time, I was contemplating going back to social justice work with a master’s degree in nonprofit administration or social work but was advised to work for a nonprofit before making the career change. In the end, I didn’t return to grad school or stay very long with LSS, though two things remained constant from those days – my friendship with Jane and my desire to somehow keep my hand in social justice work. I have always admired Jane for her work and dedication, but in all honesty it was stepping into her world at Rubicon Programs that I gained a greater understanding of her and the largeness of her heart, leaving me humbled and in awe – and proud to be called her friend.

Rubicon staff member catches up with a client.

Rubicon staff member catches up with a client’s progress (photo credit: Pat Garvey).

Leading Rubicon Programs and making a difference
In her professional life, Jane has always worked for social justice organizations, though she has been with Rubicon Programs (510.235.1516, 2500 Bissell, Richmond, CA 94804) the longest, 17 years and running. The primary reason she came to the nonprofit was because she felt that Contra Costa County, especially West Contra Costa County, had few high-capacity community-based organizations, unlike San Francisco. “I continue to feel that that’s true, which helps make me feel like we can make more of a difference,” she said. Rubicon’s multi-disciplinary approach of combining services appealed to Jane, as well as the organization’s size – not so big that she feels like a “cog in a machine” nor so small that she feels the organization is “just a mote of a solution.” As president and executive director, having worked her way up from various leadership roles, Jane says she has been “honored to be in a position where” she “can have an influence.” Not surprisingly, Jane has been honored because of her work, having been named a Woman of Distinction by the East Bay Business Times and recognized as a Distinguished Alumnus by the San Francisco State University’s MPA Department.

Jane finds her work at Rubicon Programs fulfilling (photo credit: Saul Bromberger and Sandra Hoover).

Jane finds her work at Rubicon fulfilling on many levels (photo credit: Saul Bromberger and Sandra Hoover).

Finding inspiration
Jane finds motivation from the people who work at Rubicon. “We’ve got a great team of people; our staff is incredible,” she enthused. She is equally inspired by the stories of the people the nonprofit serves. While much of her work deals with the abstract – developing appropriate program models, theories of change, and strategies to meet funding gaps – tangible touch points such as the monthly graduation for clients who complete the financial opportunity center workshops give her work meaning. “They’re inspiring,” she said. “Meeting program participants and hearing how we’ve had an impact on their lives makes it all worth it.”

To get into the workshop, clients attend information sessions and intake meetings and then undergo review board meetings. In the comprehensive and intensive workshops, clients begin a learning process that includes understanding their attitudes and behavior about money and credit, addressing legal barriers to employment, encouraging and promoting pro-social behavior among them as a cohort, developing behaviors that will be constructive on the job such as conflict resolution with peers and employers, and developing interview skills through mock interviews. “Graduation is just the beginning,” Jane added. Upon graduation, clients are paired with an individual career coach who will help them develop a personalized plan and job search. Homeless clients work with a housing placement specialist. The staff attorney works with clients who have been involved with the criminal justice system, as well as provides credit report and consumer law support. People participate regularly in Rubicon’s job club – a “power hour” in a Starbucks-like environment to share job leads aggregated from the internet.

A Rubicon client who has benefited from the nonprofit organization (photo credit by Saul Bromberger and Sandra Hoover).

A Rubicon client who has benefited from the nonprofit organization (photo credit by Saul Bromberger and Sandra Hoover).

While workshops can only accommodate a certain number of people, Rubicon is still working with clients who have come before and begin working with people who are coming in. “The numbers grow geometrically, so we designed our program to work with people for three years because we know there isn’t going to be a quick fix,” Jane explained. Rubicon experienced what was called the “In and Out Burger” syndrome of getting housing and a job for a client who then returned after a year. “We began looking at this model – the financial opportunity center – working with people over a longer period of time,” she said. “The idea is that hopefully over time people will need less and less support so you can take in more people.”

Facing challenges head on
Many nonprofits struggle to raise funds and are especially hard hit during a recession. But for Rubicon, according to Jane, it’s always been difficult to secure donations, regardless of the state of the economy. The population Rubicon serves is not as universally supported as, for example, animals needing rescue, young children, or the environment, all of which are also important to support, Jane added. Rubicon has been fortunate to secure public contracts that are renewed year over year; however, while the amount of the contract never increases, costs obviously do. “We need individuals to support us so we can continue to meet our costs and to keep up with the increasing demand for services,” Jane explained. Last year, approximately 250 people who came to Rubicon for services couldn’t be served because of the set number of slots for workshops. That number has increased year over year, with a 20 percent increase alone from 2012 to 2013.

Part 1 of Rubicon's awareness program.

Part 1 of Rubicon’s awareness program: “The How.”

Having to adapt and find solutions to the impact of public policies is also a challenge. Whatever belief people may harbor about welfare reform, Jane pointed out that the reality is more children are living in poverty than ever before. That fact coupled with the mass incarceration of people of color, especially men, and its impact on families and communities have made being a child and being a single parent in our society harder than ever. “After welfare reform, people got jobs – low-quality jobs – and many are still living in poverty due to foregoing income assistance benefits,” she pointed out.

Part 2 of Rubicon's awareness campaign.

Part 2 of Rubicon’s awareness campaign: “The Who.”

As far as Rubicon sees it, three segments of society exist: those who will never support the population Rubicon serves, those already on the bandwagon, and those sitting in the middle. “Connecting the dots and telling a compelling story” to the latter group is critical. Rubicon is conducting a public education campaign leading up to its annual gala that focuses on its service to individuals, many of whom have children. “When we help the individual we help the children and the families, and when we help the families we help the community,” Jane explained. “So it’s in everyone’s best interest to help that individual because it will impact them.” When the individual succeeds, the whole community succeeds because streets are safer and children in schools receive more consistent parenting and are in supportive and non-chaotic homes, and more of them live with their parents as opposed to being in foster care. Instead of laying a guilt trip on people, which she points out simply doesn’t work, the campaign is designed to appeal to people’s “enlightened self-interest.” Smiling, Jane noted, “That’s my job.”

Part 3 of Rubicon's awareness campaign.

Part 3 of Rubicon’s awareness campaign: “Rubicon’s impact.”

Our reason for being
Coming from “a place of privilege,” Jane never had to worry about basic needs. Growing up in Massachusetts, the seat of the Kennedy political dynasty, she nevertheless most admired Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm, who represented New York’s 12th Congressional District for seven terms, from 1969 to 1983. “She fought against all odds and broke so many barriers,” she said of the educator and author. The Vietnam War also made an impression on Jane; she found a diary she had kept as a child that contained several entries about her student teachers going on strike because of the war. As she grew up, she saw more and more inequities in the world and came to believe that “if you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the problem.”

Jane, her husband, Dan, and her son, Eli, at my wedding in September 1998.

Jane, her husband, Dan, and her son, Eli, at my wedding in September 1998 (photo credit: Art & Clarity).

Jane walks the fine line of ensuring that her son, Eli, knows what her and her husband Dan’s values are but not “hitting him over the head with it.” Now a sophomore at Berkeley High School, Eli volunteers at the annual gala and has participated for the past three years with Soccer Without Borders, an Oakland, CA-based international organization that was set up to provide organized soccer activities for children in refugee camps. In the U.S., the organization provides organized soccer opportunities for refugees from abroad and other children who have scarce resources. Oakland Unified School District funds the local Soccer Without Borders’ summer soccer camp, where Eli serves as a coach, for kids in foster care. “He likes sports and working with kids, and we encourage that,” Jane said. Seeing her son grow up with good values and whose “heart and mind are in the right place” has made her a proud parent.

Being a part of the solution includes being philanthropic. While Rubicon receives Jane’s most generous gift, she also gives to other causes she cares about – protection for wildlife and domestic and farm animals, and other organizations that move people out of poverty. “I really do believe in giving back and I feel like a life of not giving back is not fulfilling,” she said. “I’ve always felt the reason for living is to be of service, so that informed what I’ve always done.”

Clients leave Rubicon with support services and hope.

Clients leave Rubicon with support services and hope.

Editor’s notes: If you would like to make a donation to Rubicon Programs, click here.

Rubicon Honors 2014, Rubicon Programs’ annual gala, is set for tomorrow Saturday, April 5th, 6 to 10pm at the Oakland Rotunda, 300 Frank H. Ogawa Plaza in downtown Oakland. Last year, more than 2,000 children in the East Bay were positively impacted by the work Rubicon Programs did with their moms and dads. This year, Rubicon Programs has set a goal of raising $200,000 to change the lives of 2,100 children who are most in need in our shared community. At the gala, come enjoy live music, wine reception, butlered seasonal hors d’oeuvres, sit-down gourmet dinner and dessert, and the live and silent auction. Individual tickets are $225. It’s not too late; you can still purchase your tickets here.